Never Look Back (2 page)

“You take care now, Dana, and if there’s anything you need, you know where to reach me.”

What I need is for my father to come home. I miss you, Dad.
He died on her birthday—on her mother’s birthday and twenty years after her mother had disappeared. Birthdays were supposed to be happy, but it seemed that her family was cursed.

She plucked out the letter from the envelope.

Dear Dana,

By the time you read this, I'm gone, my ashes lost in the woods where I loved to take long walks and explore the outdoors. You know how much I love you, and being gone will not change my love for you. I'm so sorry to add this burden to you, but your mother is still alive. I never dared to look for her because I had to protect her secret that could affect you. Being the coward that I am, I chose to carry this secret to my grave. But you are different, Dana. I know you are bold and brave. I'm no longer here to protect you. Please find her, I know you will, and when you do, please tell her I never stopped loving her.

I love you.

Dad

Dana read the letter more than three times. The world rotated, and she sucked in air.
A secret?

"How could you keep this from me, Dad?" Why did she have to grow up without a mother?
How am I supposed to find Mom?

If only her father had given her a hint.

Dana paced the room when an idea came to her. She fled to her bedroom and grasped the two family albums from her book shelf. The first picture she spotted showed her beautiful mother with long blond hair and blue eyes pushing Dana on the swing. Flipping the pages to find more clues only brought tears to her eyes as pictures of her family building a snowman and birthday parties flashed upon her.

Towards the end of the album, she spotted her mother dressed in a pink fairy costume. She remembered that night. Her parents had just arrived from a party and were arguing. “You know how I hate this place,” her mother had said. “It’s cold and boring, and there's nothing to do.”

“Don’t get so high and mighty," her father had lashed back. "This small town saved you.”

“I used to be an entertainer, a good one too. I made more money in a day than you can make in a month.”

Her father opened his mouth when he had caught Dana standing by the hallway. They tried to cover up the scene, but even back then, Dana understood that couples had disagreements.

She collapsed onto the her bed.
What if Mom's here in New York?
Thoughts of hiring a private detective dawned on her, but she brushed it aside. Pacing around her bedroom, she wondered where would her mom be.
I need to start somewhere. If Mom is like me, she would love The Big Apple.

Outside the window, gray clouds nestled. People flocked the streets, preparing for the Christmas holidays, but all she could think about finding her mother. She flipped through the pages of a magazine that listed a variety of performances, but she didn’t know if her mother was a magician, dancer, singer, gymnast, or comedian. Would Dana even recognize her mother?

Grabbing her cell phone, she punched in Rob’s phone number. Rob wasn’t only her agent and photographer—he was her best friend.

“How’s my favorite girl?” Rob’s cheerful voice brought back her high spirits.

“I don’t think I can go back to work yet.”

“I understand you’re grieving. Maybe we can have lunch soon. Are you still in Alaska?”

“Nope, I’m back home.”

“And you never called?” He lowered his voice. “Don’t tell me you’re trying to drown your emotions. You know that’s not very smart of you."

“No, nothing like that. I'm trying to figure out how to find my mother."

There was a long pause. “Your mother? Isn't she—”

“She vanished. My father's lawyer just delivered a letter where Dad confessed that Mom's still alive.”

“What? He never told you?”

“He said he was trying to protect me. If you met my father, you'll understand he was a peacemaker.” Deep inside, Dana wished he'd told her. Whatever his reasons were, she couldn’t understand why he didn’t.

“I’m so sorry, but this doesn’t make sense. Why didn’t he look for her?”

 “Long story. It's all very confusing for me, but I have to look for her. I have a feeling she’s here—I hope she is.” She drew in a breath.

Rob sighed. “You can always hire a private detective.”

Dana licked her lips. “I thought of that, but I prefer to this myself.”

“I’m worried about you. You have to be careful. You’re an international model, and people can take advantage of you.”

“Don’t you worry about me. I know how to take care of myself. Besides, I have my perfect disguise,” Dana said.

“I hear you. You have your wigs, hat, and sunglasses, right?”

“You know me so well."

“Does this mean you won’t be coming back to work?"

“I don’t know how long this will take. I’m sorry if I have to cancel some of my projects.”

“You'll be missing lots of opportunities.”

“I know, Rob, but she’s still my mother and it involves my life. I hope you understand my priorities.”

“Of course I do. I miss my favorite girl.” Rob’s tender tone comforted her.

Silence crossed between them. Rob often joked that if they didn’t meet anyone special, they should just get married. She could still taste the drunken kiss they shared two years ago at a New Year’s Eve party. She'd always have a soft spot for Rob.

“You'll find twenty-year-olds who can do a better job than me.”

“Not everybody has that sweet smile like you.”

A grin played on her lips. “Thanks for cheering me up. You’re a true friend.”

“I’m your evil twin,” he teased.

“Yeah, yeah. Anyway, I gotta go.”

“Are you coming for the holiday dinner tonight?”

"Sorry," Dana said, “I don’t think I’m in any mood to celebrate, but I’ll be in touch.”

“You hang in there. I’m here for you. Merry Christmas, my friend, and let’s get together before the New Year.”

“Merry Christmas.”

Dana hung up and clutched her purse. Fingering her locket necklace, she eyed her family photo. "I'm going to find you, Mom." She slipped into her boots, exited her apartment, and headed for the elevator. Perhaps a walk in Central park would help her clear her head. It felt nice to be alone, with nobody pressuring her to change clothes for the runway.

“Ms. Simmons, this came in for you this morning.” A bellboy handed her a medium-sized box.

“Thank you.” She removed the card and read it.

Dear Dana,

Have you ever dreamed of finding someone or something that you thought you could never have? Well, now’s your chance.

Happy Holidays.

Heart pounding, Dana glanced around.
Is this a joke?

“Do you know who sent this?” she asked the bellboy.

“I was in the bathroom and noticed it was here when I came back.”

Dana examined the tag labeled
Ginny's Delights
. Since when would someone send her a fruitcake for Christmas?

“Can I leave this here? I’ll pick it up when I come back.”

“Sure.” The bellboy tucked it beneath the counter. “Have a nice day.”

“Thank you.”

She took a morning stroll. People walked passed her and didn’t recognize her. Living in Manhattan made her used to walking. The Christmas songs depressed her. All she wanted to do was to clear her head and find answers.

A lady fingered the shawl wrapped around her neck as she crossed the street. A cab driver screeched in front of her and flipped her off. She entered the church and stepped inside the confession box. Kneeling down, she made the sign of the cross.

“What can I do for you?”

“Father... I can't keep hiding.”

"What are you hiding from?"

The woman lit a cigarette and took a puff.

"You can't smoke here."

"I've wasted twenty years of my life." She wept. "I've hurt my family."

"God always gives us hope."

"I can never look back and erase what I did, but today I saw how beautiful my daughter has become and I know she deserves the truth."

The door yanked open and a pair of hands covered her mouth. Then all she saw was black.

***

Crossing the street at Madison Square, Dana searched for a good place to have lunch. Her walk had turned into an hour-long trek, and she felt dehydrated and hungry. Stomach growling, Dana dug into her purse.

A hand clung to her arm. Cigarette smoke blocked her view.

“Good afternoon, Dana Simmons.”

Dana took a step back. Her disguise had failed her. The man stood about four inches shorter than her. Soft curls slightly covered his face, and sunglasses concealed his eyes. “I’m not working if it’s an autograph that you want.”

He gave a slight grin, exposing his yellow teeth, and pulled down the zipper of his leather jacket down.

Dana eyed the gun tucked between his high-waisted jeans above his beer belly. She tried to remain calm as her palms began to moisten. People were strolling around unaware of what was going on. As she stood there, all Dana could hear was her father's words,
Find her.
Now drenched with nerves, Dana shivered. Nobody knew where she went today. With her father gone, who will come looking for her? No time to think. If she ran, where would she go?

Bidding for time to come up with a plan, she straightened her shoulders and gave off an air of indifference as best she could. "What do you want from me?

“I suggest you come with me.”

A Cadillac pulled up to the curb. A man popped out of the car and pushed Dana toward it.

Dana opened her mouth to scream when the man pointed the gun at her back. "I will shoot you."

"Get off me."

He covered her mouth.

The man with the gun studied her from head to toe. “You’re more beautiful in person. You don’t need much make-up to show that radiant beauty.” He shoved her inside the back seat and towards the driver, he demanded. "Drive."

The red-head driver locked the door and sped away.

Dana tried to open the door, but laughter erupted from the man holding the gun. She tucked her hands underneath her thighs studying the leather seats and where the driver was taking them. Traffic was from bumper to bumper, but she couldn't escape. and Dana could easily jump out and escape but she knew better not too.

The man gave a hoarse laugh. "Poor Dana, lonely as can be."

“You know nothing about me!” She yelled.

He pulled her cashmere scarf. “You better pay attention to me, because I know everything about you that there is to know.”

Dana tugged her scarf from him. “Where are you taking me?”

His upper lip curled back in a snarl. “You’re not allowed to ask any questions.”

Dana rubbed her hand against the leather seat, mapping out her plan to escape. The redheaded driver swerved to the freeway, leaving the city of New York heading north. He still hadn't spoken yet.

The man beside her hummed a tune that would drive birds away. His raspy voice sent a dull ache to her ears. He removed his jacket, revealing a tattoo of a dagger and skull on his arm.

She made a mental note to remember this.

“I need to use the bathroom,” she said.

He forced a smile. “Lady, that’s the oldest trick in the book."

Dana shook her head. “I haven’t eaten anything since last night, and I’m getting lightheaded.”

He waved his gun around. “Listen, you prima donna, don’t think you can order me around like you do with your staff. I’m in charge now.”

“I’m still a human being.” She attempted to open the window. No luck. Locked.

“Don’t even think of escaping." He narrowed his eyes. "You’re my prisoner now.” He burst into laughter reminding her of the brutal auditions she had when she first started modeling.

Dana stared outside the window at the huge array of colonial houses. Taking a deep breath,  she pretended to be suburban mom grilling steaks on a warm summer afternoon for her husband and kids.

The man nudged her roughly on her arm. “We’re here.”

The man clutched her arm and forced her out of the car, the gun pressing against her back. The red-head driver trails behind them.  Marching, they approached an empty driveway of the only house in the area. This was a two-story smaller house with no garden up front.

The man clung Dana to him while they entered the house. The living room was empty with no furniture except for the dust and cobwebs in the corner.  The marble floors shone seeming untouched by shoes. He forced Dana to the kitchen where there were bar stools and a breakfast nook. A half-empty open box of donuts rested on the counter. “Eat.”

Dana rolled her eyes.

The man pushed her to the barstool. "I said eat." When she refused, his mouth carved into a grin. He pressed a strawberry glazed donut into her mouth.