Authors: Julie Cross
Return to Us (9 page)
I skim my fingertips as lightly as possible between her legs, but over underwear. I calm my nerves by trying to guess the color using touch only. It’s impossible, but also distracting. Her breath catches and I hold perfectly still, waiting. Wishing I could see her face. But maybe that would be too direct. Too much pressure for her.
I swallow and it sounds loud and deliberate. I should just ask if this is okay. No, that’s probably not easy to admit… easier to let it happen without talking about it. But then what if she—
My questions come to a halt. Karen’s right leg shifts over even farther, allowing more space for my hand. I touch my forehead to her shoulder, biting back laughter. I’m an idiot. And a coward.
I slide my hand further south and feel dampness, even through the satin material. My brain kicks into gear, my thoughts narrowing. I’m doing this. I’m totally doing this.
My lips are all over her neck, her shoulders, her back… I concentrate hard, coaching myself the whole time…
Your dad is gonna be here tomorrow, don’t give her any hickies
…
Slow down, Jordan… Don’t let her get nervous…
I press more firmly with my fingertips and continue moving them gently.
Her heart rate picks up and she makes deliberate efforts to quiet her heavy breathing. And just when I’m flying high, excited to get her excited, it occurs to me that I might not know if I’ve done a good job or not. Is she going to tell me?
I catch her ear lobe between my teeth and whisper, “Tell me when to stop, okay?”
“It’s okay,” she says right away. “I like it.”
A smile spreads across my face. “I know that. But tell me when I’m finished.”
Her cheeks heat up under my lips. “Wait… What if—”
Sorry, Karen, failure is not an option.
I roll her over and kiss her hard on the mouth, my hand slipping under the satin material. I get lost in feeling her heart speed up, listening to her breaths quicken against my neck, the sounds she’s working hard to muffle. And then her lips freeze against mine, her muscles tensing and then completely relaxing. I slow my fingers down and eventually shift them over, rubbing the inside of her thigh. I pull back and take in her face—cheeks flushed, eyes closed, red hair all around—she’s beautiful. Perfect. Mine.
I lean down and gently touch my mouth to hers. “Stop now?” I tease.
She laughs, her face reddening even more, eyes still closed. “Um… yeah.”
After the glow wears off, the haziness that had clouded both of us, Karen makes a deliberate effort to bury her face in my chest so she doesn’t have to make eye contact. I’m wide awake, but I can feel the sleepiness sweeping over her, so I wrap my arms around her and let the awkwardness fade.
When I’m nearly positive she’s asleep, she surprises me by mumbling, “Question?”
I kiss her forehead and close my eyes, relaxing. It’s over. We’re okay. “Uh-huh. Shoot.”
“Have you ever opened your eyes while kissing me?”
“Yes, many times.”
“What did you see?”
“So many freckles.”
“You like this three-word game, don’t you?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Have you read
Forever
by Judy Blume?”
“No, should I?”
She sighs, and this time it sounds a little bit sad. Maybe there’s some connection to her parents or her mom.
“You don’t need to read it,” she says eventually. “I just can’t help thinking that I feel like Kath and Michael right now. And well… it didn’t work out for them.”
“Hello, spoiler alert.”
Karen laughs, relaxing again. “Shut up. You know you won’t read it. But don’t you feel like we’re inside this bubble? Like believing in Santa Claus. You’re in it a hundred percent… until you’re not.”
Exactly. I don’t know what I’m more afraid of—having that surgery or having Karen stop being in love with me. Or realize that maybe she never was in the first place. I’ve downplayed last summer with Liberty, but there were moments when I thought I loved her. It’s stupid now, looking back on it, but like she said, I’d been in a bubble. I don’t think I am right now, but maybe Karen is.
I kiss her forehead again. “Let’s just be in it a hundred percent and not worry about the rest.”
She snuggles closer. “That was way more than three words.”
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Julie Cross is the International Bestselling author of the
Tempest series
, a young adult science fiction trilogy which includes
Tempest
,
Vortex
, and the final installment,
Timestorm
(St. Martin’s Press). She’s also the author of
Letters to Nowhere
(8/13), a mature young adult romance set in the world of elite gymnastics, as well as several forthcoming young adult and new adult novels with publishers like Entangled, Sourcebooks, HarperCollins, and St. Martin’s Press/Thomas Dunne Books.
Julie lives in Central Illinois with her husband and three children. She’s a former gymnast, longtime gymnastics fan, coach, and former Gymnastics Program Director with the YMCA.
Previously in RETURN TO YOU (Letters to Nowhere Part 3)
“Slowly, I turn toward him, sifting through a dozen different emotions. Before I can process or stop myself, I’m lifting a hand, balling up my fist, pulling back wind-up style, and then planting my knuckles hard into TJ’s jaw.”
RETURN TO US (Letters to Nowhere Part 4)
30,000 word novella and part 4 in the 2014 RITA Nominated Letters to Nowhere series
So yeah, that really happened. Karen’s fist connecting with TJ’s face.
Not only is TJ dealing with a decent sized bruise on his face where Karen gave her best attempt at a knock-out match, now he’s got some explaining to do after Jordan finds out what happened.
Karen’s not ready to forgive TJ for his tough-love tactics to help get her bar routine back in full swing, but she is ready to figure out how to get through to Jordan. He’s being a complete idiot, not dealing with his health issues, forcing her to keep things a secret from Coach Bentley.
With her teammate, Stevie’s, help Karen comes up with a plan to steer Jordan in the right direction—all she needs is a night alone with him and the hiking and camping expedition he promised her weeks ago might be the perfect opportunity.
Or her plan could backfire and he could slip further away from her.
While Karen and Jordan are out playing lumberjack couple in the Pocono Mountains, TJ is dealing with a stranger trying to give him advice on his tumbling, some pretty overt advances from one of Nina Jones’ gymnasts (aka: off limits), and a random hook-up that will most likely end up being a big mistake.
EDITORIAL REVIEWS FOR LETTERS TO NOWHERE
“Poignant and emotionally-charged, Letters to Nowhere is about the befores and afters that color our daily lives.”
–Sophia Bleu, author of Catching Liam
“Letters to Nowhere is a beautiful story filled to the brim with hope, growth, and the magic of teenage relationships that will blow readers away.”
–The Book Cellar
“That perfect mix of sweet and emotional, Letters to Nowhere had me hooked. I love Karen and Jordan so much!”
–A Good Addiction