It Takes Two (Italian Summer Book 1) (23 page)

All she could think of was her daughter. A feeling of dread had settled in her stomach from the moment Carlos had uttered those two awful words. A weight had settled over her as if a boulder of rock had just fallen on her shoulders. The weight grew more unbearable with every passing minute as she realized that she had no idea where Tori was.

She was just a baby. A baby.
Rona knew her life would be over if she didn’t have her in her arms again. She clutched her little girl’s shoe ever tighter in her hand, felt Carlos kiss the top of her head, felt time stop. Heard the thunder of her own heartbeat, heard the gurgle of her daughter’s voice in her head. Saw the image of her in her bright green dress. A cry escaped her mouth at the memory.

“Carlos,” she moaned. “I can’t live without her.” She buried her face in the safety of his chest and drew strength from his strong arms, from his protection and from his promise to put things right.

“She’s going to be fine,” she heard Carlos say, but she knew that he too was breaking apart just like her. He was only trying to keep it together, just for her.

She couldn’t breathe, probably because her mouth was so dry, her tongue stuck to her mouth, her insides heaved. She lifted her head and looked around to see everyone in motion. Only she and Carlos clung to one another like survivors in the ocean—otherwise they would have fallen to pieces by now. She swept a hand across her forehead, seeing Tori’s face in her mind’s eye. Her laughing, squealing, giggling daughter whose face and voice brightened their every waking moment.

How had this happened? These things happened to other people. Not them.

And still she heard Tori’s giggling voice in her head. Felt Carlos’s arms loosen around her, heard him let out a gasp. She turned her body around so that she had her back to his chest and looked to see Tori and Lizzi walk into the garden. Her heart dropped like a rock and she blinked from the shock of what she was seeing. Lizzi looked puzzled to find everyone staring at her.

“Tori!” yelled Carlos and sprang towards his daughter. Rona’s heart thumped and she put her hands to her mouth, unsure whether to trust the vision before her. Then she saw her mother and the gardener slowly walk in behind them.

“Mom?” Ava’s voice behind her was loud, filled with surprise and shock. Rona stayed rooted to the ground, staring and not understanding. And then she moved, a few strides was all it took to reach Carlos and Tori.

“My baby,” she wailed as Carlos handed Tori to her. She held her baby tight, hugging her to her heart, closing her eyes, and smelling the baby smell of her once more as she buried her lips on Tori’s soft fleshy cheeks.

“What’s happened?” asked Elsa, as much surprised by their reaction as they were by her appearance.

“Where have you been?” asked Carlos. She felt his arms enclose her, and she held Tori even tighter, too scared to let her go.

“To the hospital,” Elsa replied, not without irritation. “What’s going on here?”

“We thought Tori was missing,” explained Nico.

“Missing?” asked Elsa. “Why would you think that?”

“Why were you at the hospital?” asked Ava, her face twisted in confusion.

“Don’t worry. Everything’s fine. But why do you all look as though you’ve seen a ghost?”

Rona spoke just then. “Mom, you had us worried sick. We couldn’t find Tori or Lizzi—and we thought the worst.”

“The stroller was knocked over and it looked as though someone had left in a hurry. What did you expect us to think?” asked Carlos.

Elsa closed her eyes and let out an angry exhale. She scrubbed her forehead, shaking her head. “I had no idea. I didn’t even think to call you.” She fanned out her hand over her chest. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s my fault,” said Lizzi, stepping in.

“Why is it your fault?” asked Elsa. “If anyone is to blame, it’s me. I had a fall, a minor one, and then I was marched to the hospital.”

“Marched?” Rona asked.

“It’s Salvatore’s fault,” stated Elsa, stiffly. “He insisted on taking me there. I am so sorry I put you through so much worry,” said her mother, looking at her. “You really thought she’d been taken?”

“What else were we to think?” asked Rona. “Everything was left abandoned in the pergola. Even Lizzi’s bag. Ava called her, but her cell was here. We didn’t know what had happened.”

“Nonno called for me, he screamed out my name,” Lizzi explained. “I grabbed Tori and I ran. I must have knocked over the stroller in my hurry.”

“You told me you were going back to the pensione to lie-down?” asked Ava. Elsa brushed her palms together. “I had intended to, but first I wanted to see Tori, so I went into the gardens. I wandered around a little but then—I don’t know how it happened—I fell. I couldn’t get up for a moment or two.”

“Longer,” said Salvatore, taking over. “It was quite a time that your mother couldn’t get up.”

Elsa frowned at him.

“I ran inside but there was nobody at reception,” said Lizzi.

“But I managed to get up,” said Elsa.

“With some help,” added Salvatore.

“And I was perfectly perfect,” Elsa continued.

Salvatore snorted. “Except that she wasn’t. She was still not properly balanced when she stood up. I thought she might fall again. She didn’t want to listen to me,” he shrugged. “But I took her to the hospital anyway. I think it is better for the doctor to tell her if she is perfect or not.”

“Mom?” Ava questioned. “What’s going on?”

“Tell them,” Salvatore insisted, as though he wanted her to suffer the disapproval of her daughters.

“It’s nothing.”

“It is not nothing,” Salvatore insisted.

“I can speak for myself.” Elsa told him, giving him an angry stare.

“Mom?” Rona chimed in. Now that her daughter was safe and well and back in her arms, she could worry about other things.

“I’ve been on anti-depressants—”

“Anti-depressants?” asked Rona.

“For a while,” replied Elsa, twisting her hands together. “Apparently they don’t go well with my blood pressure medication.”

“For how long?” Ava asked.

Elsa looked at the floor and fiddled with her wristwatch. “I’ve had trouble sleeping, since…since…” She looked away.

“Taking both medicines together made her dizzy and that was why she fell.” Salvatore finished for her. “Maybe it is a good idea to get your mother to see the doctor quickly. Maybe he can check her prescription.”

“I’ll do that,” said Ava.

“She can see our family doctor.” Nico offered. “In fact, why don’t I call him over right now and he can—”

“No,” said Elsa with a determined expression on her face. “I’ve taken enough orders for today,” she looked accusingly at Salvatore.

“I am happy that you are better,” said Salvatore, returning Elsa’s glance. “But I am sorry for the trouble to you all,” he announced, looking at the rest of them.

“Thank you, Salvatore,” said Rona, grateful that he had been so concerned about her mother to take her to the hospital; whether her mother liked it or not. Judging by the hostile look on Elsa’s face, Rona guessed it was obviously a case of the latter.

“I will get back to my work,” said Salvatore, giving everyone a wave of his hand. He gave Elsa a final parting look, not quite soft, not quite angry. Just unsure.

“I’m sorry,” said Lizzi, the girl looked truly remorseful.

“I’m going back inside,” said Ava, giving Tori a kiss on the cheek.

“Maybe you should take a rest yourself,” suggested Rona, noting that her sister looked exhausted. “You’ve had enough drama for the day.”

“I’m taking her home,” said Nico. “I’ll put her on bed rest for the remainder of the day.”

Ava shook her head, “It must be an Italian trait, this bossiness around women,” her lips curled up as she spoke.

“Shall we go home,” Carlos asked, rubbing his hands around her shoulder.

“Yes,” said Rona, kissing Tori’s head one more time. “Let’s go home.”

Chapter 36

Tori had fallen asleep in the car as they reached the pensione and Elsa had retired to her room not long after. It was still only early evening and Carlos put Tori in her cot while Rona cleared away the baby bag, discarding the dirty bottles and Tori’s dirty clothes.

It had been a terrifying scare and thankfully nothing more. She had counted her blessings the whole way home, knowing she was lucky that the danger she had believed her baby to be in had only been imagined, and had never been real.

Nico had arranged for Elsa to meet with the doctor first thing in the morning and they hoped this would be the end of Elsa’s health concerns. With only a week left before Nico and Ava’s big day, there had already been enough drama to last them a month.

“Do you have to clear that up now?” Carlos asked her, switching the baby monitor on and placing it on the table. She glanced up at him with a diaper in her hands. There was a softness in his voice, as well as a softness in his eyes and he looked at her the way he used to before. She wondered what he wanted.

“I could do it later,” she said, slowly.

“Come back to me.” His voice sounded like a cross between a question and a statement. She dropped the diaper and folded her arms feeling wary again. She couldn’t take more of this, not after the drama of this afternoon. Would he shoot her back down again if she dared to think they might get over this? Back at the Casa Adriana they’d clung to one another. It wasn’t just that they’d been terrified for Tori, it wasn’t just that she had needed Carlos to cling to. Part of her
was
Carlos. She felt his pain, his fear, his terror as acutely as she’d felt her own and when they’d found Tori again, she felt his supreme joy as keenly as she had felt her own.

She couldn’t see, nor did she want to imagine, or live in, a world without him. She swallowed nervously, afraid to move because she didn’t know how to react to his words. Instead he moved to her.

This time he folded his arms too and mirrored her pose. “This silliness has to stop.”

Unsure as to what he referred to, she went along with it. “It
has
stopped,” she said, thinking he meant the whole episode with Ruben. “It would never have gone anywhere, whether you came back that night or later. I already knew it had to stop. It should never have started.”

“
This
silliness,” he said, unfolding his arms, and unfolding hers too. He slipped his hand into hers. “I need you and I know I can’t live without you. I don’t
want
to live without you, but I have to know that I’m enough.”
Was that really what he thought?
His words jolted her.

“You’re more than enough, Carlos—for me, you’re everything. This isn’t about you as a person, what you are and aren’t. It’s about me being a stupid, heartless, thoughtless—”

“Shhh,” he said. “I’ve learned a few things too. I won’t ever take you for granted again. I didn’t think I was, but I can see that things slipped, my focus changed. I never put you second intentionally because I assumed we were rock solid and I didn’t have to worry about us. So I worried and focussed on earning the money instead.”

“I know,” she said. “That’s important too, but so are the others things. We need to talk more, make more time just for us. It’s hard to do that when we’re both so busy and now we have Tori and we want to give her everything and spend time with her but I think it’s important to make time just for us. Otherwise we’ll lose ‘
us
’.”

“I hear you.” His brown eyes melted her heart.

“You think we can carry on now?” she asked, feeling goosebumps popping up all over her skin.

“I don’t want us to carry on,” he told her.

Alarm bells set off in her head.

“I want us to start over. I’ve made some mistakes, and—”

“—and god knows I have,” said Rona.

“This thing with Tori scared me to death. It scared me as much as thinking I might lose you.”

She shook her head but he held her hand firmly, and stared down at her. “You’ll never lose me,” she told him.

“But I thought I did,” he whispered. “I still don’t fully understand what would make you look at another man.”

She closed her eyes, knowing that this was the reason he didn’t think he was enough for her. She didn’t understand herself why she’d looked elsewhere but no words would wipe away the feeling she’d instilled in him that he wasn’t enough. She hated herself for it. And the same old explanation of timing and being in the moment, losing her senses, seemed futile now. That she had hurt the man she loved was punishment enough for her. She would find a way to show him that he was all she ever needed, but it would take time, and trust.

She looked down at his chest, wanting to fall into his body but afraid to and still unsure of how he would react.

He tilted her face up with his hand. “Coming this close to losing the two girls who mean the most to me can be a very liberating experience. Your mom lost Edmondo and she will never get him back. Sometimes I think of that and I feel for her.”

She nodded gently, let go of his hand and placed her arms around his waist, unable to resist the comfort of his chest.

“When I heard about you and Ruben, a part of me thought I’d lost you. And today, with Tori, I thought the same. We were lucky Rona, lucky she was unhurt, lucky that it was nothing serious. Just as I was lucky that what you did—,” his voice faltered and she looked up at him. “You and him, I get that it was nothing serious. But what worries me is that you went there at all.”

“Carlos—” but he wasn’t going to let her explain.

“I let you down,”

“No, Carlos. It was never your fault.”

“I get it. I put work first, I took you for granted. But we can work at this. We can put it back. We can put it back together again and make it stronger. But you also hurt me when you said you didn’t want another child.”

Her mouth fell open. “I get it,” he said, not giving her a chance to speak. “I get that you might not want to, and I respect your decision and I accept it, of course I do. It’s your body and the decision is yours. But back then, it hurt, the way you said it. It was as if you didn’t want
my
babies.”

She placed a finger on his lips. “It was never that. Never,” she said, shaking her head. “I’m not ready for another one yet, Carlos. I don’t know if I ever will be. That’s all.”