On Becoming His (7 page)

Sighing, she headed into the living room and for the umpteenth time checked her email. He was already on the plane. Yep. That was it. Resigned, she realized she was more than just disappointed.
Jessie couldn’t help but chuckle. How old was she again? The moment she walked into the kitchen her cell phone rang. Jerking the damn thing off the counter, she almost dropped it with a hard thud on the floor. Purchasing a new phone she didn’t need added to the mix. Breathless with anticip
ation, she glanced at the small screen
, hoping, expecting and when she saw her best friend’s number pop up she actually snarled.
And then she had to laugh. This was her best gal pal after all.

“Hey
,
Tina, how are you?” There was no doubt where this call was going and while she wanted not only to go out with her friends and play, just not tonight.

“It’s Saturday night. Time to party with the girls,” Tina cooed.

“Can’t tonight.” Tina knew about Luke but she didn’t “know” about him.
Wrinkling her nose, Jessie knew this was the first girl friend she was going to tell, it was simply when.
She was the one woman the night she’d met Luke who had taken Jessie into the bathroom and said simply,
you’re allowed to find the man of your dreams. Go for him.

“Hot date?”

Opening and closing her mouth, Jessie was trying to figure out what to say when she heard Tina squeal.

“Oh my God! You are really doing him, aren’t you?
I knew you had it in you!
”

“Doing him? How old are we?”

“Very old,” Tina said as she sighed. “Lucky girl. He’s one damn hottie. I’d join you if you were into girls.”

The comment more than surprising, Jessie burst into laughter. “Well…
I didn’t think you liked Luke
.”

“What the hell is not to like? He’s sexy and hot and I could so do him.” Laughing, Tina finally sighed. “Look. Does he treat you well?”

“Very.” Jessie could feel heat rising on her face. “Oh very much so.”

“And you obviously adore him.”

“God yes.”

Tina purred. “And he’s damn good in bed?”

Again, another question catching her off guard, Jessie choked.

“That’s exactly what I thought. Have fun on your date but you are so telling me all the details tomorrow period including size, shape, positions…”

“Tina!” But Jessie laughed. This was perhaps a phone call she needed. Luke was just her boyfriend and this was nothing more than another step
in changing the dynamics
. “I’ll tell you things.” And in truth she would.
She almost suspected Tina might be a touch jealous.

The rest of the day Jessie simply busied herself with getting ready. From doing laundry and working on her journal, she was as nervous as a kitty
kat
. The thought gave her a smile. Luke called her Kat or kitty
kat
for so many reasons including the fact she loved to purr around him. After meeting him they’d talked when he was out of town on Facebook and over the phone and there were times the teasing initially had been so provocative and so damn sexual
,
she’d left the conversation racing to her bedroom to pull out a vibrator or two.
Whew.
Even the thought at this moment made her more than a little hot and bothered. 

But right now she wasn’t allowed to pleasure herself. They’d agreed on
at least a few
rules after Luke knew she was serious
about learning to become his submissive. O
ne he was adamant about
was not pleasuring
herself
unless she asked
for permission
. But every time she asked he’d said yes of course. Brushing the tip of her finger back and forth across the seam of her mouth, she shivered as she closed her eyes. It was almost too early to get ready and she still hadn’t heard anything from him. For some reason she knew he was testing her, seeing if she could be patient. Jessie had zero patience when she began her relationship with Luke and now while the virtue waned at times, she had more. She’d been required to have more.
Nope. No contact. No emails. No texting. No calling.
Nothing.
“Fuck!”

Luke made certain some things were very clear to her.
While he only tested her every so often, asking specific questions concerning what he considered to be major portions of her understanding the lifestyle, he’d never used them against her, merely reminded her what he’d said or asked. Everything about his demeanor
was nurturing but he had a mysterious
side, one he very rarely allowed her to see. There were times she wondered about the tortured man who hid himself so well behind a mask of sensuality and dark eyes. “
Mmm
…” Well, she could certainly daydream about him all day long but she had tasks to complete and a report for work required to be off her desk before two pm.

Grabbing a bottle of water and some fruit, she settled at her desk,
preppin
g the material for the report. Over t
hirty minutes later she flipped
on her laptop
and as
she waited for the
programs to start, she remembered the very first conversation they’d had about the D/s lifestyle. As they sat quietly in front of a fire, not really talking about much of anything, she’d been surfing his page on Facebook early in the day and found something partic
ularly provocative. Not only were
the picture and the poem enlightening
,
but
also
the words he’d used around them very seductive and it had taken her the entire day and all through dinner to garner to courage to ask
questions
.

“I saw something on your Facebook page today and wanted to ask you about. I mean, if you don’t mind.”
Dear God, this was already difficult. Jessie could feel a twitch in the corner of her mouth. Reaching up, she placed her hand over her lips and absently reached for her wine. As she took a sip and then a gulp she could tell Luke was watching her every movement intently. Only when she set down her glass did he finally react.

Leaning over, Luke took her hand into his, intertwining their fingers together. “I’ve told you many times you can ask me anything.
I want you to feel very free to tell me whatever you need to tell me. I value your opinion above all other things. Please, what do you need to know?
”

For some reason the word “need” surprised her. She’d often
thought about how he just seemed to magically sense her discomfort or
know what was on
her mind as it raced to find the right words to ask something. Now this word was comforting and gave her courage.
“I noticed a picture of a Dom on your page with a poem about a woman submitting to you.
The piece was very haunting
and I really enjoyed reading every word
.
Every thought was heartfelt.
”

“Thank you.
A favorite of mine.
”

“Um… So, d
id you write it?”
Of course he’d known there was more to her question.
Barely able to look into his eyes, Jessie sighed. When she heard him inhaling slowly, she finally looked in his direction. His eyes told her the truth.
The realization thrilled and terrified her. Nodding, a swell of emotions
was
building inside of her
and she thought about the words on the poem and smiled
.
Somehow Jessie knew the piece was about her.
Her breath skipping, she reached for the wine again, nearly draining the glass. You can do this. He’s just a man and you asked him. Jessie almost burst into laughter. He’d written a poem and that was all but…

“Yes. I have many more as well as the pictures but they’re simply too risqué
for Facebook.
I’ve enjoyed writing what’s in my heart and my soul for a very long time. Some people question why and I simply tell them it’s a part of me and always has been.
Now tell me, why do you ask?”

Her lower lip quivering, Jessie wasn’t sure where to go from here.
How the hell could she ask him this? Was it even any of her business?
“I…” Looking away, the feel of his hand cupping her chin, bringing her face toward his sent shivers skating down her spine.

“What do you want to know and why do you ask?” The sound of his voice low and husky, he forced her to look into his eyes.
“Please trust me, Jezebel. I need for you to finish.”

“Because I’m curious.
Because I want to know.
Because I…” Jessie darted her eyes away once and heard a disappointed sigh.
He always called her by her given name when he was serious about something.
Steeling her nerves, she said the words she’d thought about for months, years. “Because I long to have a man as my Dom.”
Fuck! She’d said it out loud. What the hell was freaking wrong with her? Her nerves on edge, she shifted back and forth and stared at the bottle of wine in the corner. He didn’t like her to drink too much but tonight she felt like
drinking more
. Hell no, s
he needed to get fucking wasted
admitting something like this to a man she so cared about and he would think so badly of her and…

Luke inhaled deeply and reached for the wine bottle. Refilling both of their glasses, he handed her
one
before taking a long sip.

Dear God, he was contemplating calling her names and then running and screaming from the room and… No, he said he was a Dom. But what if he thought she was too strong willed or not right or… Jessie could barely stand to finish the ugly thoug
ht. Her hand shaking, she took
another gulp and willed her nerves to calm down.
Cringing, she anticipated laughter or chastisement or at minimum a scoffing voice. Instead, she heard Luke simply breathing evenly. When she garnered the courage to look into his eyes again, a smile curled in the corner of her mouth. He was grinning, his eyes flashing even in the dim lighting.

“I knew as much but I wanted you to tell me first, to admit to me your cravings.
This has to be
something you want to talk about
. I certainly didn’t want to push you with any of my thoughts.
”

“How did you know?”
He didn’t want to push her? What? Blinking furiously, Jessie fought back tears. She was not going to cry. Hell no.

Brushing the tips of his fingers down the side of her cheek, Luke leaned forward, capturing her mouth.
Pulling her tightly into him, he eased her legs around his waist.

As the kiss became a passionate and very intimate moment, she shivered from his touch, her hunger for him building. She’d never admitted her need to anyone her entire life and in the few seconds it had taken her to say the words, she felt a breath of relief course through her body. Their tongues entwining, she closed her eyes and wrapped her arm around his neck.

When Luke finally broke the kiss, he pressed his thumb across her mouth before
easing back. “Because of every
thing you’ve asked over our few months togeth
er, your growing curiosity. Because of the pages left open on your Internet. But more importantly because
I know you better than you know yourself but if you’re truly interested, this is not something you can enter into lightly.
This is not anything that you have heard about from some sex site. This is about a loving and very trusting relationship and one that is much more powerful than marriage
,
but the lifestyle is not for everyone. Do you understand?
”

“I…yes, I think so.” Did she? Jessie had read so much and was intelligent enough to know there were a lot of freaks and wannabe’s out there. What she knew, or thought she knew about Luke, was something else entirely. And something she longed to share with him.

“Good. Now please continue asking me anything.” Luke smiled as he moved back away from her as if giving her breathing room. Sipping his wine, his eyes never left her face.

“
Okay.
Does that mean you’re a Dom?”
The question was slightly redundant but she wanted him to tell her again.

“Yes.”

“Have you always been one?”

“No. I didn’t know until later in my life this is what I wanted.
No that’s not entirely true.
I finally came to the realization this was something I could no longer live without in my life. Like you, I’ve had one too many false relationships and while some say they failed, I prefer to gravitate toward the understanding we change and grow as people and therefore our relationships do. Now, I know what I want and I won’t accept any less.”

There was something so powerful about his statement
. “And when did you have or have you had or…” Laughing nervously, Jessie swallowed hard.