Authors: Kelly Varesio
Insperatus (26 page)
She wanted to smile for him, but she couldn’t. “I can’t,” she swallowed. “I won’t go back home. I don’t want to go back there. See Saria’s family, and say what? And my home…” Her voice was scratchy, and she couldn’t keep back her emotions. “It isn’t even mine anymore.”
“
Rein,” the aged lady said again. “In all truth, I can make it seem as though you have died to any of those who have known you. You and Saria, both.”
Rein,” the aged lady said again. “In all truth, I can make it seem as though you have died to any of those who have known you. You and Saria, both.”
A chilling feeling overwhelmed her. She would never see her father again. Saria, who was like a sister, and her father…
dead
.
dead
.
Rein could tell that Traith was attempting to conceal his panic for her. “Mistress, what of Carden?”
“
He is gone,” Mistress said wearily.
He is gone,” Mistress said wearily.
“
To where? Where did he go?”
To where? Where did he go?”
“
I do not see him anywhere. His presence is blocked from my mind, somehow. Perhaps it is he who is causing that. I am truly sorry for you, but there is nothing I can do. I understand your pain.”
I do not see him anywhere. His presence is blocked from my mind, somehow. Perhaps it is he who is causing that. I am truly sorry for you, but there is nothing I can do. I understand your pain.”
“
You understand nothing,” he said quietly, gritting his teeth. He held his head.
You understand nothing,” he said quietly, gritting his teeth. He held his head.
The old woman stared deeply at him for a moment. “I will not reprimand you now,” she said. “Your heart is full to burst, I know. Both of you. But Traith, don’t you dare think you can address me in that tone afterward.”
“
But I still can’t understand,” he said from under his hands. Then he removed them and let them hang down limp on his knees. “How was it possible that I came off the ship? I was trapped with Carden. You do know, Mistress, I know you do!”
But I still can’t understand,” he said from under his hands. Then he removed them and let them hang down limp on his knees. “How was it possible that I came off the ship? I was trapped with Carden. You do know, Mistress, I know you do!”
“
Perhaps,” the woman began. “Perhaps your female friend was more destined to be here than you think.”
Perhaps,” the woman began. “Perhaps your female friend was more destined to be here than you think.”
Mistress smiled, and Traith gazed at her with an angered glare.
“
If only I could speak with Saria for a moment,” Rein whispered. She glanced up at them.
If only I could speak with Saria for a moment,” Rein whispered. She glanced up at them.
Traith looked immeasurably tense. His composure, as hard as he may have been trying to keep it, was deteriorating.
Mistress looked back up. “But it is all over, now. Rein, the last statement I must make is important.” The lines in her face became softer. “Keep a sharp eye for Helena; she and I, as I have explained, are the council leaders. There are only two councils, which means Helena’s is always making ready to weaken us in any way they can.”
“
All right,” Rein said, staring vacantly.
All right,” Rein said, staring vacantly.
The old woman paused and watched them. “I just wanted you to know that we are not alone. Please keep it in mind. I am finished. Are you taking her with you, Traith?”
Rein glanced directly at her. The woman’s eyes wrinkled in a near smile. Her eyes were actually kind, but Rein saw a hint of mischief within them. Traith continued to look down.
Rein then began trying to feel more tranquil. She was trembling hard but slowly regaining a poise that had disappeared. She was thankful she was at all alive, despite everything sinister that had happened. She just had so much to learn and accept.
Traith’s tenseness was gone, she could tell; his slight motions and mannerisms told her so. Was he hoping that she would stay with him? The more she thought, the happier she became; she was brought to life by a man who loved her, no matter what was wrong with him. But she still needed time to mourn. The only two people she had in the entire world were
just
dead.
Rein turned to him, her eyes glazed over. “Traith? Look at me.”
He continued his downward stare for a moment and then turned to look at her. His stare was wet, as if he were holding back more emotion than she could explain.
“
Traith, I
love
you,” she whispered. “Despite your eyes, despite your teeth and scars, I’ve always loved you. I felt something when I saw you, something protecting and loving, whether you knew it or not. I wanted that because I have no one. I always knew you had noble intent, but I’m just scared. The man I fell in love with…” she had to stop. “Please,” she said, forgetting the woman sitting in front of them. “Don’t be so cheerless. I just feel like my life has been breathed out of me. Like it was never worth anything.” She bit her bottom lip. “Like it never
mattered
.”
Traith, I
love
you,” she whispered. “Despite your eyes, despite your teeth and scars, I’ve always loved you. I felt something when I saw you, something protecting and loving, whether you knew it or not. I wanted that because I have no one. I always knew you had noble intent, but I’m just scared. The man I fell in love with…” she had to stop. “Please,” she said, forgetting the woman sitting in front of them. “Don’t be so cheerless. I just feel like my life has been breathed out of me. Like it was never worth anything.” She bit her bottom lip. “Like it never
mattered
.”
He was looking at her still. “You matter so much more than you think,” he said. He opened his mouth once more, but closed it again. It wasn’t the time to speak about their relationship. “I have a home you are welcome to, as you have heard,” he said.
“
A
castle
,” Mistress declared with a smile; he turned his head in her direction, but never made eye contact. “It had once been his home before he and Carden were cursed on the ship by someone in the Mardinial Council. Harker’s own
sister
, no less. For many, many years.”
A
castle
,” Mistress declared with a smile; he turned his head in her direction, but never made eye contact. “It had once been his home before he and Carden were cursed on the ship by someone in the Mardinial Council. Harker’s own
sister
, no less. For many, many years.”
Traith took an unnecessary breath at the mention of his sister, and he seemed to tire of Mistress’s speech. Rein wondered why. She had to find out about his sister.
“
There is no more I must tell you. Traith’s home is located in the eastern side of Romania, close by the isolated region of Bacauan. Here, your home awaits you. I wish you no grieving.” Suddenly a light shone out of her hand, and a vial of blood appeared. “You may want this, Rein.”
There is no more I must tell you. Traith’s home is located in the eastern side of Romania, close by the isolated region of Bacauan. Here, your home awaits you. I wish you no grieving.” Suddenly a light shone out of her hand, and a vial of blood appeared. “You may want this, Rein.”
Mistress handed it to her, and she took it with a tightened fist. The woman waved her arm. Rein felt weak. Where was she?
She was going to see Traith’s castle. Harker Manor, she imagined it called—a castle in the countryside, just the two of them, like a fantasy. Except Romania was desolate and secluded, a place where she would be free only to mourn.
No, not unless she made it that way.
Chapter 34
The night weighed heavily on Rein. He could see it. Traith watched her from behind; she was seated on a chaise lounge in the library of his castle.
It was a beautiful castle, full of richly medieval, complexly designed furnishings and wall décor. It was entirely made of stone and hundreds of years old, as was some of the furniture. It was overwhelmingly old when he had first come across it in the eighteenth century…in the
early
eighteenth century.
early
eighteenth century.
She had been sitting there idly for almost an hour. He felt like he couldn’t do anything to ease it for her. He had brought this upon them. It was also the first time he had ever been in love…he wasn’t sure what to do.
He would try to help her. Be with her, so she wasn’t alone.
He noticed her left hand hanging open over the armrest, the small vial of blood on the floor, untouched. Then she turned her head to him.
Her face was pale, but she captivated him even further. She didn’t even look that different, save her eyes and teeth. Her eyes were dark.
“
Traith?” she called, staring at him.
Traith?” she called, staring at him.
He stepped silently into the library.
“
Please sit with me,” she entreated.
Please sit with me,” she entreated.
He walked and sat in a chair behind her, farther from the fire. He thought briefly about smiling, but chose not to. He sighed and stood again, forgetting about his discomfort around fire, and sat next to her on the lounge.
“
Rein,” he said, “I just wanted you to have a little time alone. I thought you needed it.”
Rein,” he said, “I just wanted you to have a little time alone. I thought you needed it.”
“
Thank you.” She casually wiped her eyes and laughed softly.
Thank you.” She casually wiped her eyes and laughed softly.
He put his head down. He had to say something. He had to reassure her somehow. “You’re safe now,” he said. “You’re safe. You’ll never need to worry about being alone.” He looked up at her. “I have never known a woman, ever, that could see deeper into my soul than what I show. Love never meant anything because I rejected it. I didn’t feel I deserved it, perhaps. But you broke through my—”
“
Your stone wall,” she said, as if recalling something.
Your stone wall,” she said, as if recalling something.
He looked deeply into her eyes. “Yes,” he said. “You made me remember how to feel. I imagined you with me, and I thought for a moment it could happen. I know your pain; I feel it often still. I just never came to terms with it.”
Should he not have said that?
She was watching him with sad, dark red eyes, but with a smile. “I will be fine,” she whispered. “I’m alive. I love you. I’m just lost in thought. Saria was all that I had. We were so close. I have no family, save my father. But he left me at five years old and left me in a boarding school. And apparently he was in Teesdale the whole time.” She had to pause to maintain composure. “Only yards from me for thirteen years.”
“
I’m sorry,” he whispered, looking at the fire.
I’m sorry,” he whispered, looking at the fire.
“
Then he had to leave again, just before I was let out of school. And just after I left to travel with Saria, he returned, finally waiting to see me.” She sighed with an empty smile. “Terrible luck. I suppose maybe I should be angry at him, but I’m just more heartbroken.”
Then he had to leave again, just before I was let out of school. And just after I left to travel with Saria, he returned, finally waiting to see me.” She sighed with an empty smile. “Terrible luck. I suppose maybe I should be angry at him, but I’m just more heartbroken.”
Traith glanced down. “I lost family too, Rein,” he said. “So I do understand what you’re feeling.” Beneath the words, he felt ill. What he had done to her was still scratching endlessly at him. “Rein, I know—”
“
Do you love me?”
Do you love me?”
He shut his mouth and felt feeble at her words. “Yes.”
“
Then I’m yours, now. You don’t have to worry about where I stand. I am with you now, and I will stay with you because I love you, Traith.”
Then I’m yours, now. You don’t have to worry about where I stand. I am with you now, and I will stay with you because I love you, Traith.”
His heart left his throat. “Rein, I didn’t want you to feel pain. You understand that’s why I didn’t tell you the truth, don’t you?” He stood, the fire making him uneasy, and he walked over to the wall, placing his fist softly upon the cold stone with his other hand in his pocket. “I was always scared that if I showed you love, something would happen. I was right. The captain was waiting for me to slip.”
“
Don’t worry yourself anymore, Traith,” she said, and her words puzzled him. “It’s just that everything is so far from normal that I’ll need a while to get used to this. Come back next to me. Sit
with
me, Traith.”
Don’t worry yourself anymore, Traith,” she said, and her words puzzled him. “It’s just that everything is so far from normal that I’ll need a while to get used to this. Come back next to me. Sit
with
me, Traith.”
He reluctantly took his seat next to her again. “I’m sorry, Rein. Just the fire. God, this sounds so idiotic, I know.”
“
Traith, can you tell me the truth?” she asked sincerely, holding the cross he’d earlier given her in her fingers. “The whole truth. Tell me everything. Please. No more lying. There couldn’t be anything that I cannot hear, now.”
Traith, can you tell me the truth?” she asked sincerely, holding the cross he’d earlier given her in her fingers. “The whole truth. Tell me everything. Please. No more lying. There couldn’t be anything that I cannot hear, now.”
“
About?”
About?”
“
About
you
. It is easier to be scared of someone whom you know almost nothing about. I love you, your demeanor, personality, your intentions, and every one of your characteristics. But I don’t know anything past that.”
About
you
. It is easier to be scared of someone whom you know almost nothing about. I love you, your demeanor, personality, your intentions, and every one of your characteristics. But I don’t know anything past that.”
Those words hit him hard. “I didn’t lie to you when I told you I lost my memory,” he said. “They took it from me—the Mardinial Council. I was told by Mistress that their founder, Helena, was the one who bit me. I was twenty-three, so I know what it feels like to have life at such an early age taken away.” He was straining to talk about his past. “But I can’t remember her, or the incident. I lost nearly everything.” He paused. “I was close to my sister; as close as blood could get. I was close to my parents, too, but I have no idea what happened to them. I can’t even remember the majority of my childhood, my adolescence, or what I did after she bit me. I could’ve done anything. But I do remember I was scared, and I suffered. I suffered, Rein, badly.” He stopped.
Her eyes were full of sympathy for him. “Where is your sister?” she asked.
He bit down. “They took her from me, too. She’s in the Mardinial Council.”
Her fingers were by her mouth. “Why?”
“
I…” He winced, looking down at his hands. “I don’t know. That is one of the vital things I try to remember every day, but I just can’t.”
I…” He winced, looking down at his hands. “I don’t know. That is one of the vital things I try to remember every day, but I just can’t.”
“
Does she know you lost your memory?”
Does she know you lost your memory?”
“
I’ve never had the chance to find out, but I know she cursed me onto the
Olde Mary
. Some sort of black magic spell she found, or learned, or…She despises me entirely, now; I know that. She wants to destroy me.”
I’ve never had the chance to find out, but I know she cursed me onto the
Olde Mary
. Some sort of black magic spell she found, or learned, or…She despises me entirely, now; I know that. She wants to destroy me.”
He was glad when she broke in. He couldn’t say anymore that moment. It tore him apart.
“
Traith, I am so, so sorry. You don’t know why she is in that other council?”
Traith, I am so, so sorry. You don’t know why she is in that other council?”
“
I know they lied to her,” he murmured, forcing himself to stay clear of conveying heavy emotion. “She was told that those in our council did this to me, and I stayed with them.” He sighed with difficulty. “They even made her immortal through God-knows-what sort of measure, so she could kill me. ‘Free me’ of this curse, as if I am no longer me, but some sort of monster.” He took a trembling breath and held his hands still. “It’s been hard, Rein.”
I know they lied to her,” he murmured, forcing himself to stay clear of conveying heavy emotion. “She was told that those in our council did this to me, and I stayed with them.” He sighed with difficulty. “They even made her immortal through God-knows-what sort of measure, so she could kill me. ‘Free me’ of this curse, as if I am no longer me, but some sort of monster.” He took a trembling breath and held his hands still. “It’s been hard, Rein.”
“
You have not had the chance to speak with her or tell her your side of the story?”
You have not had the chance to speak with her or tell her your side of the story?”
“
Yes, and that is what got me cursed onto the bloody ship.”
Yes, and that is what got me cursed onto the bloody ship.”
Rein looked down. “What is her name?”
“
Ana.”
Ana.”
There was a long silence. He really hadn’t wanted to think about Ana. He wanted to think about Rein. Talk about her, what she enjoyed and how she felt about everything. It was already apparent to him that she was accepting facts with much less hysteria than he ever had, which made him think…
When Rein moved closer to him, he stopped his thoughts. He had wanted to hold her before, help her, and make her feel safe. But he hadn’t been sure what she would feel.
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