Love Inspired March 2014 - Bundle 2 of 2: North Country Family\Small-Town Midwife\Protecting the Widow's Heart (9 page)

She looked up, startled, glanced at him and shook her head.

In the week since Noah's incident Rick had been visiting Lives Under Construction a lot. He'd specifically chosen times when he knew Cassie had a shift at the hospital so he could meet up with Noah. But now, seeing her pretty face, his heart took up the familiar double-time rhythm in his chest, forcing him to realize he'd had little success in quelling his responses to her, but at least he'd found a tiny crack in Noah's armor.

“He's coming out of it now.” After checking her watch, Cassie noted the time in a little booklet she had in her pocket. Worry clouded her eyes, but the loving touch of her ministering hands continued.

Rick knelt opposite Cassie to clasp Michael's hand in his. She tossed him a brief smile.

“Lie still for a moment and get your bearings,” she urged as Michael's eyelids fluttered.

Michael's amber eyes slowly opened. He stared at her, misery and shame swirling in his gaze.

“It was worse this time, wasn't it?” he asked in a slightly slurred tone.

“A little longer,” she agreed.

“I wish it would just kill me.” Grimacing, he accepted Rick's hand to help sit up.

“Don't say that, Michael,” Cassie said. “These attacks will diminish eventually. The doctors told you that.”

“Yeah, but when?” He touched his temple gingerly. “I think I hit myself.”

“You knocked against the table before I could catch you,” Cassie explained. “I'm sorry.”

“It's not your fault.” Michael's voice carried a return of the depression Rick had heard in several previous visits.

“Do you feel like getting up, maybe moving to the sofa? It might be more comfortable.” Cassie smiled her thanks at Rick when he helped the boy stand upright.

Michael's feeble grip fell away as he lowered himself onto the couch. “Is it a sin to want to die, Rick?”

“Well, I don't think God appreciates us rejecting His gift of life,” Rick temporized, his radar going into full alert at the question.

“I think dying is the only way I'll ever be free of these seizures,” Michael murmured.

“That's not true,” Cassie countered.

But Rick heard the reservation in her tone. He watched as she draped a damp cloth on Michael's brow and smoothed his hair. He'd seen Cassie's devotion to her patients before, but this was more than a nurse doing her job. This was Cassie's motherly heart enfolding a troubled kid.

“Can I tell you something, Michael?” Rick sat down across from the prone boy, shifting so Michael could see his face without altering his position.

Cassie sat down near Michael, as well, intently observing him. Rick inhaled then spoke the words God had laid on his heart.

“You're not here by accident, Michael. You're here because God has plans for you. Good plans.”

“How do you know?” Michael shifted a little higher on his pillows, his interest clear.

“It's in the Bible. There's a verse where God says He knows the plans He has for you, plans for good and not for evil, plans to give you a future and a hope.” Rick smiled.

Michael visibly struggled to adjust his thinking.

“Maybe it's hard to see now, but God has good things in store for you,” he said, feeling the intensity of Cassie's stare. “What you have to do is be ready for them.”

“How? I can't stop the seizures.” The hope that had flickered in Michael's eyes sputtered out. “None of the doctors can tell me if they'll stop for sure. What hope is there in that?”

“The hope isn't in the situation, Michael. The hope is in God. You trust Him to keep His promise to help you.” When Cassie checked Michael's pulse again, Rick rose. “We can talk again whenever you want. But I think Cassie would like you to rest now.”

“Yes, I would.” She took the damp cloth from Michael's forehead. “Rest for a while. Think about something nice.”

“Like my saxophone,” he murmured in a drowsy tone.

Cassie beckoned to Rick to follow her out of the room, closing the door gently. Once they were in the hall, she said, “I did ask him if he knew where his saxophone was, after you suggested it. He told me his parents sold it to punish him.”

Rick shook his head in dismay as they walked toward the kitchen.

“Thanks for your help. Michael seemed to relax after you quoted that passage from Jeremiah. It used to be a favorite of mine, too.”

“Not anymore?” He noted the yawn she couldn't quite smother.

“Oh, I still think it's a great verse.” She poured herself a second cup of coffee.

“Just not for you. Right?”

“Something like that.” She lifted a hand to rub the back of her neck.

“You're tired.”

“I was up with Daniel last night.” She sighed. “He's still struggling with withdrawal so he has nightmares. I try to be there when they get too intense.”

“You care a lot about these boys, don't you?” Rick didn't have to ask. He already knew the truth, saw it in the tenderness of her gaze whenever it rested on one of the boys. He also saw that the burden of caring for them was wearing her down. “You need a break. Get on some warm clothes.”

“Why?” She blinked at him in surprise.

“We're going snowshoeing.”

“I don't know how to snowshoe,” Cassie sputtered. “Besides, I have to keep an eye on Michael.”

“I'm sure Laurel will be happy to check on him while you're out. Any other excuses?” He grinned when her mouth opened and closed several times. “I didn't think so. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, but it does the same thing for Jill.”

“Something you learned in medical school?” Cassie gibed.

“Seminary.” He chuckled when she rolled her eyes. “Well?”

“Truthfully? I'd love to get some fresh air. I'll check with Laurel and see if it's okay with her. I'll change and be right back.” She hurried to the door, paused then turned. “You're sure you have time?”

“Positive,” Rick said, ignoring his better judgment, which told him that this wasn't the way to create distance. “I'll get my gear out of the car.”

Kyle was waiting for him when he returned. “I didn't realize you were here. Were you looking for me?”

“Actually, yes.” Rick felt his face heat up when Cassie appeared and Kyle took a moment to look back and forth between them. “Michael had another seizure. He's resting now so I suggested Cassie take a break and go snowshoeing with me. Can she borrow your snowshoes?”

Kyle raised an eyebrow but all he said was, “Sure. They're inside the shed. Have fun.”

“Thanks.” Rick zipped up his suit and grabbed his gloves, grateful that his friend hadn't demanded an explanation right then and there—because he didn't have one.

He checked that Cassie was ready to go. “Okay?”

She nodded.

The early afternoon sun blazed on the white snow, almost blinding in its intensity. Rick helped Cassie strap on Kyle's snowshoes then donned his own. Cassie caught on quickly and soon they were tramping over the tundra, their breath forming white clouds around them.

“You're good at this,” he complimented.

“It's actually a lot of fun,” she puffed, pausing to gaze around. “I've wanted to get out and explore but haven't had much time. Oh, look.” A rabbit scurried across the snow, barely visible as he blended into his surroundings.

“There's a small creek over there,” Rick told her. “Not that it will be running in this weather, but that thicket makes a good hiding place for animals. Want to take a look?”

Cassie nodded and set off at a quick clip. Rick followed, admiring the way her blond curls framed her face. Cassie was truly beautiful. There was no denying it.

Rick quickly checked the direction of those thoughts. This was an outing to have fun. That's all.

Something cold and wet smacked him on the side of his head.

“Hey!”

“I thought maybe you'd fallen asleep,” Cassie teased, her laughter echoing across the barren land. “How come you slowed down?”

“I got caught admiring the view,” he muttered as he scraped snow from his collar.

“What did you say?” She tipped her head to one side like a curious bird, the pure angles of her face lit by the sun.

“Nothing.” Rick forced his mind to clear. In several quick strides he was beside her. “You want a snowball fight? I can give you a snowball fight.” He bent to scoop up a handful of snow and rolled it menacingly between his hands.

“No, no!” she yelped, turning awkwardly to race across the snowpack as quickly as she could. “I was just teasing!”

Rick followed, took aim and threw. The snowball landed on the top of her green hood. Without pause he made a second missile and hit her in the back. Cassie's laughter echoed through the afternoon but soon her speed tripped her up and she landed with a whoosh in the snow.

Rick plowed toward her, forming another snowball as he moved. When he reached her, he loomed over her. “Prepare to have your face washed.”

“I'll freeze,” she protested, still chuckling. When he leaned down, she squealed, but in an about-face of courage, tipped her head so she was looking directly at him. “Okay, I'll take my punishment.”

Rick was instantly caught up in her brown eyes, in the way her curls kissed her cheeks and the proud thrust of her chin, daring him. Finally he tossed the snowball over her head then held out a hand.

“Come on. If your racket hasn't chased away every animal within ten miles, we might still see something.”

Cassie's laughter died as she studied him. Then she held out her mittened hand and let him pull her upright. Cassie's snowshoes got tangled in his and she lost her balance, tumbling against him, her hands pressed against his chest.

Her brown eyes, huge now, met and held his. “Sorry.”

Rick's arms automatically went around her. He couldn't speak, couldn't move, couldn't tear his gaze from her. His heart threatened to pound through his chest. He felt certain Cassie could hear it, but all he could do was stand there, stunned by the strength of his urge to kiss her, to touch his lips to her soft mouth. He leaned forward just the tiniest bit.

“R-rick?” Her voice emerged in a breathy gasp. Seconds passed and he didn't release her. At last, she dropped her hands from his chest and stepped back, untangling her snowshoes from his. “I thought we were going to see some animals,” she murmured.

“We are.” Rick exhaled. “Race you.”

He wheeled away and marched across the snow in giant strides, surging toward the thicket, inhaling deeply as he moved, trying to cleanse his heart and mind of Cassie. He glanced back once. She was standing where he'd left her, studying him.

Determined to regain control, Rick faced forward and kept going until he reached the tree stump where he often sat and watched the animals. He filled his lungs and forced his heart to slow down. By the time Cassie arrived, he had regained his composure. He even managed to give her a friendly smile, as if he'd totally dismissed the intimate moment they'd shared.

“Have a seat.” He swiped the snow off another stump and patted it. “It's not the most comfortable, but it's the best view.”

“It's pretty here. It looks like a Christmas wonderland.” Cassie, too, seemed determined to ignore those few awkward minutes. She sat down next to him, her shoulder brushing his.

A short while later a white-coated Arctic fox appeared not thirty feet away. Cassie made no sound, though when the fox came within several feet of them, her hand slid into his.

“It's okay,” Rick reassured her in a low murmur. “She's checking us out. She probably has a den with kits in it nearby. Try not to move.”

He sat beside Cassie, too aware of her so close to him. He felt every motion she made, heard her swift intake of breath when the mother fox carried one of her babies into the snow for a quick wash, then hurried it back inside when a dark shadow circled overhead.

“She won't come out for a while now,” he explained. “She knows there's danger.”

Several moments passed before Cassie's hand slid out of his. “We've been gone awhile,” she said checking her watch. “I should get back and check on Michael.”

“Okay.” Rick rose, sad that their few moments alone together were over but also somehow relieved that they'd soon be with other people. He needed to get his thoughts in order, to remember the vows he'd made to God and to focus on God's priorities.

He pushed through the snow in silence, following the trail their earlier tracks had made. He focused on what he saw. Frosted crests of snow peaked among wild grasses that had pushed through wind-polished hillocks of white.

“It's very serene, isn't it?” she said in a hushed voice.

“Yes.” Rick wished he felt that serenity inside. Instead, he felt off-kilter and confused. He waited until they were almost back to Lives, then he turned to face Cassie.

“Is something wrong?” Cassie asked, a question on her face.

Rick had been going to say something about the two of them, but suddenly he couldn't find the words. Anyway, he didn't want to break the connection he'd felt. Not yet.

“I wanted to ask about Noah,” he said instead. “I'm guessing you haven't made much progress?” He waited for the shake of her head. “He's been very quiet at choir, too. I thought he might stop coming, but he hasn't.”

“I'm glad.”

“Me, too. He seems to enjoy singing,” Rick murmured. “I wish I could give him more attention, but I have my hands full with directing the boys and accompanying them on guitar.”

“I thought Lucy was playing piano.” Cassie undid her snowshoes.

“The arthritis in her hands makes it too difficult for her. Playing on Sundays is the most she can manage.” Rick met her gaze when she looked up at him, but he had to look away. Those few moments in the snow kept intruding.