Miracle In March (16 page)

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As Emma walked across the grass towards the beach for the free yoga session after work, she thought about what Jen had suggested in her email:

Okay, here's what I think you should do…

Casually ask him what his plans are for the future, get an idea of how his goals and dreams have changed. But also, enjoy the time you have with him while he's there. Be in the moment and allow yourself to feel, so you can see if there's still something between you. Feelings first, decisions later.

It was easy for her to say that, Jen's relationship with her boyfriend, Sean, was all about spontaneity and going with the flow, and despite their apparent commitment to each other, there'd been no talk of marriage or even living together. But maybe she was right. And barring tonight, there were only two more days to interact with James. Although half of Sunday would be out of the picture as she would be driving to Jen's birthday party in Sydney.

Feelings first, decisions later.
Mantra for the week.

Right. Easy. Feelings had a mind of their own, decisions required more brainpower than she had right now. And right now, it was time to focus on the feelings of her muscles stretching and body bending, the ocean breeze refreshing her mind. That, she could handle.

Emma took off her shoes, stepped onto the sand, and walked over to the flat area of beach near the rock wall.

‘Hi, Emma, right?' asked Chrissie the yoga instructor, as she turned her attention away from a couple of women.

Emma nodded. ‘Hi.'

‘Glad you could finally make it.'

Emma had chatted to her a couple of weeks ago and promised she'd join in the classes when she could.

The women introduced themselves to Emma and she told them she was running the cabins for the time being. ‘Must be a great job!' said Louise, a middle-aged woman with long hair tied into a ponytail yet still reaching to her lower back.

‘It's a beautiful place to be.' Emma smiled.

‘Sure is. Especially with Chrissie's free classes here. They are an absolute godsend to me, gives me a break from my demanding children!' Louise rolled her eyes.

Emma's stomach twinged. She knew Louise was just making light conversation and that parenthood could be tough, but comments like this made her uncomfortable. She would love to have children to place demands on her. Because as well as those demands came loving moments, developmental milestones, laughter, bedtime cuddles, and… Oh, she couldn't allow herself to think of those things. If she had been meant to be a ‘Louise', then it would have happened, and she never would have had the uterine cancer. Some things just weren't meant to be.

‘Do you have kids?' Louise asked.

Oh, the dreaded question. Again. Why did it always come up when talking to other women? Why couldn't they ask things like, ‘What do you do in your spare time?' or, ‘Seen any good movies lately?' It was as though a woman's life in her reproductive years was defined by her ability or decision to bear offspring.

‘No,' Emma replied. Conversation closed.

‘How's your boy, Chrissie?' asked Louise, turning to face the instructor, and thankfully, avoiding any additional commentary on why Emma didn't have children and whether she wanted any in future.

‘Kai is growing up very quickly, sometimes I think he's seven going on seventy!' She laughed, her blonde ponytail wafting in the breeze. ‘He has a certain way he sees the world, and follows his own path. Tells it how it is too, doesn't worry if nobody agrees with him.'

Sounds like my father.

‘He'll go far,' said Louise, and a few other people arrived on the beach for the class, two men included. One of them was quite young and attractive, and Emma found herself smiling at him. Maybe she should stretch her horizons a little and branch out, see the world and consider the possibility that there was someone else out there for her when the time was right. There was more to the world than James Gallagher.

The class began with a few rounds of Salute to the Sun, though in this case, heading towards dusk, it was more like a Farewell to the Sun. Emma's body started out as stiff and uncooperative, but by the time they'd progressed to further poses, or
asanas
, it had loosened up a little. Except one side of her neck, which she must have slept on funny the night before as it had been bugging her all day with a dull ache. Before her five-year remission mark, anytime she had an ache or pain or sickness her mind would try to prepare her for the possibility of the cancer returning, though obviously not in the uterus, but there could have been metastatic cells that had been missed and taken up residence elsewhere. But now, she would have to push those automatic thoughts out of her head. It had been five years, she'd been given the all clear, and she needed to get on with her life without fear or worry. As Jen had said: worry is wasted energy.

Emma breathed deeply into each pose, imagining clarity and calmness filling her body with each inhalation. She noticed the young man, his lean, defined body effortlessly bending and twisting into position, and admired the beauty of his ability and physique.
Would James ever do yoga?
She couldn't really imagine him doing it, but then again, what did she know of him these days? She could definitely see him out there in the waves on a surfboard though, and had in the past, and she wondered how often he got to do that nowadays with his time taken up with his business and Jackson.

Chrissie helped Emma maximise the advanced poses she had difficulty with, though fatigue seeped into her muscles. She would have to do this more often to get back into shape and improve her flexibility.

Near the end of the class, Chrissie got a tall glass candle holder from her bag, and reached down to the small pink candle within it with a gas lighter, bringing the flame to life. She nestled it into a flat patch of sand. ‘As we do our meditation to end the class, I'd like this light to be in honour of Maggie, a student of mine, who is no longer with us in body.'

Louise exchanged sorrowful glances with another woman. They must have known her. Maybe the woman had come to these classes too. Another student clasped her hands together in prayer and bowed towards the candle. Although Emma didn't know who Maggie was, she could feel the impact she'd had. Her life had been significant, memorable, she just knew it.

The group sat cross-legged on the sand in meditation pose, hands resting on knees with palms facing upwards.

‘Now sit for a moment and focus on your breath, in and out,' Chrissie said softly. ‘Don't worry if your mind wanders a little, just bring it back to your breath. In the words of one of my favourite songs,' she said with a smile in her voice, ‘Just
Breathe…
'

Ah yes, the Drew Williams ballad,
Emma recalled. Such a nice song with simple yet powerful lyrics. The song played in the jukebox of her mind…

Sometimes life gets away from you,

Sometimes life takes the joy from you,

But when things around you come crashing down,

And the past you'd rather forget keeps spinning you around,

There are three little things that you must do, to bring you back to you…

Don't forget to breathe,

Don't forget to cry,

Don't forget to take the time to do what's right, and bring your soul to life,

Don't forget to breathe…

That's what she needed to do: bring her soul to life. Take it out of the dark enclosure of fear and grief and finally let it run free. Do what was right for her, and enjoy the gift of life she'd been given a second chance with.

A sense of calm and peace washed over her with every breath she took and every caress of the ocean breeze. Everything would work itself out. All she had to do was stay true to herself and let things unfold the way they naturally would, however that would be.

When she opened her eyes and Chrissie bowed a thank you to everyone for attending, Emma approached the instructor. ‘Thank you, that was really great.'

‘I'm glad. See you again next week?'

‘Yes, for sure.' Emma smiled, picking up her shoes. ‘Do you mind if I ask, who was Maggie? What happened to her?'

Chrissie tucked a strand of loose hair behind her ear and lowered her head a little. ‘She was a regular yoga enthusiast, that's how I met her. Sadly, she passed away a couple of weeks ago. Cancer. She'd beaten it once before, but the second time around it was too aggressive, though she put up a good fight.' Chrissie clamped her lips together and nodded in a resigned way.

Oh gosh.
‘I'm so sorry,' Emma whispered. ‘Second time around?'

‘Yes, she'd had a good run for eight years, but it recurred in another part of her body, sadly. Only forty-two years old.'

Not fair.
‘Did she have any…children?' Emma gulped.

Chrissie shook her head. ‘Apparently she'd been planning them with her husband just before the first cancer appeared. Obviously the diagnosis changed those plans, and after her remission they decided against starting a family, partly because her treatment would have made it difficult, and partly because they decided to travel and fulfil their bucket lists instead,' Chrissie explained. ‘They did become foster carers for a few years though, until…'

Until she was the one who needed care.

‘I'm sorry if I've upset you by asking about her,' said Emma.

‘Oh no, that's fine. I think it's good to talk about her, about people who've passed on. We need to remember them, and the positive things they did with their lives.' Chrissie's eyes seemed distant, as though remembering not only Maggie, but perhaps someone else.

‘I agree. And it's lovely what you did, with the candle.' Emma gestured to the flame still alight in the candle holder on the sand.

‘She loved candles. She actually gave me this one as a thank you for being her teacher.' Chrissie's eyes became glossy. ‘So I thought it was the perfect choice for tonight.'

They stood and gazed at the flame for a few moments, transfixed by its sinuous flickering and golden glow. ‘Well, I'll light one for her tonight too, as I read in bed,' Emma promised.

Chrissie smiled. ‘Oh that would be lovely. How nice of you. Thanks.'

Emma smiled and farewelled the pretty teacher, then turned to walk back up the hill, her shoes hooked under her fingers. The blades of grass were cold underfoot where the shade covered the ground, and she shivered.

Don't forget to breathe…

She tried, but her breath caught high in her throat. Maggie had been a young woman like Emma. She'd been in remission like Emma. She'd given up the idea of having children, like Emma. And Emma hoped like hell that that would be where their similarities would end.

‘Say Dad. Dad.' James spoke firmly and clearly as he sat next to Jackson on the floor of the cabin. ‘D, Da, Dad.' He pointed to his own chest to indicate the meaning of the word.

Jackson only made his usual ‘vvv' sound, like he was an engine about to speed up.

‘Okay, let's try something else then.' He picked up a toy car and pushed it forwards on the floor. ‘Vroom! Vroom!'

‘Vvv,' Jackson said. He took the car from his father and turned it upside down, then tried to get Owly to sit on top of it but the toy kept falling over. Jackson's face creased with disappointment and he moaned.

‘Owls aren't supposed to sit on cars. And this one is too big.' He picked Owly up and sat him on the couch. ‘How about there?'

Jackson grunted and wrenched Owly off the couch, trying again to get him to sit on the upside down car.

James sighed. ‘Oh well, gotta give you credit for your originality and persistence.'

When Owly fell off for the umpteenth time, James moved the car closer to the leg of the coffee table and put Owly on top, with the toy's back resting against the coffee table leg to support it. Bingo!

Jackson squealed and grabbed his Sound Machine, pressing the applause button.

Where there's a will there's a way.

Jackson arranged other cars in a semicircle around the owl, as though it was giving a concert. Then there was a tap at the door.
Emma already?

He turned around and stood. His parents were at the door.

‘Oh, hi. Off to that café for dinner?' he asked.

‘Yes,' his mum replied. ‘But we wanted to drop by first and have a quick chat.'

James slipped his hands into his pockets as his parents walked in. ‘What about?' They didn't look like they were just there to chat about the weather or what they wanted to do for lunch on Sunday.

They sat at the table.

Quick chat? Yeah right.

‘We've just been speaking to André,' Martin said.

‘Is Lizzie okay?' Concern pinched his chest.

‘Oh yes, she's fine.' His mum flicked her hand. ‘But André is considering the possibility of taking a job opportunity in Queensland towards the end of the year.'

‘Right. Well, that's good then. Though we won't get to see them and the new baby as much.'

‘Exactly,' Marie said. ‘Which is why,' she glanced at her husband, ‘we've been thinking…'

Martin cleared his throat. ‘We might move there too.'

‘To Queensland? Aren't you all settled and happy in Welston?' An uncomfortable wave washed through him. He could get by without his parents around, but there were times when having them close by made things easier with Jackson, especially now with his new VIP program. What would he do for babysitting?

‘Well yes, but a warmer northern climate would make your father's arthritis a bit easier in the winter months, and I want to be there to help Lizzie with the baby. You know how hard it is in those first few months.'

Yep. And not just the first few
, James thought. He sat and leaned his elbows on the table.