Perfectly Flawed (18 page)

Adrianna turned up the music, blotting out the bad feelings, pounding away her anger. Gradually she calmed down. There was nothing her mother could do. Maybe when she was a teenager living at home and unable to stand up for herself.
But no longer. Her mother could yell and make a fuss, but it was Adrianna’s life and she was going to do what she wanted.

Downstairs, she rummaged in the kitchen for something to eat. Her aunt always kept the kitchen stocked, and Adrianna paid her share. She settled on cottage cheese and pineapple. Scooping some into a bowl, she sat at the table, and the doorbell rang. Her heart pounded. Maybe Sean had decided to come over without calling. Skipping to the door, she opened it.

There stood Kevin in beige slacks and a polo shirt. Adrianna’s stomach knotted.

“Hi, Adrianna.”

“Kevin, you can’t just come over here without calling.” What was it about this day? It certainly wasn’t going how she planned.
What else?

“Well, you haven’t been calling me back.”

Adrianna just looked at him.

“Can I step inside?”

Moving away from the door, Adrianna opened it wider and make a sweeping motion with her arm. “Please, come in.”

Her facetious attitude wasn’t lost on Kevin. He gave her a funny look but walked right in.

“So, you’re in. What?”

“I wish you wouldn’t be so sharp with me. I have feelings, you know.”

For a second, Adrianna felt bad. She wasn’t totally heartless.

“Okay. Want to sit down?”

“Sure.”

In the living room, Kevin sat in the overstuffed chair, staring at Adrianna.

“I know you said you wanted to think things over. But it’s hard for us to fix our relationship if we never see each other.”

“It’s only been a few days. And besides, I haven’t decided to fix anything.”

“Well, it seems like forever to me.”

“Kevin, if you want to smooth things out with me, you are going about it the wrong way.”

“You mean coming over without calling.”

“Worse. Telling my mother you’re being rejected in place of Sean. You have a lot of nerve saying that. I have not shared my feelings with you…about anything. You’re just being mean,
trying anything to get me back. I resent it.”

Kevin looked sheepish. “I’m sorry. I keep messing up.”

This time Adrianna didn’t feel a bit sorry for him.

“I was frustrated the other day. When we met, I’d hoped you’d see it my way. But you arrive to meet me with another man in tow. How am I supposed to feel?”

“I don’t know, Kevin. Honestly. But you have to knock it off.”

Kevin shifted in his seat, doing his best imitation of humility. “You’re right.”

Adrianna was about to get up and show him out. She’d had enough.

“I thought you might want to go dancing.”

“What?”

“At the club.
I know you like it a lot there. We could spend some time together, get back on the right foot. If you’d give me another chance, I’d show you how good we’d be together.”

Adrianna shook her head. After being with Sean, she couldn’t imagine going out with Kevin. In fact, she wasn’t sure what she had seen in him in the first place. Everything he did grated on her nerves.

“No. I’m not going dancing with you. I don’t think it’s going to work out between us.”

Adrianna stood, and Kevin did too.

“I hope you change your mind, Adrianna. I won’t give up. You’ll see. You’ll never find anyone that will be better for you than me. Just give me a chance.”

Not bothering to respond to the comment, Adrianna went straight to the front door and opened it for Kevin to leave. On the way by, he touched her arm lightly, making her tense up. “I’ll call you,” he said, and started down the front steps. She shut the door behind him.

“Aaaaaah,” she cried. “My life. It’s making me crazy.”

Chapter 22

Having lost her appetite, Adrianna cleaned up her plate and started upstairs. In her hand, the phone vibrated. Almost afraid to look and see who it was, she held it up.
Sean
.

“Sean.”

“Adrianna. I’ve missed you.” The deep sound of his voice warmed her.

“I missed you too.” She felt better already.

“How was your morning?”

It was still only mid-morning. “You don’t want to know.”

“Something happen?”

“Never mind.
It’s not important. Now that you called, everything’s okay.”

“I keep thinking about you.”

“You’re all I’ve been thinking about.” She could almost feel Sean’s smile over the phone.

“I’m going to my parents’ today. I want you to come with me.”

“Meet your parents? I don’t think so.”

“Sure. They’re easy. My dad’s an elementary school teacher, and my mom, well, everyone loves my mom. Half the neighborhood used to come over, eat our food, talk to my mom,
hang out. There’s nothing to be worried about.”

“Sean, I’m not ready to meet your parents.”

“It’s not like that. They’ll love you. Honest, ask anyone—Patrick and Molli, they’re just part of the gang, second parents to my friends. You’ll do fine.”

“I can’t. I’m sorry.
Maybe next time.”

“I’d skip it, but they’d be hurt. I see them once a month. My mom does a big meal. She makes the best shepherd’s pie. I live for her shepherd’s pie with those creamy mashed potatoes on top. Hey, I bet I could even get her to make a veggie burger for you.”

Adrianna didn’t say anything.

“We have
Coke
.”

Sean’s joking was softening her up. And she was sorely tempted. Yet Adrianna couldn’t say yes. Imagining a big family
, friends—who knows who else would be there—she’d feel out of place. Family occasions had been hell for her since she could remember. Maybe it would be nice, but meeting Sean’s parents…she didn’t feel ready for that.

“Go, be with your family. I’ll see you tomorrow.” The loss she felt was hard to take. Adrianna wanted to see Sean. And really needed to after the morning she’d had.

“Not without you. I’ll call and bow out.”

“No. You won’t. I can tell your family means a lot to you. Your mother would be disappointed. I’m not seeing you if you don’t go.”

“Tease.”

Adrianna laughed.

“Okay, it doesn’t go late. I’ll take off in an hour or so, probably do a workout with my brother, Bradan, before we head over. Better hit the weights. Don’t want to start gettin’ a belly from my mom’s food. I figure I’ll be home before ten. Can I call you?”

“Sure.”

It was hard to hang up. Adrianna wanted to keep him on the line, hear his voice, and feel him near. But he had to go.

She tossed the phone on her bed and stood at the window looking out, admiring the view of the brick buildings of Beacon Hill with the tall structures of the financial district piercing the
blue sky in the distance. Not so many months ago, Adrianna had left home and been so sure about her life. Getting away from her parents and supporting herself were big goals. Now that she’d done it, maybe it wasn’t enough.

Before Sean, it had been. Now being apart from him was painful. Her heart ached, and she craved having his arms around her. Being close to him—that was all she wanted. Even her work paled in comparison. Life was alive, vibrant when Sean was around. She’d never met a man like him, so passionate, so loving.

Was that why she’d said no? She couldn’t take that next step and meet his family. Adrianna was used to keeping her distance; it was safe. Too safe. Suddenly, the urge to throw caution to the wind came over her. She was in love. The night before Sean had said he loved her, but she hadn’t told him how she felt.

She turned, walked over to desk, and sat facing her computer. Late-night stints had allowed her to keep up with her clients’ work. She couldn’t afford to let that slide, and her enjoyment of the work made it easy. There was more she could do, and would need to as a distraction from continuously thinking about Sean. Even her annoying life wasn’t enough to pull her thoughts away from him.

Adrianna leaned back in the chair and looked up at the ceiling. Growing up, it seemed the ceiling of her room gave her an escape. Locking her door, she’d often reclined on her bed, staring at it for hours—sometimes listening to music, sometimes not. The blank white surface was calming, and staring at the nothingness, she often came to decisions or resolved problems.

The one in her room at Krista’s had sparkles on it, and she liked that. It added a little frivolity, and her thoughts didn’t seem quite so serious. The truth was, she wanted to be with Sean and was beginning to trust him. If he said it would be okay at his family’s house, maybe it would. Something shifted for her, and with new clarity Adrianna rejected what life handed her. She was fed up. Having tasted of something better, she was no longer willing to settle.

A tinge of fear gripped Adrianna. Fear of what, she wasn’t quite sure. But then a firmer resolve compelled her to cross the line. Sean had shown over and over that he cared about her. It was time for her to show him, do something
just for him
. Knowing he’d be pleased if she went to his parents’ house, she picked up her phone.

Yes, she could do it, despite her trepidation.
For Sean
. It would be a good thing. Before dialing, she pressed the phone to her cheek. A new idea occurred to her. Adrianna would surprise him. She’d drive over and just show up before he left. She could wait in the car while he worked out with Bradan. It would be a fun day. A sign of the new turn her life would take.

Rushing to get ready, she envisioned his face when he saw her. It would be romantic. He’d pull her into his arms and hold her. It would all be worth it. And it might not be so bad after all. If his family were anything like him, the dinner, the whole thing, would be a good experience. She hoped.

Since Sean hadn’t planned to leave for an hour, she’d have time to get there. This was an occasion to drive her red car. Speed was important, and luckily his apartment wasn’t far from hers. Adrianna could make it in time. With her Trampled Sun disc cranked up, she sang to “Falling Down,” feeling wild of heart, brave, bold.

Pulling into the parking structure, she spotted a couple of empty guest slots. Easing forward, she angled her car to the right to slide in. Then, halfway down the aisle to her left, she saw him.
Sean
.

Her heart leapt. He was here. Adrianna couldn’t wait to fall into his arms. Good thing she drove over right away or she might have missed him. With her hand on the car door, she
hesitated. Something caught her eye. It looked like Sean was talking to someone.

He wore a sand-colored sweater and army-green pants; Adrianna was distracted by the view of his tight ass and sculpted thighs. Then he turned to the side and she could see her—a woman. A stunning woman with long, thick dark hair, wearing a short-sleeved light gray dress was talking animatedly to Sean.
A neighbor? Who else?

If Sean had a sister, he’d never mentioned it. The gorgeous woman had long, slender legs that looked even longer in the high heels she wore. Adrianna’s heart sank. What if…?

No, it couldn’t be. Then Sean opened his arms and the woman leaned against him. He hugged her and Adrianna’s blood went cold. Watching them in a loving embrace was such a shock that she froze, unable to look away.

Leaning back, Sean looked down at the beautiful woman, who smiled at him. Even from a distance, Adrianna could feel the affection between them. The woman was no neighbor, and no stranger. And then to add to her horror, the woman stood high on her toes and kissed Sean. She kissed him!

Adrianna could hardly see through her tears. The woman began to walk toward the other side of the car. Sean swatted her on the bottom as she walked away, and the woman grinned. Grief washed over Adrianna, and she watched the man she loved walk casually back to the parking elevator as if nothing had happened.

Long after the woman had driven away, the smug look on her face making Adrianna ill with jealousy, the tears kept coming. Collapsed against the seat of her car, still unable to believe what she’d seen, time ticked by. In the recess of her mind, the thought that Sean might come out to leave and see her, shocked her into action.

Starting up the engine, Adrianna backed out and peeled away furiously. Sobbing, barely able to see, she drove and drove. It was so obvious, now that it had happened. How could she have expected Sean to be true? No one ever had been. Why should he be the first?

But it didn’t help. Nothing helped. Adrianna had reached outside her zone of safety, foolishly opening her heart. Only to be crushed. Life seemed dark, impossible, and too heavy to endure. She didn’t want to live, not without Sean. The brightness and joy he offered turned to blackness, a horrible, depressive darkness she couldn’t face.

How many times had she told herself he’d never be hers? And then, in a moment of weakness, she’d hoped. Adrianna had tried; dug deep and found feeling she thought was lost for good. Love for a man, and trust, were out of reach to her. Always out of reach. It was her fate; she knew that. Why did she fight it? Why did she let herself believe?

Of course Sean had a girlfriend. It was stupid to think he didn’t. A charming, sexy man like Sean could have any woman he wanted. And repeatedly, Adrianna had rejected him. That he was in the arms of another woman made sense, too much sense. Just because one night had been magical for her, meant something to her, didn’t mean it changed everything.

Sure, Sean wanted to hang out, but he had a girlfriend to go back to. Clearly he’d never left her. The image of the gorgeous woman kissing Sean made her entire body hurt. The pain, both physical and emotional, overwhelmed her. Despite all the progress she’d made, Adrianna was right back where she had started. No, she was worse.

At least before, she hadn’t known there could be anything better. Sean had to go and ruin that. Why couldn’t he have gone away the first time she said it wouldn’t work between them—or even the second time? But no, he had to keep pursuing her. It was a guy thing, the conquest. Well, he had his conquest, and Adrianna was the casualty.

*****

Being home was a good feeling. The men watched the game while dinner was prepared. The Celtics were winning which only increased the volume of yelling in the family room. Even Nic and Tomas came over, used to the family routine, looking forward to the Irish cooking. They all drank beer and munched on peanuts, shouting at the game and talking about cars, work, and women until the meal was served. Sean loved his family and his friends; he always would. He only wished Adrianna had decided to come with him.

Then it would have been perfect. Adrianna would have felt comfortable immediately. His mother would have hugged her and swept her into the kitchen for women talk while the guys watched the game. And at dinner, he could have held her hand and watched her smile. His love didn’t smile enough. His family would have taken to her, and she to them. He knew it.

After the game, everyone moved to the kitchen, drinking more beer and hanging out.
Molli outdid herself with the food, and put on a larger spread than usual. Sean ate his fill, including dessert, and leaned back in his chair enjoying the company of those he was closest to. It was a good day; being home was always good.

Begging off early, instead of being one of the last to leave like he normally was, –anxious to call Adrianna –he dialed as soon as he was on the road. After four rings, the voicemail picked up: “This is Adrianna…”

Where was she? Well, it was early. He’d said ten, and it was only nine. She could be taking a shower, not expecting his call yet. Give it a few.

After pulling into the garage, Sean dialed again on his way up in the elevator.
Still voicemail. Damn phones. He hated them. Upstairs, he stood by the window looking out into the darkness, wishing Adrianna were next to him. To feel her in his arms, to hold her close, was all he wanted.

When the time edged past ten thirty and not one of his five calls had been returned, Sean became worried. Leaning forward at his table, his chin resting in his hands, he thought back. Adrianna hadn’t mentioned having plans. But then, he’d been so focused on his family get-together he hadn’t asked.

It nagged at him that she knew he’d call and yet wasn’t picking up. Something was wrong. Sean grabbed his keys and jogged to the elevator. He was going to find out. All the way over to her aunt’s house, he kept trying to call, to no avail. He pulled up, jumped out, and took the front steps two at a time.

Krista answered the door. “Hello.”

“Hello, I’m Sean. You must be Krista.”

“Oh, yes, Sean. She’s mentioned you.”

“I’m sorry to come by so late. I’ve been trying to call Adrianna but she’s not answering. Is she here?”

“No, she’s not. I’m not sure where she is. But then, she doesn’t usually tell me her plans. I work a lot.”

Sean shifted from one foot to the other.

“I’m sure she’s okay, though. Adrianna would call me if anything happened. She always calls if she’s going to be home after midnight, so I won’t worry.”