Rocked to the Core (3 page)

"Yeah. Focusing on what matters. It's very mature."

"I don't know about that."

"I mean it. Most people our age are all, 'to hell with my future, I want to party and get laid,' and all that. Not that there's anything wrong with partying or getting laid."

I laughed. "No, but I know what you mean. Gotta find the right balance."

He nodded. "Exactly. See? Very mature."

We smiled at each other for a long moment. Something inside me fluttered and I took a deep breath. "Anyway, let's head back. To hell with maturity, I want to watch topless girls get stabbed."

Zach laughed so hard he almost dropped the pile of pizza boxes. "Let's."

~*~

The next day I drove to work sleepy, but happy. Hanging out with Kelly, Zach and their friends was fun. And so normal. It was everything I thought college life would be and I couldn't wait until next time. For the first time in a long time I felt like I was living the life I wanted. Not perfect, but good.

A tiny voice in my head said that Zach had a lot to do with the smile that seemed to tease my lips constantly. I'd meant what I told him, dating was completely out of the question, but it was nice to meet someone new.

And while I hadn't felt the immediate pull like with Joe, there was something soft and sweet between us that felt safe and very unlikely to leave me destroyed when it ended. If and when I decided to date again that's what I wanted. A companion, not someone whose passion consumed me. The excitement wasn't worth the inevitable pain, I'd decided. It was a lesson I thought I'd learned before, but as I changed the radio station when Joe's voice started echoing through the car, I certainly had learned it now.

I walked into the diner with a bounce in my step. But what I saw when I got inside made me stop cold. At which time the door swung closed with my big butt still in the way, and knocked me down.

I was lying on the floor hoping I had somehow managed to become invisible when a familiar British accent sounded across the diner. "Liss, love, are you all right?"

I got up slowly, using the back of a booth for balance. "Hey Dex. Long time no see."

The bass player in Joe's band grinned and ran over. He wrapped me in a tight hug that made my stinging knees hurt even worse, but I ignored it and hugged him back.

"I've been sitting here for hours waiting for you."

"Why?"

"Your boss said you'd be in."

I looked up into his dark eyes and smiled. "I mean why are you here?"

"At this diner?"

"In town, dummy."

"Oh." He chuckled and patted me on the head. "Can't a bloke leave his life of excess and glamor to come visit his favorite girl in the world?"

"Go to hell, Dex. Be serious for once." A ball of fear tightened in my stomach. "Is something wrong? Is it Joe?"

The sly smile on his face slid away. "No, god no. He's fine. Everything's fine."

"Then answer my question. Why are you here? I thought you guys were still on the road."

"Fuck. You're serious? I thought you knew we were going to be here."

"I didn't. I don't."

"Oh. We're done touring for now. Writing songs and rehearsing before recording the new album."

"I see. Um, and that's all happening here?"

"Yeah."

"So you're all in town? The whole band? And will be here for a while?" With each word my voice rose higher until it was at a shrill shriek.

"At least a month," he replied.

My knees went watery and I swayed a bit. Dex held onto my arm and looked down at me like I was crazy. Which, to be fair, I was.

"Liss, what's going on? Why are you so freaked out?"

"I-I'm not. Just uh, surprised. Um…come sit down. Did you eat? Do you want some cake? Or a beer?"

"I've been stuffing my face all afternoon. I think I ate a whole pie. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Uh huh. Of course." I smiled weakly at him. "I need to go drop my purse in the back. Give me a minute, okay?"

"Sure. I'll be at the counter."

"Great."

I walked to the back in a haze. Bombs could have exploded around me and I wouldn't have noticed. At first I felt shocked that the whole band was in town. But then I realized it made sense. I'd just barely begun to pull myself together, had my first few hours of feeling like a person again. Of course that's when Joe and company would walk back into my life. Into my city. Into my diner. Oh god, what if he was coming? What if he was meeting Dex here? Just thinking about him made my mouth dry and my hands shake. I wasn't ready to see him. I couldn't handle seeing him.

I guess I'd been standing in the back room so long people got worried. Darrell opened the door from the kitchen and poked his head in.

"You okay, kiddo?"

I nodded. "Fine."

He wiped his hands on his chef's jacket and walked into the room. "Want to try that one again?"

"I'll be fine. Just need a minute."

"Liss you've been in here for twenty. That big-eater English fella thinks he gave you a heart attack or something."

I laughed humorlessly. Heart attack was about the size of it, too. "Tell him I'm sorry. I'll be out in a second."

He peered at me for a moment and then nodded. "Okay."

When I was alone again I shoved my purse in my locker and pulled on my apron. I tied my hair back and washed my hands, staring at my face in the mirror. I was pale and my eyes were wide.

I frowned at my reflection and turned away. I smoothed down my apron a dozen times before opening the door and heading into the front of the diner.

Dex was, of course, flirting shamelessly with the other waitress on duty. She leaned against the counter giggling as he scarfed down a piece of cheesecake. The whole time I was on the road with the band I'd never seen him do any more exercise than chasing a cute groupie around a room, but his tall, wide form was all muscle. I could only imagine he worked off all the eating and drinking he did on stage and in bed with any of the unending series of girls who threw themselves at him.

In theory he'd be the kind of guy I loathed, but the truth was, Dex had always been warm and kind to me. When some other members of the band and its management were cruel or dismissive, he'd always been there with a joke or a friendly hug when I was having a rough time.

I watched him teasing playfully and smiled, a real one this time. Darrell came up from behind me and put his hand on my shoulder.

"It's the accent, right? You girls can't resist the accent."

"It doesn't hurt," I admitted.

"Should I go rescue Mary?"

"Nah, he's harmless. And she'll be telling everyone in her kid's class how a rock star hit on her."

"Fair point. Now get to work, kiddo."

"Yes, sir."

I walked over and laughed as Mary tossed her hair. I wondered if I'd be flirting with twenty-five year olds when I was her age. Hell, I wasn't doing it at my age, so probably not.

"Sorry to interrupt, you guys."

"Oh, Liss. Your friend here was just telling me about the differences between diners here and in London. Fascinating."

"I'm sure." I cocked my head to the side and just looked at her.

"Yes. Well, I better go check on my tables."

"Goodbye, my darling," Dex said dramatically.

She blew him a kiss and went off with a new spring in her step.

"Oh boy, you never change."

He grinned impishly. "And I never will."

"Good. Want something else? Coffee?"

"Coffee would be great. It's going to be a long night."

I topped of his cup. "Why's that?"

"Ryan rented out a bar for us. So we can blow off some steam before getting down to work."

"Oh, wow."

"Yeah, I'm heading over there from here. You should stop by when you're off. Everyone would love to see you. We never got to say goodbye."

I blinked away a tear. "Yeah, sorry about that. I should have."

"It's okay, love. But I mean it about stopping by. Have one drink."

"Did…did
he
ask you to come see me?"

"No. And he's too stubborn to come himself. But I know him, Liss. And I know you a little too. You will both feel a lot better if you can be in the same room for five minutes. Whatever happens after that you need to at least look each other in the eye."

He was right, of course. I rolled my eyes. "Well you're awfully sensitive for such a slut, Dex."

He chuckled and leaned in to speak softly. "Don't tell anyone. Can't ruin my reputation as a notorious rake."

"Notorious dork is more like it," I said, laughing.

"There's the Liss I know and love. Seriously, will you at least think about it?"

"Of course."

"That's all I ask. Oh, and is there more cheesecake? I want to take some back to the hotel."

"I'll check."

I boxes a few slices up for him and sent him off. The rest of the afternoon and evening were uneventful, but busy. By the time I got home I was tired and ready to relax, but Dex's words echoed in my head and I couldn't stop thinking about Joe.

Maybe I did just need to see him once more. Say a real goodbye so we could both move on. So I took a quick shower and threw on some fresh clothes. And by threw on fresh clothes I mean I spent twenty minutes standing in front of my closet, cursing every piece of clothing inside it for grievous inadequacy. This skirt was too sexy. Those jeans were too old. The first shirt clung to my belly wrong and the second showed too much cleavage.

Finally settling on a casual maxi dress and a jacket, I shrugged at the unruly mop on my head, swiped on some lip gloss and left.

I opened the door to the bar and was immediately confronted by a giant wall of a man. "Private party, Miss."

"I know. J-uh, Dex invited me."

He looked at me incredulously and it was all too familiar a scene. The first time I'd encountered a bouncer on my way to see Joe had gone much the same way.

"I should be on the list. My name is Liss."

He scanned down and nodded curtly, as if disappointed he wouldn't get to kick me out of there. "Go right in."

"Thanks."

I stepped inside and felt surprisingly calm. The small bar was full, but many of the faces were familiar. I made my way between two scantily glad girls dancing by themselves who both eyed me like I was a piece of gum on the bottom if their shoes.

"Some things never change," I muttered under my breath as I reached the bar. "Can I get a beer? Whatever's on tap."

"You got it," the bartender said. He poured my drink and handed it over.

"How much?"

"Open bar for the party," he replied. "Including gratuities. No cash allowed."

"Wow." I sipped the beer and looked around some more. The guys were definitely moving up in the world. Last year they'd never have gotten Ryan to spring for such an expensive night out.

My eyes scanned the room constantly and I pretended I was just curious about the crowd, but it wasn't true. My heart skipped a beat every time I saw a dark head that could be Joe. But after a few passes of the space I realized he wasn't there. It was a relief and a disappointment.

That disappointment deepened when the first person to walk over to me was Ryan, the band's manager and all around asshole supreme.

"Melissa," he said, sipping on something green and faintly glowing. "I wondered if we might see you here."

"Hi," was all I was willing to offer.

His beady eyes bored into me but I refused to flinch or look away. He'd completely humiliated me in public once, and hastened my departure, and I wouldn't give him the satisfaction again.

"I suppose you're in search of Joseph. He was around somewhere but it can be difficult to keep track of him. As I'm sure you are aware."

"Actually I'm looking for Dex. He came by my work to invite me."

"Oh. Interesting." He said interesting but I could tell the fact that he wasn't upsetting me meant he was bored with our conversation already. Which was fine by me. The fewer word we exchanged the less likely I was to knee him in the balls and get arrested. My typical aversion to crowds was feeding my anger at Ryan and the more furious I got the calmer I seemed on the outside.

Finally he gave up and walked away without another word, slurping on whatever disgusting concoction he'd been drinking. He strode over to a group of girls and slithered between them. They looked about as grossed out as I'd expect, but allowed it because they knew who he was.

Proud of the way I'd handled that encounter I turned back to the bar and ordered myself a shot.

"Make it two. Or rather, four."

I looked to my left and there was Dex.

"Four?"

"Two for each of us, of course."

"Hey, go easy on me there. I've been living a civilian life for months, remember."

"No mercy, Liss. We've got a lot of catching up to do and I expect it will go much better if we're both sloshed for it."

"Well, when you put it that way." I grabbed two of the just-poured shots and handed one over. We clinked glasses and downed them. The liquor burned going down but warmed my insides, calming the last of my nerves.

"So, what do you think of this shindig?"

"Not bad," I admitted. "Ryan isn't really paying for all of this, is he?"

"Nah, it's a gift from our label. Recording here is way cheaper than in Chicago so this is a bonus for changing our mind."

"Nice bonus."

"Yup."

"So, I see most of the old gang, but where's Beth? She's someone else I owed a goodbye to."

Dex slammed back his other shot and gestured to the bartender for a refill. This time he left the bottle and wandered off to the other end of the bar.

"You didn't hear?"

"Hear what?"

"Beth got fired."

"What? Why? She was awesome." And a good friend to me. I hoped that didn't lose her the job.

"Oh it was all very dramatic," Dex intoned. One day we got on the bus and found her and Ryan yelling at each other. He called her some rather inappropriate names and told her to get off."

"No shit?"

"I swear. And she called him a dickless control-freak and left."

I clapped my hands together with glee.