Read Let Me Tell You Something Online
Authors: Caroline Manzo
Let Me Tell You Something (9 page)
Ask Caroline
Hi Caroline! My mother-in-law has a key to our house and thinks it's OK to pop in whenever she wants. She unlocks the door and lets herself in without knocking. She says she doesn't want to startle us or wake us up, but it's uncomfortable not knowing when she's going to turn up. What's a good way to discuss this with her so that she knows she's still always welcome, but we'd like her to call and let us know she's coming first?
If you have a good relationship with her, tell her the truth. Put your arm around her and tell it like it is. Explain that you enjoy her visits but you're looking to avoid an embarrassing situation. Use a little lighthearted humor. Hug it out, but make sure she gets where you're coming from.
The bottom line is that it's your house and you're entitled to your privacy. In situations like this it's always better to act quickly so it doesn't blow up into a bigger problem with more resentment and hard feelings. Take care of this now to avoid a bigger problem down the road.
It was wonderful. I'd sit in the kitchen and read a book so they always had to get past me and I could keep an eye on them. We're talking about teenage boys and girls here. They could get loud and they were always up to something. But as much of a hassle as it could be, there's absolutely nothing in this world that makes me happier than a full house filled with the sound of laughter. I'll take that any day over sitting alone in a silent, perfectly tidy house.
Ask Caroline
Caroline: I'm so sick of housework and cooking. How do I get my family to do their share?
Welcome to the club! It isn't realistic to flip a switch and expect things to change overnight. I would suggest getting family members more involved in the cooking process on the weekend and make a day of it. Over the years, the responsibility of cooking has shifted from my grandparents to my parents to myself and now to my children. It was a gradual process born from spending time in the kitchen together while meals were being prepared. During conversation it became a natural progression to just start helping out. We still get together every Sunday and everyone pitches in. We have fun, we laugh, and we enjoy each other's company creating memories at the same time.
As far as keeping the house clean, well, I would say that the common areas should be respected and that's that. Set rules and boundaries and stick with them. There has to be consequences if your rules are disrespected, especially if the kids are old enough to know the difference.
Trust me, I've been known to donate my kids' favorite shoes to the homeless shelter if they've been lying around the kitchen floor after I've repeatedly asked the kids to put them away. Consequences.
As a final thought, keep in mind this is a role that you have played in your home for many years: you can't abandon it, so just revamp it a bit!
My top cleaning tips
  1.  OxiClean is perfect for wine spills. I keep this in my back pocket pretty much.
  2.  Lysol wipes save my life. Whether it's a spill on a countertop, or muddy footprints, I go through a container approximately every two days.
  3.  The vacuum is my best friend. I have a full-size one for most of the house, but I am lost without my handheld. I'm a compulsive vacuumer!
  4.  Removable slipcovers and pillowcases are the absolute best. Just zip them off and wash them. And if a couch gets ruined, just buy a slipcover for it.
  5.  I like the brand Method, their stuff smells great, and they have cleansers for anything you can imagine!
  6.  When something spills take care of it right away. Never let a stain sit. Never let food stay in the pan after you're done cooking. It's just so much easier to take a minute to clean up rather than spend an hour scrubbing later in the evening.
  7.  I buy cheap furniture so I can replace it. Anyone with three kids knows there's no point in buying nice, expensive furniture. They'll break it just the same.
Always serve tea in a
cup with a saucer.
They say God is in the details, and I say, ain't that the truth. If you take just a little bit of time to make something special, it can mean the world to someone. This attention to detail was instilled in me by my mother, and even now, at fifty-one, my mother will still haul me over the coals if I forget the littlest thing.
My mother will come to my house, and she'll ask for a cup of tea. If I serve it to her in a cup without a saucer, she'll ask for the saucer. When I bring her the saucer, she'll say, “Caroline, what did I teach you?”
My mom has always believed that it's the little things you do for your loved ones that mean the most. It's Old World wisdom at its best, and I think it's even more important than ever in this fast-paced world to remember the details, to take the time to make things special, and create traditions. I've tried my best to follow her example, but she has set the bar so high that I'm a pale imitation.
I've never seen anyone decorate for the holidays like my mother. And by holidays, I mean any and all holidays. She'll decorate for fall, Presidents' Day, Veterans Day, MLK Day, any day, season or reason. She loves it. It always makes a visit to her home special.
My mother believes that you have to prepare your house so it could become a place to create memories. I love things that make my house a home. I have decorated my house with heirlooms, things my kids made me at school, cheesy souvenirs from family vacations, and there are photos everywhere. My nephew Joseph and my niece Candice both got dressed here on their wedding day because this place feels like home to them too. I've hosted so many engagement parties and special moments in the lives of my extended family because people feel at home here. There's no bigger tribute to my home, and my mother's love of details, than that.
Sentimental treasures in my home
I have a gorgeous Lladro figure in my foyer of
The Kiss.
It's huge, and I had been lusting after it for years. The year Al decided to get it for me as a surprise, he also got incredibly ill and was admitted to the hospital just before Christmas. He was so sick, but all he cared about was getting that figure for me. He had his mother go pick it up. He made sure he got out of the hospital on December 23rd so he could give it to me. It means the world to me; it's my most precious possession.
My pinecones from the Vatican.
I collected a bunch of these heavy pinecones from the garden of the Vatican. They were beside the bench where Pope John XXIII used to go and pray every day. I saw those pinecones and I scooped them up. I keep them at the center of my home in the Great Room so their energy comes up and goes all through my house.
The Christmas balls that my mom painted for me.
I used to get a new one every year for my tree. I treasure them.
Framed artwork by the kids when they were little.
Christopher used to think he was Picasso and he'd do these crazy paintings and give them names and everything. These paintings make me smile every time I see them.
BEHIND THE SCENES
People wrote and told me that they loved what I said at my brother's wedding. I didn't want to prepare a speech, I just wanted to speak from my heart, and I'm so honored that people liked it. What I'm glad you didn't see is that as I walked back to my seat after the speech, I totally bit it on the wet grass! It had poured the night before the wedding, and the ground was soaked and muddy. The whole time I walked up to deliver my speech, I was sure I'd fall. I was glad that it happened on my way back to my seat, and I was even happier that Bravo decided not to air my big fall.
My mother taught her daughters how to be the lady of the house, the head of the house. It wasn't a role she took lightly. We should start the day off well, she would instruct us. Shower, get dressed, fix up your appearance so you are ready to face the world. Make yourself presentable. Never say good-bye to your husband in the morning with bad breath, while you're wearing sweats and scratching at your crotch, she would say. Send your husband off with a kiss.
I know that some of you are reading it and thinking that it sounds a bit
Stepford Wives,
or even antifeminist, but it's not. It helps me to get myself all sorted out and feeling good before I start my day. If I let myself slouch around in pajamas with dirty hair and bad breath until lunchtime, it would depress me. I'd start to go downhill. By tending to the details of appearance first thing in the morning, I feel good about myself and I feel excited to get things done, every day. My mother believes that God is in the details, and that as long as we always take a second to make something as special as it can be, people will appreciate and enjoy our efforts.
In my world, it's the simplest things, like a smile and an I-love-you cost nothing. All of my kids have been raised knowing this, and they have all embraced my mother's traditions. My boys are sentimental. They'll save a note I leave them, they'll save a fortune cookie from a special dinner. I'm very sentimental too. A picture of a moment captured can melt my heart. I have every piece of stupid macaroni jewelry they ever made for me. I have every note they ever wrote me, and pictures that they drew for me. When we lived in Wayne, there was a gift shop on the corner, and every week they'd all go there and buy me a gift and I still have every single one of them. They'd get me little statues of boys praying or a little rabbit or some dried flowers. The little things mean the most to me; I will cherish them always.
Ask Caroline
Hi Caroline, I'm a mother of two extremely active, adorable kids (ages two and four). How can I give them my constant attention while juggling everything else I have to doâhousework, cooking, cleaning, and my full-time job?
The old saying is true: a mother's work is never done. You can't be all things to all people at all times. Take a step back and give yourself breathing room. Children don't need “constant” attentionâthat will only lead to separation anxiety whenever you leave the room. Supervise them, but teach them to play on their own.
Plan your weekly routine, and stick to it. Prepare for school days on the night before, do your housework a little at a time rather than in one tedious lump. Stick to your schedule, and make sure you leave plenty of time for you and your husband. Me time is good for the soulâand it helps save your sanity on those tough days.
You're not alone. There are millions out there just like you. Your kids will grow and become more responsible sooner than you think, so stop now and smell the roses. And the poop . . . and the spit-up. You'll miss it when it's gone!
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PART III
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KIDS
For spoiled kids, my kids
worked their asses off.
I'll say it before you think it. I spoil my kids. I do. And I'm not ashamed of it. Nothing makes me happier than to treat them with something special. I've bought my kids cars, and they've always had the latest technological gadgets. If you watch the show, you may even think I give them too much. But before you judge, here's something you might not know. While I'm the first to admit that I can overindulge them at times, as a parent, it was one of my top priorities to make sure my kids also developed a strong work ethic. Even from a young age, my kids have understood the value of hard work.
Because Al worked such long hours, the kids were frequently at The Brownstone to visit him. It's our family's second home. It was clear to them that while Daddy wished he could be playing, he had to work to support the family.
The boys started pitching in alongside their dad at The Brownstone when they were in elementary school. It really was something else to watch them. Eight-year-old Christopher was so proud of his job, polishing all the bottles at the bar for ten cents a bottle; he even made himself a business card. All the labels had to be facing forward, he kept a tab on how many bottles he polished, and if he got his count wrong, he didn't get paid. If the bottles weren't facing straight, no cash. It was so adorable to watch him, keeping checks and balances, acting like a little man.
Albie was on cleanup patrol. If someone threw up he had to go mop it up. Some people said we were being harsh by giving him this job, but I didn't see it that way. My kids are spoiled rotten, but when it comes to working hard, they don't get any special treatment. It was important to us as parents that the boys didn't automatically get cushy jobs just because they were the kids of the owners. We made sure that both boys had to work their way up. They started polishing bottles, then moved up to cleaning ashtrays and sweeping up cigarette butts outside. Not that they complained about it. I didn't have to twist the boys' arms to work. They wanted to, and they took pride in their jobs. I was such a proud mommy.