Marie Sexton - Coda 02 - A to Z (17 page)

 

“I know what you meant,” he said.

 

“But”—her cheeks were turning red—“I meant, a woman. A girlfriend or a wife.”

 

“
I know what you meant!
” he said, louder this time. “But—” she began but stopped short, and her eyes got wider as it started to sink in.

 

He leaned closer to me, looked right at her, and said definitively, “
It’s Zach!
”

She looked positively alarmed now. Her eyes were huge, her face was flushed, and her hands were fluttering nervously all around like some kind of strange leashed butterflies. “Well, no. I mean, that can’t be….”

Suddenly Angelo stood up. He grabbed the hair on the back of my head, pulled it back and kissed me, hard. It wasn’t a long kiss, but certainly longer than she probably wanted to see. He caught me completely off guard.

And then just as quickly, he let go of me, slamming his hand down on the table as he leaned aggressively toward her. “Is it crystal fuckin’ clear now, or do you need to watch him fuck me too?”

 

Her jaw dropped, and I stood up and laid my hand gently on his shoulder. “Ang—”

 

“No, Zach! She wants to know me? She better fuckin’ deal with it.”

“But Angelo,” she said quietly, “it’s a sin. It’s not natural.” Tears ran down her cheeks, and she wiped them away quickly. “It’s
wrong
. God said—”

“Fuck you, and fuck your God too,” he snapped. “Neither of you ever done shit for me.”

 

She sat there for a minute, staring at the table. Then she took a shaking breath and said, “I think I should go.”

Angelo straightened up then and looked down his nose at her. “Go ahead,” he said icily. “Leave.
Again
. Only fuckin’ thing you’re good at, isn’t it?”

She closed her eyes, caught her breath like she had been slapped. He leaned back against the wall and glared at her. She took a minute to get herself together. Then she reached into her purse and pulled out a pen. She grabbed an envelope off of the table. She carefully wrote out a phone number, an Albuquerque address, and then stood up, holding it out to Angelo.

“Here,” she said quietly. “Just in case you ever want it.” “I won’t,” he said.

“Please, Angelo,” she said, and she was really starting to cry now. “Take it. Just in case.”

He just stood there, with his arms crossed and fury in his eyes. He didn’t reach for it. She pushed it toward him again, but he didn’t move. She made a little sobbing sound, holding the paper out for him. Still, he didn’t budge.

Finally I stepped up and held my hand out. She looked at me warily, obviously distrustful, but she handed me the envelope. I followed her to the door. She stepped out of the apartment, onto the landing, stopped, and turned back to me.

 

“I know what you must think,” she said quietly, “but I do love him.”

 

“So do I,” I told her and closed the door.

 

When I walked back in, he was sitting at the table with his head in his hands.

 

“Are you okay?” I asked quietly.

He looked up at me, and his eyes were blazing with anger. “It’s
not wrong,
Zach!” he said fiercely. “It’s
not
! What you and me have, it’s
not
wrong!”

I took his hand, held it between my own. “I know, Angelo. There’s nothing ‘wrong’ about us.”

 

He nodded, looking down at his hand held in mine. He took a deep breath, and then he pulled away.

 

“Go home, Zach,” he said. He wasn’t angry anymore. Now he just sounded defeated.

 

I didn’t want to leave him. It felt wrong to walk away now. “Are you sure, Ang? I could—”

 

“I’m sure,” he said, interrupting me. He looked up at me with sad, tired eyes. “I need to be alone now.”

I went back to my empty apartment and started packing. I ordered pizza. I even got jalapenos on half. I hoped he would come by at dinnertime, but he didn’t. Finally I climbed into bed and fell asleep. I left the front door unlocked, just in case.

It was three a.m. when I heard him come in. He crept quietly into my room. He didn’t say a word, and I didn’t either. I was afraid to speak, afraid that I would scare him away. I watched his shadow in the dark as he got undressed. Then he crawled into bed with me and pushed his warm, lithe body against mine.

“Help me remember, Zach,” he whispered as he wrapped himself around me. “Remind me again how right it is.”

It started out slow and tender. But then that fierce, passionate part of him took over, and I let him take the lead. He pushed me onto my back, straddled me, and drove himself down onto me like he had something to prove.

I guess maybe he did.

 

Afterward he moved to the other side of the bed, away from me, although he still hung on to my hand.

“You have her number, Zach?”
“I do.”
“What you gonna do with it?”

“Whatever you want me to do. If you tell me to throw it away, I will.”

He was quiet for a minute. All I could hear was his breathing, and I wondered if he had fallen asleep. But then he said quietly, “Keep it, Zach. I don’t want it yet. Not right now. Maybe never.” He stopped, took a deep breath, and sighed. “But, it makes me feel better for some reason, knowin’ you have it.”

“Anything you want, Ang.”

 

He held my hand tight until he fell asleep.

 

A
FTER
that it was like the whole thing had never happened. It was

as if he had forgotten about it altogether. Of course I knew that wasn’t possible, but I was glad to see that he had recovered so quickly. He never mentioned it, and I didn’t either.

Our last morning in Denver, I spent three hours trying to catch Geisha, but she wouldn’t come near me. I wasn’t going to wait around for my ex-boyfriend’s ungrateful cat.

“I guess we’ll just leave her,” I said to Angelo.

 

“
What
?” I was surprised at how outraged he was. “No way, Zach! We’re takin’ her!”

Of course it only took him about ten minutes to coax her over. We finally got her shoved into the cat carrier and left Arvada behind us. I drove the rental van, and Angelo followed behind in my Mustang, with a yowling Geisha in the passenger seat.

Less than four weeks after our first night in Coda, we were residents. Two weeks later, we opened the rental side of A to Z Video.

“What about the back room?” Angelo asked me a few days after our grand opening. “You need to get tables and chairs and start lookin’ into all the licensing bullshit.”

“I don’t think I’ll be able to do that anytime soon.” “Thought you liked the idea.”

“I do. I love it. I’m just not sure I can afford to do it right away. We need one of those projection home theater systems, with full surround sound. I don’t have that kind of money.”

“I do.”
I looked at him in surprise. “You do? How?”

“Been workin’ two jobs for a long time. I pay rent. I buy food. Other than that, my only expense is rentin’ movies.” He walked over to me, leaned into me, and looked up at me through his bangs. “Few months ago I met this cute preppy guy. He’s been givin’ me a discount on the movies.”

I laughed. “He must be trying to get in your pants.” He smiled. “It’s possible.”
“If you’re going to invest, you should be a partner.” His smile disappeared. “No, man. I don’t want that.” “Why not?”
“Just don’t.”

I could see that look in his eyes—the same one he had when we talked about living together. It was just one more thing he wasn’t ready for. “I’ll pay you back.”

His arms went around my waist. “I been meanin’ to tell you, Zach—I want a raise. And that’s
not
a sexual innuendo.”

“I’ll see what I can do.”
His lips brushed mine, and he smiled. “I lied.”
“You
don’t
want a raise?”
“It
was
a sexual innuendo.”

“I think I love you.” The words were out of my mouth before I knew I was going to say them. I wanted to take them back immediately. If talking about living together sent him into a fullblown panic attack, there was no telling what the L-word was going to do to him.

He froze, for just a second, and I braced for the worst, but he just smiled and said simply, “I know.”

O
NE
day in mid-October, Matt and Jared stopped by the store just as we were about to close to see if we wanted to go out for dinner. Angelo was making a Halloween display, with horror movies sorted into four categories: bloody, spooky, campy, and downright disturbing.

“You think
The Exorcist
goes in spooky or disturbing?” he asked us.

 

“Disturbing!” Jared said right as Matt said, “Campy.” “Really?” Jared and Angelo said in unison, looking at Matt in surprise.

Matt shrugged. “Never did see what was so scary about it.” Angelo turned to me. “What do you think, Zach?” “Never se—”

“—seen it,” he finished for me, smiling. “Should have known. We’ll go with spooky.”

“Scariest. Movie. Ever,” Jared said with finality.
“No way,” Matt laughed.
“Zach, what’s the scariest movie you seen?” Ang asked me.

I could count the number of horror movies I could actually remember watching on one hand. “
The Shining
?”

He smiled at me. “Okay. That’s respectable.”
“What do you think?” I asked him.
“Not sure. Maybe
The Changeling
.”
“That one with Angelina Jolie?” Matt asked skeptically.

“No, man. With George C. Scott. You seen it?” We all shook our heads. “Nobody’s seen that movie.” He turned to Matt. “What’s your pick?”

“
Jesus Camp
.”

 

Angelo actually looked confused. “Never heard of it. Is it a slasher flick?”

“It’s a documentary.” We all laughed, but he didn’t seem to be joking. “I’m telling you, if that movie doesn’t scare you, nothing will.”

Jared was looking at him in astonishment. “A documentary about religion?”

 

“It’s not about religion. It’s about fanaticism. Not the same thing.”

 

Angelo was looking thoughtful, and I knew we’d have a copy of it by the end of the month.

We had dinner with Matt and Jared, and then they came to my house to watch a movie with us. Angelo usually liked watching movies, but I could tell his mind was elsewhere. He was sitting next to me on the couch, and his hand was slowly moving farther up my thigh. As soon as they were out the door, he grabbed my hand and led me into the bedroom.

I watched him undress. I loved to just look at him. There was something wildly exotic about him, something rare and precious and beautiful but also shamelessly audacious. Something that was divine and yet completely irreverent. He practically radiated sensuality. Now that I knew it was there, I wondered how I had ever
not
seen it. I really had been blind.

“What’s your deal?” he asked suddenly, in that impudent tone he always used.

 

“You’re amazing.”

 

He gave me his lopsided smile. “If I’m so amazing, why you still have clothes on?”

 

I had to laugh. “I have no idea.” It didn’t take us long to remedy that situation.

He got the lube out of the drawer and pulled me over to him. I was hard already, and I started to stroke him while I kissed him. I felt his hand on me, wet with lube, and then he whispered in my year, “I want you to fuck me, Zach.”

Just hearing those words could almost have sent me over the edge. I had to push his hand away from my cock to keep from losing it too soon. I wanted more time with him—more time to taste him and feel him and become part of him.

I pushed him down so that he was sitting on the bed and knelt in front of him. He kissed me and ran his fingers through my hair. His hand rested on my head, and it felt like a blessing.

I took his other hand, turned it palm up, and kissed the inside of his wrist. I sucked gently on that soft skin. I could actually feel his pulse against my lips, and it was unbelievably arousing. I kissed the palm of his hand, ran my tongue in a small circle, and heard his breath catch. He was always so quiet. It was sometimes hard to know what he liked. I loved when I could actually elicit a response from him—fingers clenching in my hair or a hitch in his breathing.

I pushed him back on the bed and leaned over him to suck one of his nipples. His fingers went into my hair, and his head went back. I teased each one, until he was tense and panting, arching his hips toward me. I ran my hand down his side, circled as close to his cock as I could without touching it.

“Zach….” It was so quiet, but I could sense the growing need behind it.

“Roll over.” He did, and I moved down between his legs. He was so slim and beautiful. His skin was dark all over but even darker in that soft place behind his balls, leading into his crack. I ran my tongue up that dark trail, heard his breath catch again, and he spread his legs farther apart for me. I licked around his rim, over and over, teasing us both. His breathing stopped, stuttered, almost like a sob, and he pushed back toward me. I let my tongue penetrate him and actually heard him make a soft sighing sound that almost undid me altogether. I pulled his cheeks apart and pushed deeper with my tongue. He started to reach for his cock, but I stopped him. He tried to grind himself into the bed, but I held his hips. I pushed into him as deep as I could, over and over, until I could feel that he was tense and straining toward the bed, trying to get some release.

I pulled out, locked my mouth over him and sucked. That little sighing sound came again, and I pushed my tongue deep back into him. He tried again to reach for his cock, and I stopped him but slid my own hand up between his legs. He immediately thrust into my hand, started to tense up, and I knew he was close.

“Zach, please….”

 

I wasn’t going to last long, either. I moved as quickly as I could. I covered his body with my own and slowly pushed into him.

I felt like I could see heaven. It felt like coming home. I could never be close enough to him or deep enough. I wanted to sink into him forever, to burn myself into him until we became one. One body, one spirit, but two beating hearts. I gripped his cock with my hand, thrust into him again. His hands were gripping the sheets tight. He made that small sighing sound again and arched up to meet me. I felt pressure inside of me, building and expanding, threatening to tear me apart. I heard his breath catch, but he never released it. He always held his breath when he came. I buried my face in his hair, felt his body trembling beneath me, and clenching around me. That pressure inside of me, burning and pulsing, finally exploded. It tore through me and erased me completely. I didn’t even exist, except in that beautiful, holy place where I was joined to him.