Rock and Roll Never Forgets (The Rock and Roll Trilogy) (22 page)

She still said nothing.

“I’
ll go now. Merry Christmas, my love.”

Before Beth could say another word he said; “I’ll always love you,” and he blew that familiar kiss and hung up.

He wasn’t giving her the option to cut it off. She didn’t know what to do, what to think. Fear inhibited her from thinking beyond the moment. She had to leave Andy behind. She didn
’
t cry. It was over, it had to be. And she felt a sadness come over her that she never even believed could exist.

~ ~ ~

Andy didn’t know if he could handle her hanging up on him as she had in the past. He had been to a dark place and there were times he didn’t even remember. No one really knew how bad it was until it was too late. When he realized that Beth had slipped away, he didn’t have the energy to pull her back. He knew how she was, and what she was doing. He made sure to know she was OK. He made Roddy promise to take care of her. But he knew that he couldn’t allow her to be part of the nightmare his life had become. He thought keeping her away was protecting her. It took a long time for him to recover. Even when he was on the mend, he kept her away.

Beth sent letters and cards to him, and Andy had seen them all, saved them, along with every message she left on the answering machine. Each was a part of her. She bared her soul to him. He realized that he needed her back in his life. But it was too late.

Part of his healing was writing. He immersed in it. Beth’s letters, cards and messages gave him solace as he began to resurface. There was such passion in her words. There was one letter that he read over and over. From her words a song came to his mind. The letter told him that she didn’t know what happened, but that her life had to take a different path. She had to move on… ‘Had to…’ She tried to wait, she tried to be there, she tried to help him mend but she was ‘done’.

“That’s it,” she wrote. “I quit. I’m movin’ on.”

Her concession became a song. He shared it with Roddy.

That
’
s it

I quit

I
’
m movin on

Gotta do it for me

This insanity

A life that
’
s been cast way

Seems lost, you and me

“You sure you want to do this one?” Roddy asked as he read the lyrics, but loved the music when he heard it.

“Yeah,” Andy told him. “Some girl somewhere will hear those words and thank our Bethy for putting that thought out there so I could write it
.

It was then that he realized how badly he needed Beth, but he had to leave it up to her
.

153

Rock and Roll Never Forgets

Chapter Nineteen

I
t took a while, but Beth began to date again. It was very uncomfortable in the beginning; she’d been with Andy so long. She met men through
Cancer Foundation
meetings and functions and would go out for coffee, sometimes dinner. But she kept it very causal, dating no one in particular, just going out occasionally. She just wanted companionship, not romance.

She hated every second of it. She felt like a lot of the interest in her was more an interest in that part of her life than her
,
personally. She felt they were just nosey, wanting to know about things she didn’t want to share. Conversation would somehow always drift to her and Andy. She didn’t want to talk about them. There was nothing to talk about anymore. She was trying to move forward and thinking about the past slowed her momentum.

One Friday evening she was out with friends, and they went to a bar where Rick Snyder was playing. His band
Mean Street
toured with
Traveler
on several occasions in the early days.
Mean Street
split up several years earlier and Rick had gone solo. He was doing some big bar shows. There was a group of people going and Beth agreed to go along, secretly hoping that he would see her. He did.

“Well, hello to you,” he said happily when she walked up and he gave her a hug.

“Hey!”

“How long has it been?” he asked trying to remember when they had toured together. “Ten years?”

“Thirteen, since the tour ended,” she said.

“Where d
id
all those years go?” he laughed. “I’m glad to see you. Listen, I gotta get going here, can you stay and we can talk after the show?”

“I’d like that,” Beth said.

“Me too.”

Afterward, they went for coffee. They talked way into the wee hours of the morning, about old times, not Andy. It was nice. He was kind and never mentioned Andy’s name. When he asked if he could call her, she said yes.

Dating in the beginning stages is hard in any circumstance, getting to know each other, figuring out what to talk about, but she found something in common with Rick that she wasn’t finding in the other guys she met. He wasn’t curious about her past, he knew about it. They went out often. They got close, the relationship got close, but it never progressed to serious. She wasn’t ready to open up to that again, and Rick never pushed. They had fun. She laughed with him, and enjoyed many of the same things. It was a good friendship, and she liked his company. That’s what she needed. It seemed to work for him too. There was never more than holding hands or a kiss. Some very good kisses, but never more than a good night kiss, and that was fine with her
.

All of the
Traveler
guys were moving on. They began working on their own projects, and families. Beth heard often from Mark. Dina and Nathan called frequently, and occasionally there was a call from Nigel and Stretch. Dane even called once. They all agreed that they could not be
Traveler
without Andy and when he was ready they would be waiting. Nathan found success on Broadway, winning a
Tony Award
for his work on
Life Out There.
It didn’t seem the reunion was going to happen
.

Andy would call and leave messages for her on the answering machine. He seemed to know when she would be away, because amazingly he never called when she was there. Maybe that was fateful intervention. His messages were kind, eloquent words, telling her this or that, and wishing her well, or luck in something that she knew Roddy had shared with him. They were always long messages, telling her what he’d been doing, but never asking to see her or for her to call him. Just a message, hoping that she was well, that he was thinking of her. She did listen to them but she couldn’t give in and call him.

~ ~ ~

In April 1993, Beth’s Pappy passed away. It was a sad time. It was one of those things you expect but hurts just the same. It had been fourteen years since they lost Nana. He died, peacefully, in his sleep at eighty-seven years old. He had lived with Mom and Pops since Nana passed away. His health had deteriorated in the last few months, so maybe it was true what they say sometimes;
‘
it’s a blessing
’
. Pops took it really hard. Pappy had been with him for a long time
.

Roddy came to the funeral, Beth knew he would, and she was glad. She also knew that he told Andy because he sent flowers. The card read only;
‘
Fondly, with many memories, Andy,
’
not to draw attention. But of course she knew who it was. He didn’t call and Beth was most appreciative
.

Pops talked about selling the house and moving to a condo and traveling. He said he didn’t want to wait until it was too late to enjoy the woman he loved so dearly
.

~ ~ ~

July 28, 1993 ~ “
Golden Eye
’
s Journey Back to Life” was the title of the article. I started not to read it, but I did. I had to. This was another of those occasions Norton Edwards contacted me to talk, to take part in the interview for the story. I politely declined, I couldn
’
t do it. So I knew the article was coming.

It was a sad article, with a good ending. Andy was better. It had to be hard for him to talk about what he felt and went through. It was emotional for me to read. It left me drained after reading it. He talked at length about Drew, and how sad he was losing him. His doctor stated,
“
exhaustion” as the cause for his illness. There had been reports of drugs, and alcohol, but the article indicated what I already knew, that wasn
’
t the case.

The pictures gave my heart such a jolt. He looked so much better than the last time I saw him and that was good. But he also looked beautiful and I wanted to miss him, so badly
, b
ut I knew I couldn
’
t. I couldn
’
t allow that pain again. He talked about us in the article but it was brief, a respect for my privacy, and very gracious on his part.

~ ~ ~

The
Traveler
guys together again… it finally happened. Roddy told Beth that after all this time they decided to do a “Reunion Tour” rather than an album. Beth knew that
an album would evolve from the tour
in the form of live recordings from the
shows
.

How could they not, so much talent, so many wanting fans.

They were playing only a few of the bigger cities.
Orlando was on their schedule
in September. She and Rick had been casually seeing each other for seven months.

“Do you want to go to the show?” he asked her after talking to Kimmy about it.

Beth didn’t say anything at first; she experienced so many emotions, causing hesitation in her reply.

Rick continued, “Weren’t you
Traveler
’
s
biggest fan for like a zillion years?” He laughed, “Come on, we’ll just slip in, enjoy some music, and slip out. It
’
ll be fun to hear them all together.”

He convinced her, and promised that they wouldn’t visit or anything, they
’
d “just go”. She worried that someone would see her. Not Andy, just someone who recognized her, and then the word would get out, and it would be back to that privacy thing. She had been so lucky, in all the time that had passed no one called and said, “You’re on the cover of… with Rick…”

Kimmy and Lane would be going, and Roddy got them the tickets, agreeing not to share that they would be there. Always Beth’s ‘knight in shining armor’.

~ ~ ~

Beth hadn’t been to a real concert in a very long time. She’d been with Rick to
many
shows he’d done
in the time they’d been seeing each other
, but nothing big since she came home from Corpus Christi. The seats would be great, not anything special. They would be able to see good, hear great, but there was no chance of them being seen.

The closer it got to going the more apprehensive she felt, questioning whether it was right to go. And then there was Kimmy.

“Don’t go if you don’t want to Beth, but don’t let Andy be the reason.” she said, no holds barred, point-blank, from the hip, but, that’s Kimmy.

“I just don’t know what it will feel like.” She knew it sounded like she was whining as soon as she said the words.

“It’ll feel like a friggin’
Traveler
concert. Oh for Pete’s sake Beth, I’ll call Rick and tell him we aren’t going if you’re gonna be a mess about it. It’s supposed to be something fun.”

“No.” she said, firmly. “No, I’ll go.”

“That’s my girl!”

The day before the concert Kimmy stopped by to see Beth at work.

“Hey there!” Beth said excitedly. “What brings you to my neck of the woods today?”

“A present!” Kimmy replied and dropped a box in Beth’s lap and sat on the corner of the desk to wait.

“What’s the occasion
?
” Beth asked as she ripped into the box.

“Just something fun,” Kimmy said as Beth peered into the box and let loose a loud laugh.

“Oh my gosh!” She pulled a shoulder length blonde-bob wig from the box and immediately pulled it on.

“Sexy,” Kimmy laughed. “I just thought maybe you’d feel more comfortable if you didn’t look like Beth Morgan.

“But who will I look like now?” Beth laughed.

“Some
hot blonde chick out for a good
time!” Kimmy quipped.

“I love you!”

“I know,” Kimmy laughed.

When it was time to pick her up, Rick came to the door; they were meeting Kimmy and Lane at their house. He knocked and when she opened the door he stood, his mouth gaping, and then laughed.

“Wow,” he said. He pulled her into his arms for a hug, “You make a beautiful blonde. Let’s go have some fun!”

‘Maybe he likes me better as a blonde!
’
Beth laughed to herself.

Rick
had taken it slow with her for almost eight months. He
wanted more from their relationship, but he felt Beth holding on to the past. So he kept things friendly, and waited and hoped, not doing anything to jeopardize what they had.

~ ~ ~

It was a sold
-
out show; a full house with an excited crowd.
Traveler
opened with a cover of an old
Thin Lizzy
song – “
The Boys Are Back in Town”
- followed
some of their older hits; “Traveler”, “Timeless”, “Forbidden Place”. They played
a lot of the older stuff from when Scott and Dane were
both still
with the band, and then the newest stuff with them all together.
What Beth didn’t hear was, “In My World”, “Makin’ Sweet”, or “In Your Eyes”, songs that Beth was relieved not to hear. It seemed
there was a whole block of time missing from their collection. Maybe the thought of that time, the memories, hurt Andy in some way and they decided not to go there, even though some of the songs were big hits.

She knew Mark knew they were there, but he swore he wouldn’t say anything. It was a fun night and they left having had a good time. Beth was glad she went.

159