Own (Command Force Alpha #1) (15 page)

So she folded. Her relief was dizzying, that he was still in control after he’d come. She didn’t want them to stop, and she didn’t want him in charge only when his dick was hard. This needed to be everything, every moment, or she wouldn’t learn how to breathe again. This was outside of reality. They’d be through with each other in no time, as soon as her father was out of that hospital bed. As soon as this weird danger had passed.

She wanted this experience to
count
. She’d let herself be dominated before. Other men under normal circumstances. Those experiences hadn’t even come close, and this night with Evan was still very, very young.

“We shouldn’t be doing this,” Evan muttered, but he didn’t sound like he meant it. He sounded like she did when she was sunk in her fantasies and called herself dirty and slutty inside her own head. “We should stop.”

She moaned deep in her throat. Her sex was wet and throbbing. She clenched her inner muscles around his length and realized he was still hard. Not as iron thick and ready as he’d been moments ago, but he had way more than enough to work with. She slid her hips back.

He pulled away.

She clenched her hands but didn’t lift them from the small of her back. “You said I should work for it.” Her hips twitched again, seeking him out.

This time he pulled all the way out. She heard the decisive snap of a condom being removed. Her fists became knots so hard that she dug her nails into her palms.

“I did,” he said, as calm as could be. “So turn around and sit down on the couch. Legs wide.”

His calm sank into her. She breathed it in as she moved, while she complied with an order that should have been humiliating. Her sex was so slick. She could feel that slide with every step. The leggings around her thighs meant straining against them to walk, but she still managed. She wedged her knees as wide as she could.

“Good girl.” Evan was squeezing the head of his cock with easy grace. “You may unbuckle your boots and push off your leggings. Take off your bra and thong.”

God, she was sick and twisted because she was completely undone by that. She wanted orders down to the minute, down to the second, leaving no room for doubt. She could just
be
within the shelter of someone else’s commands. Within
Evan’s
commands. When her stress was this high, she needed strength and order, or else she’d scatter to the wind until her mind was as scrambled as the inside of her apartment.

Her fingers were trembling when she unbuckled and unzipped her boots. Without having to be told, she zipped them back up and tucked the leather straps in, then set them side by side at the edge of the couch.

Evan’s approving hum was all she needed in response. She fluttered inside.

She slipped the leggings off slowly, intentionally bending over in front of Evan. Even folding them became ritual. Became procedure. Became provocative. Halves, then over and one more time so that they tucked neatly over the toes of her boots. So tidy.

So right.

Her bra and thong were next. Folding them was easy. She added both to the stack and sat back down. She needed to take a deep, shaky breath before she spread her knees open. Her toes were cold against the shag carpeting.

This would be easier if Evan talked, or if they offered some give and play as they went along…but she didn’t want it, either. She wanted the weight of obedience, the challenge of it. When she focused on that challenge, everything else faded away. The world became Evan, what he wanted, and how she could be so very strong by proving herself up to any task.

She swallowed against the dryness in her mouth and looked ahead at the brick wall. She desperately wanted to see his face, but he’d given her instructions. She would meet them to the word.

Besides, this was Evan. She knew him and his blasted honor, the best and worst of it. He would only leave her hanging for a few moments before she got her reward. She trusted that. Through all the dark in the world, he was bright and steady. The world would tilt the wrong way if he never came back from a mission.

“Touch yourself, Katsu.” His command was rough and rasping. “Touch your pretty little pussy.”

“How?” she asked without thought. She needed more. She needed all of it, so she could give all of it back. Control faded away like a ghost she’d only imagined.

He knew it too. His first response was a quiet grunt as he closed his hand around his dick. Did he realize he’d made that noise? She gathered it as she would a ruby or diamond. She wanted more just like it, when she did anything that earned such a precious return.

He came around in front of her. With his chin lowered, his jaw looked tight enough to sharpen knives. His bright blue gaze burned out from under his brows. The tumbled length of his hair fell across his forehead. “Touch yourself like you want me to touch you.”

She kept her gaze locked with his. Her lips parted as she tried to keep up with how hard she was breathing. Her nipples were so tight that the brush of her lace bra sent tingles across her skin and even deeper.

Without prelude, without warming herself up or touching herself anywhere else, she sank two fingers into her pussy. The shock of pleasure was enough to jerk her head back.

She didn’t lose Evan’s gaze. She couldn’t. She wouldn’t.

Her tongue slicked over her bottom lip. It all felt so good that she couldn’t help a breathy groan. She stroked her fingers in and out. She made it hard. She made it hurt, even when her wetness meant little resistance.

“Like that.” Evan rubbed his hand down his cock, wrist twisting when he got to the head. He was damp there, wet with what he’d denied her. “You want me to fuck you. Hard. Fierce.”

Exactly like that. Fuck me like I’m the only woman in the world. The only thing in your world.

But she couldn’t say such damning words. It was the moment. Just the moment.

She bit her lip so intensely that it would be swollen the next day. Reddened and raw. She added her other fingers, working over her clit. This wasn’t how she touched herself when she was alone in bed. That involved an expensive vibrating toy and slow touches that ramped up and made every inch of her skin feel good.

Evan had already done that with his orders, his commands, his control.

She gasped, realizing that she was on the edge of coming. Something pounded at the inside of her skull, and it sure wasn’t relief. She didn’t want to be in this alone. Though her gaze was still locked on his and he burned back at her with a power akin to possession, she didn’t want to come without his body on hers.

But, damn, he’d said to touch herself like she wanted him to. She did. She
was
. She was powerless in the face of that order. All she could do was wrench back breath after breath. Oxygen flooded her senses and made her head swim, or maybe that was the pure pleasure. Maybe that was the endorphins and the chemical soup that was quickly wrenching the situation out of her control.

She wasn’t supposed to
be
in control.

It was a shocking relief when he smacked her fingers away. He wrapped his free hand around her wrist and lifted it to his mouth. He swiped his tongue across the pads of her fingers. “I didn’t say come.”

She heaved a sigh, with that helium tingle of having her burdens lifted. “You didn’t say not to.”

His mouth twisted into a smile. “You’re right.” He drew his own fingers over the sweet plump of her sex. Once, twice, again. He petted her so softly that she was going to break free of her skin just trying to twist closer to him. “But I want to feel you. Here.”

He shoved two fingers in her sheath. God, he was so much bigger than her in every way.

“Fuck,” she yelped, then slapped her hand across her mouth. “I don’t… I can’t… I don’t know if I can…” She couldn’t finish a thought because they were a jumble of
Evan, Evan, Evan
.

Mine, mine, mine.

Except that was never going to happen. He wasn’t hers. She wasn’t his. The barriers between them weren’t just one surly colonel and the armies of entire nations. It was the ennobling call of the military. That rightness and righteousness made Evan who he was. Without CFA, he’d be a lesser version of himself.

A lesser version of Evan Sommers couldn’t dominate her like this.

He laid his free hand over her mouth, holding her quiet as he made a shushing noise. “Come, Katsu. Come for me. Nothing you say behind my hand counts.” His smile turned so wicked that she wanted him to grind it against her pussy. “At least, not this time. You’ll come for me, and you’ll say whatever filthy things you need to.”

She keened behind his strong hand. Her thrill wasn’t because he held back her sounds. It was because he held her and anchored her to him. They were together. What he did with fingers was gorgeously filthy, seeking out a spot within her that made
throbbing
an insufficient word. Her hips jolted up and up. Muffled curses poured from her like water from a fountain.

His wrist was strong and thick. She clasped it, but not to pull his hand away and tell him to stop driving her insane. She wanted to beg. She wanted to plead.

She wanted to drop to her knees and bow her head to the floor, if only he’d fuck her and call her a good girl. That thought was enough. Her cunt clenched on his fingers. She sobbed hard, unable to catch her breath around the blooming explosion of pleasure. White exploded across her vision, and she set off firecrackers in her blood.

This was all. This was more than she’d ever thought possible.

This is trouble.

Chapter Fourteen

Evan didn’t realize he’d dropped his head to rest beside Kat’s on the couch until her fingers swished through his hair in soft, almost limp petting motions. He lifted his face but kept it averted.

They hadn’t finished yet. Not by a long shot. But he hadn’t felt this level of satisfaction with any woman in years. To analyze the whole snafu would only rob their brief reprieve of its power and wonder. He wasn’t willing to risk that.

He picked up Kat from the couch. Although he should’ve been humbled by her lack of resistance, other, more difficult emotions took over. He was turned on all over again. The level of trust she’d willingly given over to him was, indeed, humbling. It was also exciting. Beyond exciting. It was a dangerous game. The way she’d let him dress her that evening had about blown his brain open. She’d waited patiently for each new selection, and although he could read her disapproval or confusion with some of the choices, she had dressed without protest.

Her weight was slight in his arms, despite the heaviness of her limp satisfaction. He made no effort to keep her upper body upright or wrap her arms around his neck. He was perfectly capable of carrying her to his bed that way, but as he’d known, they weren’t finished. She was the most quietly resilient, artificially wild person he’d ever known. Her strength was hidden beneath the layer of badass he’d encountered in that first pool hall, when he’d dropped a neutron bomb on her life. The structures and frameworks remained. Her soul had been turned to cinder.

When she’d been eighteen, she’d been soft. Kind. Gentle. There hadn’t been a hint of her iron core then, which was why Evan had thought it best to cut off their relationship once he was cleared for Spec Ops training. He hadn’t believed she possessed the strength to endure the life he had signed up for. She was proving him wrong, and damn it to hell, maybe he’d underestimated her back then. Motherless, she’d survived life as the colonel’s daughter, while retaining a sense that days were still worth living to the fullest. She’d made
him
believe, for a few precious weeks that refused to slink quietly into his past.

Having the power to restore her strength by giving her the structure she craved—the commands he craved giving—now, that was humbling. And he needed her strong, not just to face the trials ahead, but because seeing strong, independent Katsu submit despite all her unspoken protests was a blood-boiling aphrodisiac.

“Kat,” he said sharply. “Head up. Now.”

She moaned, her eyes still closed and her lush, full lips parted in the way he adored. Her wide cheekbones were flushed. The soft curve where her jaw met her tiny chin was completely at odds with the stubborn tilt where it angled down from her ears. She could use either to her advantage—softness or stubbornness. He’d seen her work seductive, practically cruel magic on those dupes in the pool hall.

He could feel her working the same magic on him.

“Katsu!”

She jerked upright in his arms. “I’m here.”

“I need you more than
here
. Sit up. Arms around my neck. Don’t look away from my eyes.”

Lids with smudged mascara marred her porcelain perfection, but he liked it. This was a woman who’d been satisfied in ways few could hope for. He wasn’t an egotist in that regard. He just knew when a good fuck turned mind-twisting. She already looked like she’d reached that threshold.

He stood patiently in the living room, which had taken on the damp chill. An industrial building’s basement didn’t make for the coziest of rooms, but it meant safety, which was why Evan could indulge in this craziness. He was still clothed, or he might’ve moved faster. This was good. He could wait all night until she complied.

After a few seconds and some halting tries, she opened her midnight eyes and found his gaze. She smiled weakly, then with more brightness. “We’re not done.”