Keeping My Best Friend (Fated #5) (4 page)

He was being so sweet. I don’t think I’d ever seen him look so
concerned, though when the cops showed up yesterday he looked pretty disturbed.
If only we’d been having a conversation I actually wanted to have instead of
one that made me want to disappear.

Of course, from the look on his face, the likelihood of me being
able to disappear was extremely slim. He looked like he might never let me out
of his sight again.

“It’s not that I was keeping it from you,” I said.

“Yes it is,” he said. “It’s exactly like that.”

“No it’s not. I keep it from everybody.”

“But I’m not everybody.”

I held his hand in mine, dragging my thumbs across his thick
skin. “I know,” I said. “But it’s not exactly something I’m proud of.”

“You still should’ve told me.”

“There was never a good time.”

“Come on, Lucy. You could’ve mentioned it a hundred times.”

I sighed. “You’re right, but I didn’t see the point. You always
thought I was strong and tough. I liked that. I didn’t want you to know the
truth.”

“What? That you’re even stronger and tougher than I realized?”

I smiled. It was kind of him to spin it like that. “Once I
stopped, I put it behind me. It wasn’t something I was dying to bring up.”

“I understand.”

“To be honest, I’d rather be anywhere else over telling you
about it right now.”

“I didn’t ask to make you uncomfortable.”

“You asked because you were uncomfortable not knowing.”

He nodded. “Yeah.”

“So now you know.”

“Can I just ask you one more question?” He looked down at my
hands around his, his eye lashes casting shadows on his cheeks.

“Sure.”

“You never meant to hurt yourself… permanently, did you?”

“You mean kill myself?”

“Yeah.”

The pain in his face was breaking my heart.

“No,” I said.

“Cause some of those scars don’t exactly look like someone who
gave themselves a few nicks with a razor if you know what I mean.”

“I know the one you’re talking about,” I said. “I overdid it
once.”

The color drained from his face.

“But it was an accident.”

“Jesus, Lucy.”

“I got a little carried away.”

“What happened?”

“That’s all. I just kind of zoned out while I was doing it, and
then I couldn’t stop the bleeding and got scared I would pass out.”

“So you didn’t want to die?”

“No. Well, maybe for fleeting moments here and there I did, but
not really.”

“So what happened?”

“My Dad took me to the hospital.”

Aiden shook his head and stared straight ahead.

“But he doesn’t know what really happened so you can never
mention it.”

“What do you mean he doesn’t know?”

“I told him it happened hopping a barbed wire fence. Actually,
that’s what I’ve told everyone who has seen it since.”

“And he believed you?”

“I don’t think he really did, but he wasn’t equipped at the time
to consider the alternative.”

“When?”

“Junior year. Remember I missed a week of school around
Thanksgiving?”

“You told me you were taking care of your Dad.”

“I was,” I said. “Only he was sort of taking care of me, too.”

“I wish I’d known.”

“No you don’t. It would’ve freaked you out like it did me. Plus,
it was an accident.”

“Still.”

“Don’t mention it to anyone, okay?”

“I would never.”

“Thanks.”

“Lucy?”

“Yeah.”

“Promise me you’ll never do anything like that again.”

“It was a long time ago. You don’t need to worry about-”

“Promise me anyway,” he said, fixing his eyes on mine.

“I promise,” I said, my voice dropping low.

“When you hurt you, you hurt me.”

I smiled.

“It’s true,” he said, pushing my natty hair to the side.

“Thanks for being so understanding.”

“Thanks for getting a grip.”

“You’re welcome,” I said. “Not that I did it for you.”

“I know, but you might as well have.”

I pursed my lips.

“Can I see?” he asked, nodding towards my arm.

I felt a lump in my throat.

“Only if it’s okay with-”

“It’s okay,” I said, slipping my hands away from his and pushing
my robe off my shoulder.

The quietness in the room as I slipped my arm out of the sleeve
was almost more than I could bear. And without looking at him, I extended my
arm in front of me and laid it down in my lap.

Aiden put his hand on my wrist and turned my arm gently, as if
it was made of glass, until the inside of it faced the ceiling and the scars
were out of the shadows.

“Not my best side,” I joked.

He turned towards me, holding my fingers in his lap. “That
must’ve hurt.”

“That was sort of the point,” I said.

He shook his head, studying the shiny raised marks like he was
reading something.

It was strangely freeing to have my arm out in the open, to know
that I didn’t have to hide it from him anymore. And I was relieved that he
hadn’t freaked out or acted frightened or made a face like he didn’t believe me
when I said I hadn’t meant to hurt myself so bad.

Like the doctors did at the time.

“It’s like a tattoo that gives away how stubborn you are.”

I laughed. “As if I could hide that if I tried.”

He smiled. “What else are you hiding from me Lucy Ryan?”

“Nothing,” I said. “I swear.”

“How can I be so sure?”

“You have to trust me.”

“Well that’s out of the question.”

“Why?” I asked.

“Because you’re far too mysterious.”

My mouth curled up at the corner. “Mysterious?”

“Perhaps the most mysterious woman I’ve ever met.”

“I wish.”

“I think I might have to search you,” he said, raising an
eyebrow. “Just to be sure you’re not hiding anything else.”

“And if you don’t find anything?”

“Oh I’ll find something,” he said. “And I won’t stop until I do.
It’ll be something good, too.”

“How do you know?”

“Just a hunch I have.”

I raised my eyebrows. “A hunch?”

“Yeah.”

“Where will you start?”

“I think I’ll start with your Fighter Arm,” he said, nodding
towards the arm in his hands.

I smiled. “My Fighter Arm?”

“Don’t you think that’s a good name for it?” he asked. “Or do
you already have one?”

“No,” I said. “Fighter Arm sounds good.”

He cleared his throat. “Anyway, that’s where I’m going to
start.”

“Just because or-”

“Because I figure if I can get past that one, I can get past
anything.”

“So you have a strategy?”

“More like a plan of attack.”

“I see,” I said, feeling my pulse quicken.

“Plus, that’s the part of you that’s already disrobed.”

I pursed my lips.

Aiden raised my wrist to his mouth and kissed the inside of it
so lightly it was like he’d dragged a rose petal across my skin. His eyes
flicked up at me and lowered again at which point he kissed slightly higher on
the inside of my forearm. Then he did it again. And again.

And with every inch further up my arm he moved, I felt my body
begin to light up like a warehouse whose lights come on section by section
until my whole body was on high alert and he was just inches from the first
scar.

I willed him not to kiss it, willed him to stop before he put
his face so close to my unsightly, mangled skin.

But he did kiss it- just as softly and gently as he had my wrist,
without even flinching. And I felt the tension drain from my toes and
fingertips until there was nothing left but my overwhelming affection for him.

And then he kissed another one, his lips as soft as a feather,
changing the way I saw the part of me I’d been hiding for so long, changing the
way I felt about it.

There was nothing to do but watch him as he made his way past my
scars all the way to my shoulder.

And he didn’t stop there. He dragged his lips across my
collarbone and then up my neck. Then he pushed the other side of my robe off my
opposite shoulder, moving his lips down, inch by inch. To my chest, to my
stomach, to my thighs.

And then he made it all better.

Like only he could.

“I wish I didn’t have to drop you off,” I said as I pulled up
outside Lucy’s place.

“Do you have a better idea?”

“I could take you home and make you my sex slave?”

“No thanks.”

“Admit you would like that,” I said. “At least a little bit.”

“Maybe the sex part,” she said. “But not the slave part.”

“
Maybe
the sex part?!”

“Okay.” She blushed. “Definitely the sex part.”

“Thank god for that.”

“But I’d still like to maintain my freedom elsewhere if that’s
okay with you.”

“We’ll try it,” I said. “And if I can’t manage, I’ll send some
intimidating guys to pick you up and bring you to me.”

“Make sure they’re wearing terrifying masks and have a really
sketchy van so I’m afraid for my life.”

“Of course,” I said. “That’s all part of the fantasy.”

“Or we could just do it in the shower or something and let
things progress more normally.”

“You’re no fun,” I said.

“That’s not what you said this morning.”

I smiled. “That’s because this morning you were really fun,
probably even more fun than you were last night.”

“You weren’t so bad yourself,” she said, sinking into the
passenger seat.

“So I guess this is goodbye?”

“More like see you later.”

“More like when can I see you later because I’m already looking
forward to it?”

She shook her head. “I don’t want to see you later.”

“No?”

“Not today anyway,” she said. “I’m too sore.”

I turned my body towards her. “What?!”

“In a good way,” she said.

“Oh.”

“In fact, it’s not that I don’t want to see you later. It’s more
like my pussy doesn’t want to see your dick.”

“That really hurts,” I said, clutching my chest. “Thank god it
doesn’t have ears.”

“Sorry. Just being honest.”

“Maybe we could hang out and not have sex?”

She laughed.

“We used to do it all the time.”

She shook her head. “That was before.”

“Before you knew what a god I was in the bedroom?”

“I think it’s your humility that makes me want to spread my legs
for you.”

I smiled. “I’ll learn to grovel if I have to.”

“That won’t be necessary.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” she said. “I like you better on your back.”

I dropped my eyes and exhaled. “You should go now before I
kidnap you.”

“If I have to,” she said, pulling the handle on the car door.

“You don’t have to,” I said, getting out. “But I can’t guarantee
your safety if you come with me.”

“You talk a big game,” she said, opening the back door and
lifting the strap of her duffel bag over her shoulder. “I used to think you
were full of shit.”

“I’m so glad I’ve changed your mind.”

“I didn’t say you had,” she said, walking around the front of
the car to the curb.

I popped the trunk and reached for her custom doggy bag.

“I just realized you’re full of other stuff, too.”

“Good stuff?” I asked, slamming the trunk and stepping onto the
curb.

“Very good stuff,” she said.

I walked up to her and held my arms out. “Made from the best
stuff on Earth- that’s what they’re always saying about me.”

She furrowed her brow. “I thought that was Snapple?”

“Yeah, well. We have that in common.”

She pushed her sunglasses on her head and squinted at me.

“Don’t forget your cake,” I said, holding the container out.

“Good one,” she said, taking it from me.

“Fiona’s never even going to see her piece, is she?”

“I haven’t decided yet.”

“Well, thanks for being the best date ever.”

She smiled. “You’re welcome.” She looked down for a second and
then back up at me. “Thanks for being so… accommodating.”

“It was my pleasure.” I leaned in and kissed her, holding her
chin with my fingertips and wishing she’d never pull away.

But she did.

“I’ll call you,” I said.

“I’d like that.”

“Should I wait a respectable three days so you don’t think I’m
too eager?”

She laughed. “That won’t be necessary.”

“Good,” I said. “Tell Fiona I said hi.”

“I’ll tell her you ate her cake.”

“Anything for you, Luce.” I stepped off the curb and opened my
car door. As soon as she got the door of her building open, I sank into the
driver’s seat and sighed.

Damn.

What a smoking hot woman?! I can’t believe we used to be just
friends?! How the hell was I going to make up for all that lost time? All that
lost sex?!

One night at a time I suppose.

I turned the key in the ignition and pulled out into the road. I
wouldn’t say I was normally a nervous driver, but I couldn’t help but notice a
distinct sense of calm that seemed to be in the car with me.

It was like even though everything I was passing was familiar,
it was different, too. The buildings, the way the light hit them, the way all
the red lights seemed shorter than usual. I couldn’t help but feel like
something in the air was different, that I was different.

I felt like even Dave couldn’t have been on my level.

And then it hit me. I fucking loved that girl. Shit. I loved
her. I loved every hair on her head, every scar on her arm, and every tooth in
her cheeky grin. I was fucking smitten off my ass for her.

I shook my head like a wet dog. I needed to get a grip. Nothing
had changed. I’d always loved Lucy. That was nothing new. But this feeling was
new. This was more than loving her.

I was in love with her. I was smiling at strangers, giving
pedestrians the right of way, whistling fucking Dixie in love with her.

I couldn’t believe it. One night with her had changed
everything. One night had set us on a course so different from the one we’d
been on that I was so shocked I probably shouldn’t have been driving.

I already knew she was hot. I knew she was fun to sleep with. I
knew she was funny and smart and talented and kind. But I didn’t know I loved
her. Not like this.

And I did. I knew. I could tell. Because I was inexplicably
optimistic in a way I’d never been before about- well- everything and anything
I could think of.

It was actually kind of ridiculous. Thank god I dropped her off
so she wouldn’t see this crack pot manic episode I was having as I realized the
truth. I took a deep breath. I needed to calm down. Lucy was already concerned
about what would become of our friendship. She’d said as much anyway.

But I could see that she was worried about the wrong thing. She
was worried about what we had to lose by taking things further instead of what
we might lose if we didn’t.

Besides, I didn’t want to be her friend anymore. There was so
much more to her. But how could I prove that to her? How could I prove that
even though I’d joked about not being able to guarantee her safety, doing so was
actually what I wanted to do more than anything?

How could I prove to her that she should be with me and just me
in every way she knew how and hadn’t discovered yet? What did I have to do to
show her that I was serious about her in a way I’d never been about anyone
before?

It wouldn’t be easy. She thought I was a joker with the
attention span of a goldfish. But the fact of the matter was that Lucy had
intrigued me and kept me on my toes for longer than anything else ever had- besides
Rugby.

But two true loves wasn’t too many, especially now that one of
them was more or less out of the picture.

If only I could make her believe what I knew in my heart, which
was that she wasn’t a fling and that my feelings for her weren’t going to go
away.

It had to be something epic, something she couldn’t ignore. After
all, she was the most stubborn, cautious person I knew.

But I would think of something, something special, something
big.

I had to.

She deserved that much.