Restart (The Revival Series) (13 page)

Chapter 16

“Leah?”

Leah was shaken awake by Carrie, holding a steaming cup of coffee in her hand. The light was streaming through a gap in the curtains which Leah assumed Carrie must have shut, and she was covered in a heavy cream duvet.

“What time is it?” Leah asked, sitting up and taking the mug from Carrie.

“Nine thirty. I arrived at just gone two but didn’t want to wake you, so I shut the curtains and covered you up before I popped to the twenty-four-hour supermarket up the road and grabbed some provisions. I got coffee, cereal, bread, milk, sausages, bacon and most importantly - wine and chocolate!”

Leah smiled and took a sip of the coffee. “What am I going to do Carrie?”

Carrie pushed a bit of stray hair behind Leah’s ear and smiled at her friend.

“Drink that, and I will make us some breakfast, then we can talk and you can tell me everything in detail and we will work out how to go forward.”

Carrie jumped up and left the room, going to the kitchen and popping some bacon and sausages under the grill, before pulling out her mobile phone and calling Daniel.

“Hey, how’s Leah?”

“She’s a mess if I'm honest, and I’m not entirely sure how I can help her.”

“You’re a good person Caz, you will work it out, she's lucky to have you.” Carrie smiled at the words of her husband.

“I’m not sure how long I’m going to be here, but I will keep you informed. Give Tyler a kiss from me okay?”

“I will do, I miss you already!”

“Miss you too.”

Carrie put the phone down just as Leah appeared at the kitchen door, an empty mug in hand.

“I really am sorry Carrie. I shouldn’t have put you in this position, it's not fair that you have had to leave Daniel and Tyler, and drop everything for me.”

Carrie crossed the room to her friend and enveloped her in a hug.

“If I can be here for you, you know I will be, so stop with the apologies as they aren’t needed. Let’s just focus on you for the minute. Now let’s eat, you will be no good to anyone if you are hungry.”

Leah nodded, and took a seat at the small kitchen table, letting Carrie make her sausage sandwiches and more coffee. She reluctantly ate slowly, each mouthful making her feel sick, but knowing Carrie was right and that she had to eat, she pushed herself to finish it.

Sitting on the sofa after breakfast, the two girls cradled cups of tea and stared out at the world through the large window.

“So you need to tell me exactly what happened Leah, from the beginning, no matter how long it will take.”

Leah sighed and sipped her tea, and thought back to the day she had the invite to the reunion group.

“Do you remember I mentioned to you about the school reunion group?, well I downloaded the app and joined the group. I didn’t write in there. I was just nosey and then forgot all about it. I then had private messages on it, and in a moment of boredom I started chatting to who I thought was a total stranger, and well it wasn’t it was Greg. We just chatted and reminisced about the old days, and that was that until I bumped into him in the supermarket after Emma had her accident.”

Leah took a deep breath, and another sip of her tea, trying to calm her nerves.

“We spoke more on the app and then I arranged to meet him for coffee, and we had a chat and a catch-up, totally innocent, although I can’t deny I did feel something then. Anyway we carried on messaging and it was totally innocent just as friends..”

“Okay, I have a question…Did you tell Ryan about these messages?” Carrie asked, probing Leah, who looked down at her cup and avoided eye contact with Carrie.

“No, No I never told Ryan.”

“Why? Why keep it a secret?”

“I don’t really know, to be honest. I guess I thought he wouldn’t understand and would ask questions as to why I wanted to connect to my past.”

“Okay, so what happened then? What made you take things further?”

“We had to go to a work party, and Ryan practically ignored me the whole night, and now I think about it all I may have seen something that wasn’t there, but I thought something was going on with his boss. They were really close and whispering and after the way things had been, all the arguments, and the digs he had made at me, I just assumed he was seeing her behind my back.”

Carrie leant back and surveyed Leah, she wasn’t quite sure what to say to make things better. On the one hand, she knew what Leah had done was wrong on many levels. Not only had she hurt Ryan and Greg but she had also hurt herself in the process, but she could also understand what may have been going through Leah’s head.

“Okay, I’m going to pop out and pop into the office and see Angela, while I’m here. Stay here, watch TV or a movie and I will grab a takeaway on the way home.”

Carrie leaned in and pulled Leah into a hug. “We will find a way to get through this I promise you.”

Leaving the apartment, Carrie made her way across town and stopped at the little café where she used to meet Leah for lunch dates when she worked in London. Sitting at a table, she pulled out her phone and dialled Ryan.

“I wondered how long it would take for her to get you involved.” Ryan answered the phone, anger coming across in his tone of voice.

“Ryan, please just listen to me, I know things are bad right now, and I’m not condoning what Leah has done but she is in pieces..”

Interrupting her, Ryan whispered down the phone, clearly trying to keep the kids from hearing his conversation.

“And I'm not Carrie! Seriously, she has torn this family apart! I loved her with everything I could, and because of a rough patch she jumps into the arms of another man! Our marriage obviously wasn’t as strong as I thought it was.”

“Meet me Ryan, just me, no Leah I promise. I would rather talk to you in person.”

Ryan sighed and took a minute to respond.

“Come to the house tomorrow morning. I’ve taken the time off work, and have the next two weeks off, seeing as I was meant to be jetting out of the country tomorrow afternoon. I’m not sure what this will accomplish but I’m willing to talk.”

“Thank you I will be there. She does love you, Ryan.”

“See you tomorrow Carrie.”

Ryan put the phone down before Carrie could say goodbye. What on earth could she do to help them? She loved them both and she knew they were perfect together, Leah had made a mistake, she just had to try and figure out if that mistake was too big to be repaired.

Leaving the café, she made her way to the office where she used to work, on the off chance that Angela, her old boss would be in to discuss the latest freelance project she had given Carrie, face to face instead of through email. Although Carrie was unsure on how much she would be able to concentrate.

Saturday morning, Carrie got up and made breakfast and made sure Leah had eaten something, before making excuses for going to the office again and leaving Leah once again in the flat.

It didn’t take her long to get to Leah and Ryan’s house. And she nervously knocked on the door. It took Ryan a few minutes to answer and at first, Carrie wondered if he would answer at all.

“Come in,” Ryan said and stood back to let Carrie in. The stress of the last two days could be seen all over Ryans' face. He hadn't shaved and his hair was a mess. Walking into the house, she could see the housework had also suffered, with the kids toys lying around the floor, and the living room littered with empty beer bottles and pizza boxes.

Ryan walked past Carrie into the living room and cleared a space on the sofa for her to sit down.

“No kids?” Carrie inquired, lowering herself onto the sofa and slipping off her coat.

“No, Leah’s parents picked them up last night as planned. I have surprised myself actually as it turns out I’m a rather good actor. I haven’t told them anything, as I can tell Leah did tell them, and I refuse to explain things for her betrayal.”

“What time are the flights?” Carrie asked a plan forming in her brain and she wondered if it would be possible to get Ryan to agree to it.

“Eight pm tonight, they are non-refundable, so they will be having two empty seats.” Ryan ran his hand over the stubble on his cheek and stared at the floor.

“Ryan, I know this is all hard, and I know what Leah did was terrible. I can’t begin to tell you the shock I had when she told me, but what I do know is how much she regrets it, and how much she knows she messed up. She loves you and it's taken this for her to realize just how much. As soon as she realized you still loved her too, and that you weren’t having an affair with your boss, she called it all off, and told him not to contact her again.”

“So she felt guilty for sleeping with another guy, and thought she might be able to get away with it, in other words.”

“I genuinely think she didn’t mean to hurt you, Ryan. She is a total wreck, she's staying at my flat and she is hardly even eating. I’m not trying to push what she did under the carpet but she is so so sorry - and I’ve had a thought.”

Ryan sat back and stared at Carrie, his arms folded across his broad chest.

“This should be good,”

“Please, Ryan hear me out. What If you still go on that trip? With Leah, go as friends and see if you can work things out somehow, it would be a shame to waste the tickets, and if needed, you could both sleep separately, as those hotels always have sofas. Maybe it is what you both need to reconnect and to discover what you both love about each other.”

Ryan shook his head and began to laugh, “That sounds the most stupid idea I’ve ever heard. I can't think of any worse form of torture than having to spend two weeks socialising on holiday with the woman who has ripped the heart out of this family.”

“Listen, there isn’t much else I can really say, but I will get Leah to the airport tonight for check-in time for the flight. If you go then fair enough, if you choose not to turn up then I will take her back home. Just consider it as an option.” Carrie stood up and put her coat on, and put the strap of her bag over her shoulder.

“It was good seeing you Ryan, and I know whatever you choose, will be the right decision for you all as a family. Just think about it.”

Carrie let herself out and left Ryan sitting there. He put his head in his hands, anger bubbling just below the surface, threatening to overspill. To relieve some of his rage, Ryan grabbed his glass tumbler from the coffee table and threw it hard across the room, where is smashed against the wall and left a brown line of whisky and coke, running down the cream wall.

Chapter 17

Standing at the airport, Leah found it hard to keep calm. She should have never had let Carrie talk her into this, as she knew there was no way Ryan was ever going to turn up, and she couldn’t blame him, she probably wouldn’t if the shoe was on the other foot.

Carrie rubbed a gentle hand up and down Leah’s back in support, and Leah gripped the handle of the small case she had borrowed from Carrie, which contained the small amount of clothes she had from home, she knew she would have to buy more when they got there, that was if Ryan turned up of course.

Leah glanced at her watch nervously, the second hand seemed to be going slower than usual, and she felt sick with nerves. Even if Ryan did turn up, what would she say to him? How would she act? She felt lost and part of her hoped he didn’t turn up so that she could hide from it all, a much larger part though prayed he did, so they might have a shot at mending their broken relationship; the relationship she had broke into a million pieces by making such a stupid decision.

“He’s not coming.” Said Leah, digging her nails into her hand, around the case handle to stop herself from crying again.

“Give it longer Lee, check in isn’t closed yet,”

“Would you turn up if it was you, and it was Daniel who had cheated on you?”

“I can’t answer that Leah as I’m not in the position, but maybe, maybe not.”

Leah sighed and looked once again into the crowd of faces in the airport; excited faces, all excited for their holidays, jetting off into the sky into the unknown, to a foreign place to have some time to relax. Happy smiling faces mostly, but then she saw a pair of eyes she would remember anywhere.

Ryan approached them wheeling two large cases and a large bag over one shoulder. He stopped just short of them and pushed one of the cases in Leah’s direction.

“You're going to need more that what you have in that tiny case for two weeks away. I left what you had already packed and added the stuff you bought when we went out, anything else we will have to buy over there.”

“Thank you,” Leah muttered, feeling utterly speechless, and not knowing what to say.

“Carrie, are you okay to take the smaller case back?” Ryan asked, turning his full attention to Carrie, obviously not knowing what to say to Leah.

“Of course, I can. You made the right decision Ryan.”

Ryan sighed and turned to Leah, “Let me make this clear right now, the fact  that I am here means nothing, it doesn’t mean things are fixed. I am here for the sake of Emma and Ben, and if we can, at least, salvage a civil relationship out of this mess then it will be worth it. Come on we need to check in, I have the passports.”

Ryan walked over to the check-in desk while Leah gave Carrie a hug and tried to calm her nerves.

“Everything will be fine,” Muttered Carrie in Leah’s ear.

“I hope you are right, if this goes wrong I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

“I will be going home tomorrow, but listen don’t hesitate to call me if you need me, you got it! No matter what the time is. Oh and I’ve pulled the flat off the market totally for the time being, and if things aren’t sorted by the time you get back then, at least, you will have a place to crash.”

“Thank you Caz, I really don’t know what I would have done without you.”

“Shhh I’ve already told you a million times, no thanks is needed, now go and get on that plane before you miss it and this is all for nothing.”

*****

Leah and Ryan sat in silence in the departure lounge, waiting for their flight to be called. Both were obviously nervous and Leah fiddled with the rings on her fingers, her engagement and wedding ring which felt loose on her fingers, and her eternity ring which she wasn’t sure if she should be wearing or not, considering the circumstances.

“How have you been?” Asked Ryan, breaking the silence.

“Okay, I guess. I haven’t really stepped out of Carrie’s flat since Thursday. She’s been force feeding me fried food as well,” Leah laughed and even saw a small smile on Ryan’s lips.

“How are the kids?” Asked Leah. She had been missing Ben and Emma terribly, she had hardly ever left them since the days they were born, and no longer than overnight.

“They are good, they asked where you were, but I told them Carrie was visiting and so you were staying with her for a few days. Your mum is taking Emma to the hospital on Monday to have her cast changed by the way,”

“Yes, I spoke to mum about it a few days ago. What have you told my parents?”

“The same as I told the kids, except that Carrie was having a few problems. Leah as far as I am concerned, telling your parents what has happened is not for me to do, that is your place to tell them.”

Leah nodded, and fell silent; a feeling of fear overcoming her, at having to tell her parents that she had messed up so badly.

It wasn’t long until they were called for their flight and they boarded the plane. Leah was amazed at the difference in first class in comparison to the budget seats they normally chose and had to keep reminding herself not to act like an excited ten-year-old.

They once again sat in silence for what felt like ages, and Leah thought at one point Ryan had even fallen asleep. It wasn’t until he moved his arm and his hand gently brushed the side of hers, that she knew different. She wanted to reach out and take his hand, but she knew that it wasn’t her place to and she felt her heart ache with sadness.

“I really am glad you came,” Muttered Leah, leaning her head back against the seat and staring out the window. “I really didn’t think you would.”

“I almost didn’t,” Ryan answered, “In fact I was determined not to but it occurred to me how much this will hurt the kids if we can't, at least, work out a way to be civil with each other. And then, of course, I wasn’t keen to see the money get thrown away. I tried to cancel the tickets but it was non-refundable.”

“I am sorry about what happened Ryan; I have never regretted anything so much in my entire life. I don’t know why I didn’t realize things before but...”

“Please don’t Leah,” Ryan interrupted, “I know we are going to need to talk while we are away, but please not here, not on the plane.” Leah nodded, and sunk further down into her seat, trying to hold back her tears. She knew he was right and that now was not the time to talk, but she still couldn’t help but feel rejected.

Walking into the water villa that Ryan had booked took Leah’s breath away. It was a stunning room, with a huge four-poster bed, with a swan and hearts made from the towels, and flower petals scattered all over the bed. A bottle of champagne and two glass flutes sat on the small table, and it really was a honeymooners dream. The back of the villa led straight out into the Indian ocean, and the view was stunning.

Ryan dropped the cases down by the bed and walked passed Leah to turn the air conditioning up. The heat was incredible and had hit them both when they had stepped off the plane. Leah had even had to change in the public bathrooms as her jeans and the long sleeved top had been too much.

Leah sat on the edge of the bed and ran her hand over the soft sheets, and sighed. She really wished they were here in better circumstances, and that they could enjoy the luxury without the added pressure she had placed on them to salvage anything of their marriage.

“I’m going to get changed, and go for a swim. I need to cool down. What do you want to do?” Ryan asked, without turning to look at her, but staring out of the back of the villa at the sea.

“A swim sounds a great idea,” Leah replied and she grabbed the case Ryan had bought her and lifted it onto the bed. She undid the padlock and unzipped the case, letting the lid fall back onto the bed. Inside the case was an assortment of her clothes and shoes, and the bags of clothes she had bought for the trip were neatly folded and placed inside.

Recognising the bag she wanted, she picked it from the case and tipped out the new teal coloured bikini she had bought on their shopping trip. Ryan had said he liked it and it suited her and made her look sexy. She sighed recalling the words he had muttered in the changing rooms of the store when she had tried it on and tried hard not feel sad, but instead positive at the fact that he had cared enough to pack her things, let alone come on the holiday at all.

Leah quickly changed in the small bathroom and brushed her long brown hair. Walking out of the room, she flicked the light off and walked back to her suitcase to get her flip flops. She could sense Ryan’s eyes on her back, and when she turned around, she saw the look in his eyes, he was still attracted to her after everything, and she found the thought comforting that she could still affect him. He quickly turned his head away and swallowed looking at the floor and averting his gaze from Leah.

“Ready?” He asked, impatiently, clearly wanting to get out of the confines of the villa.

Leah slipped on her flip flops and put her sunglasses on her head, and nodded. “Yes, I’m ready,”

Leah followed Ryan out of the villa, and up the wooden walkway that leads up to the beach. Half way there Ryan stopped and sat down on the edge, his feet dangling in the warm sea.

“I didn’t imagine things would be this way, not in my wildest dreams did I think that you would ever make me feel as bad as you have, and hurt me as much as you have, but I know we need to sort this out for the sake of Ben and Emma. They are the important ones and we have to do what’s right as parents.”

                  Leah took a deep breath and sunk down next to him on the deck, dipping her toes slowly into the water.

“I know we need to talk about things," Ryan continued, "Although I wish I could avoid them forever, however, I think maybe if we are going to salvage any type of relationship from this holiday that we need to get everything out in the open as soon as possible so that we can spend the rest of the holiday trying to repair what we can.” Ryan breathed a huge sigh and kicked the water with his feet.

“I don’t know where to start,” Said Leah, picking nervously at her fingernails.

“How about the moment you realized you didn’t love me anymore?”

Leah felt as if she had been punched in the chest, the venom from Ryan’s words was obvious, and she should expect no less but it still hurt to hear it.

“I never stopped loving you Ryan, not really. It wasn’t that,”

“Then tell me what it was, come on let me know everything, and I won't say a word till you are finished.”

Leah took a big breathe in and wondered how to put things so not to anger Ryan further or to make the situation worse.

                 “This last year has been very hard on me Ryan. Not just on me but on the kids as well, you have been working so hard, we've hardly seen you let alone spent any quality time with you. When you were at home you locked yourself in your office for hours, or you would sit in front of the TV and ignore me all evening, making comment after comment, making me feel lazy, ugly and unwanted. I’ve woken up most days in bed alone after you had fallen asleep on the sofa, and to be honest, I started to think you didn’t want me anymore, and that you didn’t want to stay in the same room as me let alone the same bed.”

                  Leah tried her hardest not to cry, but she couldn’t help the stray tears which escaped and ran down her cheeks, which she wiped away with her fingers.

“You were so obsessed with your job, and every time we went to one of your work events, Melissa was all over you, flirting and turning on the charm in her extra short dresses, and I seriously thought there was a possibility that maybe the reason you were so mad on work was because of her, that maybe you were having an affair with her.

“When Greg messaged me through a school reunion chat group, at first, I didn’t even realize who he was; I was just enjoying the conversation, being able to be myself without having to put on a brave smile that I was happy like I did everyday to people in my everyday life. When I found out it was him, it felt wrong to continue talking but I was enjoying the company so I didn’t feel like I was doing anything wrong. Now I know I should have been honest with you, but I didn’t think that you would understand me talking to my ex-boyfriend,”

“That is where you would have been wrong Leah,” Ryan interrupted. “I would have trusted you as my wife, I would have been happy for you. I would have never suspected you to do what you did.”

“That night I left the event early with a headache, I took a cab home and I was so angry I couldn’t think straight, not to mention the alcohol I had drunk. I texted Greg and got him to meet me in the park, I figured if he came it was fate and if not then I should let everything drop, and well I sat on a bench and I didn’t think he was going to turn up. I was about to go home when he arrived.”

“Ryan, I know what I did was wrong, I know I ruined everything and I cannot make any excuses but all I can say is I just wanted to feel loved, I wanted to feel wanted and needed, the way a husband does towards his wife, the way I haven't felt for the past year. I did the wrong thing, I should have told you how I felt and tried to sort things out but I was so scared I would tear the family apart, but I ended up doing that anyway.”

“Yes, you should have spoken to me. I will admit Leah as I already have done so, that I know I haven’t been the best husband this year. The promotion was never promised and I had to prove I was up to the job or they would never have considered me, and yes at times I may have been very friendly with Mel, but hand on heart it was never more than a bit of office banter, and totally platonic, it would never be anything else even if she had tried because I took my marriage vows seriously and I loved my wife dearly, and I thought we had a good, strong marriage.”