Let Me Go (32 page)

Dear Kat,

When I learned my name was cleared, the very
first thing I thought about was the fact that you weren’t here with
me to share my joy. You were the first person I told and the first
person I wanted to see. In fact, you are the first person I want to
see every minute of the day. The past few months, without you, have
been rough on me. And the past few weeks have been torture.

Whatever life I am meant to live, be it a
doctor or a handyman or even a stay-at-home dad at some point, that
life is meant to be lived with you. My life isn’t complete unless
you are part of it. I know you are scared, but I’m not, at least
not anymore, because I love you and I know you love me. And
whatever happens to us, we can overcome it. I think we’ve more than
proved it.

I’m sorry it took me this long to realize
why you pushed me away. I have to admit that I had some help. Benny
is a pretty smart guy. Don’t tell him I told you that though.

They say it’s better late than never. So I
hope you take this as my apology to you for not seeing everything
clearly, for letting you push me away, and for not fighting for you
sooner. I’d deliver this to you in person, especially with it being
your birthday and all (you didn’t think I’d forget, did you?), but
I will admit I’m still kind of nervous. Just because I’m not afraid
to face the world doesn’t mean I’m not afraid to face you. I will
fight for you, every day of my life. I only ask that you come to me
and let me.

If you haven’t figured it out by now, the
enclosed iPod is mine, well, yours now. I didn’t delete any of the
songs you love, but I did add one song. Please press play and
listen to it. And just know that this letter, this gesture is my
way of fighting for you, of showing you how much I care. And I hope
you understand how the lyrics match that.

Happy Birthday, Kat! I hope it’s a good one.
You deserve that. And I secretly hope you’ll let me spend the rest
of it with you.

Love you always and all ways,

Mason

Kat was clutching the letter to her heart
after reading it, tears streaming down her face, but she didn’t
bother to wipe them.
He wanted her. He wanted her above all.
She picked up the phone, but when she saw the time, her heart
dropped. Three in the morning. She almost didn’t care; she wanted
to hear Mason’s voice so badly. She wanted to tell him how much she
loved him and how badly she wanted to be in his arms. He hadn’t
forgotten her birthday. He had somehow given this to her on her
birthday and she missed it. She didn’t know how and didn’t care.
All that mattered was that he wanted to be with her. And she didn’t
respond, she didn’t tell him he was right. God only knew what he
was feeling right now.
Maybe she should run out and find
him
, she wondered to herself. That would put him at ease. But
then, suddenly all the emotions she had been holding in took over
and she could barely stand. Everything was overwhelming her.

She would let him sleep, assuming he was
sleeping, and would find the strength to tell him the next day that
she was sorry. She barely made it to the bed, her heart and guilt
about hurting him weighing her down. She had to listen to the song
before her eyes closed on her. Kat turned on the iPod and the first
song listed was obviously the one she was supposed to play. It was
called
Lonely Nights
by The Scorpions.

She pressed play and more tears fell from
her eyes.

Since you're gone
There is an empty space
Since you're gone
The world is not the same…

The rest of the song was just as achingly
beautiful, about how lost and lonely the man was without his love;
how his memories were all he had; how lonely his nights were now
that she was gone. It might have been written and sung by someone
else, but the words could have come straight from Mason. She knew
exactly what Mason meant. He may not have grand gestures, but he
had sentiment. He was telling her he couldn’t live without her and
it was the most exquisite thing she had ever heard.

She listened to the song one and a half more
times before sleep finally claimed her, tears staining her cheeks
the entire time.

*****

“Fuck, Benny. It’s been two days since her
birthday. I thought she would call me, come over, something,” he
said nervously.

“What? You haven’t talked to her in weeks,
you send her an iPod with some sappy song and a love letter and you
expect her to run to you?”

“I didn’t want to freak her out. I was
hoping she’d realize I meant I’d fight for her once she gave me the
opportunity, which clearly, she isn’t.”

“Stop ripping your hair out.” Benny laughed
as Mason ran his hands through his hair for the fifth time in a
less than a minute. “You said you were going to fight for her.
Hell, you even told her you were going to fight for her. What the
hell are you doing, huh? Waiting around holding your dick, hoping
she’ll throw you a bone? Well, I don’t see you fighting.”

“What if you’re wrong? What if she really
doesn’t love me and that’s why she’s not responding.”

“That’s why you didn’t want to personally
deliver it to her, huh? Because you’re scared she’ll push you away
again.” Mason didn’t have to answer; Benny just nodded like he
knew. “You chicken shit. How will you know if you haven’t tried?
And Mason, I’m never wrong. You should know that by now.”

“Fuck! I don’t know what to do!” Mason
screamed at no one in particular.

“Yeah you do,” Benny told him confidently.
“Fight for her like you promised.”

“Damn, Benny, you’re a genius.” Mason smiled
at him.

“Yeah, I know, but why are you saying it in
this particular instance?”

“You’ll see. Shit! I need to prepare!” Mason
looked at his watch, saw the time, and didn’t comprehend where the
time went. He needed a few things before he could put his plan in
motion.

*****

Kat woke up feeling groggy. Her eyes hurt
and felt heavy, probably because of the insane amount of crying she
had been doing over the past few months, weeks, days, especially
last night.
God, Mason! She needed to get out of bed and find
him.
Slowly, her surroundings came into focus and she drew in a
sharp breath. This wasn’t her room, well, not her room in her
apartment.

Her eyes darted around quickly and landed on
Mason. He was eyeing her, warily. He was worrying his lower lip and
bouncing his knee nervously. She guessed he had a reason to be
nervous, considering she was currently on the bed of her old room
in his place. She could only imagine how she had gotten there, but
the last thing she remembered was falling asleep in her bed
listening to
Lonely Nights
and dreaming of Mason.
He
kidnapped her! He fucking kidnapped her, again!

She couldn’t help the smile that spread
across her face. “What took you so long?” She laughed as Mason
almost fell out of his chair in surprise and shock. He was across
the room and Kat was wrapped in his arms in seconds.

“I love you so much. God Kat, I was so
worried, so nervous. I love you. I missed you. Please say you love
me too and want to be with me.” He spoke softly against her
lips.

“I do, Mase. I love you. You’re my
future.”

“So I guess we’ve come full circle,” Mason
mused as he captured Kat’s lips again.

“Looks like it.” Kat smiled. “But this time,
don’t ever let me go.”

“Never.”

Epilogue

“Mase,
are you okay?” Kat asked as Mason sat at his desk, his eyes
glossing over and having a hard time concentrating on the words he
was reading.

He looked up at Kat, seeing the concern in
her eyes. They had been back together for only a few days, but it
was the best few days of his life. “This, a letter.” He couldn’t
get the words out. He took a calming breath and let his mind clear
for a moment before continuing, “You know how the past few months
haven’t really been good for me.” She nodded and he continued.
“Well, I didn’t check my mail either and well, the last few days
we’ve had some time to make up for,” he added slyly, “but, I
finally sat down and started going through everything, and this,
this was in it.”

“What is it?” she asked.

“A letter.”

Kat laughed. “I can see it’s a letter, Mase.
What’s so special about it?”

“It’s from Katherine.” Kat gasped. “She must
have sent it a while ago, but I wasn’t interested in bills and ads,
so I missed it. Oh God, if I had read it before, I would have
known, I would have understood. I would have come for you
sooner!”

“Mason, what are you talking about?”

“I would have known what you were trying to
accomplish. I would have helped you, been there with you. You would
have known that I didn’t want to be anywhere but with you and you
wouldn’t have pushed me away. Such a fool,” he muttered to
himself.

“Mase, honey,” Kat soothed as she stepped
closer to him and placed her hand on his shoulder. “I wouldn’t have
changed a thing. It all worked out and I love you and you love me,
and I probably would have pushed you away regardless. And I’m happy
you wanted to be with me, but I wanted to do things my way and
clear you while we weren’t together so you could get a chance to
see if you really cared about me anyway.” She paused, but Mason
stayed quiet, not looking at her. “May I?” she asked, reaching for
the letter.

He nodded.

Dear Mason,

If you are reading this, I guess I
accomplished what I set out to do; I’m setting things right. My
name is Katherine Gingham and I go by Kat, but I’m not Kaitlyn. I
am the one who accused you of rape, not my sister. I will not
pretend to be a nice person. I will not pretend to want
forgiveness; at this point, it doesn’t really matter and besides, I
don’t deserve it. I didn’t have a great life and I always had a
bitter hatred for those who did, including you and my sister. Even
after meeting Kaitlyn, I still hated her. She thought she had it
rough? She didn’t know rough, not like me. So I decided I would use
her and get to you, another way to stick it to some privileged
people and maybe get some cash out of it too.

I was wrong. I was wrong about you and I was
wrong about Kat. She did have a hard life, maybe not like me, but
she could have turned out like I did, and yet she didn’t. I guess
that says something about her character versus mine. I didn’t
really realize this or think about it until I went to see you.

When I came to you to try to screw you
again, you pushed, you wouldn’t give up. I was strung out, I was
fighting you, I told you off and tried to score cash, but you only
wanted to help me. No matter what I did to you, past or present,
you wanted to help me. I looked into your eyes and I saw the love
you had for my sister. I never had that, and frankly, I didn’t
think it existed. But you showed me it does. You were willing to
help me even after what you thought I did to you. I’ve had moments
of clarity over the years, I’ll admit to that, but I’m selfish and
I pushed those way back. This time, they were at the forefront of
my mind. I already took away years from your life and much more,
and now I was taking away your redemption and your second chance at
life, while I didn’t have anything to live for.

I couldn’t go on. No, really, I didn’t want
to keep going on. I guess I haven’t for a while, but never had a
reason not to. You and Kaitlyn, you are my reason. I couldn’t go on
knowing that there was real love out there, and I would never have
it. But I couldn’t let go of this life without setting you free. I
sent Kaitlyn a letter as well with a signed confession. She should
have received it a while ago and if everything goes according to
plan, hopefully you’ve been exonerated. I wanted to wait until that
happened before you got this letter in hopes that that will lessen
your resentment of me a bit. I’m sure it’s not fun being dead and
being hated.

Like I said, I don’t expect your
forgiveness, but if you can find it in your heart to let your
hatred of me go, I would really appreciate it.

Please be good to Kaitlyn, and please be
good to Eddie (Kaitlyn will explain about Eddie, I’m sure).

I hope you find your happily ever after and
it better be with Kaitlyn. I didn’t do all this for nothing. I may
have been bitter toward my sister most of my life, but I have let
that go too, and I want her to have the happiness I never had. And
I know you could make her happy.

All the best,

Kat

When Kat was done reading, Mason watched her
tears fall, staining the pages of the letter. “It was all her?”
Mason asked. Kat couldn’t speak, but she didn’t need to.

“She has my forgiveness, Kat. She had it
when she gave me you,” he whispered before grabbing Kat into a hug,
crushing her to him. He looked up to the sky over Kat’s head and
mouthed, “I forgive you. Thank you.”

*****

“Hey Kat.” Kat spoke to Katherine’s grave
marker. Even after three years, it still felt weird for her to
address her dead sister as Kat, but she knew Katherine wouldn’t
want to be called anything but her nickname. “I know I haven’t come
to visit you in a little while, but things have been hectic. I
know, I know, it’s no excuse, and I’m still a bad sister, but you
know I love you.” Kat paused to catch her breath.

She felt the tears pricking her eyes and she
tried to push them back, but her damn hormones had been all over
the place lately. Not that she didn’t cry just about every time she
visited the cemetery. Whenever she looked at her sister’s simple
gravestone, she was reminded of all that she lost and all that she
gained, and it was bittersweet.

“You know, I still don’t get why you had to
die, Kat. You know we could have figured out something, some way so
that everyone would be happy. We could have helped you fight your
addiction and then lived like one big happily family.” Kat snorted
a bit at that thought. If Katherine had lived, she doubted they’d
ever truly be one big happy family, but heck, it was a nice
thought.