Next Stop: Love (7 page)

“Did someone just get her claws out there?” Mike asked, nudging me.

“Why me?
She’s
the one who won’t quit,” I protested in my own defense, which made me feel like a child explaining herself to her father.

For a while we made the obligatory small talk about the company and the other employees, but soon the conversation turned to hobbies and personal interests. Mike, for example, was a true adrenaline junkie who loved badminton, skydiving, and white-water rafting. He also thoroughly enjoyed traveling and was interested in other cultures, so when he had to go on business trips, he often brought Luca along, and they stayed for a couple extra days for some recreation. Luca himself wasn’t quite as hyper; he liked playing sports and went jogging regularly, but he preferred things risk-free and less dramatic.

After a while, someone nudged me from behind, and I turned around to face a small gaunt woman. “Good evening, we’re the jury,” she said, gesturing to Luis and another woman. “And we noticed your wonderful dress. Can we ask what it’s made of?”

“Silk and tulle,” I replied and let them touch the material, which they were doing, anyway.

“Very nice workmanship,” she said, rubbing the cloth between her fingers. Meanwhile, Luis and his fellow jury members circled around me like hungry predators, and when I looked over at Luca and Mike, they winked at me in amusement. Well, at least they were enjoying this.

“And it looks fantastic on you,” Luis added.

“Can I ask your name?” the woman said.

“Sophia Neumann,” I said. They thanked me and departed along with their entourage to find the next candidate.

“What a circus,” I mumbled, but apparently not quietly enough because Mike replied, “Now don’t be a spoilsport; it’s funny!”

I sniffed, unimpressed. “What do you even get if you win? A golden crown?” I scoffed.

“A dance with the king of the ball,” Mike said and gestured to Luca.

“For real?” I laughed.

Luca shrugged. “I didn’t make the rules.”

“And you’re the king of the ball every time?” I went on.

Luca seemed sheepish about answering, but fortunately Mike spoke for him. “Good old Luca here got chosen so often that it’s turned into a company-wide gag, and now it’s just about choosing which lucky girl gets to dance with him.” He clapped Luca on the shoulder. Lucky? If he said so!

We chatted for a while longer, and then I excused myself to use the bathroom. I kept an eye out for Aileen and her mother when I returned, and eventually I found them near the buffet. Perfect—I was starting to get hungry.

“Well? What wonderful things did you and Luca talk about?” Aileen asked in a conspiratorial tone.

“Nothing special, just the usual small talk.” I shrugged, piling three canapés, some smoked salmon, and fruit onto my plate.

“Oh, come on, Sophia,” Aileen said. “You must have noticed that he’s totally into you.”

“No, he isn’t,” I countered. “He’s just polite.” Honestly, I didn’t have the impression that he wanted anything from me. He obviously liked to flirt, and he did it with everyone else, too. Aileen and her mother exchanged a meaningful look, but I ignored them. They could imagine whatever they wanted. All I cared about was that I got along with Luca, and that my paycheck showed up in my account at the end of every month. Everything else was beside the point and could be ignored.

At nine o’clock the lights in the room went out, then came back on, spotlighting a podium where the three jury members sat. The gaunt woman pushed her glasses into place, cleared her throat, and leaned in toward the microphone. “Ladies and gentlemen,” she said, and let her gaze sweep the room, whereupon the hubbub quickly died down and the crowd gave her their attention. “Tonight, just like every year, we’ve been on the lookout for our best-dressed female employee, and we’ve come to a unanimous decision.”

At that moment, Luca stepped onto the stage and ceremoniously raised his glass to the audience, which earned him a round of enthusiastic applause. Yep, he sure was popular with his employees.

“As always, our winner has the honor of dancing with our senior manager, and I’d like to welcome her to the stage now.” I spotted Mary, who’d positioned herself directly in front of the stage and was already making her way toward the steps. But suddenly they called a different name, one that sounded vaguely familiar and echoed in my ears. I saw Mary stop short and turn around to gape at me in disbelief. Why was she giving me that weird look?

“Well, go on, get onstage!” Aileen urged me, giving me a gentle shove. My legs began to move as though on autopilot, and I felt dazed from having so many eyes on me. Me? I was the best-dressed female employee? But I’d never won anything before, and Mary’s dress was way nicer than mine.

“Congratulations,” Mike said as I walked by, clapping me on the shoulder. The others applauded and whistled loudly. Then I passed Mary, and the look she gave me couldn’t have been more I-promise-you-pain-and-suffering if she’d tried. As though I’d somehow cheated to win. As if I’d even wanted to win in the first place.

All at once, the steps leading up to the podium seemed impossibly high, and I felt like Gus, the mouse who wanted to climb up to Cinderella’s tower room and found himself faced with a completely insurmountable set of stairs. I gathered my dress and started to climb, with Mary’s eyes wishing me “Break a leg” with every step.
Why do you even pay her any mind?
I berated myself. This whole event was just a joke, and if Mary took this contest so seriously, there was nothing I could do about it.

Eventually, I reached the podium, but as I was walking up to Luca, my feet got caught in all the fabric at the bottom of my dress, and I pitched forward. The crowd held their breath, but Luca was already there to catch me. The audience broke out in excited applause, and he bowed, grinning, as though we’d practiced this Hollywood-worthy performance. When he didn’t let go, I glanced up at him to indicate that he was holding me longer than necessary, and then he released me, as though having just realized the same thing. I turned toward the jury, who draped a lettered sash across my body and congratulated me, then stepped back from the podium as a Viennese waltz began to play. I stayed where I was, unsure what to do, and then remembered to my great discomfort that as the winner, I had a dance coming. With Luca. In front of everyone.

He seemed to have fewer misgivings as he approached me with determination. Leading me off the stage to the dance floor, he then placed his hand on my back and pulled me toward him. I gasped for air, and before I could protest, I found myself pressed against the length of his body again. It was so inappropriate on so many levels that I shrank away, but he strengthened his grip, which made me mad
and
was incredibly enticing. A man who took what he wanted. Oh yes, they were always the most attractive . . . but, unfortunately, also the most dangerous.

“No backing out now: you’re the queen of the ball, and you owe your subjects a dance,” he whispered in my ear, and the sound of his deep voice made every part of my body tighten up. But I could neither free myself nor step away—his hold on me was too tight.

“I don’t even know how to waltz,” I said, but he started moving, anyway.

“That doesn’t matter. Just let me lead you,” he murmured, and I wished he wasn’t so close to my ear. His lips were just an inch away, and his warm breath swept softly across my skin. It felt good, too good for my liking, and I felt my hand tense up on his back. Then I realized in horror that he had almost certainly noticed my nails clawing into his back, and I immediately relaxed my fingers.

So we twirled across the dance floor, and the crowd soon joined in. I had to say that Luca had been right: even though I’d never danced the steps to a waltz, they weren’t hard at all. I just let him lead me across the parquet.

But as well as Luca danced—or maybe for that exact reason—I started getting dizzy as the song went on. I’d forgotten that waltzes like these sometimes went a good ten minutes. And either I’d had too much champagne, or there wasn’t enough fluid in my inner ear; whatever the reason, my head was starting to spin. I closed my eyes and leaned my forehead against his chest. “Luca, I’m dizzy; we have to stop,” I said, digging my nails into his back again.

“No problem,” he said, and led me down the stairs. A few seconds later, he opened a door, and we stepped into the open-air courtyard, designed as a small park. He was still holding me by the arm as we approached a bench, but when he tried to sit me down, I shook my head.

“No, I’d rather stand,” I said, wiping my damp brow.

“Too much to drink?” he inquired, and I couldn’t tell whether he sounded amused or worried. Maybe a little of each.

“No, actually. I just think all that spinning around didn’t agree with me,” I murmured and took a step forward. Immediately the ground came rushing up toward me, but before I could fall, Luca stepped in front of me, and I landed against his chest instead. Normally, I’d only get that close to a boyfriend, so being pressed against him like that should have been unpleasant, but there was nothing I could do about it. If I’d stepped away, I’d have been lying on the ground a second later.

“Not again,” I mumbled into his suit, feeling the pounding of his heart against my cheek. “This is unbelievably embarrassing.”

“Not for me,” he said, wrapping his arm around my back. “I think it’s pretty nice, in fact.” I could just picture his wide grin.

“You’re impossible,” I said, shaking my head but laughing.

Then the door to the courtyard burst open, and Aileen’s mother’s voice rang out. “Oh, my goodness, what’s wrong, child? You’re so pale,” she said, pulling me back from Luca’s chest so that she could look at me more closely.

“She hardly ate a thing,” interjected Aileen, who had followed her mom out.

“I knew immediately that something wasn’t right,” her mother continued. “But then you two had already disappeared from the dance floor.” She turned to Luca. “What in the world did you do to this poor girl?”

“Nothing that isn’t a standard part of ballroom dancing,” he replied, and maybe I was just imagining it, but it sounded like he was slightly annoyed.

Aileen directed me to the empty bench and ordered her mother to keep an eye on me. “I’ll get you a glass of water . . . and you should go look after your guests,” she added, looking at Luca. “They’re all bewildered.” With that, she whirled off.

Glancing at me, he asked, “Will you be okay?”

“Sure, go ahead. I just need some water.” I smiled weakly.

He regarded me for another moment, then nodded and headed back inside.

I hardly saw Luca at all for the rest of the evening, mainly because Aileen and her mom had me under constant supervision. They probably thought I was going to collapse at any second because I was still wobbling a little, but I didn’t give it that much thought. The real issue was what had happened between Luca and me. Or was it normal for a manager to hold one of his employees tightly in his arms? And what was far worse: I’d enjoyed it! That should never have happened, none of it.

I had to admit that Luca was unbelievably attractive and charming. Yes, and nice, too, and courteous, and attentive . . . But weren’t all men in the beginning? Friends of mine in college had cried rivers on my shoulder, wishing their boyfriends would go back to being as attentive as they’d been at first. The guys who had once bought them flowers and little gifts turned into beer-drinking, football-watching couch potatoes who had paunches instead of six-packs and no longer found it necessary to shave.

Well, okay, I hardly believed that Luca would ever let himself go quite to that extent, but what I
did
believe was that he only wanted to win me over so that he could get me into bed. What else could he possibly be interested in? I had nothing in the world to offer him—at least, my ex had often said that about me, and things would be no different with Luca. Successful men expected their partners to have just as much ambition in life as they had, but some people were happy with just a roof over their heads and a set of wheels.

At the beginning of our relationship, for example, Toby had showered me with gifts and accessories without expecting anything in return, but not long after that he started to suggest I was sponging off him and didn’t have any loftier ambitions. I knew that he expected equally expensive presents from me, but I couldn’t afford them. He’d gotten me new phones, iPods, and designer purses for Christmas, whereas I’d usually have a maximum budget of a hundred euros, and even that had required a lot of scrimping and saving. I think that was exactly why he’d secretly resented me.

And that was why I could never get involved with Luca, even if he actually was interested in something serious. I would always have the feeling that I didn’t have enough to offer him. So I’d have to be satisfied with somebody less spectacular. Wasn’t I modest?

“Hey, are you still with us?” Aileen asked me after a while. I wasn’t, really, and hadn’t been for some time. After the two of them had nursed me back to health, we’d all slunk off into a corner, where I’d gotten completely lost in thought.