Release the Stars (18 page)

“I know she had that… thing with Sandra, but Ava is no lesbian. I can attest to that. Pardon my French, Charlie, but she won’t go long without cock.” He had the audacity to stare her straight in the eyes. “My advice to you—get out while you can. Now. While it won’t hurt too much.” He narrowed his eyes a bit. “Three-and-a-half weeks may not seem long in the grand scheme of things, but these location shoots can feel like they go on forever and—I’m about to tell you a secret here, Charlie—not a season has gone by, and we shoot two per year, when Ava hasn’t done some really raunchy things with my cock.” He grinned without baring his teeth, almost apologetically. “What can I say? I know what she likes.”

Charlie’s stomach churned, her insides roiling and threatening to climb up her esophagus. Instantly, an image of Ava in bed with Eric lodged itself in her mind. Right next to the barely faded one of Jo and Christian. That particular picture wouldn’t disappear from her brain any time soon.

“You’re drunk. And you’re full of shit,” Charlie managed to say.

He pulled his grey eyebrows into arcs on his forehead. “Am I?” He sucked his lips into his mouth to add extra confusion to his last question. “I’ve known her for ten years, Charlie. How long have you known her?”

He’s just playing you to get her back
, Charlie repeated to herself in her head. “I know what you’re trying to do here. Apologize my ass.” Charlie slid off her stool. “It’s not going to work, you jealous, homophobic prick.”

She didn’t cast him a further glance and sped out of the bar. When she reached the elevator, though, Charlie’s heart was pounding so fast she had to steady herself against the wall. On the way down to Ava’s room, her stomach twisted itself in a dozen more knots and, as soon as Charlie reached the room, she fled into the bathroom and hurled out the remnants of the margaritas.

She sat gasping for air over the toilet, her cheeks tear-stained, her body cramped. Despite a persistent voice in her head telling her that leaving would only give Eric what he wanted, Charlie couldn’t do this. She couldn’t return to LA and live with the image he’d put in her head. Charlie had gone through it once before—the endless comparing herself to a man. That never-ending useless, painful train of thought that asked
If she wasn’t good enough for Jo, then how could she ever be for Ava?
 

The dark months after her breakup with Jo suddenly came back to her with humiliating clarity. Anything—even life without Ava—was better than that.

Charlie didn’t have a lot to pack. Once she’d picked up the clothes Ava had stripped off her the night before, she went online and changed her flight home.

Whether she’d say goodbye to Ava before fleeing depended on Ava’s shooting schedule. Charlie had two hours before she needed to leave for the airport.

CHAPTER TWENTY

“Charl-ie,” Ava sang out brightly when she entered the room. “I convinced them to let me go earlier than planned today. Some days, right?” She mock-sighed.

Charlie had been sitting in the same spot on the bed for an hour, not moving an inch, alternately cursing and convincing herself that she was making the right decision—maybe not in anyone else’s eyes, but for herself.

“Charlie?” Ava dropped her purse. “I thought you’d be in bed. Fully strapped-on. Are you all right?”

A bolt of fear rushed through Charlie, nestling somewhere in her stomach. “I can’t do this, Ava. I’m very sorry, but I can’t.”

“Can’t do what?” Ava crouched in front of her, resting her hands on Charlie’s knees. “Strap it on?” She looked at Charlie’s packed carry-on case. “Are you going somewhere?” The glee in her voice was quickly being replaced by something less cheerful.

“I had a chat with Eric. I’m sure half of what he told me isn’t true, but he got under my skin, and that’s the real problem here.”

“Eric? What did he say?” Ava’s fingernails dug into Charlie’s jeans.

“Just… some things I really didn’t want to hear.” The image invaded Charlie’s brain again.

“That bastard.” Ava pushed herself up and started pacing. “Don’t listen to him, Charlie. Whatever he has said, it’s nothing but a pathetic display of jealousy.”

“I thought he was your friend?” Charlie said. “He clearly thinks he’s much more than that.”

Ava stopped pacing, scanned the room briefly, then sat down next to Charlie. “For some reason, Eric has it in his head that he and I are meant to be together. Maybe it’s his midlife crisis. I don’t know. Either way, I made it clear to him that I don’t feel the same way.”

“But you did sleep with him.”

Ava expelled a deep sigh. “Yes. Once. When you and I weren’t talking. You know that. Nothing else has happened.” Irritation colored the edges of Ava’s tone. “What am I defending myself against here? You know how I feel about you.”

“What about before we met? All those lonely nights away from home on location.”

“What? What about them, Charlie?” Ava stood again.

“You told me you and he broke up five years ago and you’d both moved on since then. You never said that you were ‘friends with benefits.’”

“We are no such thing.” Ava leaned against the wall facing Charlie. “This is getting ridiculous.”

“So you never slept with him on location?”

“For Christ’s sake. Is this an investigation into my honor and virtue?” Ava closed her eyes. “I’m tired as hell, Charlie. I can’t have this conversation. Not now. And not ever, for that matter.”

“We don’t need to.” Charlie rose from the bed. “I changed my flight. I’m going home.”

“Charlie.” It was more a sigh than a word coming from Ava’s mouth. “You’re giving him exactly what he wants. Don’t you see that?”

“I do.” Every muscle in Charlie’s body tightened. She had no idea how she would make it to the door. “I’m the problem here. I know that. I wish I could help it. But… I just can’t.”

“What about me?” Ava had taken a few steps in Charlie’s direction. “Don’t I mean more to you than all these crazy thoughts in your head?”

A tear leaked from Charlie’s eye. “You do, but Eric was right about one thing.” She swallowed hard before she continued. “It’s better for me to leave now, before it hurts even more.”

Ava’s facial expression changed from tender anguish to frustrated anger. “If you leave now, this is over. I did my part, said my piece. I won’t be coming after you again, Charlie. I don’t need all your bullshit, anyway. Go home and grow the fuck up.” She wiped a tear from her cheek. “If you prefer to trust Eric’s words over mine, then you’re right, you’d better leave now.”

Charlie just nodded, turned on her heels, and headed for the door. It fell into the lock behind her with the softest of thuds.

* * *

Charlie arrived in LA in the middle of the night. While she waited for a taxi, she tried to decide between what seemed like her two best choices. Option one—go home, take an Ambien, sleep it off, and try to pick up her life again in the morning. Option two—tell the driver to drop her at Nick and Jason’s house where she could cry for a few more hours before taking an Ambien, sleeping it off, and trying to pick up her life the next morning.

Nick would show her no mercy. He would tell her exactly what the faults in her logic were. It was precisely that sort of chastising Charlie was after. She needed someone to tell her how she had failed, to unclog the cobwebs from her mind, to free her from the illusion that every woman was always going to hurt her the same way Jo had.

By the time she got into the backseat of a taxi, Charlie was convinced she didn’t deserve the relief of a sedative or the all-forgiving embrace of easy sleep without first being called on her crap. She needed to be told off. She directed the driver to Nick and Jason’s house. When she stood in front of their door, she checked her watch. It was two in the morning. Nick wouldn’t be happy about being woken from his beauty sleep, but Jason would want her to come by when she was this distressed.

Then there was the faintest hint of a drum beat, followed by a shriek of laughter. Were they still up? It was Saturday, after all. She hesitated. What kind of person barged in on friends while they were entertaining? And God knew who was at their house.

Charlie checked her watch again. Rude or not, she didn’t want to go home. With a heavy heart, she rang the bell.

Voices rose from the back of the house, and she heard the telltale sound of footfalls as someone approached. It sounded like high heels coming toward the door, and Charlie half-expected Nick to appear dressed in drag. An anticipatory smile started to form on her lips.

The door swung open and Charlie’s smile faded.

“Charlie!” Jo said.

“Oh, God,” was all Charlie could utter.

“Charlie, come in!” Jo was clearly drunk. “What time is it? You’re rather late to the party.” Jo pulled at Charlie’s arm, then noticed her suitcase. “Are you going somewhere?”

“What is going on here?” Nick, in jeans and wrinkled shirt, came to the door. “Charlie?” He squinted while looking from Charlie to Jo, and then back to Charlie. “I won’t ask what you’re doing here. Just come in, will you?”

Charlie stepped inside the house, which was now the last place she wanted to be. Jo was tipsy, but she still looked scrumptious in those tight jeans and that boat-neck top that bared her shoulder.

“Why aren’t you in Dallas?” Nick said, as he led Charlie into the living room. Jason walked toward her and kissed her on the cheeks, but then—as if she still hadn’t sunk low enough that day—she noticed Christian sitting at the head of the table.

“I’ve been wondering where you’ve been hiding, Charlie,” Jo said jovially, as though they were old acquaintances and not ex-lovers.

Christian rose from his chair and approached Charlie, hand extended. “Charlie,” he said.

Charlie looked at his hand as if it was a grenade someone had just pulled the pin out of. As far as worst nights of her life went, this one was quickly climbing the ranks, with the night after Jo had finally told her she was in love with Christian still firmly in the lead.

Nick nudged her in the elbow and, still dazed, Charlie shook Christian’s hand.

“This is a surprise,” Jason said. “Please, sit, Charlie. We’ve all had a bit too much, so excuse any raunchiness.”

The sight of the four of them together, in the midst of an obviously joyous evening in each other’s company hit Charlie square in the chest. Jason using the word raunchiness, as Eric had earlier in reference to Ava, combined with unexpectedly seeing Jo and Christian together, crashed together in Charlie’s brain, to create a void of static and white noise. As if observing herself from a distance, she first noticed the way her legs failed her, followed by her core muscles refusing to hold her upright as her body crumpled in on itself, all while tears streamed down her cheeks.

What sort of a mind-fuck was this, anyway? Would Eric be jumping out of a closet soon, point his finger at her and say, “Ha, ha. Gotcha!”

“Charlie!” Nick rushed to her side and threw his arms around her. “Hey, come on. I’ve got you.” He guided her toward the guestroom down the hall and set her down on the bed. “It’s okay, Jase. I’ve got this.” Through her tears, Charlie made out Jason’s lanky figure standing by the door.

“Charlie, honey. What happened to you?” Nick tilted Charlie’s head toward his shoulder and patted her hair.

But Charlie couldn’t speak. The body parts responsible for speech weren’t working. Noises came from the living room. All Charlie could do was cry on Nick’s shoulder, loud, heaving sobs filled with self-pity.

“We’ll talk tomorrow, honey.” Nick’s voice was too sweet. It didn’t match his public image. Beneath his cultivated cynicism, he was all kindness and concern for his friends. “You sleep here. Annie will keep you company. She’ll love it. You know how crazy she is about you.”

Rather than leave, Nick sat with Charlie for what felt like hours. Apart from the careful clattering of dishes and the patter of excited paws in the hallway, the rest of the house was quiet. Jo and Christian must have left.

“Do you want me to undress you?” Nick asked. This helped snap Charlie out of her morose state a bit.

“What would the world have come to if I wanted that,” she said, but there was no laughter in her voice.

“I’ll get your suitcase and some water, okay?”

Charlie nodded. “Do you have any sleeping pills?”

“Of course.” Nick opened the door a slit, and Annie ran into the room, yelping enthusiastically.

“Come on, you silly dog,” Charlie said, and patted the spot next to her on the bed. “Hop on.”

The dog kept on leaping up and down on her tiny legs; the bed was too high for her. She picked her up. “Hey you, with all your unconditional love. You could surely teach me a thing or two.” Charlie buried her nose in Annie’s soft fur.

A knock on the door announced Nick’s arrival. He put a bottle of water on the nightstand and two pills next to it. He walked over to pet Annie and, wholly against Charlie’s expectations, plant a kiss on the top of Charlie’s head.

“We’ll talk tomorrow. Sleep tight,” he said and gave Charlie’s shoulder one last squeeze before exiting the room, leaving the door ajar.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

“Good morning, gorgeous.” Jason looked up from his iPad.

“Let’s be honest here, Jase. She’s looked better.” Nick rose from his chair on the terrace where they were having a late breakfast. “Did you manage to get some sleep?” He pulled a chair out for Charlie, as if she were visiting a fancy restaurant. Next, he’d be putting a napkin in her lap.

“The sleep of the drugged,” Charlie said.

“We’re having some hair of the dog. No offense, my darling Annie.” He reached for Annie, who was still by Charlie’s side when she woke up, and deposited the dog in his lap. “Would you like a mimosa?”

“Sure. Why not?” Charlie took the seat Nick had offered her. “Guys, I’m so sorry about last night. I couldn’t face going to my empty house, but, of course, I wouldn’t have come if I had known…”

Jason poured her half a glass of champagne, then topped it off with freshly squeezed orange juice.

“What happened?” Finally, the first hint of impatience in Nick’s voice. This didn’t irritate Charlie so much as make her feel at home.