Psyche Shield (30 page)
“Stephen seemed more willing to accept Sadie.” Billie
mentioned. “He asked me to thank you for freeing Bran.”
Jason eyed the Elder. “Your visit will be an advantage. You
can keep an eye on them while you’re there. You’re also in danger from these
Kratos with them.”
“I choose to go regardless.” Kathryn declared. “We will
devise a way for you to know if something goes wrong and I cannot contact you.”
Richard objected to the developing plan, full Irish lilt
emerging with his panic. “Did you not hear Sadie? You can’t fight a Kratos.
We’ll only know you’re gone after it happens.”
She spoke fervently to her mate. “Darling, I will not sit
idle while my former pack and family are in danger. I can be eyes and ears as
well as voice of reason. I stand a chance of convincing Graham to let Sadie
help. I willingly take the risk.”
The idea of Kathryn in the hands of a Kratos sickened me. “I
don’t like it either, Richard. But if we do this and someone claims her. I’ll
get her back. Same with Sierra or any packmate. I swear it.”
Richard looked at me with fear in his eyes, but he wasn’t
scared of me. “Can you beat a Kratos?”
“Yes. I was hoping to have a little more time to get used to
being a Mage before I have to go up against one of them. But with your help I
know I can do it.”
Jason pulled out his phone and dialed Graham’s number. “I
doubt we’ll reach them tonight, but it’s worth a try.” It went to voice mail
and he left a message. “We’ll call again in the morning. I want both of you
present when I talk to him.” He told me and Billie. He looked hard at me, his
gaze uncomfortable. He hated the position I’d put him in, and I couldn’t blame
him.
“I didn’t know this was going to happen. I can’t undo it.
But I’ll do whatever I can to fix it.” He eyed me sternly, and I sensed
something from him too vague to define. I’d promised Jason I was no danger to
his pack, he’d taken me in and accepted me as a packmate, and I’d put everyone
in danger. Billie’s earlier words came back to me.
You can’t fix everything.
I hoped to prove her wrong this time.
He let me squirm for a bit before responding. “Mages have
always threatened us. You brought danger to our doorstep, but we’ll stop it. We
always have and we always will. Secrets are not acceptable. I understand your
reasons, but I do not accept them. I’m Alpha. Until you come clean with me, we
have a problem.” If Jason had erupted, I might have felt better. If he had
threatened me, it would have felt normal. Instead he sounded disappointed in
me. “No one is to discuss this unless Sadie can shield the conversation. We
start training as soon as Sadie has recovered. Kathryn and Sierra will be our
eyes and ears in Montana and look for a solution there. Tomorrow we bury our
packmate. We’ll discuss it more after that.” He stood without another word and
walked out.
I left the shield in place after Jason left. Kathryn’s
concerned expression didn’t leave, but she directed it at me. “What troubles
you, dearling? You carry a weight you have not spoken yet.”
I didn’t answer right away, and she waited patiently.
Billie, too, wanted to hear what haunted me. “Can you guys give me a minute
alone with Matthew?”
The request surprised Billie more than anyone. One by one they
headed inside until only Billie and Matthew remained. I took my mate’s hand and
squeezed gently. “You too, love. I need to do this without his Beta and without
my mate.”
She thought she understood and left me alone with the pack’s
right hand, the Wolf who tried to kill me a couple weeks earlier and protected
me that day. Matthew, too, thought he knew what I wanted to talk about. “We’ll
train. But I won’t hunt you so long as you’re scared of me.”
I met his eyes and smiled sadly. No one in the house could
hear us. “You saw my weakness for what it was today. An opportunity.”
“You’re Pack. I won’t try to kill you again.”
“You would if you had to. Matthew I’m scared, but not of
you. Not anymore. The other Kratos will come sooner or later. I have to stop
them or people I love will die or worse. I can do it, but I’m afraid of what
I’ll become if I use that much magepower. The power of a Kratos is different
from other Mages. It’s changing me. It never completely goes away. It feels
like something is rotting inside of me, and every time I use magepower it grows
a little. You saw me today. I’m fighting it. Pack is keeping me from losing
myself. But if I lose this battle, I will become just as dangerous as the other
Kratos. I will hurt everyone I love. I need to go into this knowing they’ll be
safe. From me.” I paused and looked worriedly at the house where so many that I
cared about waited for me.
“What exactly are you asking of me?” He understood but
insisted I spell it out.
I didn’t want to say it, but something like this couldn’t be
left undefined. “I need you to train with me, harder than anyone. I’m asking
you to learn how to defeat a Kratos, just in case I become the danger. If I
lose myself, I want you to kill me. I’d rather die than be like that.”
He looked confused, a strange expression for him. “Why would
you trust me with this?”
“You protect the pack, no matter what. You don’t hesitate or
rationalize. Emotions don’t cloud your judgment, and you don’t put friendship
before the pack’s needs. You’re the only one here that won’t hesitate to do
what’s necessary. Even Jason will hesitate for Billie’s sake.”
“You don’t have to ask me to do this. I guard the pack from
any threat.”
“I know, and I almost didn’t ask. I’m asking you to stop me
even if I don’t threaten the pack. Don’t let me walk away and hurt others.
Billie will never give up on me, and I need her to believe in me. If she knows,
she’ll stop you. You can’t tell her or anyone. If it goes that far and you
survive, tell Billie and the others it was my choice. Tell them everything.”
“If it becomes necessary, I will protect the pack even from
you. If you go mad, I will end your torment. I will not let you live as one of
the monsters you hate. I’ll tell your mate and friends why you made this
choice. You have my word.” I heard reluctance in his voice, but he would keep
his promise.
The weight Kathryn mentioned lifted just a little. “Thank
you.”
He added his own promise, one I didn’t fully understand. “I
also will not kill you unless I’m certain you’re gone. You are Pack, and I will
not break that promise either.”
* * *
I feel about two inches tall.
I told Billie
after our guests left. Only Sierra remained. As a more permanent guest, she
claimed one of the bedrooms and retired for the night.
So do I.
Billie admitted.
I don’t know what more
we can do, though.
I don’t want to keep so much from Jason. Kato said not to
trust that anything I tell the others will be safe from another Kratos. Your
mind is the only one I can be certain about.
She knew I held back information, but we hadn’t had a chance
to talk yet.
What did you discover?
Between Lief and Winston, a lot. Beatrice is the most
powerful, other than me. She’s the one that Kratos fear. Then there’s my uncle,
Harmon, and Lief’s little brother, Emel. He didn’t know much about the fourth.
According to Lief, Beatrice has Emel eating out of her hand, so I could end up
facing two instead of one.
She didn’t like the sound of that. How bad is it?
I vented a little as it all caught up to me.
It all comes
down to my family. If there’s a problem, they’re probably behind it. They’re
pretty much the Mage Mafia. I always wanted to know what my birth family was
like. Careful what you wish for.
She hoped I’d find something or someone good in all this.
Anything
about your parents?
Winston’s memories were pretty jumbled, and I’m not sure
what to make of it all. I think I saw my parents. I think he met them.
Billie stopped abruptly and looked at me. I shook my head, unsure and confused
about my emotions.
I’m not even sure it was them.
You said Beatrice was his original owner forty years ago,
right? Gods, forty years! I can’t imagine living in that kind of nightmare. I
almost did.
It was horrible. Going through his mind was revolting.
For the first time I agree with the old policy of killing any Wolf who’s
collared.
You didn’t before?
Billie asked, shocked by my
admission.
It seemed very extreme and final, but I understood how
important it was to Wolves. I could respect your decision about it. Now I agree
with it. If a Wolf can’t be freed by someone like me, they shouldn’t have to
live like that. Death is a mercy. He did a lot of things no Wolf would ever do.
He made Wolves so they could be collared. Killed Wolves, Mages, and Humans.
Before he lost his mind he hunted for Beatrice, tracking down Mages who tried
to escape her.
I stopped and took a deep breath.
One of the Mages he
tracked down and killed was my dad. Or at least I think it was. Some of his
memories are distorted, so I don’t know for sure. He couldn’t find my mom.
Gods, Sadie. You actually saw your dad’s death?
She
was appalled.
I do not envy your abilities.
I saw a lot of people die in his memories. Sifting
through his mind was no picnic, and I saw only a fraction of what he
experienced.
I paused again, wishing I could give her what she was looking
for.
I saw when he bit you and Nathan.
What do you know about it?
She stilled. She’d never
found her answers. I could tell her a little but not much. I hoped it would be
enough to satisfy her.
Beatrice ordered him to find a strong, spirited and
beautiful woman to make Wolf. She wanted a female fighter, someone to show off.
Like what Cassandra thought you were to me. He watched you for a few days to
make sure you had the personality Beatrice was looking for. You did. After he
bit you, he returned to Beatrice. She was going to come back to claim you, but
someone contacted her and she abandoned you instead. He didn’t know why or who.
By the time she made it back for you, you were gone.
Billie shivered.
I might have spent my entire Wolf life
collared instead of here. That gives me the chills.
Tell me about it. My grandmother did it to you. It makes
me sick.
I told her.
Hey, love.
She took my head in her hands.
I love
being Wolf. And you are not your grandmother.
I smiled sadly at her.
My family is doing all of this. I
wonder what that makes me.
Lucky.
She said flatly.
Lucky that you weren’t
raised to be the same way.
Maybe.
I couldn’t tell her what I told Matthew or
what Kato told me. But I needed to tell her something.
I’m scared, Billie.
Of what?
She asked, concerned.
I’m scared of what this is doing to me. I’m scared of
using too much magepower and getting trapped in the void. I’m fighting it with
everything I have, and I’m still scared.
You are as you choose to be. Isn’t that what Kato told
you? It can’t change you unless you let it.
She insisted, but I didn’t
believe it. I could choose not to use it, but I didn’t know if I could continue
to use magepower and have any choice in the outcome.
I’m going to have to face them eventually.
I told
her.
My family will keep showing up, and one of these days it will be my
grandmother that I’m fighting.
The grandmother who killed your parents and tried to kill
you.
She reminded me.
The grandmother who’s terrorizing two entire
races.
Exactly. She may be the second most powerful Kratos, but
she has a lot more experience than me. I’m not ready. When I face her I have to
be ready.
You will be.
She seemed so confident in me that I
almost believed her.
Come on. You’ve barely slept in days. Let’s go to bed.
“The 10K is tomorrow morning,” I reminded Billie.
“I completely forgot about it.” She’d encouraged me to enter the race, and I’d
trained diligently for it for a while. But since discovering my Mage heritage,
my life had turned upside down, and it didn’t even seem important anymore.
“What are you going to do?” she asked me.
“I’m going to go to John’s funeral and run with the Pack. I
can always enter another race if I want to,” I told her without hesitation, and
it pleased her. We gathered supplies for a long weekend out of town while
waiting for Jason to arrive. Hopefully we’d reach Graham before the morning
grew late.
The sun, just beginning to rise, woke the world to a crisp
autumn morning. It promised summer would end soon, and we could look forward to
a brief period of moderate weather before it turned cold. We had almost
everything in our hiking packs when I sensed Jason’s approach. “He’s coming,” I
told my mate. By the time he walked in the front door, we were ready to leave.
Jason acknowledged my presence when he entered, a friendlier
greeting than usual. Nodding at the camping supplies, he asked, “Leaving
early?” The rest of the Pack didn’t plan on heading to our campsite until late
afternoon. A few of the Humans hadn’t even left Portland yet.
She nodded briskly. “Assuming Graham answers his phone. We
want to visit Leroy on the way up.”
“Who’s going with you?”
“Kathryn, Sierra, Amy. and Nathan. Hopefully Richard will
join us, but I’m not holding my breath.”
“When are you two going to kiss and make up?” he raised a
single eyebrow expectantly.
“I wish it were that easy,” she replied sadly.
“You tried to kill him twice the first month you were here,
and he didn’t have any trouble getting over that. What’s the problem?” I’d only
heard about one incident and reminded myself to ask Billie later.
“I never went after Kathryn,” she reminded him. “I never
threatened his mate. This time it isn’t as easy to put it behind us.”
“No, you went after Kathryn’s mate. She got over it.” He
sounded almost paternal, more like an uncle than her Alpha. I hadn’t seen this
side of their friendship before. I knew how Billie felt about him, but I’d
never seen how they got there.
“It’s different,” Billie asserted stubbornly.
“Why?” She didn’t answer right away so he continued.
“Richard barked and growled at your mate, but he never acted on it. I gave the
kill order, and Matthew tried to fulfill it. But Richard’s the one you can’t
forgive?”
“You did what you believed was best for the Pack. Matthew
was following orders. It was never personal. With Richard, it’s personal,”
Billie asserted, unable to let it go.
“De-personalize it,” he suggested. “It’s over. Sadie’s Pack
now.”
“I’ll talk to him this weekend,” she promised and nodded at
the phone in his pocket. “Let’s get this over with.”
Jason punched in the number for the Montana Alpha. I’d
thought a lot about what I’d tell him, but and I still twitched nervously.
Graham greeted us with a warning. “We’re barely home, Jason. This better not be
bad news.”
“I said we’d call if we had any information. You’re on
speakerphone. Billie and Sadie are with me, and I’m sure Sierra can hear us
from upstairs.”
“It’s just Stephen and me on our end.” He didn’t sound like
he wanted to hear what we had to say.
“Your new Wolf could be more trouble than we expected,”
Jason began.
“He’s already more trouble than we expected. Your Mage was
right. The Wolf’s touched.”
“That’s not all.” He nodded at me to explain.
“Freeing Winston is likely to draw some unwanted attention,
and not from your standard variety Mages,” I told the Montana Alpha and Beta.
“I’m worried someone powerful is going to come looking for him. Your pack could
be in real trouble if that happens.”
“We’ve been handling Mages for a very long time, Sadie,”
Graham’s voice lowered several notches, but his use of my name softened the
delivery. Usually Wolves who didn’t like me just called me Mage. “I can protect
my pack.”
“I’m not doubting your ability. Not after seeing you in
action. I’ve seen how cunning of an adversary you are, and that makes me feel
better. But you’ve never gone up against someone like this. My packmates
haven’t either. I didn’t mean to dump this in your lap, and I feel a
responsibility to help if I can.”
“How do you know we haven’t gone up against someone like
this?” he challenged me.
“You’re alive and free. The Mage I’m worried about can
collar a Wolf in a matter of minutes instead of days or weeks like most of my
people.”
“A Mage like you,” he challenged.
He’d seen what I could do, and he needed to know I could
help. I took a risk, and I answered honestly. “Yeah, a Mage like me, except a
total psychopath.” Jason’s eyes narrowed that I’d answered Graham after I’d
ducked the same question the first five times he asked it.
“What are you suggesting?” he asked suspiciously.
“If anything Mage-ish starts happening, will you contact me?
I can come take care of it. I owe you that much for sending trouble your way.”
I’d decided to bypass his defensive Alpha solidarity by claiming an obligation
instead of offering my help.
It didn’t work. “I appreciate your integrity, Sadie, but
we’ll take care of any Mage that comes around. We always have.”
Arguing wouldn’t get me any further. It would only push him
away. “If you change your mind, I’m a phone call away. At the very least, I can
give you some tips from a Mage’s perspective. Increase your advantage.”
Stephen’s voice emerged from the phone. “What’s our best
defense against someone who can collar a Wolf in minutes?”
“About ten miles at top speed,” I replied flatly. “If you
can spread the Mage’s attention in too many directions to focus well, it will
help. But it’s risky. Your best defense is to get the hell out of the way and
give me a call.”
“I’m grateful to have Bran back and glad to give Winston a
chance to live free. But I already told you I don’t want anything to do with
this. It’s not right.”
“You shouldn’t have to,” Billie added. “That’s the advantage
of having a Mage as Pack.”
Jason elaborated. “We keep our fights on even ground,
Graham. Sadie stays out of Wolf fights, and she takes point with any Mages.
Equal footing. She feels an obligation to you if freeing Winston brings any
Mages to your doorstep. Call one of us if you want to take advantage of it.”
He gave a noncommittal answer. “Anything else?”
“I have some good news too. Bran was the only collared Wolf
in your Pack. He wasn’t collared long, and his mind wasn’t damaged at all.”
“That is good news,” he replied.
“Winston’s mind is irreparably damaged. I hope he pulls out
of it, but to be honest I don’t believe it’s possible. Please be cautious. He’s
capable of anything.”
“We’re aware,” Graham assured me.
“Thanks for the call.” Stephen said goodbye and the phone
went silent.
“I don’t know whether that went well or not,” I admitted.
“They won’t ask a Mage for help,” Jason grunted. “I wouldn’t
either in their shoes. Now get the hell out of town,” he ordered and stalked
out the door.
Billie texted the others and called to Sierra with mock
sternness. “You heard your Alpha. Get your butt down here.”
Immediately she began thumping down the stairs on her
crutches, a light bag draped over one shoulder. “You don’t have to ask me
twice.”
Finding out Sierra officially joined the pack had boosted my
spirits the night before. It still made me smile and I said so. “I like the way
that sounds. My Alpha. Your Alpha. I’m glad we’re Pack.”
“Me too. It’s your first full-moon run, isn’t it?”
“It might be the first time a Mage has ever joined a pack on
the full moon,” I replied. I’d wanted to join them the moment I heard about it.
The full moon didn’t hold any compulsion or mystical draw to the Wolves. One
night a month they came together as Pack and celebrated being Pack. Every full
moon they hiked into the wilderness, Wolves and Humans together where they
could be themselves without risking the outside world discovering them. This
time the celebration would include a Mage.
Amy arrived first, and Phil dropped Nathan off a few minutes
later. He’d been uncollared for less than two weeks, and they still required
him to stay with a stronger Wolf at all times. This excluded Amy, so she didn’t
pick him up on the way. Billie met them in the driveway as Nathan stepped out
of the truck.
“I’m lifting the babysitting requirement,” Billie told the
two Wolves. “You’re a free Wolf, Nathan.”
“Woowee!” Amy whooped and tackled her mate. He lifted her
easily and kissed her on the nose. We are so disappearing today. I haven’t had
you all to myself since we got home from the Sawtooths. Phil listening to us is
such a turn-off.” Nathan blushed in agreement.
Phil looked like Billie handed him a birthday present. “It
was no party for me either. Congratulations. Have fun. I’ll see you guys
tonight.” Nathan grabbed his pack out of the back before Phil drove off.
Richard arrived with Kathryn, surprising all of us. He
stepped out of the borrowed SUV hesitantly, but I didn’t sense any antagonism
from him. “I’m glad you came,” Billie embraced her friend.
“Me too.” I didn’t approach him, but I meant it.
We loaded our gear in the SUV and piled in. Still fatigued,
I slept as we drove. Even though I still kept watch on my surroundings, I let
myself relax. I needed the rest.
We surprised Leroy by walking into his shop. His face lit up
when he saw all of us together. “I wasn’t expecting you!” he exclaimed,
circling the counter to greet us properly. I couldn’t sense Donna anywhere
nearby, and no customers graced the store.
“Hello, Leroy.” Kathryn embraced her nephew. “I believe
you’ve met everyone except Nathan, Amy’s mate.”
They shook hands and Leroy beamed at Sierra. “I’ve been
thinking about you. You look good.”
She smiled widely at the man. “I had to visit my favorite
hunter.”
“I thought you’d be home by now.” He leaned back against the
counter, an array of silver art shining from beneath the glass.
“This is home now. I joined the Boise Pack,” She told him
proudly.
“Sierra’s misfortune came with an exciting revelation,”
Kathryn informed her grandson but let Sierra share the news herself.
“When you found me in the bushes and called me ’cousin’ you
were more right than you knew. We discovered that Kato’s my Great-grandfather.”
Leroy’s face tightened in confusion. “But Kato didn’t have
any children.”
“That he knew of. My Great-grandmother wasn’t able to get
word to him.”
“Well, this calls for a celebration!” he declared. “Let’s
grab something to eat and head to the river.”
“I like the sound of that,” I declared.
He started shutting down the shop. “Your piece is done,
Richard. I just finished it. Want to see it before we go?”
“Most definitely!” Leroy conscripted Nathan’s help and they
disappeared into the back of the shop. When they returned they carried a very
large and delicate piece of silver art. Oval in shape and nearly four foot
wide, it contained a mountain scene. A full moon hung in the sky over a small
creek that cut through the trees. A pack of wolves raised their noses to the
sky, howling.
“By the Gods, Leroy. This is a masterpiece.” It took
Richard’s breath away.
Astonished by the intricate design, I looked closer. The
life-like wolves almost moved in the metal. Two of them leaned close as they
sang together. Delighted at my discovery, I pointed at them. “That’s Kathryn
and Richard.”
Leroy nodded, pleased that someone recognized it. “I’ve seen
Grandma in her wolf form on several occasions. She helped me with the others.”
“There’s Kato.” Billie pointed at one wolf standing behind a
tree and obscured enough to hide his Ethiopian Wolf markings.
Amy pointed. “Billie and Jason. Geez he looks fierce even
made out of silver. That’s me way in the back!”
We identified other packmates and continued to awe over it
for a while. Eventually Richard decided to pick it up on his way back to Boise,
and we hung it as a display piece for the duration.
“Do you still need a gift for your friend?” he asked me, and
it took me a moment to remember.
I laughed. “No. That was a ruse. Donna was going to take
your hamburger away as soon as we walked out the door. We were stalling.”
He wagged a finger at me. “Sneaky. My Grandma Sara was a
Sensitive. I couldn’t get away with anything as a boy.”
“I’m not a Sensitive. I’m a Mage.” The anticipated reaction
didn’t come.
“My cholesterol is still high. Let’s grab some burgers. I
know a good spot.”
We ordered food from one of the diners and drove a short
distance up the highway before turning off onto a gated road. The signs marked
it private property, no hunting and no trespassing with enough signs to show
the seriousness of the offense. A little ways further, we parked. “The man that
owns this stretch doesn’t spend a lot of time up here. I keep an eye on it for
him, and we don’t get trespassers very often. Uncle Kato joins me here
sometimes.”
“It’s beautiful,” Amy cooed. “I wanna run!”
“The property line is fenced. I wouldn’t cross it if I were
you,” he told them. “It’s still wolf season.”
So close to town and during wolf season, they waited for
their Beta’s approval. Billie didn’t smell or hear anything concerning, and
neither did I. “Run, but don’t leave the property.”
She and Nathan immediately stripped, shimmered into wolf
form, and took off into the trees. “That’s something I’ve never seen before,”
Leroy commented.
“What have you never seen before?” Sierra asked him. “I know
you’ve seen us transform.”