Love & Hate (Book One: Hate) (10 page)

“
I just need some time. I don’t understand what is happening here. I don’t know how I feel. I mean just a few hours ago you were kissing another girl the same way in front of an entire crowd of people.”

He sighs deeply and scrubs his hands over his face. “You think I kissed her like I just kissed you?”
Yes, yes I do!

“
Well, you looked pretty into it from where I was standing. I don’t exactly blame you though, Tenley is gorgeous-”

Leaning over me he cuts me off. “Paige, I’m only going to say this once, so listen up. The only person I wanted to be kissing today was you. And if it looked like I was enjoying my kiss with Tenley it was because I drank enough whiskey to trick myself into pretending it was you!”
Whoa, is he for real? What is he talking about, he hates me. Doesn’t he?

“
You were pretending it was me?” I am astonished.

“
Yes, I wished it was you.” He tells me gently.

I don’t even think, I push forward and attack his lips with mine. He moans and presses down on top of me again starting a whole new round of making out. His hands are tangled in my long blonde hair and I can feel his hard length against my leg. I know I should slow this down but I can’t bring myself to stop. Cutter is like a drug and I am becoming full on addicted.

He must have been thinking the same thing because he slowly ends our kiss. “Honey we need to stop this before I take things too far.”

I let out a little a whimper and say “okay.”

He chuckles at my response. “I don’t want to stop either, but we should. I need to be getting home.”
No! I don’t want him to go.

“
Or you could stay here.” I say a little too eagerly.
Way to look easy, Paige! Where did that come from?

“
You know neither one of us would sleep if I stay. You need your rest.” He says with a giant smile on his face. He climbs off the bed and I attempt to go with him but he pulls the covers back and ushers me underneath them. He tucks me in bed and bends down and kisses my forehead. “Go to sleep Paige, I’ll see you tomorrow.” He says and then leaves clicking the door shut behind him.
What the Hell just happened here tonight? And how am I ever going to sleep after all that?

I woke up to a text message from Cutter inviting me to breakfast. I am busily rifling through my closet when I finally decide to just wear what I have on. My latest outfit choice is a pair of dark capris my favorite Sperry Topsider loafers and a plain white t-shirt. I have done my hair in a ponytail and have done my makeup it light pink tones, which highlight my tan skin.

I am pacing back and forth in front of my full length mirror when my phone dings signaling I have a text message. I check my phone. Sure enough it is a text from Cutter telling me he is downstairs waiting for me. I grab my favorite tan purse and hurry down to meet him.

He is sitting in his large black truck. He has a on a dark blue checkered button up shirt, a baseball hat, and gold aviators.
Gosh that man is good looking.

When he sees me he hopes down from his truck and comes around to open my door. “Hello Paige.”
Well hello there Southern gentleman.

“
Hey” is all I can get out. I am too busy thinking about what transpired the night before.

“
Did you sleep well?” He asks me as he climbs into the driver seat of the truck. He has a hint of a smile now like he is teasing me.
Two can play that game, Mister!

“
I slept great.” I say defiantly not wanting to give into his charm.

He chuckles a bit and says “I’m sure you did.” He then reaches over and turns up the radio. Eric Church’s song
Like Jesus Does
is playing and he starts to sing along.
Man, he is crazy sexy when he sings. Especially when he sings Eric Church!

We have a wonderful breakfast. It was surprisingly easy to chat with him even after everything that happened the night before. A few times during our conversation my thoughts drifted back to the way he had kissed me and my cheeks became flushed. I think he noticed because he would get this naughty little smile on his face whenever it happened. It was sort of frustrating having him read my body so easily. I was going to have to work on my poker face. Once we finished our meal we returned to my dorm room and he walked me up to my room.

I proceed into my room and he follows behind me closing the door behind us. I am just about to put my purse down on the desk when he spins me around and his lips meet mine. My whole body instantly goes up in flames. My hands come up to the back of his neck pulling him closer to me. He grabs me by my hips and in one quick movement he lifts me up so I am sitting perched on the desk. I let out a little moan and he pushes his way in between my thighs still kissing me feverishly.

I feel him pull back and he takes a deep breath. “We need to slow down Princess.” He tells me in a husky tone.

The minute he calls me Princess I feel myself recoil and shut down. I push back from him and slide down of the desk. I hate that name. Cooper, his stupid brother, had named me Piggy Princess torture me. Hearing Cutter call me Princess brought back a flood of painful memories and all the tears that would inevitably follow. I start to feel very insecure and I suddenly feel uncomfortable having Cutter in my room.

Cutter notices the change in my mood. “What’s wrong Paige?”
What do I do here? Do I tell him how much that name bothers me or do I just try to get over it?

“
Why are you doing this Cutter?” I ask him deflecting his question.

He has been looking at the ground with his hands in his hair but when I ask that question his head snaps up and he stares at me intensely. “Doing what Paige?” He is confused and bit angry. My mind is flying at the possibilities of what is truly going on here.

“
Why are you doing this?” I ask again and this time motion between him and me. He doesn’t respond so I continue. “Is this some sick joke? Did Cooper put you up to this just to torture me?”
Well, screw that I am not going to fall for their little game.

“
Paige, what are you exactly accusing me of here?” Cutter asks me pointedly with a flash of anger in his voice.

“
I am not accusing you. I am straight up asking you if this is some horrible game you are playing.” I say while staring daggers at him.

“
You think this is all a joke?” He asks in disbelief.

“
Well I wouldn’t put it past you. I mean you have been less than nice to me.”

“
Is that what you think?” He is full on angry now.

“
Yes, that is what I think!” I spit back at him.

“
You know nothing.” He yells back and stalks toward me. I begin scrambling backwards until I feel the wall hit my back. He gets inches from my face.
Shit, shit, shit I have no place to go!

“
I don’t play games, Paige. You best understand that now.” He says coolly and stalks off toward the door. He flings it open and slams it shut as he exited. I stay against the wall stunned.
What that heck does that mean? Did I just royally screw up or did I just save myself from the biggest heartbreak of all time?

CHAPTER 9

After Cutter leaves I immediately called Tess. She reassures me that I have done the right thing in questioning his motives. She tells me to be strong and not give in and call him. This is hard, because I wanted to call him the minute he stormed out of my room. However, something in my gut tells me not to. I have this nagging feeling I am missing something when it comes to Cutter and I. So I stick to my guns and I don’t call him. And much to my dismay he doesn’t call me either.

It has now been two weeks since I last saw him and I feel awful. I am irritable all the time and just down right cranky. I know Cutter’s absence is the reason for my foul mood, which is stupid because it wasn’t like we had a real relationship to begin with.
This is not a breakup, we weren’t even together. I need to just snap out of it and fast.

It is Monday, my least favorite day of the week for many reasons but mostly because I have economics class at the butt-crack of dawn. I am already running a few minutes late for class when I hear my name being shouted from across campus. I look around surprised anyone I know would even be up this early. A few feet ahead of me I spot Tanner waving his hands as he comes toward me.

“
Hey Paige! What are you doing up so early?” He asks shocked at my early birdness.

“
Oh I have a dreaded econ class.”

“
Yeah econ is pretty horrible isn’t it? Hey I’m glad I ran into you. I wanted to ask you something.” I can tell he is kind of nervous.

“
Sure, what’s up?” I ask curiously.

“
Well there is a bunch of us that go to Missoula this time every year for a fly fishing trip. I wanted to see if you and your friend Millie wanted to go with us.” He says sounding hopeful.
Oh, Millie huh?

“
Um well that sounds fun, but I don’t know.” I try to casually back out.

“
If you’re worried if Cutter is going, don’t be. He is going home for the weekend.”
Wait, he knows I would be worried about Cutter. Has Cutter said something to him? That pisses me off!

“
Oh I don’t give a flying what Cutter is doing. I’ll ask Millie. It sounds like a fun time.”
I will not let Cutter stop me from having fun, I’ll show him.

“
Great, just be at the frat at five on Friday.” He says and then strolls away.
Crap what did I just agree too now?

When I call Millie, she is her totally chill self and says the Missoula trip sounds like a great time. She is always up for anything which is part of the reason I like her so much. When I am around Mills she has a way of putting me in a Zen like state. Maybe she should be yogi or something. Let’s just hope that her addictive calmness holds out through the weekend.

It is now Friday afternoon and Millie and I are all packed and outside the fraternity waiting for Tanner to finish loading his truck. We have called dibs on riding in his truck. There are about five other guys from the house going and each seems to have a girl with him. This meant I am kind of odd-man-out, since Tanner has two of us to look after. I know he is clearly into Mills and not me, which makes me the tag-along. I don’t totally freak out at this revelation simply because I know Millie won’t make me feel like a third wheel. I also get the sense from Tanner he won’t either.