Long Time Coming (19 page)

D
eidre was so exhausted by the time she reached her bedroom that night that she had completely forgotten that Johnson had told her that he wanted to talk. When she opened the door and saw Johnson sitting up in bed waiting for her, she wanted to turn around and go right back to make-believe land. But she closed the door behind her and said, "Thanks for all your help today. I honestly don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been here."

"That's what a partnership is all about, Deidre—being there for each other."

If he was starting their discussion like this, Deidre knew she didn't have enough strength left to defend herself tonight."Johnson, do you think we can talk about this tomorrow?"

"No. I need to get this out now. We have so much more going on that I don't want this between us anymore."

"Okay," she said slowly as she sat down at the bottom of the bed."I'm listening."

"Before we got married," he began, "I told you that I wanted children and lots of them if that was possible."

Deidre was silent. She was guilty, so what could she say?

"You knew all the while that you couldn't have children, but you never said a word. Marissa thinks that I should listen to your side of things before making snap judgments. But—"

Lifting her hand to stop Johnson in mid-sentence, Deidre said, "What does Marissa have to do with any of this?"

"She doesn't have anything to do with it."

"Then why did you tell her our business?"

"You told Kenisha. And before you told me, might I add."

"That's different," Deidre defended herself."You should not be crying on the shoulder of a single woman. A woman who is about to give birth to a child whose father still remains nameless, might I add."

"That's another thing," Johnson said as he stood up."Stop accusing me of things. Just because you are sneaky and underhanded doesn't mean the rest of the world is. Marissa doesn't want me. And for your information, she happens to think that you are a wonderful woman and that I should give you another chance."

Johnson's voice was escalating. She had pushed the wrong button, and she knew it. She had no right to accuse Johnson of anything after the way she had deceived him for so many years. She silently prayed,
Lord, please guide my tongue.
"You're right, Johnson, I was wrong for saying that. I don't want to fight with you, and I don't want you to come back home just to become a father to Kenisha's children. I want all of us to be a family. So please tell me what I can do to make this right."

Johnson sat back down, took in a couple of deep breaths to calm himself, and then said, "I just want to know why you didn't trust me enough to tell me the truth."

"I've been thinking about this a lot. And I don't know if the reason I didn't tell you had to do with my lack of trust in you or my own feelings of worthlessness." She hesitated for a moment. But Deidre was determined that Johnson know the truth of her feelings, so she forced herself to keep going."From the moment my doctor informed me of my PCOS disorder, I have felt worthless. My mother tried to convince me that it didn't matter. She told me that I would find a man to marry who would love me despite everything. But I didn't believe her, and when my sister got married and started having children one after the other, I became so jealous that I didn't know what to do.

"Then I met you. And you were so wonderful that I didn't want to lose you. I kept trying to convince myself that it didn't matter, but when you started talking about kids, I knew it was too late to tell you the truth."

"Why?"

"As far as I was concerned, that would have been the final proof of my worthlessness. I honestly thought I would kill myself if you rejected me."

"So now you're telling me that I married a woman with suicidal tendencies."

"I don't have suicidal tendencies, Johnson. All of that happened between us before I gave my life to Christ. I have a better understanding of who I am now."

"And yet you still didn't tell me."

Putting her hands in her lap, Deidre tried to explain how they had gotten so far into their marriage without knowing everything about each other."We were married two years before we committed our life to God, and although I no longer feared killing myself, I was ashamed of all the years I had deceived you. I kept trying to find ways to tell you, but then you would talk about children and I would chicken out. I have no excuse, but I love you. That has always been the truth, and I don't see it changing anytime soon."

"Okay, Deidre, I can accept what you say as the truth. But once we get through this difficult time with Kenisha, the two of us are going to the doctor together to find out if anything can be done concerning your condition. A lot has changed since you were sixteen, so we don't know if modern medicine has found a way around your condition by now or not."

"Is this your way of telling me that I'm old?"

"You're thirty-two, Deidre. I don't think that is old at all."

"Okay, just making sure."

Johnson smiled at her. It was the first smile he'd given her in over a week.

She reveled in it."I'm sorry, baby. I promise I'll never keep anything from you again. Just please forgive me."

In answer to her plea, Johnson pulled his wife into his arms and held her through the night.

Kenisha felt better when she woke Friday morning. There were no more secrets, the kids knew what was going on, and they also knew that she had made sure that they wouldn't be left to the state. Jamal was asleep on the love seat. She propped her hands behind her head and just watched him. Kenisha still remembered how hard his delivery had been and how she'd begged God to ease her pain. But when her son had finally come out, she had felt as if he had been worth every minute of pain she'd had to endure.

But the pain hadn't been over when the delivery was done. Jamal had been a night owl; he would sleep for an hour and then be awake for two, expecting Kenisha to entertain him. Until Jamal was two years old, Kenisha hadn't known what a good night's sleep felt like. Then Diamond came along. She actually slept through the night but refused to take a nap during the day. Kennedy was the only child of hers who had slept through the night and who had taken naps during the day. Kenisha had thought of Kennedy as her gift from God. But despite the difficulties her children had put her through with their erratic sleep patterns, she wouldn't have traded them for the world.

She turned her attention back to Jamal. He was snoring, but not so loud as to bother anyone. His future wife would appreciate that he was a light snorer. She would also like the fact that Jamal was handsome. Jamal looked more and more like his father with each passing day. Thoughts of James caused Kenisha to frown. She would have to see him soon in order to get those papers signed. But she didn't want James to see her like this. When he went into prison, she was young and vibrant, with hips that swayed and other attributes that men looked favorably on. But she had lost so much weight and looked so ghostly . . . if only James could remember her the way she had been.

But he was calling the shots, and James had demanded that she and the prospective parents come to see him before he signed off on anything."I will see you soon, my love," she whispered.

A knock at the door brought Kenisha out of her lost-love dreaming. She knew it was Aisha, because she had been coming over the last few Fridays and sitting with her since her nurse didn't work on Fridays. Kenisha had actually been enjoying her Friday visits from her sister.

"Jamal," Kenisha called, trying to wake her son.

"Jamal, get up," she said a bit louder.

He stirred, stretched, and then looked toward his mother."What's up?"

"Somebody is at the door. I think it's Aisha. Can you go let her in?"

"Sure, Mama, no problem." He stood up and walked toward the front door. When Jamal opened the door and saw who was standing on the porch, he ran back to the family room shouting."Mama, Auntie Isha brought Chico with her."

"Where is she? I've got a right to see my daughter," Chico shouted as he stomped through the house.

"Calm down, Chico. This is not Kenisha's house, so you just can't act a fool in here," Aisha told him.

"Well, I want to see my child. I got a right to see her whenever I want," Chico said, like he was some expert on the law.

"She's in the family room. I'll take you in there, but I don't want you upsetting her. Do you hear me?" Aisha demanded.

"I didn't come over here to cause no trouble, Aisha. I just want to see my baby girl."

"Come on," Aisha said as she took him to the family room.

Kenisha was sitting up shooting daggers at Aisha with her eyes as she and Chico walked into the family room."What do you want?" Kenisha demanded.

"You know what I want. You've been hiding Kennedy from me, and I want to see her."

Kenisha frowned, "I'm not hiding Kennedy from you."

"Then why haven't you been home?"

Deidre and Johnson walked into the family room, looking as if an intruder had just invaded their house looking for all the valuables. They weren't far off on that train of thought. It was for that reason that Kenisha never would have told Chico where the Morrises lived. Why Aisha had taken it upon herself to do such a thing, Kenisha didn't know, but she intended to find out.

"What's going on down here?" Johnson asked.

Chico swung around like he was big and bad. But he was too skinny to intimidate anybody. He pointed at Johnson and said, "So I guess you think you're my little girl's daddy now, but I got news for you. Kennedy don't need another daddy."

Tired of this whole scene, Kenisha said, "You already signed away your rights to Kennedy, Chico. You have no say over Kennedy. Not anymore."

Turning back on Kenisha he said, "That's because you tricked me with that lousy forty dollars. You knew I was having a weak moment, and you exploited that fact."

"You're always having a weak moment, Chico. You're on drugs. Look Chico, you did the right thing by giving up your rights to Kennedy. Don't turn back on that now. What you did was truly unselfish, and I was proud of you for that."

"But I love Kennedy," he protested.

"Again, I hate to remind you of this, but you are on drugs."

"That doesn't mean I can't be a father to my child."

"That's exactly what it means. Now please leave so I can rest," Kenisha said as she lay her head back down on her pillow.

"Look, Kenisha, I know you're sick. I'm not trying to cause you any problems, but I was looking for you and you weren't there. I got worried."

"I don't have any money, Chico. So save all the drama."

"Why you always got to think I'm after money?"

" 'Cause I know you. You've got something up your sleeve, and I'm asking you to think of what's best for Kennedy for once in your life."

"What? You think these rich suckas can raise my child better than I can?"

"Yes, I do, Chico. Now please leave."

Chico turned to Johnson and said, "I could raise my child myself if some rich benefactor wanted to help me out too. But all that's neither here nor there because I want that paper back that I signed."

"No," Kenisha answered.

"You're not taking my baby girl away from me, Kenisha. I've got rights," Chico demanded.

"Do you have a place to stay?" Johnson asked Chico.

"I stay here and there, but if you want to loan me a couple hundred dollars to help me get on my feet, I can get a nice place for me and Kennedy."

"You think you can find a place for you and Kennedy with two hundred dollars?"

"It might not be as nice as yours, but a brother has to start someplace."

"All right, I'll tell you what," Johnson said as he put his arm around Chico's shoulder and guided him toward the front door."I've got a hundred dollars on me. I'll give that to you if you want it. But I don't want to hear from you again until you have secured a place to stay for you and Kennedy. And if Deidre and I have already adopted her, then I guess you'll be out of luck. Okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, man. Whatever you say. Just hand me the money so I can start looking for an apartment."

Johnson pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and counted off five twenties. Before he handed it to Chico, he said, "Don't ever ask me for any more money, and if you come back here causing trouble, I will have you arrested. Do you understand me?"

"Ah, that's cold."

"No, but it will get very cold for you if you ignore my warning," Johnson told him with the same stern look that a captain gives to the privates in his unit. Then he opened the front door.

"All right, fine. Just give Kennedy a hug for me." Chico took the money and left.

When Johnson returned to the family room, Kenisha said, "Please tell me that you didn't give him any money."

"I did, but only because I didn't want him to continue upsetting you. I got rid of him, and I don't think we'll see him anymore."

"You gave him money; he'll be back."

"I think Chico and I understand each other."

Deidre put her arm around Johnson and asked, "Did you scare him, honey?"