Love Rising: Spring (Mandrake Falls Series Romance Book 4) (9 page)

He ducked his head and seemed to want to avoid her eyes too.

“Honestly? Not always. Sometimes I do, but usually I feel
like crap. I can’t help how I feel about you, Jocelyn—I swear it’s like being
in prison sometimes. One of us is bound to be happier than the other because
one feels more and is willing to endure more for the other. I don’t want you to
make me feel good. I want you to love me.”

“You don’t want me to love you,” she muttered impatiently. “You
want me to sleep with you. There’s a difference.”

The waiter came and took their order with all the pomp and
gravitas one would expect in a five star establishment. Jeremy and Jocelyn
respectfully listened to the list of specials which neither of them would
order. The restaurant was nearly empty. It was hard to believe the chef had so
many dishes to offer at this time of year when tourism was at its lowest.

Jeremy ordered for both of them, two shrimp cocktail
appetizers, two steak and lobster tail dinners and two martinis. He would look
over the wine list and order after they’d had their cocktails.

As soon as the waiter left, Jeremy jumped all over her last
remark.

“I’m not Hudson Grace and I’m not Ryan McIntyre. You are not
just another co-ed to me. I would give my left testicle if you looked at me the
way you look at those guys—but you know what? I don’t give a shit anymore. I’m
glad some idiot put that ad in the paper because it gave me the chance to tell
you I love you. I don’t know why I do. You’re not my type. Except, yes—you’re
beautiful. And yes, I’m sexually attracted to you. But if that’s all there was
to it, I would’ve got over you by now. I think about you all the time. I look
for you everywhere I go. You don’t know a thing about me if you think sex is
all I want from you.”

“I know
everything
about you.” Her eyes narrowed to sapphire slits in the low light. “You think it’s
just been you watching me? I’ve been watching you too, buddy, and I know sex is
what you really want. If I fell in love with you, you’d run like hell.”

“If you fell in love with me I’d be too busy sobbing with
gratitude to run.”

“Care to bet on it?”

The waiter arrived with the martinis. Jeremy waited, his blood
pumping, his nerves jangling as the drinks were set in front of them.

“What are you talking about?” he asked as soon as they were
alone again.

“I’m talking about putting your so-called love to the test.
After dinner, we’ll go back to your place. I’ll sleep with you and I bet you
stop thinking about me in less than a week. You’re horny—not in love.”

His grin felt tight. He was trying to be casually disinterested
in her offer. He was also trying to be a decent guy and not take advantage of
her emotional vulnerability right now. He was trying to be many things when all
he really wanted was to be in bed with her.

The shrimp cocktails arrived. Jocelyn calmly picked up her
shrimp fork and tucked in just as if nothing had happened.

“Hey, this is good,” she said cheerfully. “Try yours. I
believe this place is one of those undiscovered gems of Vermont I’m always
reading about.” She smiled at him conspiratorially. “Let’s not tell anyone
about it. It’ll be our place. It’s very mysterious and
noir
isn’t it? It looks like a mobster hangout.”

Jeremy barely heard a word she said. His brain had stopped
functioning after she said she’d sleep with him tonight. His tongued clacked
against the roof of his mouth. His heart was thudding in his chest. Jeremy
stared down at the shrimp, wondering what possessed him to order so much food.
If he took her up on her challenge, Jocelyn would be coming back to his place
tonight. Every fantasy he ever had for the past two years would come true in
one night.

It was too much pressure.

He picked up the martini and took a big swallow to steady
him. The vodka went straight to his central nervous system.

Jocelyn cocked her head to one side. “Are you okay? You look
a little flushed. Are you sure you’re not too hot in that sweater?”

“I’m fine.”

“
Here.
” She passed him her
martini. “You might as well have mine too and I’ll be the designated driver
tonight.”

He nodded and picked up his fork and managed to shovel a
couple of shrimp into his mouth. What happened to the guy who was in charge?
How did she managed to change the dynamics between them so that it was him,
once again, left floundering and confused? All the command he had when they
arrived at the restaurant was gone. Maybe she was right and he wasn’t in love
with her. He just wanted to sleep with her.
Hormones.
Chemistry.

There was only one way to find out.

“It’s okay,” she said. Jocelyn was digging to the bottom of
the shrimp cup like it was her last meal. “I’m scared too.”

“What?” Now he was genuinely terrified. She was reading his
mind on top of everything else. Jocelyn had the most succulent mouth he’d ever
seen on a woman. She was sucking the sauce off the fork and it was killing him
to watch.

“I’m scared of spending the night with you too.”

“Why would you be scared? You’re
you.
”

She laughed. “That’s what scares me. You see a blonde
confident girl—I’m a wreck of nerves and self-doubt most of the time. You see,
Jeremy, if my theory is correct you won’t like me so much after tonight and I’ll
miss being adored.”

He nodded his understanding, but wouldn’t confirm or deny
the constancy of his feelings or even that he had agreed to her offer. He knew
his own mind but it wasn’t his mind that was in conflict. It was hers.

The realization made Jeremy perk up.
Jocelyn
was the one who was scared. It was
her
feelings she didn’t understand! She’d spent almost the whole
day with a man who really loved her and she didn’t want it to end.
Hence, the offer to sleep with him.
Jocelyn wasn’t afraid of
losing his love—Jocelyn was afraid she was falling in love with him.

Jeremy was on the brink of having everything he ever wanted
coming true.

Jocelyn reached across the table and took his hand. She had
a small puzzled frown on her face. He wondered if she was feeling any of the
terror and excitement he was feeling.

“Maybe you should kiss me to lessen the tension.”

“Tension?”

“The sexual tension.
Can’t you feel
it? I feel like I’m about to jump out of my skin.”

He looked skeptical. “That sounds like something you’d say
to the guys you’ve dated. We’ve got to have a rule if this is going to work. For
the sake of the purity of the experiment, you can’t say or do anything to win
me over. You have to be totally yourself even if you think I’m not going to
like it. Otherwise, we can’t know for sure if I really love you or if I just
love the
image
of you.”

“All right.
I’ll be straight with
you and you’ll be straight with me, which means when this crush of yours
crashes and burns you’ll be honest about it. No mixed signals, no stringing me
along.
The second you want to ‘explore your options’—”
Jocelyn made air quotes with her fingers, “you have to concede defeat and I win.”

“What do you win?”

“Good question. What do you have that I need?” She screwed
up her face.

“Everything.
Running water, floors
that don’t sag, roofs that don’t leak....”

“That’s perfect!” Her eyes lit up. “If I win, you have to do
the repairs on my house free of charge even though you won’t love me anymore.
If you win, I can only promise to be your dear friend and never turn you away
in time of need. I won’t complain about your love or use you in any way, shape,
or form. I will cherish your heart and take care not to abuse the gift. Are we
agreed?”

Jeremy thrust his hand across the table. “Sounds like a plan
because either way, I win.”

They shook hands and grinned at each other. Jocelyn was
excited, though Jeremy had no clue of just how excited. She was more excited
about this evening with him than she’d been in two years since embarking on
Project Marry Rich. His hand was folded around hers and their palms pressed
together. He had a warm, rough, sandpapery hand.

The waiter removed the empty shrimp cocktail dishes and
returned with the main course. Jocelyn found she was tracking the hours, one
dish at a time, marching toward the moment she would be at his apartment and
the night ahead.

JEREMY FUMBLED the key in the lock and finally got the door
open. He blamed the two martinis but Jocelyn knew it was nerves. She was
nervous too. She didn’t have anything to drink because she was driving, but she
wouldn’t have in any case. She made it a policy to drink very little when she
was out with a man.

And Jeremy was definitely a man. He hadn’t kissed her yet. She
thought he would in the parking lot of the restaurant, but nope. Jocelyn was
going a little crazy waiting for it to happen. He gestured for her to enter with
a sweep of his arm. She stepped inside the apartment and stood awkwardly
waiting for him to close the door, lock it and remove his jacket.

“Can I take your coat?”

“Sure.” She giggled like an idiot as she shrugged out of her
jean jacket and handed it to him. It was too weird being treated like a lady by
a guy her own age. But she sort of liked it too. Even his nervousness was
weirdly exciting.

“Should I make a fire?”

The moon was rising brilliantly white and full. The light
flooded the room. She did a quick calculation on the time it would take to make
a fire, talk, get to kissing and then to the bedroom. It was already nine o’clock.

“No, the moon is enough. Let’s get started.”

They both swallowed hard.

Dinner had been fantastic. The steak, frites and lobster
tail, (which she had never eaten before in her life but she concealed this
information from Jeremy) were out of this world. God knows how much it cost.
First he wouldn’t let her see the bill and then he waited until she was in the
Ladies Room to pay it. He said he wanted tonight to count as a real date. He’d
even opened the car door for her even though she was doing the driving. Jocelyn
thought about all of these things as they stood opposite each other in the
moonlit living room. She forgot all about her father hitting her in the street
and the embarrassing notice of engagement. She forgot about Ryan McIntyre
needing a week before he’d see her again.
And Hudson Grace
marrying Michael Shannon when he was supposed to be in love with her.
She
forgot about her leaky sink and the stack of bills on top of her fridge and the
depressing smells in her house.

She was with Jeremy Marks and for the first time in months,
she felt like everything was going to be okay. Nothing had changed and
everything had changed.

Jocelyn took a step toward him. She reached up, gently
removed his glasses and set them on the table. Then she cupped his face and
drew his lips down to hers and kissed him tenderly.

“Don’t forget the rule,” he choked.

“
Shhhh
.
I’m
not. It’s just you and me here.
Exactly as we are.”

He bent over her in the moonlight, put his arms around her
and kissed her.

The slow, sensuous melding of their lips knocked her
breathless and then her mind shut down. She clung to him as they staggered to
the bedroom locked in an embrace. It was an amazing kiss, passionate but not
pushy, loving but not sweet. Jeremy Marks kissed her like he’d been dreaming of
it every night of his life. Like she was the source of everything he needed.

Then they were in the bedroom, beside the bed and he broke
free, his chest heaving. “Are you sure you want to go through with this.” His
voice was low and tense. “Because, fair warning, I’m not going to stop loving
you. In fact, sleeping with you is only going to make it worse.”

“A deal’s a deal. If you still love me one week from now, I’ll
treasure your love and friendship without objection.”

“But you won’t love me.”

Jocelyn groaned inwardly and outwardly. Why did he have to
complicate it? She was tempted to tell him what he wanted to hear but she’d
promised to be her real self with him. He wasn’t going to like it. “There’s a
really good chance I’m going to love you,
Jere
, but I’m
not going to change the plans I have for my life because of it. I’m only
twenty-two! I haven’t gone anywhere or done any of the things I want to do, except
have a garden and start my own business before I was twenty-five. I did that.”

“It’s for sure that you
have
to marry rich? You couldn’t settle for a solid guy with prospects?”

“If I fell madly in love someone—like an ‘I can’t breathe
without him’ kind of love, then I would settle for a solid guy with prospects.”

“And that someone isn’t me.”

“I can’t let it be you. Don’t you understand? I can’t let myself
feel that way about you so don’t push it. It’s not up to me.” She turned away,
her face closed and angry. “Our feelings aren’t the only things that matter.
Sometimes we have to do what’s right for others.”

Jeremy blinked hard several times. He glanced down at the
unmade bed. “I don’t know about that. The trouble is ... you still have that
guy out there waiting to meet you. I’ve already met the person I feel that way
about. Who is going to help me get over you?”

She wrapped her arms around him and rested her cheek against
his chest. He was warm and his sweater tickled her face. “Someone will. You’ll
see. I promise after tonight, I’ll be just a pretty girl you had a crush on
once.”

“You’re not old enough to be that cynical. I can’t be happy
without you.”

Jeremy wrapped his arms around her and kissed her again. She
ran her fingers through his hair and the kiss deepened as they both caught fire
at the same moment. She scrambled to pull her thin turtleneck sweater off over
her head and he fumbled to remove his sweater vest.

When Jocelyn was undressed to her bra, Jeremy stopped her
before she could unfasten it. “Wait. I might die if I see you before I’m ready.
Hold on.” He took a breath and exhaled. “Okay. Go.”

The bra came free and Jocelyn was topless. He gazed at her
nakedness and then into her eyes. “You are beautiful.”

“I’m a woman. We all look the same under our clothes. It’s
your turn.”

He struggled with the buttons on his shirt so much that she
realized he was shy.

“Haven’t you ever undressed in front of a girl before?”

“Sure, of course.
Once.
Three years
ago. She was my sometime girlfriend.”

“What was her name?”

“Ashley.”

“Humph. I wouldn’t have thought you were the ‘Ashley’ type.
How did you meet her?”

“At my father’s—at
theater college
,
where I learned stage management. I knew her from before. Her father and my
father belong to a couple of the same clubs.”

“You mean like the Rotary Club?”

“More or less.”

He finally managed to open every button and Jocelyn slid the
cotton shirt from his shoulders. Jeremy was the only twenty-three-year-old she
knew who dressed like an old man. He slouched but even slouching he still had a
great body. His shoulders were broader than she thought they would be. His skin
was light tan, like toast, and he had chest hair that grew in a dark T from his
sternum and across each nipple.

She brushed her fingers over his chest. Jeremy sucked in a
breath.

“You can touch me if you want to,” she encouraged him softly.

Her breasts were small enough to fill a teacup, perfectly
round and firm and to Jeremy, the most beautiful he had ever seen. He didn’t
care if all women looked the same under their clothes. He didn’t want all
women. He wanted Jocelyn.

He kissed her again and she responded with the same degree
of passion that he felt for her. Jeremy didn’t question her passion or
disbelieve it. They had made a pact to be honest with each other and he knew in
his soul that Jocelyn was being completely herself with him. It made him love
her all the more. The mystery was how could she think it wouldn’t?

Tonight was about more than a bet. She could think whatever
she wanted to about this night—Jeremy knew it was a test. The kind of test
found in fairy tales where the hero wins the hand of his love by being braver,
cleverer and more faithful to her than any of the others. That described him
all right. For Jeremy, this night wasn’t about winning a bet. It was about winning
Jocelyn Tate.

He traced the gentle fluted curve of her ribcage up to the
round of her breast and then kissed her deeply. Her tongue sought his and they
fell to the bed. Whatever or whoever he was to her before this moment, he wasn’t
that guy anymore. Her hands sought the button on his jeans, found the fly, and
together they pulled the denim down and off. They worked in unison on her white
jeans because they took more effort, but soon they were stripped away as well
and flung to the floor.

Jeremy and Jocelyn paused, breathing heavily, sitting on his
bed in their underwear.

She giggled nervously and moved to touch him but Jeremy
shook his head. He pressed her back against the pillows. She stretched her
long, slim legs, looked into his eyes and waited. Jeremy eased her panties
down, very slowly over her buttocks, thighs, calves ... and finally dropped
them to the floor.

Jocelyn was one of those girls everyone assumed had plenty
of sexual experience when in fact, she had very little. In her pursuit of a
rich (or decently well-off) husband she did not waste time with boys of her own
age. From the age of eighteen, Jocelyn pretended to be more sophisticated than
she was in order to attract older men. She was successful twice. On those two
occasions, she took charge even though she didn’t have a clue what she was
doing because her partners seemed to expect it. She had a dim idea from reading
women’s magazines that an assertive sexual partner was what a rich man wanted.
It was a relief to be with Jeremy and not have to pretend. In terms of sexual experience,
she figured they were probably about equal.

He’d been gazing at her for so long that Jocelyn began to
worry he was already losing interest now that he’d seen his goddess in the
flesh. She was just a girl after all, exactly like every other girl, only she
wasn’t nice like Paula Dunlop.

“Do you like Paula Dunlop?” she asked, suddenly speared with
jealousy. She remembered the two of them together at the wedding and Ryan
McIntyre’s advice that Jeremy should ask Paula out again.

“Sure, I like Paula. Why?”

A swoop of disappointment clenched in her stomach.

“Just wondering.”
He sounded
reserved, Jocelyn thought.
And a bit guilty.
“When
this is all over—between us, I mean—and the engagement notice is retracted, I
guess you’ll ask Paula out.”

Jeremy bent over and kissed her belly. She stroked his hair,
running her fingers through it. He really had the best hair.
Thick
and heavy.

“If it’s all the same to you,
Joce
,
I’m kind of preoccupied with the woman I want to grow old with at the moment.
Remind me to talk about this tomorrow when I’m less happy.”

Jeremy moved his mouth lower and he exhaled warm breath over
her pubic region.

“Jeremy.” Jocelyn writhed a little. The sensation was ...
outstanding.

He parted her legs and buried his face between them. She was
already wet from the hours of anticipation. He was making her crazy, taking his
time as though everything about her aroused him. She knew he was aroused—she could
see his erection through his underwear. His white briefs revealed more about
Jeremy Marks’ manhood than they concealed.

He tongued her and Jocelyn stopped thinking in that moment.

Jeremy’s mouth did the rest.

JEREMY POSITIONED himself between Jocelyn’s thighs, waiting
until she had stopped trembling.

“Where did you learn to do that?” she gasped.

“The public library,” he said as he slipped into her warm,
wet warmth. “I read a lot.”

This moment—the one he’d fantasized about since he first met
her—was beyond description.
A sensation of bliss beyond his
wildest hope.

She moaned softly. Jeremy clenched his teeth to hold on. He
kissed her as he pressed deeper, moving inside her slowly, a rhythm he tried to
hold steady but making love to her was exciting him too quickly.

He lifted up to look into her face. She met his eyes,
surprised as though their union was a revelation to her and a welcome one. The
way Jocelyn looked at him ... it was as if she was seeing him for the first
time. Oh God, the pleasure in her eyes was killing him.

Jeremy clenched, tried to master the climax that hit his
brain first and then his testicles but it was too late—he came with overwhelming
force into Jocelyn’s womb and it was all over. He slumped over her trembling,
his chest heaving, cursing his luck. He shouldn’t have looked at her. He could’ve
hung on if he didn’t see who it was he was making love to. It was only then
that he remembered he didn’t ask her about birth control. What an asshole!

“Jocelyn! What if you get pregnant?”

“That’s your first thought? We make love for the first time
ever and your first thought is did I get her pregnant?” Jocelyn pushed out from
under him. Her face was flushed but the pleasure he had seen there was rapidly
fading. “Don’t worry, Marks. I’m not going to make you my baby’s daddy. I’m on
the Pill.”

“No, that’s not what I meant. That came out all wrong. I’d
father ten of your kids if you let me but I should’ve been more responsible. It’s
not only up to the girl to take care of birth control. I should have checked
before we—before I—you know.”

She gazed at him, half-doubtful, half in awe. “Remember our
deal. You can’t say things to me that you’d say to Ashley.”

“I’m not. I really believe that about birth control. It’s
how I was raised. And it’s only logical if you think about it. It takes two to
make a baby.” He stroked her cheek. “Are you okay?”

Jocelyn nodded, her blues eyes dancing. “Yeah, I’m okay.
You?”