Punked by the Pumpkin: A Cozy Mystery (Sweet Home Mystery Series Book 4) (7 page)

The street was still blocked off with the stage and a few concession stands, but Officer Crenshaw waved Eli through so we could park in front, behind a dozen or more golf carts. Toe and Elmer were sitting in the middle of the street on a couple of chairs from the Coffee Cabana with a pretty good-sized crowd gathered around them. The splotch of chicken blood was right in front of them, and I wondered who was standing in Toe’s chewing tobacco.

The place was pretty busy when we went inside, but Hildie and Essie had things under control and were chatting with friends from the retirement village. Jules had just gotten her final edition out with all the pictures of the golf cart parade and stories of the week, and she was at the counter sipping on a bottle of herbal tea and lemonade.

“Hi, Lily. Hi, Eli. How was the Festival?”

“Pretty good. We had fun.”

Eli pretended to be angry and tried to burn a hole through Jules with his laser vision. “I hope you made a lot of money on your special edition. The city and county, on the other hand, spent a few thousand dollars on overtime for officers and deputies.”

The good-natured staring contest went on in silence for a few moments with Jules‘ arched eyebrow and Eli‘s death stare. Then Jules rubbed Eli’s arm and smiled.

“It was the monster on the loose that required extra attention to public safety, Officer Davis, not the newspaper. Wouldn’t you have felt horrible if it hadn’t been reported and then some school children were eaten on the Merry-Go-Round?”

I was trying not to crack up, and Eli finally smiled. Jules’ superpower of charm and female logic easily defeated Eli’s laser vision.

“Do you want Lily and me to pick you up for dinner, Jules? Who are you taking?”

Trevor walked in the door just then with his dad, Mike Barton.

“Uhhh…Trevor, do you want to go to the Harvest Dinner with Eli and Lily and me?’

“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” I threw a verbal penalty flag. “Trevor is working here for me during the dinner. He can’t go with us.”

“Oh, no he’s not,” Eli said, as if he had the final say. “I need him to stand watch outside the church during the dinner, since that seems to be ground zero for a lot of the crazy occurrences.”

“Looks like you’re in high demand, Trevor.” Mike Barton put his hand on his son’s shoulder and smiled at him. Mike was almost as tall as Eli, but his landscape work had given him a bronze skin tone and buff, well-defined muscles in his arms and chest. “Remember, when your stock is soaring, you can demand a high price.”

“Well, Officer Davis doesn’t pay me.” Trevor took a step forward. “But the hours and experience will help me become an Eagle Scout and will help me build a résumé for a career in law enforcement. Some things are more important than money.”

His dad was impressed and proud.

“But I did promise Miss Parker that I would help her here too.”

I put my hand on his shoulder. “Your career and your help in keeping Sweet Home safe right now are more important, Trevor. I’ll find somebody.”

“I can probably manage it for a few hours,” Mike offered.

The door opened again, and Schooner walked up to the counter. “Hey, there, Lily, Jules.” He nodded at Eli and the Barton guys. Got anything cold back there?”

Mike went behind the counter and took his order.

“Mocha frappe, please.”

Mike was at a bit of a loss, so Schooner went back to help him out.

“Hey, Schooner, what time do you have to be on stage for the street dance?”

“Oh, about 9:00, I guess.”

I looked at Jules and nodded my head towards Schooner. Dinner would be over by 8:00, and he would be a fun dinner guest. Jules seemed to get the idea.

“You look like you know what you’re doing back there, Schooner.” She looked at the perfect frappe he set on the counter for himself.

“Well, you know I’m a bartender, and kind of barista too, I guess.”

“Soooo…” Jules looked at me out of the corner of her eye. “Would you be able to run the shop here from 5:00 until about 8:00 or 8:30?”

What is she up to? We still need one more for dinner.

“It shouldn’t be too busy. Everybody will be at the Harvest Dinner. Lily and Eli are going with Mike and I.” She reached across the counter and patted Mike’s hand and, of course, smiled at him.”

Darn, she’s good. Mike raised his eyebrows in surprise and nodded his acceptance.

“Hey, yeah. I’d like that. I’ll drum up some business for you with the guys in the band and the roadies too…but I’ll have to charge ya.”

“That’s fine, Schooner.” I knew he was a great bartender, so this should be a breeze for him.

“All the coffee I can drink should cover it – and I get to keep my tips.”

Can’t beat a deal like that. I showed him where everything was and how to use the cash register. He already knew how to make all the coffees and smoothies, and he had the whole place spinning like a top in 15 minutes. He was giving great table service with humor, charm, and lightning speed. The place began to thin out before 5:00, and Schooner texted his friends to stop in. So, what the heck, we left.

Chapter Six

The church basement was nicely decorated in fall colors with sheaves of wheat in golden bows adorning each window. There were probably a couple dozen large round tables-for-eight set up with white tablecloths and wicker cornucopias overflowing with real harvest fruits and vegetables as centerpieces.

There were probably a lot of other nice decorations too, but once I spotted the cheese and
hors d’oeuvre
table I was pretty much incapable of seeing anything else.

“Jules, let’s get some cheese and crackers for the table. Guys, why don’t you get some punch?”

“Just ice water for me, Mike.” Jules held his arm all the way down the steps and then slid her hand down to his and smiled as she spoke. Then I pulled her toward the appetizers.

“You better watch your superpowers there, girl, or he’s going to think you’re into him.”

“Who says I don’t want him to think that?”

I stopped in my tracks, which doesn’t happen very often when I’m within ten steps of mild cheddar and Havarti. But my brain put all the pieces together pretty quickly, and we continued towards our goal.

“You know, that could make a lot of sense, Jules.”

“Well, I’m not saying that I want something to develop between us for sure, but this is a small town, and I’m not getting any younger or prettier.”

“Well, I think you’re young and pretty enough, Jules.” I loaded up a small plate with cracker-sized slices of white and orange cheeses, and Jules took a nice wedge of Camembert and scooped some Brie out of the mangled wheel that the local crowd obviously didn’t know how to deal with properly.

“I was married to a big time plastic surgeon in the city, and that didn’t work at all. Mike is a successful, salt-of-the-earth guy…”

“And those muscles aren’t so bad either. How old is he?”

“41.”

“Really. I thought he was older than that.” I put a stack of crackers on top of the cheese and took another small plate for some rolled up salami and prosciutto slices with frilled toothpicks through them.

“Nope. He grew up in Dayton, met Meghan at Stetson University in DeLand, and they moved back here and got married right out of college at 22. Trevor was born when he was 24.”

“And when you were 14.“ Harvey waved us over to his table right up front. “So, he might not want more kids at this point.”

“Yeah. There are some issues I would have to think about.”

But, no doubt, if she wanted him, she could have him. “Just don’t break his heart, Jules. He’s a great guy, and he’s been through a lot.”

The guys got to the table at the same time with the punch and a pitcher of ice water. Harvey was wearing a light blue dress shirt with a red tie, and he was clean-shaven and had even trimmed the few hairs he had around the sides of his head. His ear hair had been trimmed back too, and he was wearing a dab of Eli’s cologne. I hardly recognized him.

“Lookin’ pretty sharp there tonight, Harvey.” I looked at Eli and tried to imagine what he’d look like with no hair. Emmm…not great. Well, on the bright side, I could probably get away with gaining ten more pounds when that happens.

“Arise, chosen Lamb of God.” Pastor Cassidy approached Harvey with an armful of white tunics, which she draped over the empty chair next to him. She was wearing a festive red choir robe today with one of the translucent white surplices over the top.

Harvey stood up, and she slid the garment over his head.

“Bless you all, and may the odds be ever in your favor!” She went off to the next table and did the same to Jerry Thatcher. Was this the
Hunger Games
?

“Well, lookie there! The Chosen One is all prettied up for his visit with the Lord!”
Toe walked in with Essie and Hildie, and patted his buddy on the shoulder.

The three of them joined us to fill out our table.
I’d better have another cracker with some cheese before Toe gobbles down all of our goodies.

The aunts were looking pretty good in their dresses and jewels. “We’re all praying for you, Harvey.” Hildie took the chair next to Harvey and sat down.

“Why do you need prayers, Dad? Is something wrong?” Eli was a little concerned about the comment.

“Oh, there’s nothing wrong with Harvey,” Essie reassured. “He just needs a little luck.”

Harvey leaned toward Eli and whispered, “I’m the Chosen One. Well, one of the six who’ve been chosen.”

“Chosen for what, Pop?”

“Just one will be picked…”

“That’s why we’re praying for him. So he will be the one.”

“Children of the Lord, please rise and join hands as we give thanks for the bountiful gifts we are about to receive.” Miranda Cassidy didn’t need a microphone to project to every corner of the dining hall, and the seniors stood quickly at her command. She stood on the stage next to a large white statue of God The Father seated on His throne with His arms outstretched in blessing. She raised her arms similarly, looked to the heavens, and said a prayer of thanksgiving.

When she was done I opened my eyes and raised my head, but the seniors all remained with their heads bowed and eyes closed. A minute later, Pastor Cassidy dropped her arms, and they all sat. It was a little eerie to the rest of us, as none of them were looking at her, yet they all sat in unison.

Eli raised his water glass for a toast. “Here’s to a bountiful harvest and to all the people I love most in the world.”

We all took a sip. Jules gave me an elbow and whispered in my ear, “Maybe he’s trying to tell you something.”

He tells me every day with his actions and his eyes.

Besides Harvey and Jerry Thatcher, I saw that both Bob and Penny Carver were also wearing a white altar boy tunic along with a couple of other seniors that I recognized but didn’t know by name. I was rooting for Harvey, but I had no idea what he was competing for.

Essie reached for a piece of prosciutto. “Looks like those scratches from your mangy cat are pretty much gone already, Harvey.”

“Miss Pickles does not have mange. Her skin is healthy and her fur is like silk. And yeah, Pastor Cassidy healed me good.”

I refused to believe that Miranda Cassidy has healing powers. But…

Harvey dug around in his pocket and pulled out a small tube of ointment and then another one. “Yup. She gave me this…”

It was a tube of antibacterial ointment.

“…and this…”

It was a tube of hydrocortisone lotion. Then he dug into his pocket one more time and pulled out a small tan bottle.

“…and this one here for special occasions.”

It was foundation makeup to cover up the remains of the scratches. Well, at least she didn’t have supernatural powers…except for mind control over her flock.

Dinner was served by volunteers from the congregation, mostly fifth and sixth graders through high school age. Every plate, made from the food donated by the seniors and others, was a little different. Everyone got a slice of pork from the pig that Calvin Tucker donated and then roasted in back of the church all day. I also had a chicken wing, green beans, and a few wedges of steamed red potatoes. Eli had rice, a drumstick, and half an ear of corn on the cob.

Jules swapped her pork and potatoes for Mike’s slices of white chicken breast, sliced tomatoes, and radishes.

“I’ve never seen a meal this eclectic before. But it makes me feel happy.” It was kind of fun to look at all the different plates of food, and my chicken wing was delicious.

Dessert was pumpkin pie, served by Miranda Cassidy herself. A steady line of children with trays of pie slices followed her as she dealt out the small plates with the deftness of a Las Vegas Black Jack dealer. When one tray was empty, the next child stepped up with a full one.

“Eat! Eat, my children, eat! These are the abundant gifts that the Lord has made for you and me!”

Occasional shouts of “Hallelujah!” arose from the crowd, and the din from the dining hall sounded like lions roaring as we all ate to our hearts
’
content.

“I’m going outside to check on Trevor.” Eli slid his chair back, and Mike joined him.

“Jules and I are going out to get some fresh air. Hildie, Essie, would you like to come along?”

“No. We’ll wait here. We don’t want to miss the announcement.”

“Okay. We’ll be back soon.”

We made our way to the side exit that opened at ground level to the churchyard.

“I am stuffed.” Jules patted her belly as if it were bulging, but it looked pretty flat to me. “I haven’t eaten that much since…ever.”

I believed that. She ate everything on her plate (that she didn’t give away) and half of her pumpkin pie too.

“It was oddly delicious.” I never pat my tummy because I don’t want to draw attention to it. “It’s like there were a bunch of moms in the kitchen cooking up custom homemade meals for each person.”

“There were. I peeked on our way from the cheese to our table. Calvin was slicing up the pig, and a bunch of ladies in hairnets were cooking things in small pans, and probably each using their own home recipes.”

“Well, it was a wonderful idea.” I looked up to the sky at the nearly black moon. “New moon tomorrow night, I think, Jules. It sure makes the night a lot darker, but at least the stars look brighter.”

Jules was standing silently next to me looking, transfixed, out toward the trees in the distance.

“Jules?”

She slowly raised her arm and pointed toward the distant trees, just this side of the cemetery.

“What, Jules?”

She looked at me with wide eyes. “It’s real. I just saw the green monster running from over there by the retirement village into the trees.”

“You saw it! Of course it’s real. I told you Eli and I saw it.”

“I know but some things aren’t really real until you see them with your own eyes – like flying saucers…and glowing green monsters. That was weird. I’m ready to head back inside now.” Jules covered her arms with her hands and shivered.

“Maybe we should do as much snooping inside as we can while we have the chance, Jules.”

“Yeah, let’s go…I’m getting cold. Well, it looks like my special edition may have been the right thing to do after all.”

“Of course it was.”

Jules and I walked around the entire church basement, poking our heads through every door and into every room. The kitchen crew thought we were coming to help wash dishes, so we had to get out of there in a hurry. We didn’t find anything unusual, but then again, we didn’t know what we were looking for.

Eli and Mike were already back at the table.

“How’s Trevor doing?”

He thinks he caught a glimpse of the…the…animal a block or so away.”

“So did Jules.”

“Yeah. It was running towards the trees by the cemetery.”

Suddenly Pastor Cassidy entered the stage.

“Will the chosen six please come up to the stage,” Pastor Cassidy requested, and Harvey and the other five made their way towards her.

“Good luck, Harvey!” Hildie, Toe, and Essie all took their turn in wishing him the best.

Eli took my hand, which was kind of unusual and very nice. “Well, it seems that the chickens were brought here for the banquet and not for a sacrificial offering, so maybe they won’t be sacrificing the chosen ones tonight either.” He tried to look serious, but I could see through mocking smirk. Smarty pants.

Harvey was the closest to the stage, and he waited for the others to arrive at the base of the stairs. A portable staircase had been rolled up in front of the small stage, just left of center. There was a great cardboard image of a mountain on the side of the portable staircase facing the dining hall. It looked as though Harvey was leading them up the mountain, past the two stone tablets that were painted near the top of it.

There was a table with the round wire basket of Bingo balls on the left side of the stage, and the statue of God in the middle. The six seniors in their white tunics, led by Harvey, lined up in front of the great statue, where the Pastor awaited them.

“Ladies and gentlemen, Lambs of God…” She did have a rather compelling voice and quite a mystique about her, and she had everybody’s attention. “…these are the ones whom the Lord and I have chosen above all the others to bring joy to the hearts of His Tuesday night congregation.”

Tuesday night congregation? What in the world does that mean? The Bingo crowd?

“These anointed few, with golden tones gifted to them by God, have preserved their voices and practiced their projection better than all of the others. On Tuesday last, we heard each of them call the numbers that were guided by divine providence from the golden basket to your left. Members of the Tuesday night congregation, you have given me your feedback, your comments, and your preferences. I have prayed and asked for guidance from the Lord, and He has answered me.”

Oh, come on. All this silence and whispering and tea with honey was because of a competition to be Bingo caller? So, just get on with it. Tell us who it is, already.

She took hold of some glistening loops that looked like they were made of tinsel garland that you would wrap around a Christmas tree.