Nanjing Requiem (37 page)

“Yes,” I said. “Remember that the bride will become the mother-in-law in due time.”

Minnie laughed and swatted me on the shoulder.

Mrs. Dennison looked sullen: without makeup, her face was slack and creased, her neck appeared more freckled than usual, and a small dewlap was noticeable on her throat. The second we sat down, the old woman took out a newspaper,
The Purple Mountain Evening News
, and handed it to Minnie. “Look at the article on the second page,” she said. “I’m totally scandalized.”

Minnie began reading while I drank tea and glanced at her now and again. Her face darkened, then went pallid, as if she had aged all of a sudden. Meanwhile, Mrs. Dennison scowled and fixed her furious eyes on me. My heart shuddered. Did I do something wrong? I wondered. Why is she staring at me like that?

Finally Minnie sat up. “A pack of lies!” she said, and threw the newspaper on the glass coffee table, glaring at Mrs. Dennison, her eyes smoldering.

The old woman grimaced, which crinkled her upper lip and crimped her droopy brows. She said, “I can see there might be some exaggeration in the article, but you never mentioned the incident in your reports to the board of founders. I was appalled to read that you actually let the Japanese choose one hundred women.”

“No, it didn’t happen like that.”

“Stop dodging. I asked a number of people, and they said you’d made a mistake in believing the Japanese. But to me, it’s not a mistake. It’s a sin and a crime, unpardonable because you’ve tried to cover it up all along.”

Dumbfounded, Minnie groped for words but couldn’t find any. She got up and dragged herself out the door.

I picked up the article. It was titled “The Real Criminals” and attacked the Westerners in Nanjing. It condemned the establishment of the refugee camps in the former Safety Zone, claiming that the camps had gathered women together so it would be easier for the Japanese to “defile them.” As a consequence, even Chinese pimps would lead the soldiers to the camps for girls. “This was a sneaky American way of procuring women for the Japanese,” the author declared. He then singled out Minnie as a chief collaborator. The writer, who called himself Truth Preserver, recalled the incident on December 24, 1937, and stated: “Minnie Vautrin, the deputy principal of Jinling College, agreed to provide 100 good-looking young women for the Japanese, and on that dark day they abducted 21. Acting like a madam of a brothel, she later kept apologizing to the officers and promised to let them choose the other 79 women. To add insult to injury, she assured them that the school’s gate would always be open to them. Small wonder the Jinling camp entertained dozens of Japanese policemen every night with hot tea, meat pies, and roasted peanuts even after they had raped girls there. Brothers and sisters, it’s high time to reevaluate the tragedy that happened to our city and to see through the so-called Goddess of Mercy. Minnie Vautrin is actually a trader in human beings and a traitor to the Chinese people. We must expose her and hold her accountable for the numerous women and girls whom she proffered to the soldiers.”

Putting down the paper, I told Mrs. Dennison, “This is hogwash! I was at the scene when it happened. Minnie did her best to protect the women and girls.”

“I knew she and you were hand in glove in this crime,” she said, pointing at my nose. “I did my investigation. As an accomplice, you cannot cover up for her anymore.”

I realized there was no way to reason with this madness, so I stood up and strode out of the house.

FOR THREE DAYS
Minnie worked without respite. She’d neither eat nor go to bed—she was tormented by insomnia—and yet she kept busy in order to quell her miserable feelings and thoughts. Then, on the fourth day, she collapsed and had to lie down. From then on, she wouldn’t come out of her apartment and wore felt slippers and velveteen pajamas all the time. We made chicken soup and yam porridge for her, which Minnie hardly touched. Time and again she tried to work on a schedule for the middle school’s class meetings, but her mind couldn’t focus. Sometimes she talked about the setbacks and disasters that had befallen Jinling. She was convinced that she was to blame for most of them, especially for those young women taken by the Japanese soldiers. She kept saying to me, “I saw the handwriting on the wall long ago. Now I’m coming to the end of my energy and can’t continue anymore. I’ve failed, failed miserably.” Whenever she dozed off, she’d have nightmares.

Big Liu often went to see her and even offered to speak to Mrs. Dennison about the twenty-one “prostitutes” and about the circumstances in which Minnie couldn’t have responded otherwise. But she adamantly forbade him to intercede for her, saying Mrs. Dennison had become a maniac and might turn on him. I didn’t think it would be wise for him either. The old woman seemed to have lost her mind, unable to listen to reason.

On April 10, Minnie handed in her resignation to Mrs. Dennison. Afterward Minnie refused to see anyone except for Big Liu, Alice, and me. We all tried talking her out of her decision. But to whatever we said, she’d merely reply, “I’m responsible for their deaths. I’ll answer to God.”

In the evenings she listened to Radio Shanghai and heard the news that Germany had invaded Denmark and Norway and that the British navy and the German fleet were engaged in a fierce battle. “What’s the world coming to?” she kept musing aloud. Everything seemed to be crumbling. And she would talk about those countries she’d been to or that she imagined she’d been to, saying lots of people would be killed and many towns and cities would be flattened. Her mind was no longer coherent.

Alice brought in her mail one afternoon in mid-April. A letter from Yan Ning informed Minnie that she had decided to withdraw her acceptance of the dean’s position for family reasons. Minnie flung the letter to the floor and shouted, “I’m sick of this, sick of it all!”

Silently Alice set down a bunch of white azaleas in a vase and backed out of the room.

Mrs. Dennison came one morning, but Minnie didn’t speak to her. The old woman told her that Aifeng Yang was coming back, her efforts to rescue her fiancé having come to nothing—the man had died in jail. Minnie didn’t respond to the news. Afterward the former president and I talked briefly; she told me to spend more time with Minnie and keep watch over her.

Day by day Minnie’s condition was deteriorating. We called in an American doctor, who, together with Dr. Chu, diagnosed stress, fatigue, trauma, and malnutrition during menopause as the causes of her breakdown. After receiving a few hormone injections, Minnie refused to continue. She became more depressed, telling us that she was responsible for all the problems Jinling had encountered and for all the suffering the refugee women and girls had gone through; she felt she was a total failure, disgusting even to herself. We tried in vain to convince her that she was more capable than any of us and was a leader we all looked up to. She was our beloved principal.

Mrs. Dennison reported Minnie’s illness to both Jinling’s board of founders in New York and the United Christian Missionary Committee, based in Indianapolis. Minnie had no close family except for a somewhat estranged brother in Shepherd, Michigan, who still resented that she had not returned to care for their father before the old man died. The plan was for Minnie to go back to the States for treatment, and the two institutions agreed to split her medical bills. Alice was assigned to accompany her back to America, but Minnie refused to leave before the semester was over. Not until Mrs. Dennison promised her that she and Aifeng would keep the Homecraft School and the middle school intact did Minnie agree to go.

The day of her departure was wet and a little chilly, though spring was at its peak—trees all green, flowers in clusters, the ground velvety with sprouting grass, and the air atremble with the trills of birds. About a dozen people gathered at the front gate to see her off, mostly her friends and colleagues. I burst into tears and wailed, “Minnie, you must come back. Remember, you and I planned to spend our last years here together. You promised to teach me how to drive.” Beside me stood Donna and Rulian, their tearful eyes fastened on Minnie. Beyond the two young women was Old Liao, staring at her, his neck stretched forward and his bronzed face taut, as if he was trying hard to comprehend what was going on.

“We will wait for you to come back!” Rulian cried.

Minnie didn’t reply, but simply smiled vaguely, as though all emotion had seeped out of her. Big Liu watched her in silence, his glasses flashing while his lips twisted. He waved at our friend, but she didn’t respond.

Mrs. Dennison placed her hand on the door of the black car and said with a glum face, “Minnie, try to get well soon. Remember you’re one of us and Jinling is your home—we’ll always take you back.”

Minnie gazed at her with a faraway look, the corners of her mouth wrinking a little. She didn’t seem to register the meaning of the old woman’s words. Then the car rolled away, leaving behind the faint smell of the exhaust and all the waving hands in the powdery rain.

Epilogue

51

A
LICE SENT ME REPORTS
about Minnie’s condition to forward to Dr. Wu. The words that follow are hers.

May 8, 1940

(SHANGHAI)

Our trip to Shanghai was peaceful and pleasant. I was told that the USS
Luzon
used to be the flagship of the Yangtze River Patrol, and Admiral Glassford of the U.S. Asiatic Fleet was on it. He was a kind man and came to our cabin twice to see if we were comfortable or needed anything. Minnie was quiet most of the time, and when she spoke, she would blame herself, saying that she had become such a burden to me and others. She seemed clear-minded about her illness and told me that she would recover soon and return to the work she’d left behind. Minnie looked happy at dinner and we shared the table with the admiral.

June 20, 1940

(IOWA CITY)

Our voyage to the States was quite rough. In fact, we boarded the
Empress of Asia
three weeks ago and sailed first for Victoria, British Columbia. We ran into John Magee, who had gone back to China last year to do relief work and was heading home. Minnie seemed at ease in his presence, but she was seasick, which worsened her condition. She told me that if I hadn’t accompanied her, she would have jumped into the ocean. That frightened me, and in some measure she acted suicidal, refusing to eat or drink. Reverend Magee, two other missionary passengers, and I took turns looking after her. We never left her alone.

Yesterday Minnie was admitted to the Psychopathic Hospital of the State University of Iowa. I am staying at a guesthouse nearby. Minnie is under Dr. Woods’s care and has a clean room, which looks out onto a small park, to herself. The doctor diagnosed her case as depression and said that most patients with this condition usually recovered within two months. So we should take heart.

July 9, 1940

(IOWA CITY)

I visit Minnie every day. Together we go out for a walk or call on local churches. We also stroll in a wood, where we do some lovely little devotionals of our own. This afternoon, she asked a nurse to telephone me, saying she wanted me to take her to the train station so we could leave Iowa once and for all. Of course the nurse refused to comply. When I went to see Minnie this evening, she felt ashamed and kept saying, “How could I do such a selfish thing?” I told her that it was over as long as she didn’t do it again.

“I must get well and stop being a burden to others,” she said.

She has been improving. I hope she will recuperate soon so that I can go to Texas and see my parents, but at present I should stay with my friend here.

I just heard from Rebecca Griest of Jinling’s board that they had raised $1,200 for Minnie. This is wonderful. Minnie is constantly worried about spending Jinling’s money on herself. I will share the good news with her tomorrow.

August 13, 1940

(IOWA CITY)

Minnie often says, “I built a wrong home in a wrong place—a home that was shattered easily. I should have known that a home doesn’t have to be a physical entity.” But then she will correct herself, saying, “I mustn’t grumble so much. Millions of Chinese have lost not only their homes but also their families in the war. Compared to them, I’m more fortunate.”

She wants to get well soon so she can return to Jinling. She has little family in America. Her brother wouldn’t come to see her. On the other hand, her hometown, Secor, Illinois, was preparing a big welcome-home reception for her, and they have named August 22 as Minnie Vautrin Day. Minnie knows nothing about this, nor do the folks in Secor know about her nervous breakdown. Dr. Woods thinks that at present it would be too risky for Minnie to return to her hometown, since any excitement might throw her into a deeper depression. I called Secor and explained the situation. The town was disappointed and even wanted to send delegates to Iowa City to see Minnie, but Dr. Woods would not allow that.

August 29, 1940

(IOWA CITY)

Sometimes Minnie is like a normal person, and sometimes she is very depressed. She follows the news of the war closely and is worried about the situations in China and Europe. She asks others to pray for her, saying that she believes in prayers as well as medicine and that she needs to be helped “out of the valley of the shadow.” Yesterday she said she should prepare to return to China for the next academic year. I pray for her every night.