Make You Mine (18 page)

“Keep your money, Julius Jones,” she told him coldly.

“No, I will not because I have every right to see my son, and I will see him, and I will help take care of him.”

“Or?”

Julius looked at Caress for a long time. “You're the same woman who promised me no drama. Who said this was a team? Who wanted more of a father for her child than she had?” he asked, raising his hands to applaud. “Good performance, Caress.”

He turned and pressed a kiss to the back of Justin's head before he turned to go. “Don't try to keep me from my son, Caress,” he warned, before walking out the door closing it forcefully behind him.

 

Caress felt like all the energy she had left her after Julius stormed out of the apartment. She slumped down onto the chair, hating the emotional wreck she had become as a result of this entire ordeal.

How could she make them understand the fear that clutched at her throat like a rabid dog whenever Justin was out of her eyesight? How could she explain that she tried to leave him at the day care but had barely made it out the door before she turned and went back to get him. Could she get through to them that she could only go at the pace her psyche was letting her? And right now, fear of another psycho, wacko, and disturbed little girl stealing her child had her messed up. Yes, she knew it, but the only way she knew to get over it was one day at a time.

Caress dropped back against the couch as she thought of Julius. Did she love him? Of course. Love didn't fade that quickly, but she had to learn to forgive him for not being there after Justin was snatched.

To her, his love didn't measure up to hers.

Oh, he cared about her. He loved having sex with her. They hung out and shared interesting conversations with their differing views. But when the chips were down, he showed his true character to her and that scared her.

He bailed on her just like that. What type of love was that?

Love him? She adored him.

Miss him? She craved him late in the night as her lonely bed mocked her.

Take him back? That she wasn't so sure about.

Caress tried to wipe away the stress she felt around her eyes. She needed a mental vacation big time. If Julius, Tamara, and the rest of the world didn't leave her alone to figure things out on her own time she would wind up in a crazy hospital somewhere.

She had just turned the television to
The View
, hoping she could stomach whatever bull Elisabeth Hasselbeck was spouting so that she could get a good laugh from the rest of the panel, when someone knocked at her door. Frowning, she rose and moved to the door to peer out the peephole.

Her mouth dropped open in shock to see a scary-looking woman with ashen lips and yellowed eyes standing there. “Who is it?” she asked through the door.

“You don't know me, but I'm Luretha's mother, Kinnia. Can I talk to you please?” she called back through the wood.

Caress had to swallow back her anger and keep from pulling the door open to snatch her in and wear her behind out for her role in turning her daughter into an emotional and psychological mess. This woman was just as much to blame as Luretha as far as Caress was concerned.

“I don't have anything to say to you,” Caress told her, already walking back to the sofa. “Stay the hell away from me. Straight up.”

“Please help my baby. You don't understand what she's been through. Please,” the woman begged through the door.

The FBI had filled Caress in on Luretha's story and it truly was a heart-tugger but what the hell did this woman think Caress could or would do?

Jumping to her feet, Caress strode to the door and yanked it open. “You have no right coming to my house, and let this be the last time. Your daughter stole my son and left him in shit with no milk all damn night while you were out tricking for your habit.”

The woman's stench reached Caress, and she prayed it didn't seep into her apartment.

“She lost her own baby—”

“And why was your daughter pregnant?” Caress asked.

That caught her off guard. “Huh?”

“You heard me.”

“My baby was molested,” she screamed with indignation as tears filled her eyes.

“And where were you when that went down?” Caress asked, cutting her no shorts.

“You don't know nothing about me.”

“Except what I see,” Caress countered. “And I don't just mean that you use drugs. You're running from life by getting high. Probably got your own battle scars from life. Memories you can't handle, right?”

The woman's yellow eyes dropped from hers.

“Why don't you help your daughter and yourself by getting your act together. Don't come and ask me to do more for you and her than you are. You feel me?”

Caress stepped back inside the apartment and closed her door securely. She didn't move from her door until she heard the woman walk down the stairs and out the door. Caress moved to the window and watched Kinnia head straight up the street with her head hung low looking beat down by the world. Sometimes the truth hurt.

“Caress, this is Julius. Call me.”

There was a long pause.

“Caress, he's my son, and you have to learn to trust me to take care of him. You're not being fair.”

Another pause.

“Call me.”

Beep.

Caress chewed the gloss from her lips as she deleted Julius's latest voice mail message from her cell phone. Any guilt she felt over the clear remorse in his voice she pushed aside as she set the cell phone back down on the top of her desk.

She never said Julius couldn't see their son, she just wasn't prepared to let Justin spend every other weekend with him the way he wanted. How could she easily agree to give up two weekends a month? And why would Julius ask her to?

Now that their relationship had fizzled their only communication was about Justin, and most times they couldn't seem to agree on anything. She couldn't deny that everything was much simpler when they were a couple. Julius had left most of the hands-on decisions to her. Now that they had gone their separate ways he was a lot more opinionated about everything, and she could admit she was a lot more defensive.

Going back to work was the hardest thing Caress had ever done. Every day it got a little easier walking away from Justin and not feeling like he wouldn't be there when she returned, but she still had those fears nagging at her. The reality was she had to work. She knew she drove the day care crazy calling twice a day to check on him, but she did whatever she had to in order to make it through the day.

She was still adjusting back to normalcy. Why couldn't Julius understand that?

Her cell phone vibrated again and Caress picked up the phone. She sighed at the caller ID. Why was Julius working her nerve?

She turned to the wall and cupped her mouth after she flipped the phone open. “Hello.”

“Caress, did you get my message?” he asked.

“Yes, Julius.”

The line went quiet before he released a heavy breath. “Listen, it's time for us to sit down and come to some firm visitation plans concerning our son, Caress. Can I come over to your apartment tonight?”

Although the husky tone of his voice asking that question was not intended to titillate her…it did. Damn him.

Pushing aside the sharp pang of desire she felt for him, Caress dropped her head in her hands. “Can't we talk about this later?” she asked rubbing her eyes.

“Yes. Tonight. At your apartment.”

“Not tonight, Julius,” she insisted, not sure if she could take being alone with him in her small apartment.

“You said that before and here we are on week two and I have barely seen my son, Caress. I'm trying to respect your privacy and your space but you're pushing it.”

“No,
you're
pushing it, Julius,” she flung back, lowering her voice as a coworker passed her desk and gave her a curious look.

“Why? Because I want to see my son outside of when and where you say?”

“I only ask that we wait for overnight visits until he's older, Julius,” she snapped because she felt like he was misconstruing her words and actions.

“How long are you going to punish me?” he asked.

“The better question is how long are you going to punish me, Julius?” she countered with a hint of sadness and honesty in her voice.

“I just want to see my son on a regular basis. I want him to know me just as well as he knows you.”

Caress slammed her hand down on the top of her desk. “Damn, Julius, you wanted me to have a damn abortion when you found out about him!”

Caress gasped and covered her mouth with her hand as soon as the words left her mouth. She closed her eyes wishing she could rewind time and take them back. She had no doubts that Julius loved Justin just as much as she did.

“Low blow, Caress. Low damn blow.”

Yes, yes it was, and she was ashamed of herself for even going there. “Julius, I—”

The line disconnected.

 

That night Caress was up late, long after she put Justin to bed. The apartment was dimly lit. Not even much of the normal street noise echoed from outside—probably because of the steady rain. Freshly bathed and dressed in a long cotton nightgown she folded her petite frame onto the couch and pulled the throw from the back of the chair over her feet and legs.

Sleep eluded her a lot these days because in her slumber she gave in to emotions and desires that she doggedly fought during her awake hours. In truth, she always had a nagging fear that Julius's love wasn't as strong as hers, and his coldness toward her after Justin's kidnapping had awakened all those fears. Even if she wasn't willing to risk her heart and lay it out there for him to destroy, it didn't change the fact that she still loved him.

Using the remote, Caress turned on the radio, and soon the sounds of Lauryn Hill mixed with the rain pelting against the window and on the streets outside.

As Lauryn sang from her soul, Caress let herself think of Julius. She let herself imagine things the way they used to be. The problem wasn't the past. It was the future she worried about.

She shifted to her side. It reminded her of the night Julius had teased and fondled her here on the couch as they watched
National Geographic
on TV—his choice of course. His teasing had turned into him hitching her gown up to her hips, lifting her legs high, and then entering her from behind to fill her completely.

Too bad sex wasn't the most important component of a relationship because when it came to that they had no disagreement. No misunderstandings. Not one single, solitary problem.

Caress had a lot on her mind. Not just the ensuing drama with Julius—which she planned to correct with an apology, but the constant nagging about her father. She let her eyes focus on her precious framed photograph. More and more she was considering getting off her butt and looking for him, instead of trying to capture some connection through a faded photograph.

Did she have brothers and sisters?

Did he know she existed?

Did he care?

More and more as she raised her own child, her mind turned to her own lineage. Especially with the holidays nearing. Even with her son and her friends, Caress felt so alone in the world sometimes. No one could say family wasn't important.

During one of their late nights lying with their bodies entwined in the middle of the bed, Julius had even encouraged her to try and find her father. And she missed the times they would just talk, reminiscing on growing up in Newark, the eighties' fashions and music, the difference between gangs back then and now. Anything. Everything.

A rainy night like tonight? She knew they would have been snuggled up somewhere together.

Sighing, she pushed aside all her worries and closed her eyes, allowing herself to get lost in the sultry sounds of Lauryn Hill and the pouring rain.

 

Julius turned over onto his back and crossed his forearm over his closed eyes. The sound of thunder echoed as the rain pelted against his bedroom windows. It was a damn shame for a man to be in bed alone, naked as the day he was born, without a woman to snuggle up to.

A night like tonight he and Caress would have made sure to spend together. Making love to a sexy woman as thunder roared and lightning flashed, barely illuminating her body as she was made love to? It would be the best sex ever.

He still couldn't believe Caress had thrown away everything they had shared. He thought they had been happy together, yet now there was this baby mama drama about seeing Justin. Julius actually thought Caress wouldn't bring that drama to him.

But he had thought a lot of things about Caress and been wrong.

As badly as he missed her.

As badly as he wished she was here riding him in that exquisitely showy way of hers.

As badly as he still loved her.

Maybe it was good that it was over before it even really began.

His focus now was on his son. First and foremost.

 

Tamara spooned closer to Kendrick as she watched the rain splatter against the window. Kendrick's snores resounded loudly in her ear but she had long since learned to ignore them. Plus, her thoughts were filled with Caress and Julius.

She loved them both. They both were her best friends. More and more she was feeling like she was getting drawn into the middle—and for the first time it was not a place she wanted to be.

Kendrick told her they were grown and able to make their own decisions without her constant mothering. Maybe he was right. If things got any worse before they got better she would hate to have to choose between them.

And she could see both sides. True, Caress had lessened her overprotectiveness about Justin in terms of her returning to work and taking him to day care, but Tamara couldn't remember the last she had babysat her godson. Having your child snatched had to be a horrific experience with plenty of residual effects and Tamara understood that, but that didn't excuse the fact that Caress was indeed going overboard—something Tamara hadn't had the nerve to tell her.

And yes, Julius had made a bad move during Justin's kidnapping—something Tamara had chided him about.

Sighing, Tamara turned over on the bed and faced her husband. She reached up to caress his face as love for him flooded her heart. Thank God, everything with them was beyond good. No unnecessary drama. No misunderstandings. Just love. All love.

 

Caress slammed on her brakes so hard her body slid forward and she hit her chest against the steering wheel. It stung a bit but that wasn't going to stop her. Nothing could.

She left her car and marched across the pavement to step onto the freight elevator leading up to Julius's studio. She paced the length of the large metal contraption as she waited for it to grind to a stop. She could hardly wait to get her eyes—and maybe her hands—on him.

The doors opened and she whirled to step off of it. “Hi, Caress,” Dwayne said, his face changing from pleasure to outright curiosity at the stormy expression on her face.

She barely spared him a wave as she kept it moving toward Julius's office. Whipping the leather curtain back like a lightweight cape, Caress flung it from her as she walked up to Julius's desk. “Are you that mad at me because I broke up with you?” she blazed in a hard and cold voice that barely covered the pain and betrayal she felt as she slammed the court papers down into the middle of his take-out lunch.

Julius rolled back in his chair to avoid the reddish sauce of his food from splashing on the ivory knit sweater he wore. “This has nothing to do with you and me, Caress,” he told her as he used a napkin to clean the sticky spots from the top of his desk.

“When I talked to your sneaky behind yesterday you didn't say a damn thing about suing me for partial custody, Julius. Not one damn word,” she said in a bitter voice with angry eyes as she slammed her hand on the top of his desk.

Julius's eyes shifted past her. “Dwayne, you can head on home,” he called out to his nosy assistant.

“Are you sure because I wanted to…to…uh…uhm…dust my desk?”

Julius shot him a hard look and just pointed to the elevator.

Caress crossed her arms over her chest as she paced the length of his office, causing her black wool pants to bunch a bit between her thick thighs. She was mad enough to strip and fight Julius like she used to do during girl fights back in the day.

“I've been asking you to sit down with me—grown man to grown woman—and work out what's best for our son,” Julius said, removing the court papers from his food before he threw the container in the trash at the end of his desk.

“And I asked you to just wait until he was older, Julius,” she shot back with her eyes blazing, “But no, it's your way or no way, right? You're a goddamn hypocrite, Julius.”

“And you believe Justin is yours and I have no say. You won't even cash the damn checks I send for child support because you think that lets you run the show.”

Caress threw her hands up in the air. “This ain't a show. It's our child.”

Julius jumped to his feet. “Damn right.
Our
child, Caress. And I am not going to sit back and be relegated to a footnote in my child's life to suit you or any other damn woman. I don't understand why you of all people don't want the same thing for your child.”

“You go to hell, Julius,” she told him coldly as she refused to let a tear fall in his presence. “What kind of man tries to take an arm baby from its mother? Huh? Huh? A selfish one who is mad because the candy store is
closed
.”

Julius flung his hand at her dismissively. “Caress,
please
. You better be careful not to fall off the pedestal you put yourself on.”

Caress fell silent—speechless—as she eyed him with her hands on her hips. “Let me get this straight,” she said in a soft voice that was still filled with anger and the pain of what she saw as the ultimate betrayal. “I'm a neglectful mother you can't even trust to raise your child and now—according to you—I'm some troll who thinks too highly of herself?”