One Hand On The Podium (3 page)

“Mr. Spencer?” the tall, robust, handsome man with snow-white hair and a toothy smile, presumed.

“Colonel Moss?”

“That’s me. Come on in, have a seat. What can I do for you, fella?” Moss wasn’t a southerner, but a down-home accent, not entirely genuine, made its way into his speech from time to time.

“Well, sir, I believe it’s more like what can I do for you.”

“Oh, is that a fact?” Moss pointed to one of the chairs in front of his desk. “Have a seat,” he said as he chose the matching one beside it for himself.

Alex rubbed his hands over the smooth wood. “This furniture is beautiful, Colonel.”

“Thank you. Now what were you getting ready to say?”

“Yes, well, you see, my department at the Pentagon was notified that you may know the whereabouts of an old Vietnam War jet fighter airplane that seems to have been misplaced, lost, or stolen.”

Moss’s handsome face showed obvious concern. The officer, who had just celebrated his sixty-fifth birthday, studied the younger man and waited for him to continue.

“So,” Alex went on, “You do know something that could help me solve this little mystery. Isn’t that right, Colonel?”

“H-m-m-m, I see,” the colonel said. “I really wasn’t prepared for this.” He paused then put his hand to his mouth as though to come up with a response. As Alex watched, the man ran his fingers through his white hair and stood to look out the window. Nervously he played with the blinds, adjusting them until they let in the maximum light. Alex wanted to say something but held back, knowing if he waited long enough, the colonel would eventually speak.

Colonel Moss turned back to the freshman investigator and blurted out, “You’re damn right, Spencer, I’ve got that fighter plane. It’s mine and you can’t have it!”

Alex sat straight up in his chair and took a deep breath at the bold statement. He hadn’t expected a confrontation. Months of training however, had prepared him to approach situations such as this to diffuse tension. “Ah, well, Colonel Moss,” Alex stumbled, “why do you say the plane is yours?”

“Because I flew it, I have it, and that makes it mine as far as I’m concerned. Besides, what the hell does the government want with it now, anyway, after all these years?”

“It’s not that easy, sir. If you want to purchase war booty there are procedures to follow and forms to complete.”

“I don’t give a fucking rat’s ass about your Washington rules and forms. Like I said, the plane is mine and I am not giving it up. Got that?” The colonel’s demeanor turned menacing. He paced about the room, every once in awhile shooting a deadly glance towards Alex.

“Now just one minute here,” Alex said, forging ahead with all the courage he could muster. “That plane belongs to the United States Air Force. What gives you the right to think it’s yours?”

The colonel now stood over Alex, shouting. “Because I flew it, I defended my country in that damn plane, and I’m not about to let some shitheads in Washington tell me I can’t have it!”

“Alright, Colonel, calm down.”

The colonel stopped pacing and returned to his chair. His fingers drummed the wood, and his face puckered into a scowl. “What do you mean calm down? You come in here and start poking your nose in something that isn’t any of your concern?”

“Colonel Moss, listen to me for a minute. Just listen to me. Please! We can talk about this and, well, maybe we can find a way to work this out.”

The colonel gripped the arms of the chair to still his anger. He stared expressionless at Alex and waited to hear what he had to offer.

Alex continued. “I am a little confused as to why anyone would want an old, disabled, non-flyable machine that is most likely destined for the scrap heap anyway.”

“Not if I can help it. That’s the point, Spencer. The government will just scrap it. I want that plane and I intend to keep it.”

“Why do you want it?”

“I’m not giving back the plane, Spencer.”

“We’ll discuss that later, Sir. Now tell me why you want it.”

“Young man, that plane isn’t just any old piece of scrap.”

“Oh?”

“You bet. That baby has a very special place in my heart. I just turned sixty-five and was in the Air Force before you were born. That’s a long time. I’ve seen a lot of shit go down out there in this fucked-up world, and I was part of some of those historic events.”

“You flew in Vietnam?” Alex interrupted.

“Yes, I did. Sixty-five to sixty-nine, right when the war was heating up. I flew over one hundred twenty missions in those four years, dropping bombs on those motherfuckers over there.”

“This plane, it’s the same one, you’re sure of it?”

“Same one. You bet! It took me over ten years to locate that baby on a base outside London, England. They’d taken the damn wings and engine off the fuselage and crated them up. But I’ve got the whole thing. Not one piece is missing.”

“So, you might say it’s a little something to take home to show off to the relatives?”

“Hell no. Besides, I don’t have one fucking relative alive anyway.”

“Then what?”

“If you will hold on to your damn horses, I’ll tell you, Spencer, I’ll tell you.” The colonel shifted in his seat, agitated with his impatient interrogator.

“Okay, I’m listening,” Alex sheepishly replied, holding his hands up as though to surrender in frustration.

“You see, although I’m not an attorney, I do have a political science degree. I earned it in the service while stationed in Germany in my younger days. I then completed two years of law school in England. I realized awhile back I had the smarts to use my education for more important things than sitting around in this damn office barking orders at these wimpy, soft-hearted, green momma’s boys. Between you and me, fella, I’m so sick of this fucking Air Force I could puke! Don’t get me wrong, I’m proud of what I’ve done. I love my country, but, hey, I’m ready to move on, Spencer. You got me?”

“Well, there’s nothing wrong with that.”

“I have my sights set on a seat in Congress.”

“Congress, well, that’s very interesting! That’s a big jump, sir.”

“Sure is, and I have no doubt in my mind that with a little hard work I can get myself elected next term.”

“That’s less than two years from now, Colonel. I hear it takes tons of money to finance a successful campaign, even for local races.”

“Money’s no problem. I’ve got plenty stashed away back in St. Louis.”

“St. Louis? You’re from St. Louis? Not Illinois, huh?”

“Spencer, you are looking at the man who is going to represent the Third District in South St. Louis, my old stomping grounds. That’s where I grew up.”

“Your parents were from there?”

“Yeah, but they were both raging alcoholics. Who gives a shit about them? They never wanted me. The old man died in a factory accident and my mom killed herself in a mental institution. An uncle raised me. I hated that fucker. But, thankfully, he’s dead now too. Change the subject.”

“I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Aah, whatever. I did okay without ‘em. Do you realize where I could end up after a few years on Capitol Hill? I can see the headlines now: ‘Congressman Simon Moss Elected to U.S. Senate.’ Who knows how far I can go.”

“You have some mighty lofty aspirations there, Colonel, but you still haven’t told me why you want the fighter plane.”

He stared directly at Alex and sat up a little straighter in his chair. “Honoring those who served as a war memorial and of course, for the publicity!”

“Publicity?”

“Makes sense, doesn’t it? That plane will be my stepping stone to everything I‘ve dreamed of. Listen up, Spencer. You see, I’ve been retired for quite a few years. I’ve just been hanging out here at this rat trap, getting my life in order before going on to the next phase. I’ll set up an office, hire a staff, and hit the campaign trail. I’ll steamroll through St. Louis and Missouri with a media blitz like it’s never seen before. I’ll use every cliché in the book — kissing babies, shaking hands, smiling for the TV cameras, giving speeches, and doing interviews. When the time is just right, I’ll unveil my trophy.”

“The jet plane?”

“Now you’re catching on, Spencer. Right! I guarantee you the good citizens of Missouri will be mighty impressed to see they could have a real live war hero representing them and their district in Washington. Nothing like a tour of the Show Me State, the war hero and his winged prize, to nail down a much deserved victory.” Moss savored the thought.

“Sounds good, I suppose. But where are you planning to mount this monstrosity and erect this monument? That’s one hell of a trophy to drag around, sir.”

“Well, that’s still a problem, but I see it as a small one, easy to overcome.”

“And you think the city of St. Louis is going to allow you to do this?”

That’s federal land, down there by the river front. St. Louis has no say so. I have a friend in the Senate, a native St. Louisan, who will do an old friend a favor. You’ll see. I’ll have those folks under my control before you can say Tony Bix.”

“Tony Bix? Who’s that?”

“Oh, he’s some hotshot young lawyer shit who has his eyes on the seat too. Besides him, I see nothing getting in my way. Not even you.”

“I can’t let you take that plane without permission from the Pentagon. But I have nothing against your buying that plane from the United States government.”

“I told you, I’m not buying something that is already mine. I’m not giving it up. Look, I’m sorry you came all this way, Spencer, to have nothing to show for it.”

“Okay, okay, so you might not have to buy it, but you’d better accept the fact that the fighter plane isn’t yours until I have completed the inspection, filled out proper forms and my superiors have given you signed permission. Just accept that. It’s a fact.”

“That’s your opinion.”

“No sir, I’m afraid, it is a fact.”

Alex and the Colonel stared at each other, both gaining a little more respect for one another. “Now listen,” Alex said. “I think I know a way you can get what you want without going through the regular channels or a lot of hassle. But it might take a little longer than you planned.”

“Don’t fuck with me, Spencer.”

“You said yourself you haven’t even found a place to put it, so if I can just make up my report here, take a look at the plane, inventory the parts and email it all back to Washington, I would imagine you would get your plane. I mean, what’s the Air Force need with it? They want it off their books anyway. All you have to do is take me to the plane and let me get to work. I can be finished in a couple of hours.”

“I see,” Moss thought out loud. “So you can assure me there won’t be any hassles?”

“I can’t promise you that, but I’ll do everything in my power to help you get your trophy.”

“You’re not feeding me a line of shit here, are you, Spencer?”

“I have no reason to, sir. I’m just doing my job.”

“Alright, I’ll show you the plane, but not today. I have a meeting in about an hour, and after that I have a seminar to give, then a dinner date. It’ll be a couple days before I can show it to you.”

“Colonel, I can’t wait a couple days, or even till tomorrow. I have to see the plane today.”

“No, not today. I just don’t have the time.”

“Sir, I hate to inconvenience you, but this is for your own best interest, not mine. If you want me to send a favorable report to Washington, you will have to let me see it today.”

“What’s the rush, Spencer?”

“Colonel, my wife is sitting right down the hall waiting for me to complete this assignment so we can be on our way to Chicago for our honeymoon as soon as possible.”

Moss stood up straight and smoothed out his clothes. “Well, hell, Spencer, you didn’t tell me your wife was with you. Where the fuck is she? Why don’t you have her come on in here and introduce us?”

Alex smiled, scratched the back of his head, then got up and walked out the door. He stuck his head around the corner where his eyes found Mary sitting patiently reading a book she’d brought in her bag. “Mary!” he called out to her. She turned her head and saw him motion for her to come to him. She hurried down the hallway.

“Mary, I’d like you to meet Colonel Simon Moss.”

She nodded her head and extended her hand to him.

The Colonel took her hand in his and leaned to kiss it. “My, oh my, Spencer,” Moss smiled. “This woman is beautiful.”

Mary looked at her husband in disbelief. Alex shrugged, somewhat puzzled as well by the colonel’s courtly behavior.

“Spencer, my man, you have a gorgeous wife.” He didn’t look at Alex, but continued to gaze into Mary’s big brown eyes. “My dear, I am so sorry you had to wait in that cold, dark hallway. Here, have a seat on my couch. I’m sure you’ll find it to your liking.”

Mary slipped her hand from the colonel’s grip, which had not loosened after his kiss. She tried not to show an interest in him, but found his debonair behavior and stately good looks intrigued her.

“I’m sorry, Colonel, but we really have to get this done now,” Alex said. “Could you show us to the plane?”

“Ah, well, I suppose. You’ve given me no choice. I don’t want to be accused of holding up this lovely creature’s honeymoon.”

Mary smiled at Moss, and Alex shook his head in amazement over his transformation from a nasty old man to suave, sophisticated gentleman.

“Is the plane here on this base, in one of those hangers outside by the airfield?” he asked, trying to get things moving.

“No, it’s not here.”

“It’s not here? I thought you said you brought it over from England?”

“I did, but I didn’t bring it to this base. Hell, I was afraid some dumb fuck, Illinois boy might—” He stopped and shot a quick glance at Mary. “Excuse my gutter mouth, ma’am.” He turned back to Alex and continued. “I was afraid somebody might ship the thing off someplace and it would take me another ten years to find it again.”

“You’re saying, then, it’s not here on the base?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

“Where is it?”

“I’ll give you a map and a key. You can drive there. I have it stored away on an old farm not too far from here. It’s about twenty miles north east of the base. You shouldn’t have any trouble finding it if you follow the map.” He went over to his desk, opened a drawer and pulled out a stack of papers. He opened another drawer, rummaged around for a few seconds, then held up a large silver key and put that on the papers.