Kasey Screws Up the World (22 page)

I knew there was one thing I was grateful of, I was still pure in the dance team’s eyes, in Denise’s. I couldn’t ruin that. And Lara didn’t want me to.

“I won’t tell anyone.”

Her doctor entered the room, so I got off the bed and out of his way.

“One of your friends?” he asked Lara, gesturing from me to her room full of bouquets.

“I’m Kasey.” I extended my hand as he fumbled to find a place for his pen. “Lara’s sister.”

“I didn’t know you had a sister,” he said.

“I don’t,” Lara mumbled.

Displaying 3 out of 286 comments.

Ali
said…

Way to break another promise to Lara! Good job.

Ali
said…

Also, can I have Finn’s email address? I want to contact him myself. Any guy who would jump off the ship for a girl sounds hot.

Lonnie
said…

You say “hot” I say “stupid.” To each his own.

AS I HURRIED TO Western Civ, I spotted Ali at the end of the hallway. I almost turned around, but I didn’t want to be late. She yelled, “Kasey!”

Nearly every person in the hallway stopped, including me. My name was a trigger for entertainment, it always came with gossip and drama these days. I tried to shield my face from the onlookers as she stomped toward me.

She readjusted her books in her arm, making me—and our audience—wait until she was ready to speak again. I thought about dodging around her but that would only delay the inevitable.

“I saw Lara yesterday,” she announced, her voice carrying above the chatter.

My pulse raced. “You know where she is?”

The way Ali’s face twitched betrayed her mistake. She covered it with a triumphant smile. “Obviously. Jealous?”

I gritted my teeth and ignored her comment. Even if she did know Lara’s whereabouts, she’d never tell me if I asked directly. It would just be one more thing she could hold against me. The only way for me to get this information was to outsmart her. “Nope. I’m glad.” Glad that she was still in NYC anyway.

“I told her I knew what you did to her.” Ali held her books out to me and then let go until they smack on the floor. The crash echoed and made my teeth snap together.

Students rushed in with requisite “OoooOOOooohs” reserved for people called to the office in the middle of class.

Blood whooshed in my ears. I had to save face. “Figured you would.” I shifted my weight to one hip to act nonchalant.

“Good news.” Ali clapped once. I braced myself for the bad news that was sure to follow, wincing even before I heard it. “Now she’s mad at you for that, too.”

I sucked in a deep breath and lifted my shoulders, hoping I came off confident. I needed to, for Lara’s sake. “Of course she is. Because I haven’t fixed things for her yet. But I’m working on it. You can tell her that.”

When Ali shook her head, her chestnut hair whipped her in the face. “You’re missing the obvious. She doesn’t want that. She wants what she’s always wanted. For you to leave her alone.”

Ali scooped up her books and strutted past me, knocking into my shoulder on her way. The crowd hurtled into motion, fluttering around me while I stood still, thinking about what Ali had said. The one thing Lara wanted wasn’t for me to leave her alone. It was to dance, and she couldn’t anymore.

JUST DESERTED

Posted by Kasey at 4:58 P.M.

Friday, September 12

Past Mood:
Unworthy

SAT Word Of The Day:
Forsake. Definition: Everything I did was for the sake of Lara’s forgiveness.

Lonnie, get excited. This post is finally about YOU!

After the accident, I spent the next few days in exile. Or at least that’s what it felt like. My butt made an imprint in the uncomfortable hospital chair as I took my post in the waiting room while Mom and Dad spent all day trying to cheer my sister up. Dinners consisted of awful hospital cafeteria take out, carried into Lara’s room so we could join her as she stared at her food and chose to consume IV fluids instead. The only time my parents spoke to me was to give me instructions like I was a dog. “Stay here,” they’d say, and point at me. “Get up,” they’d tell me as they bypassed me on their way to the hospital exit to head to the hotel for the night. “Beg,” they implied every time they avoided looking me in the eye. It would take more than time to earn their forgiveness.

Once we got home, Lara turned the living room into her bunker since she couldn’t walk upstairs, which meant I had to see her narrowed eyes every time I entered the house. I couldn’t wait to be surrounded with people—okay, a person—who still liked me. I’d texted Denise a few times to tell her we had to stay in Miami a few extra days, but I didn’t say anything more.

“Are you OK?” she’d written back and I replied, “Yes.” Because I was. My hips still worked. “Call me if you want to talk,” she offered. I didn’t call. I didn’t want to talk. I couldn’t. Not after my promise to Lara.

The morning of camp, I didn’t know if the other girls would be wearing workout sweats, leggings and leotards, or dressing up because there would be cute boy counselors in the music and art departments. It was the kind of fashion advice Lara would have helped me with in the past. The clean laundry pile caught my eye and the blue leotard sparkling in the center called to me. Lara’s old leotard. It would be a way to honor her. I sucked back the sob that I’d been holding all week.

I tiptoed downstairs. Snippets of TV shows appeared on the TV, each one taking center stage for only a few seconds before being replaced by another option as Lara flipped through the channels. Which meant Lara was awake. A few deep breaths didn’t exactly cut it in the courage department but they would have to do.

Don’t look at her, just keep focusing straight ahead
. As I passed Lara on the couch, I heard her sharp intake of breath. My eyes flew to her gaping mouth. The remote slipped from her fingers and crashed to the hardwood floor. She couldn’t get her hands up to cover her wet cheeks fast enough.

I looked down to see the sparkly leotard glistening in the sunlight streaming in through the window, and I knew this time it wasn’t just my presence that broke my sister. It was my future.

I curled my hand around the cold metal bar on the door to ManPrep, but I couldn’t bring myself to press it down. A girl carrying a large art portfolio case strode right by me and yanked open the door like it was meaningless. “Go,” she said.

And I did. I turned right around and fled across the street, not even bothering to look both ways before I crossed into traffic. I ducked under the awning of a café. My breath came out ragged as I watched Denise tromp toward the door, her sleek ponytail swinging behind her. She stopped just before going in and craned her neck left and right, searching for me.

“De—” I started to shout her name without thinking and then clamped my mouth shut. Denise wouldn’t understand. No one would.

She scrolled through her cell phone, presumably looking for a text from me. I scrunched into the doorway of the closed café and tried to ignore the ache in my chest. Denise gave one more halfhearted look over her shoulder before wrenching open the door.

As I power-walked to the subway, the back of my hand couldn’t erase the tears fast enough. I kept my eyes down, concentrating on placing one foot in front of the other, knowing this simple task would now always be difficult for Lara. Just as I was about to descend the stairs, a figure raced up them so fast, I hopped out of the way. When he looked up from underneath the green subway awning, Lonnie’s eyes met mine. He brushed his shaggy hair out of his face to see me better.

I pushed past him and started down the stairs, but he grabbed the back of my shirt.

He pulled his oversized black headphones off his ears, stringing them around his neck. “ManPrep’s back that way. In case you forgot. It
has
been two whole weeks, after all.”

I frantically wiped at my cheeks. “I’m not going.” I tried to go down another step but he followed me.

“If we’re both late, maybe they’ll be more lenient.” He raised his fist in the air. “Solidarity to the oversleepers!”

“Lonnie, I’m serious. I’m quitting for the summer. Don’t get yourself in trouble.” I looked up at him and the smile slid right off his lips, turning his face into the same stone my family wore.

“Well, if you’re not going. Neither am I.” He crossed his arms. “You don’t have to tell me what’s wrong. But I’m not leaving you like this.”

I swallowed hard. It felt weird to have someone be nice to me after days of only being hated, especially someone I barely knew. Sure, we had chatted a few times in our joint classes but usually about assignments. He stared right at me as dialed a number into his cell phone and pressed it to his ear. His foot tapped out the seconds while he waited for someone to answer.

“Hi, this is Lonnie Weitzman.” He made a hacking cough sound. “I came down with a cold. And a stomach bug. Diarrhea everywhere.” He grinned at me as I wrinkled my nose. He added few more coughs for good measure. “I think it’s best I stay home today.” He listened for a moment, then hung up the call and slid his phone into his pocket.

“You’re gross,” I said.