Mid Life Love: At Last (23 page)

“Your modesty never ceases to amaze me.” I shook my head at her and stood up. “Do you think you have a better handle on it now, Caroline?”

She nodded. “Yes, thank you so much...”

“Anytime. I’ll have a tutor for you tomorrow night. Greg is waiting downstairs to take you back to the airstrip.”

They both hugged me and Claire before walking out of my office and I felt my heart swelling. I was still getting used to having a family, but I liked it.
A lot
.

As soon as I heard the ping of the elevators, I turned around and looked at Claire. I narrowed my eyes at her and tried to walk over, but I couldn’t do it.

I still didn’t have anything to say.

I walked into my executive suite and lay across my bed. I’d hoped she would simply fall asleep on the couch and let me talk whenever I was ready, but I felt her slipping into bed next to me.

“Please let me explain,” she whispered.

I didn’t say anything.

“I was leaving Starbucks when he showed up... He sat down at my table and asked me to give him two minutes to talk. I didn’t want to, and I swear I wasn’t going to, but there was this look in his eyes.”

“Is there
a point
coming?”

She took a deep breath. “I told him to say whatever he had to say and when he told me Amanda was terminally ill...I felt bad, but I left anyway...Then he followed me to my car and we started arguing...I tried to fight him off, but he—”

“Do you still have feelings for him, Claire?” I finally turned around to face her. “Don’t tell me what you
think
I want to hear. Tell me the fucking truth. Even though he ripped your heart to the point where I had to fight you every inch of the way to put it back together, even though he cheated on you with your best fucking friend and left you miserable
for years
, do you still have feelings for him?”

“No! No, I promise. There’s nothing there.”

“Are you sure? Is there a reason why you still haven’t designed my wedding band? Why the invitations I could’ve sworn you sent out
weeks ago
, have still not arrived in any of my friends’ mailboxes? Or better yet, can you please explain why the cakes we both agreed on were canceled as of two weeks ago and you chose not to tell me?”

“Jonathan—”

“What the fuck is the problem, Claire? Why are you self-sabotaging the wedding you begged me to have?”

“I’m not sabotaging anything—I would never...It’s just...I can’t explain it right now, but as far as Ryan goes, you can’t possibly think that I—”

“The moment he sat down at your table at Starbucks, or the moment you decided to have a chat with him—however it happened, you should’ve called me immediately.
Period
. You don’t belong to him anymore. You have no obligation to him and you don’t owe him a fucking thing. You are
mine
and this is the last time that I’m going to re-iterate that fact to you, Claire.
Mine
. Not his. Not anyone else’s.” I clenched my jaw.  “Do you still not understand what that means?”

“Yes...” she murmured.

I rolled my eyes and got out of the bed. “I have some work to do. Do you need Greg to take you home when he gets back?”

“No...I want to stay here with you...”

“Fine.” I pulled a blanket over her and tucked her in. Then I handed her the remote. “Good night.”

I walked into my office and took out a bottle of scotch. I poured myself a glass, downed it, and then quickly poured another.

Why is she so fucking infuriating? Why does she still have the power to get to me like this?

I sat down at my desk and started going over my latest product’s numbers. I turned on my laptop and spotted the video that the security team had made for me from Starbucks, the video I still couldn’t bring myself to watch.

“Jonathan...” Claire’s soft voice made me look up.

“Yes, Claire?”

“Are you going to sit out here and stay mad at me all night?” Her voice cracked. “Or are we going to talk about everything so we can fix this?”

I didn’t answer. I just stared at her.

“Fine.” She shrugged as tears fell down her face. “I’m going to check into the Fairmont hotel for the rest of the week because I can’t take living in our house alone anymore. If you want to talk to me, that’s exactly where I’ll be...And if you want to cancel the wedding because you honestly think I would choose my piece of shit ex-husband over you or that I would purposely try to ruin our special day, then—” She couldn’t even finish her sentence.

She looked at me in utter pain and it took a lot for me not to stand up and comfort her, for me not to wrap her in my arms and tell her to stay the night with me. Yet, my heart was a mess and she hadn’t answered any of my questions about the invitation and cake issues.

Nodding her head slowly, she said, “I hope I’ll see you in my room soon” before walking out of my office in tears.

C
laire

I woke up in the middle of the night and reached for Jonathan—turning over to see if he’d finally come to the hotel, but he wasn’t there.

I dragged myself out of bed and into the living room, hoping to see him waiting in the living room, but the only thing new was a note from the front desk:
“Thank you for allowing us to be your temporary home, Mrs. Statham. We hope that you keep us in mind for future stays.”

I sighed. I’d been too miserable to realize that I’d never formally “checked in.” As soon as I’d arrived, valet helped me out of the car and the manager had personally walked me up to my room. No questions asked.

He can call the hotel but he can’t call me?

I looked into the small foyer and saw that he’d sent another bouquet of flowers for me today—like he’d been doing all week, but there was no note. Nothing.

I headed for the bathroom and immediately turned on the hot water. I was going to need one hell of a bubble bath to get back to sleep.

Tossing my robe off, I stepped into the tub and let the water rise over me as I sat there. Stunned.

While he had every reason to think that the wedding arrangements were odd, he had to know that I would never give Ryan the time of day again, that I would never allow him to walk back into my life for any reason whatsoever. Then again, every time I thought about how the two of us must have looked in that parking lot, my heart sank a little.

Son of a bitch...

A part of me wanted to find out what room Amanda was staying in so I could finish off her life for her and give Ryan something else to focus on, but I didn’t want to face any part of my past again; Ryan had already done enough.

As the hot water rose up to my chest and grazed the necklace he’d given me, I stretched my foot out to switch off the lever. And before I knew it, I was crying. Hard.

The entire week that he hadn’t been at home had been the worst week I’d had in years. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, and each time he hit ignore on my phone calls, I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

He was my
everything
and the very thought of him not trusting me –him not talking to me, was too painful to think about.

It hurt even more when Ashley and Caroline called me to tell me about the latest care packages he’d sent, how they’d spoken to him
every day
last week.

“He told us your first date was on the Golden Gate Bridge! Why didn’t you tell us that back then?” “We reminisced for hours, you should’ve heard us!” “He’s being pretty tight lipped about the wedding lately...He probably has a surprise for you...” “Could you tell him to call us via video chat tomorrow night? And tell him we said we love him since we’re going to be out of range for the rest of the day?”

I scrubbed a loofah all over my body and decided to cut my bubble bath short. I needed to go for a run. Now.

I slipped back into my robe and picked up the room phone.

“Fairmont Front Desk,” a woman answered. “How may I help you Mrs. Statham?”

“It’s
Miss Gracen
.”

“I’m sorry, Miss Gracen. How may I help you today?”

“Do you all have a gift or a clothing shop downstairs?”

“We do ma’am. Our gift shop features city collectibles and snacks, and our clothing shop is a mix of swimwear and light season gear at the moment. Would you like us to shut the shop down so you can shop privately?”

“Oh...No, that’s okay. I was just wondering if someone could bring me a tracksuit in a medium size. Just place it on my room tab.”

“Right away, Miss Gracen.” She waited for me to hang up first.

I pulled my hair into a messy knot and splashed my face with cold water to get some of the redness out of my eyes. If it wasn’t for the way they looked, I could’ve passed as perfectly happy right now.

Before I could begin my next series of cold-water face shots, there was a knock at my door.

I made sure my robe was secured and rushed over to open it.

“Good evening, Miss Gracen.” The bellman handed me five black wardrobe bags. “We weren’t sure what color you would like so we brought each one.”

“Thank you very much.” I handed him a tip.

“There’s an indoor runners’ park two miles down. Would you like one of our drivers to escort you there since it’s raining?”

“No, that’s okay...I’m just going to go for a short walk...I have an umbrella. Thank you very much though.” I smiled as I shut the door.

I didn’t care that it was raining. I needed to be outside with fresh air. Besides, I didn’t feel like being around other people. I wanted to be alone.

I slipped into the tracksuit and put on the tennis shoes Greg had brought me earlier in the week. I grabbed my favorite umbrella and my music and looked around for my room key.

Suddenly there was another knock at my door.

Deep down I wished it was Jonathan, but I knew the front desk was probably delivering another set of flowers late, so I dragged myself to the door and opened it.

Ryan
?
!

“Claire, can we please talk?”

I slammed the door in his face and turned away.

I realized the door must have bounced back because I suddenly felt him walking behind me.

“What the fuck are you doing?” I snapped.

“Please listen to me...” There were tears in his voice. “Claire, can we...Can we please be civil for five minutes?”

“We’ve gone from five
seconds
to five
minutes
? Please.” I tried to walk past him, but he put his hands on my shoulders.

“She doesn’t want to die knowing that you still hate her...” He narrowed his eyes at me. “You don’t have to mean it...You could just say you forgive her.”

“All bullshit aside, Ryan.” I gave him the meanest look I could manage. “Five years ago, I would’ve wanted to die happily married to you. But we don’t always get what we want, do we? Tell her to suck that shit up, or better yet, why don’t you have one of her friends
suck you off
and then she can feel exactly how I feel.” I left him seething in the living room and rushed into the adjoining room—where another door to the hallway was.

I unlocked the chain at the top of the door and pulled it open. I ran towards the elevators and texted Greg the number “9”—code for emergency. I pressed the down button frantically, hoping a car would come before Ryan found me.

“You were never this mean, Claire.” He rounded the corner. “What happened to you?”

“I guess some people bring out the worst in you. Is it really surprising that a low-life cheating fuck would make me behave like a bitch?”

He narrowed his eyes at me and strolled over, pushing me against the wall by my shoulders. “If you want to be a cold-hearted bitch for the rest of your life, and if you want to marry that asshole of a man you call your fiancé—that’s fine. But what you’re not going to do is disrespect me. I’ve had you—
before
him, and I know who the fuck you are. You’re coming with me to see Amanda whether you like it or not. Now.”

I tried to fight him off of me—beating my fists against his chest and trying to knee him, but he held me still and changed the tone of his voice.

“Claire...Please just—”

“Stop fucking talking to me, Ryan!” I was crying angrily. “You’ve done
enough
!”

“Five minutes...You can’t give her that?”

“NO!” I took a few deep breaths and tried not to scream. “I have a brand new life now and I don’t need you or Amanda in it for any longer than you’ve already been. You are both fucking scum and her being in surgery doesn’t change shit about what you two did to me. Just lie to her and say I forgave her, just like you lied to me. It shouldn’t be that hard for you.”

“Listen...” He suddenly released his grip. “I know you don’t honestly feel like that.”

I slid past him and ran towards the emergency stairwell, hoping that he would just give up and leave me alone.

I made it through the door and was halfway down a flight of stairs when I felt him grabbing my arm—twisting it harshly.

“Help!
Helpppp
!” I screamed as loud as I could, but he didn’t seem fazed at all.

Instead he squeezed my arm even harder and pulled me close to him. “I’ve changed
a lot
in the past few years...” He looked possessed, and he was really hurting me. “In ways you can’t even
begin
to imagine, Claire. We can do this the easy way or the hard way, but—”

I brought my other arm up and slapped the shit out of him.

His eyes darkened and he hissed. Shocked, he let me go and pushed me away from him—
hard
.

I tried to brace myself against the wall, but I couldn’t. I lost my footing and felt myself quickly tumbling, tumbling, tumbling—until I felt sharp pains all over, until everything went black.

C
laire

“Miss Gracen?” A soft voice said. “Miss Gracen? Can you hear me?”

I groaned and slightly opened my eyes, shutting them once a bright light seeped in.

“Do you know where you are?”

I kept my eyes shut. I couldn’t speak.

“Could someone get me a fresh IV?”  “Leave the monitor alone please.” “Did she have a cell phone when she was brought in? Anything else besides her ID?”