In Tune (Red Bird Trail Trilogy Book 3) (5 page)

Quickly the two of them grabbed straws and napkins to set their drinks on. Making their way to a quiet section, they took their seats.

“So how is everything going?” Nat bit the bullet and asked what had been on her mind.

“Things are going okay,” Harper admitted, taking another drink from the plastic cup.

Nat pursed her lips. “That sounds way different than things had been going for the two of you before. C’mon, let it out. With me you can be honest, Harper.”

Harper knew she was right. If there was someone she could be truthful with, it was Nat. “It’s like we’re almost too polite with one another. Neither one of us wants to rock the boat or cause problems, so we’re always on our best behavior. That’s never been me nor Cash.”

“What about the sex?”

Leave it to Nat to get to the down and dirty.

“It’s not happening. I told him we didn’t know each other and we needed to get to know each other before we jumped back into a sexual relationship.” Harper sighed. “But I don’t think we’re making any fucking progress in getting to know one another either. We’re both so worried about pushing each other too far that we’re not pushing at all.”

She paused and ran a hand through her hair. “So we’re not getting anywhere. We’re stuck at this point where we’re like roommates, and I hate it.”

“So change it,” Nat advised. “You laid down the ground rules, you can change them. There’s nothing that says you can’t.”

Harper rolled that around in her head for a minute. “But I know myself. I know how I am with him. He winks at me, and I dissolve in a puddle of goo. He’s just so fucking hot, and the two of us have so much chemistry. I want us to last; I don’t want us to combust and burn out.”

“But you’re never gonna know if you’d burn out if you don’t take a chance, Harper.”

“I hear what you’re saying, but the fact of the matter is, we still haven’t talked about my dad. We still haven’t discussed the elephant in the room, and I know until we do that we can’t move forward.”

“Shit. Seriously? Why aren’t you?” Nat slammed her hand down on the table as a thought occurred to her. “You’re holding yourself back purposely, aren’t you?”

“I want Cash to come to me. I want him to want me so much that he’s the one who breaks down and admits his feelings. It’s always been me with everyone else,” Harper admitted. “I’ve always had to pretend that I’m okay, no matter what. This time I want him to sacrifice.”

“Harper, I love you, but that’s not fair,” Natalie said softly. “Comparing him to the other people in your life isn’t fair to either of you. You’re punishing him for what your dad did, you’re making him make up for what your dad did. You realize that, right?”

Put that way, Harper knew she was setting them up for failure, but she was still selfish enough that she wanted to keep her feelings to herself. If she kept her feelings to herself, then she didn’t have to worry about being hurt. She knew it made no sense for the most part, but it was the one thing she’d held on tightly too for most of her life.

“I don’t want to be the one to put myself out there, Nat.” she allowed the tears to pool in her eyes. “For once, I want to be the person that someone else wants.”

“He
does
want you! Anyone who sees the two of you together, who sees the way he looks at you, has no doubt that the man wants you. If you’re needing validation for your own feelings, you’re not going to get it from him, and you’re going to ruin the best thing that’s ever happened to you.” Nat was on a roll, and she wasn’t about to stop. “I may not have been his biggest cheerleader to begin with, but I see you. I see how much you love him, even if you can’t admit that to yourself. I see it, Harper, but he doesn’t. You have to tell him. The two of you have got to start talking about some feelings; otherwise, you’re both throwing away your opportunity to be happy.”

“I’m doing the best I can.” Harper cried.

“Your best isn’t good enough. If anything should prove to you that he’s a better man than anyone else you’ve ever known, it should be the fact that he forgave you when you could have lost him his brother.”

Those words hit her harder than she expected. He could have lost Remy, all because she hadn’t been able to face what had happened to her, all because she’d been selfish. Selfish had gotten her nowhere but in a bind. How many times would she take the easy way out? How many times would she allow herself to just pretend that life was good and she didn’t feel?

“Aren’t you sick of it, Harper?” Nat pushed on. “You could be so fucking happy. You have it all—everything that people want—and you won’t grab hold of it. You’re too scared. Stop letting the past define you. Take it by the balls, and show it who’s boss.”

Harper questioned if she was strong enough to do that. She didn’t realize she’d said the words aloud until Natalie grabbed her hand.

“You’re the strongest person I know, but being strong has made you think you can’t feel. I’m telling you it’s okay to feel, girl. Feel it all. It’s not going to happen all at once, but you’ve got to give yourself permission.”

Therein lay her problem. Would she ever allow herself? And if she did, what if it was too late?

‡
Chapter Eight

“S
on of a
bitch,” Cash cursed as he threw down the skillet he’d grabbed off the stove and ran his finger under cold water. “Motherfuckin’ piece of shit,” he hissed as he stomped his foot, groaning.

“Are you okay?” Remy asked from where he sat at the kitchen table. “When Harper burns herself, she doesn’t say all those words.”

“You don’t say?” Those words were still flowing through Cash’s mind as he thought he saw a blister appearing on his finger. This hurt way worse than when he burned his finger on an auto part.

“Yeah, she normally runs it under the water and starts counting. I don’t know what the counting does, but when she gets to thirty, she’s usually fine.”

He mumbled under his breath. “That’s because she has such a tight grasp on her emotions that she isn’t human for the most part.”

“What?” Remy asked.

“Nothing. Shouldn’t Harper be home soon?” He looked at his pathetic attempt of grilled cheese and chicken noodle soup. It wasn’t often that Harper got to hang out with Nat now, so when she’d texted him that they were going out for coffee, he’d encouraged her to go. To say he was regretting that choice now was an understatement.

“I don’t know.” Remy got up from the kitchen table and walked over to the stove. When he looked at the grilled cheese, he turned his nose up. “Should it be that black? Harper’s is usually a brown color, and she cuts the crust off.”

“Do I look like Harper?” he asked, harsher than he meant to. He didn’t like being compared, especially when they all knew Remy was probably a better cook than he was.

“No, she’s way prettier than you.” Remy giggled.

“Oh, you got jokes?”

“I do.” Remy nodded, standing up as tall as he could to his big brother.

It had been a long time since they’d played around like this, and Cash couldn’t help the smile on his face. “I got jokes too, little bro.”

“Whatcha got?” Remy got closer, pushing his chest out.

Quickly Cash turned around, turned the water on and grabbed the hose out of the sink, using the sprayer to spray—not bothering to care as water soaked the floor. “I got this.”

Remy squealed as he tried to get away from the sprayer, ducking behind the kitchen chair. “Stop, I’m sorry.” He giggled, laughing even louder as Cash stretched the sprayer as far as he could, getting Remy on the head.

They were so deep into their water fight that they didn’t hear the front door open, didn’t feel the coolness of the air before the door closed, and didn’t notice Harper until she yelled at them.

“What in the hell are the two of you doing?”

They both stopped and stood still, the giggling ceased, and they looked like two little kids who’d gotten in trouble.

“Who’s gonna clean this up?” she continued as she took in the state of the kitchen, including the burnt smell of the grilled cheese.

“She looks mad, doesn’t she?” Remy asked, moving from his spot behind the chair to stand partially behind Cash.

“Pretty mad,” Cash agreed, turning around to wink at his brother.

“
Steaming
mad,” Remy emphasized steaming, trying not to let his laugh out as he pushed his hand over his mouth.

“What do you say, Rem? You think we should cool her off?”

“You wouldn’t!” Harper realized what they were doing too late, right as Cash turned the stream of water on her.

She advanced on them, fighting back as Remy stood behind Cash laughing and yelling in excitement.

“I’m going to kill the both of you.” She laughed, pushing her hair back from her face. It was wet and in the way as she fought Cash for control of the sprayer.

It was a hard-fought battle, and finally Cash’s arms got tired of holding her back. “Okay, okay. Truce?” he asked, holding his hands up to show he meant it.

Harper glanced down at her wet shirt, wet pants, and pushed her wet hair back from her face again. “Okay, truce.”

The three of them looked around the kitchen, taking in the mess they had made.

“I’m not cleaning this up by myself.” Harper put her hands on her hips, daring the two of them to argue with her.

An hour later, they had all cleaned up the kitchen, taken showers, and were eating their cold food. Miracle of all miracles, no one griped about how badly it tasted; they were too busy still giggling over their water fight.

Harper glanced at the two of them, wondering if this was an appropriate time to express her feelings. She’d never felt as close to the two of them as she did in this moment. “I’ve never had a water fight before,” she admitted as she took a bite of the grilled cheese Cash had made for her.

“It’s been a long time for us.” Cash laughed. “I can’t remember it real clear, but Remy and I have definitely thrown down before.”

“It was fun.” She laughed, thinking again of the scene as she’d entered the apartment. “I love y’all,” she blurted out, hoping it didn’t sound as stupid to them as it sounded to her own ears.

Remy grinned over at her. “Duh, Harp, we love you too.”

Cash didn’t say anything, and she desperately wanted him to, but when she glanced over at him, there was a warm look in his eyes. He slowly chewed on the bite of food in his mouth, and when he swallowed, he took a drink and finally spoke. “We sure do.”

In that moment, Harper Stillwell almost cried.

‡
Chapter Nine