In Too Deep (32 page)

“But, Gracie, that talk we had. I opened up to you and laid my heart out—”

“All of it was lies! You can’t fool me anymore, Noah. That was all part of your manipulation. Would you listen to yourself? You are so sick you’ve started to believe your own lies. You actually think you can change. Well, I am one step ahead of you, asshole, because I know you’ll never change. The grace and trust are gone.” I pointed to the empty finger his ring used to adorn.

“So, now you’re in love. With Jake?” He said it so sarcastically it made me want to claw his eyes out.

“Jake gives my heart something you’re incapable of. Unconditional love. I have never felt anything close to what I feel for him. He loves me in a way you never did, with gentleness, respect and consideration. I choose happiness and true love, Noah. I choose Jake.”

“Gracie—”

“It’s over, Noah.”

I turned around and looked into my favorite set of blue eyes. “Thank you, Jake, for saving me.”

“You did this, Gracie. You saved yourself, and I am so proud of you. I love you.” He took my face in his hands and kissed me so gently I shivered.

“I love you, too. Forever.” I kissed him again.

Against my lips he whispered, “Forever.”

When we turned around, hand-in-hand, Noah was already a block away. He was finally walking away for the last time.

The sky was clear that night as we walked toward the apartment. I looked up toward Heaven and was sure I could see every star in the galaxy. Some of them winked at me.

I laid my head on Jake’s shoulder and whispered, “Two people walking in the same direction.”

I expelled the lethal breath and cleared my lungs of their salty contents. I watched as the tsunami that hit me receded so far into the murky depths I could no longer see it. But I knew the struggle to stay afloat wasn’t over, there would be residual aftershocks to survive. Small waves crashed around my feet, but I was standing. And filling the cracks of my broken heart was a love I knew was strong enough to pull me to shore every time. My soul mate. My Jake.

Acknowledgements

First and foremost, Ken, I thank you for saving me time and time again and for loving me with every ounce of your being. Thank you for giving me the courage to bring Gracie and Noah to life and for being my real life Jake. I have loved you for more than half of my life and I’ll love you all the rest of my days. You truly are my hero!

Matthew and Emily, you two have been so tolerant of my “can I just read you something” requests. And I have never doubted that I have your full attention. Thank you. Your excitement about my writing thrills me to no end. And Izaiah, you have put up with more repeats of “two minutes, buddy” than any little kid should. Thank you for always giving Mommy two more minutes.

Thanks and applause goes out to my family for supporting me and entertaining my imagination for all these years. Mom, Dad, Tif, thank you for being my cheerleaders all along. And, Daddy, the “Kemper” is for you so the name lives on since you and Mom couldn’t seem to make boys.

And my family-in-law, Grandpa, Bev, Gram, Gordon, Dottie, Kristin, for the last seven years you’ve never gone a visit without asking about my writing. You kept me going because how would I answer your questions if I quit?

My BFFs (and first editors), Michele and Sally, you girls helped me to shape this story as you became part of mine. You named characters and told me when Gracie was pissing you off. Thank you for never getting sick of my requests to read just one more chapter. And thank you for loving me even on the days you thought I may be a little crazy…okay a lot crazy. You’ve been with me through it all. Should there ever be a book tour, you’re my entourage, so get ready to spring for some Jimmy Choos!

Without a doubt, this story would never have made it out of me without the assistance of my confidant, Shirley Henry Lyons. Thank you for your patience, your gentle spirit and your love for what you do.

I couldn’t have gotten to this point of my career without someone believing in Gracie’s story as much as I do. The amazing Amy Lichtenhan is not only my editor, she is someone who has shown my manuscript the kind of attention that proves her devotion to this book. Thank you for putting up with my zillions of emails, especially when the subject line said, “HELP!” Because of you, I am living my dream. Thank you!

And thank you to Todd, Lauren and Jeni…you know why.

Last, but certainly not least, I thank you, Eddie Vedder. The very first paragraph of IN TOO DEEP came to me while listening to DEEP on a particularly difficult day; the day I realized I was in too deep. I listened to your voice bring the emotion in the lyrics to life, cried and this book was born. Your stunning performances leave me breathless because of the raw emotion your soul brings to the stage. Those performances have taught me never to hold back truly feeling life. The many tears I have shed during this process would never have sprung free without the courage your lyrics have given me. And damn that feels good. So good. Thank you, friend, for being who you are and sharing every ounce of yourself with your fans.

Emotional abuse
is like brain washing in that it systematically wears away at the victim’s self-confidence, sense of self-worth, trust in their own perceptions, and self-concept. Whether it is done by constant berating and belittling, by intimidation, or under the guise of “guidance,” “teaching,” or “advice,” the results are similar. Eventually, the recipient of the abuse loses all sense of self and remnants of personal value. Emotional abuse cuts to the very core of a person, creating scars that may be far deeper and more lasting than physical ones
(Engel, 1992, p. 10).

If you feel you are in an abusive relationship and need help, you are not alone. Please reach out to a professional in your area, at your school, your church or workplace.

There are also a wide variety of resources and hotlines available to you.

National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline
— 1-866-331-9474

…and, of course, if you are in immediate danger,
call 9-1-1

LoveIsRespect.org
— A National Teen Dating and Abuse Helpline

1-866-331-9474  TTY 1-866-331-8453  or chat online on their website

~~~~

LoveIsNotAbuse.com
— An Organization Committed to Stopping Teen Dating Abuse

You can also find them on Facebook and Twitter — @Love_isnotabuse

LoveIsLouder.com
— A movement started by The JED Foundation, MTV and Brittany Snow that spreads the message that love and support are louder than any internal or external voices that bring us down.

You can find them on Facebook and Twitter — @LoveIsLouder