Nailed (Black Mountain Bears Book 3) (3 page)

Jade tugged the blanket tighter around her and walked a few paces to stand at the edge of the water. She stared at the rushing veil of the waterfall, letting the vibrating rumble of it sink into her mind. Emma and Jasper had adapted so easily. They hadn’t questioned a single thing about this place—though she guessed Emma had always known deep down where she belonged, and she’d finally found it. Jasper’s longings were more personal, and the moment he’d found the answer to the void in his soul, he couldn’t say no.

Jade blamed neither of them. She just wished she had the same deep convictions. She’d never had a boyfriend, even at age twenty-five. She’d had moments filled with romantic potential. An outing to a roller rink when a cute boy picked her to skate with and then kissed her afterward. An impulsive race through her high school’s hallways after a football game with a boy from another school. He’d given her a kiss she thought might mean the beginning of something, until she learned he was involved with one of her friends already.

Jasper and Emma had been there for all those events, bolstered her confidence after each one. She’d never truly been alone when they were around. Yet she still fantasized about what the perfect interaction with the perfect man would entail. He would maybe save her life, then capture her heart. A ridiculous fantasy, considering how cautious she was, and how protective Jasper had always been of her and Emma both.

Either way, the perfect mate would be just as deferential as Sten and Orrick, but wouldn’t be afraid to tell her how he felt. And he
would
feel something for her, from the second their eyes met.

Jade glanced over her shoulder at the males, hoping for a small glimmer of what she wished for. Orrick’s eyes met hers and his eyebrows twitched. Was that it? Before she could find out, his gaze shifted to the ground. She tested Sten, who said, “Are you all right?” but otherwise, no deep spark.

Irritated, she let the blanket fall away, leaving her completely bare. She watched them both take her in, their eyes drifting over her body together.

In unison, they breathed in deep, but didn’t make another move. The only reaction was their cocks swelling.

Her hope was for one or both of them to take some kind of action in response, but they just
stood there
, enduring their arousal instead of indulging it.

With a derisive snort, she said, “You guys are such pussies.” Then she dove into the water, leaving them gaping after her.

The image of their eyes on her lingered as she dove beneath the water. They wanted her—that went without question. But why weren’t they touching her?

Christ, she wanted a man who wanted her
enough to just devour her without asking. Or maybe just a little warning . . . but not much. Because ideally, he’d be a man she wanted just as much, so they’d understand each other in that moment before he took her.

When she came up for breath, the pair of them were still standing, watching her. So beautiful, so manly, in appearance. But just too
nice
.

Where was the male who would risk leaving aside
nice
for the sake of having her? She’d been schooled in the way an ursa mating worked. The female chose her mate or mates. If the mates she chose agreed, then the ceremony would be arranged.

She hated the way it sounded. She could theoretically choose any unattached male in the Sanctuary, whether he wanted it or not, and based on her status, just about anyone would say yes.

She could have her pick, but it wouldn’t mean a damn thing.

The only way she could be sure a male wanted her was for him to take the initiative, to show her, unequivocally, that he did. She didn’t know quite what that meant, but it meant more than standing on the edge of the water, sporting a hard-on and still doing nothing.

“Fuck this place,” Jade murmured, and immediately regretted it. She didn’t hate the Sanctuary; it was more amazing than she could have ever imagined. She gazed up the length of the waterfall as she treaded water beneath it. Around her the lush forest thrived, filled with life. It was all so familiar to her, yet so alien from her home. She knew every inch of the woods around her house, for acres. This place was new, and she itched to discover it.

Jade looked apprehensively back at Sten and Orrick. They seemed composed, lounging at the edge of the water, watching her. She was glad they hadn’t left after her outburst.

She had an idea. She just hoped they’d be game enough to go along with it.

Chapter Three

A
idan adjusted his gear on his back and stared at the summit. The center of the Sanctuary rested at the top of the rocky path he walked. The sun hung above, glowing through puffy white clouds.

He didn’t know what he’d find there. Well, he did know what he’d find—Gaia’s Falls supposedly held healing qualities in its waters. At the summit, it bubbled forth from some mystical place and fell down the mountain, feeding the entire Sanctuary.

If only that water could help his affliction. There was no helping him now, though. He was irrevocably broken.

Gaia’s Falls were a sanctuary within the Sanctuary, a spot where any ursa who sought enlightenment could hopefully find it.

Aidan wondered if his newly infertile status might anger the goddess, so he hesitated. Would he even be worthy of entering that fertile zone? It was a place that young ursa females tended to visit when they hadn’t conceived yet and wished to.

All Aidan wanted was some solitude and some time with
her
. His goddess, Gaia, to ask her how he could redeem himself, and how best to achieve what he wanted.

After leaving Autumn, he’d kept his promise and gone back to his mother. He’d told her everything. The punishment hadn’t been as severe as he’d expected. He hadn’t been exiled, at least.

But she’d been angry. As expected, she’d used her magic to sterilize him. That hadn’t been pleasant, but afterward when she’d told him he was officially disowned, he was surprised at the look of pity on her face. “I won’t exile you. You’re useless as a male now, but if you can convince another clan to take you in, to find some value in you, then you can stay in the Sanctuary. Otherwise, you leave. Either way, you are no longer my son.”

He’d done it for Autumn, and in spite of his shame, he regretted nothing. She was happy for the first time since parting ways with him centuries ago.

That had to count for something.

Afterward, his only option was to seek out the other clans, to beg for a place with them. That prospect didn’t sit well with him at all, but he’d started out anyway. He would start at the top and work his way down.

He adjusted his heavy pack on his back and set his feet to the path. His salvation might exist up there. He laughed to himself as he pulled his long hair into a knot at the back of his head.

“Fuck, if you think it’s that easy,” he said, but he knew he had to try.

The waterfall’s secrets weren’t widely shared among them. Only the clan shamans knew the full extent. During Aidan’s brief visit with Autumn’s mother to let her know her daughter was newly mated and in love, the grateful older female had pressed her palms to the sides of his head and closed her eyes. When she opened them, they glowed the way Autumn’s had during her vision. “I cannot restore what your mother has taken away,” she said, “but you will find new life if you go to Gaia’s Falls.”

He wasn’t going for healing, though. At least, not the physical variety. Unsure what to expect, he knew better than to ignore the missive. Whatever he found, it had to be an improvement over his current state.

The hike to the falls wasn’t easy, but he’d done it before. He’d made harder climbs Outside, too. He’d climbed every mountain he could find Outside, after losing Autumn so long ago.

Every four years, he’d leave for a month and target some rock face more impossible than the last one he’d climbed. He’d train for a few weeks, then tackle the rock. Then return to the nearest human town and spend a few days fucking the women who were brave enough to proposition him.

And at the same time, try his best to ignore the fact that he was avoiding Autumn, who spent every estrous inside the Sanctuary.

Even though the path up the mountain to Gaia’s Falls was nowhere near as arduous as some he’d done Outside, it was still one of the hardest climbs of his life. The closer he got to the summit, the more apprehensive he became about how he’d find his way past the self-hatred and utter lack of conviction that his life would have any meaning after what had happened. Then he’d remind himself that he hadn’t done what he’d done for the sake of some kind of karmic reward. He’d done it because it was the right thing to do.

After a full day of hiking, he reached it. The top of the falls were obscured in clouds, and the white rush of water pounding over the rocks vibrated through him. At the base of the falls was a small lake that had several outlets, spilling down the mountain to feed the entire Sanctuary.

The shoreline was alternately sandy and rocky, with lush vegetation surrounding it. Fragrant flowers bloomed on the far side, including a flower with strong medicinal properties that he recognized as one that rarely grew elsewhere in the Sanctuary. Aidan considered hiking around the lake at some point to harvest it and bring it back to his clan, then remembered he had no clan anymore.

Nothing for it but to do what he came here for. His stomach tightened into a knot. He had no idea where to begin, so simply started walking again, heading for the waterfall itself. He found a small, flat clearing several yards from the edge of the water with a long-forgotten fire pit in the center. Others had been here before him, but not for some time. There were no lingering scents of ursa. The remnants of charred wood were the only signal of any other person.

He dropped his gear, intending to set up camp later, and stripped off his clothes. Whether or not the waters indeed held magical properties mattered little to him. He just needed to feel the rush of plunging beneath the cold surface, to feel the wet chill of it permeating his skin and let the constant, deafening roar of the falls drown out the sounds of his thoughts. His own mother had cast him out, but there was one mother who would still embrace him.

Walking naked to an outcropping of a long, narrow rock that jutted out over the lake right where the cascade of water met the pool beneath, Aidan stopped and stood. He stared, taking in the beauty of the mountain. Aside from the cloud of mist at the top of the waterfall high above him, the sky was crystal clear and deep, deep blue. The lake itself was a perfect reflection of the sky, but he could still see deep beneath the clear water. Fish darted around the clumps of rocks and vegetation far below.

Beyond the vast expanse of the lake, the spectacular view greeted him of the mountain ranges that bordered the very edge of the Sanctuary. The boundaries of this place he called home represented the comfort of an embrace, but maybe he would ultimately have to let it go some day. Let himself be cold and alone again—
really
alone, now that he had no name, no clan. Autumn had tried to tell him that it wasn’t so bad out in the human world. She’d spent enough time out there to know.

He just wasn’t sure if he could bear the thought of being out there with her, especially if she and her mates were breeding.

Reaching between his thighs, he cupped himself. The thick heft of cock and balls felt no different than it had before.

Before she took away your worth.

Aidan grimaced at the thought and dropped his hand back to his side. The stripping of his fertility had been painless, except for the strange hollowness left behind. The child he and Autumn had lost lived like a tiny, unopened flower deep inside his heart. A bud that would never see the sunlight. He’d been beyond happy when he learned Autumn was pregnant. They’d both been so excited with the prospect of bringing that news back to the clan. Never once had it occurred to them that the lack of a mating bond would be bad, and that the power of the protective barrier around the Sanctuary would strip them of that hope.

Yet it had, and his world had fallen apart that day, and the days afterward while he comforted Autumn through the miscarriage.

“We can never speak of this,” she’d said once it was over. He remembered the solid set of her jaw and how much the pain in her eyes betrayed her loss in spite of the conviction in her tone. He agreed, and they’d returned to their clan together.

Only a few days later, she was simply gone without a word. Gone to join her Windchaser fathers, who spent the majority of their time outside the Sanctuary.

He shifted his hand to cup himself again, looking down at the thatch of dark gold curls that surrounded what used to be his greatest asset. Physically, he hadn’t changed. If he stroked himself just a little, he’d get hard. If he manhandled himself enough, he’d orgasm. Everything still
worked
. But that didn’t matter anymore. He had no more seeds to plant, even if he managed to find a female who would accept him, as broken as he was.

Unable to contain his frustration, Aidan tilted his head back and roared at the sky, wishing that Gaia might hear him, hear his torment, and have mercy on him.

With a throat raw from his outburst, he took a deep breath and dove, relishing the shocking cold of the water when it enveloped him. The dark silence encompassed him and he lingered underwater for as long as he could endure, comforted by the weightlessness and utter lack of sensory input other than his own heartbeat and the chill.

When his lungs ached from lack of air, he forced himself to rise up. His head surged above the surface and he gulped in lungfuls of air. Somehow the sky looked even bluer above him than it had before, and the roar of the waterfall was even more rhythmic, its steady pounding mimicking the beat of his heart.

Aidan’s gaze rose up the vast height of the white rush of water, amazed at its beauty. When his eyes came back down, a light glinted from somewhere behind the veil. He tilted his head and the glint flashed again. He swam closer, craning his head to see if the light came again. He found a spot, almost too close to the violent plunge of the water into the pool, where the light lingered as long as he tilted his head at the ideal angle. There was something behind the waterfall.

Curious, he hopped out and explored the vegetated incline behind the ledge he’d dived in from. After a frustrated moment, he shifted to gain better footing and feedback. In his bear form, the scents of the area bombarded him and it took him a second to focus.

A huge, blooming laurel bush flanked the rock he’d dived off of and he sniffed around it, soon finding a small path that had been trodden very little, but was still clearly a path. It led down a steep, treacherous bank to another ledge obscured by vegetation. He sunk his claws into the earth and made his way down.

Another ledge lay hidden behind the foliage and he found that it extended behind the waterfall. It was just wide enough for Aidan to traverse on his huge feet.

The sound of the falls was almost too loud to endure, but as he made his way back into the cave behind, it grew muted. A light fell down in the far reaches of the vast cave and he instinctively walked toward it. There was an opening above, that must go up beyond the source of the waterfall.

Even the light inside this space came from Gaia. The water, too. Even if she didn’t see fit to heal him, being here, in her presence, would be a blessing. He might even manage to find a way to forgive himself here, if he had enough time.

In that moment, he understood for the first time that the tragedy he needed to overcome wasn’t the loss of his and Autumn’s baby, but the loss of his respect for himself.

Aidan sat down in the middle of the empty cavern, staring out at the backside of the waterfall, and simply let himself be.