I Promise You This (Love in Provence Book 3) (3 page)

“You’re always the voice of reason, Andie. Thank goodness.” Katherine slipped her arm through Andrea’s as they waited for Terrence to pay for parking. “Now I’m getting anxious about going to my house. It feels like I’ve been gone a lifetime.”

“Well, it’s been almost six months, Kat. Hard to believe! The time just flew by.”

Katherine sighed. “Everything in my life has changed—but in a good way. Such a good way!”

As they drove the familiar streets, Katherine once again experienced an unsettling disconnect with her surroundings. Although she had been happy growing up in her friendly middle-class neighborhood, she immediately missed the centuries-old streets of her new life.

She and Andrea kept up a stream of nonstop chatter, filling in small details that they hadn’t shared during their regular Skype talks. However, the talk kept returning to Molly as they shared their worries about her present and her future.

When Terrence turned into Kat’s driveway, welcoming lights shone from the living room windows. Katherine’s heart filled with emotion as she anticipated her mother answering the door, like old times. It was still hard to accept she was gone.

Terrence set down Katherine’s bag, unlocked the door, and stood back to let her go in first. She hesitated and then stepped into the entrance foyer. A wave of loss briefly engulfed her as she looked into the tidy living room, the furniture just as her mother had kept it for decades.

“Take your time, Kat,” Andrea said softly, touching Katherine’s back. “We’ll wait in the kitchen for you. I put a stew in the slow cooker before we went downtown this morning. It will be ready whenever you are.”

“I’ll take your things up to your room and then whip up a salad,” Terrence said as he disappeared up the stairs.

The house was filled with the savory aroma of onions, garlic, slow-cooked meat, and vegetables in red wine. Kat stopped, rolled her eyes upward, and inhaled. “Ahhh. I know that smell well. Would there also be your famous flaxseed bread to dip in that exquisite sauce?”

She smiled at Andrea’s nod and then hesitantly walked down the hall into the room where her mother had slept during her last few weeks. She went straight to the carpet hanging on the wall and leaned her forehead on it, placing her hands gently against it. The carpet was a story in itself with the times of joy and tragedy it had been through.

Kat’s emotions suddenly overwhelmed her. To her surprise they were feelings of strength mixed with the sadness of loss. She could sense the love her parents had always given her. All she knew about them now, after the letter her mother had written, poured into her thoughts. A rush of memories of her mother and her words went through her. “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger” had been her mother’s mantra.

Kat could still hear her mother’s kind voice, with its strong Hungarian accent after all those years. It would be a year in February since Elisabeth quietly slipped out of this life.

Kat rubbed her cheek on the worn silken threads of browns, golds, greens, and reds, feeling their softness. She had a sense her mother would be happy for her, proud of the way she had taken control of her life.

Power seemed to be transmitted into her hands as she pressed her palms against the carpet. Before she stepped back, she lightly touched her lips to this most treasured possession.
This will definitely come back to France with me.

The intensity of the moment was fierce. She slipped her phone from her pocket. This was the time to capture the image. To forever remind her of the feelings she had just experienced. It couldn’t wait. It was today’s “Gratitude” shot, without question.

Katherine stood there for several minutes more, then slowly sat on a chair by the desk. The reality of being home suddenly hit her. When she had left for Antibes the previous August, it had been for a three-month exchange. Yet she had stayed almost six months. Going back next time might be for forever, and that shocking reality now took hold. She pushed fear into the back of her mind. This was not the time.

As she walked into the kitchen, her cousins glanced up with what resembled relief. “You look happy!” Andrea remarked, her eyes wide with surprise. “I thought you might be consumed with sadness by all the memories here.”

“I’m as surprised as you are. Anyu obviously left good karma here because I felt only positive energy when I walked into her room. When I touched her carpet, crazy as it sounds, something rippled through my fingertips and deep into my core. I felt welded to the spot!” Her voice and expression left no doubt of her amazement and effectively buried the fear she had just felt.

“Neni was a special woman,” Andrea said, using the Hungarian term for
aunt,
as Terrence nodded his agreement. “Her strength will always be with you, Kat. With all of us.”

Katherine’s jaw trembled as the wave of positive energy suddenly ebbed. “I’m going through such a roller coaster of emotions and I’m not sure where this ride is going to end.”

Andrea put her arms around her. “There’s a lot for you to deal with, Kat. Apart from Molly’s accident, I’m sure it’s a bit of a shock for you to suddenly find yourself back here. Want to talk about it?”

Katherine shook her head. “Not now. Not yet. Let’s eat and try to talk about happier times.”

Terrence brought the bowl of stew to the table and dished out generous portions. “A little of Andie’s comfort food will help you feel better, Kat. It always does.”

They shared memories of their families as they devoured Andrea’s rich and appetizing veal stew. Andie’s father and Katherine’s father had been brothers from the same village in Ukraine as Elisabeth. They’d all kept the stories of their heritage alive. Yet it wasn’t until the last year of Elisabeth’s life—when she had written about the war years and its aftermath—that they all truly understood the traumatic events the family had endured.

Although Katherine’s ex-husband, James, had frowned on her having any close girlfriends, Andrea’s friendship and place in their life had never been negotiable, as Kat had firmly established with him from the beginning of their union. Andrea was family, after all. His complete disconnect from his own family left him incapable of valuing the feelings Kat shared with hers, but he tolerated them.

James had actually grown to like Andrea and Terrence. Their shared interest in cycling helped, and they all got together several times a year. A big deal for him. When James had been too busy with his law practice—which was most of the time—Kat often spent weekends in St. Jacobs on Andrea and Terrence’s organic farm. She was close to their three children and their countless number of pets—past and present.

Now the three of them laughed until their sides ached as they tidied up after dinner, recounting tales of some of their more memorable pets. Kat was sure all the years of being exposed to so many cats and dogs had helped her welcome Picasso into her life during her exchange at the farmhouse in Provence. She felt she had learned significant lessons from that sweet yellow Lab.

“So when are you and Philippe picking up your new pup?” Terrence asked.

“Good question. We might have to wait for another litter. It was supposed to be this month, but we’ll have to rethink that now.”

Andrea nodded. “That was such a wonderful Christmas gift, though! Philippe has a way with surprises, doesn’t he?”

“He does. That gift was totally unexpected! I can’t think of anything I would love more right now; we’re both so excited. We’d even been considering names for it over the holidays.”

The talk turned serious as they pondered what the next days, weeks, or months would hold for Molly. They agreed this period of waiting was unbearable.

Andrea put a box of Laura Secord chocolates in front of Kat. “From Lucy! And here’s a note she left. She’s staying with her family to give us some time together.”

Katherine smiled at the mention of Lucy, one of her colleagues from Dr. Henderson’s pain management research group. When Kat had left for Antibes, Lucy had gladly accepted Kat’s offer to house-sit since her own home situation was crowded and complicated.

“I’m looking forward to seeing her at some point while I’m here,” Kat told them. “Hopefully I’ll see the Hendersons too.” Without realizing it, she toyed with the bracelet Philippe had given her.

“Oh, that’s the bracelet you got for your birthday,” Andrea said, taking Kat’s hand. “It’s even more beautiful than on Skype!” She examined each charm and laughed when she came to the piece of cheese. “Trust Philippe the
fromager
!”

Reaching for another chocolate and grinning, Katherine told her she seldom took the bracelet off.

Terrence left them chatting in the kitchen after he insisted on cleaning up. It wasn’t long before Katherine was yawning and Andrea insisted she go to bed.

They held each other in a long embrace as they said goodnight. “Thanks for all you’ve done for Molly. I’m sorry that’s what brought me back, but it’s so nice to be able to hug you again.”

Andrea stepped back and nodded, still holding Kat’s hand.

“I love you, Andie.”

“Me more,” her cousin replied, as she had all their lives.

Lying in her old bed, the anxiety that had visited Katherine before rose to the surface again.
What am I doing? How can I simply walk away
from everything?
This is my home . . . Is my love for Philippe enough to leave all I’ve ever known?

A deep sleep pulled the curtain down on the disquiet that had appeared, as if from nowhere, to fragment her thinking.

Jet lag wakened Katherine at 3:00 a.m., and she automatically reached for Philippe. It took her a moment to realize where she was, and she forced herself to turn over and go back to sleep.

Awake again at 5:30, she slid her feet into the fleece-lined slippers by her bed.
Papucs
, her mother had long ago told her was their Hungarian name. From then on Kate had called them papoochkis. Now Kat also wrapped herself in the cozy housecoat she retrieved from her closet. There was comfort in their familiarity.

A dim light glowed from the kitchen as she tiptoed down the stairs. She wasn’t surprised to see Andrea making tea.

“There’s nothing like farm life to make a person an early riser!” Kat said, followed by a loud yawn. “I was pretty certain you would be up.”

Andrea gave her a hug. “I didn’t expect to see you down here for a while. You were sawing logs very nicely as I walked past your bedroom door.”

“Wha . . . ? I don’t snore!”

Andrea chuckled. “
Excusez-moi!
I have news for you, cousin dear.”

Kat sat down, rubbing her eyes with a sleepy look of surprise. “Damn! That’s embarrassing! Philippe has never said a word about me snoring. I wonder if I do that often.”

“At our age, it’s more common than not,” Andrea said with a shrug and a laugh. “Terrence and I end up in separate bedrooms half the time.”

“Now I feel weird. What if I’ve been snoring and Philippe hasn’t mentioned it?”

Andrea chuckled. “Give it a rest. If he hasn’t mentioned it, it’s not an issue. It’s okay, Kat, you’re normal. Here, I’ve made a pot of tea and even have the lemon sliced.”

Before sunrise, they were dressed and walking through the quiet, snowy streets. Every once in a while, Katherine would moan about snoring and Andrea would shush her.

Katherine considered telling Andrea about the anxiety that had plagued her the night before but decided against it. She was hoping it was just some weird reaction to the hasty return to her old surroundings.

It was easier to walk on the road than to navigate areas where the sidewalk had not been shoveled. “I can’t get over the height of the snowbanks this year. It’s been a long time since I remember them being so enormous,” Kat remarked.

“No question, this has been a winter like the ones when we were kids,” Andrea agreed.

Katherine grabbed a handful of snow as they walked and tossed it in the air. “I have to admit, I missed this a bit in France.”

“You love it because it’s been so frigid that nothing has melted. It’s still pristine and white. Remind yourself how messy it normally is and you might not miss it so much! Besides . . . was that a complaint about the French Riviera? Seriously?”

Kat smiled. “Why would I ever complain about anything in the South of France? Even the bad days are good!”

CHAPTER THREE

They were back at the hospital by 10:00 a.m., with a drive-through detour on the way for Katherine’s café mocha.

“It didn’t take long for you to slip back into that habit,” Terrence teased.

“Hey! It’s my first morning in town,” she replied. “Give me a break!”

The first person they saw as they exited the elevator was Father DeCarlo, talking to a nurse in the hallway. He was formally dressed, his white priest’s collar contrasting with the black suit.

He quickly excused himself to greet them, at first shaking Kat’s hand and then giving her a reserved hug. “It’s so good of you to come. I know how much it will mean to Molly. There are some important documents to sign. If you like, I’ll go with you when the office is ready.”

“Thank you, Father. It’s nice to see you, and we all appreciate your assistance. I know it’s because of your influence that Molly had pulled together the documents in the first place!”

There seemed to be no change with Molly, but the attending nurse assured them she was improving slowly. They spent the morning taking turns at her bedside. Today, Katherine’s emotions were more controlled.

One new addition to Molly’s treatment was a set of earbuds attached to an iPod. Music was thought to be helpful to patients in her condition, the nurse told them. The fact that music was such a large part of Molly’s life, through her teaching at schools and her jazz singing at the Blue Note, made the idea even more appropriate.

Kat checked the playlist; she knew this was Molly’s kind of music, and she wondered who had chosen the tunes. A nurse told her Father DeCarlo had brought in the music, after talking with the doctor about it.

Shortly before noon, the priest returned to say he had received a phone call to bring Katherine to the business office.

“Andrea, why don’t you come along too?” he asked. “Then you will also know precisely what Katherine has signed. It never hurts to have another set of eyes and ears.”

The documentation was straightforward, with Kat signing as power of attorney, since Molly was incapacitated. She initialed Molly’s living will to confirm her signature.

Fishing in her pocket for a tissue, Kat wiped her eyes. “Sorry. I hadn’t expected to be so emotional about this. But I also feel good knowing that whatever is being done is what she wants.”

Andrea nodded. “Molly influenced us to do this too. It was interesting how relieved we felt once we had gone through the process. Plus, our kids were most appreciative. They said they were glad we had made the difficult decisions for them.”

“I better get my act together too. If I sign the papers in Canada, I wonder if that will apply in France. There’s a lot to look into.”

“Have you and Philippe checked into what sort of documentation you’ll need to move permanently to France?” Terrence inquired as they made their way to Molly’s room. “I imagine there’s a lot of bureaucracy involved—from what I hear about the French.”

Katherine felt the same surge of anxiety as the night before. “I . . . um . . . we . . . They do make some things difficult when it comes to paperwork.” In actual fact, she and Philippe had done nothing. She had changed the subject more than once, with unexplained jitters, when Philippe brought it up.

“And there have been worrisome reports about the economy, the political situation over there. No concerns?” Terrence continued.

Kat considered his question. “Philippe and I talk about all of that, and really, where in the world are there not problems like that these days? He’s such an optimist and he’s turning me into one too. I know we will deal with whatever comes along, one day at a time, if I do stay.” She couldn’t believe her ears.

Andrea looked at her in surprise. “
If
you stay? Are you having doubts? Has Philippe asked you to marry him?”

“I don’t know why I said ‘if,’ Andie. It just popped out. I’m not thinking straight. Has he asked me to marry him? No. Has he asked me to spend the rest of my life with him? Yes. The marriage part really isn’t an issue for either one of us. The commitment is.”

“And . . . ?”

“I don’t believe there’s any doubt, on his part or mine, that we are bound to each other forever.”

“Kat, I wish you could see the love that radiates from your face when you speak about Philippe. I have no doubt about your commitment either. I’m so happy for you and . . .”

“You mean,
we’re
so happy for you,” Terrence interrupted. “That includes me too, Kat, and the kids. They can’t wait to go over and visit you!”

Katherine’s face betrayed her confusion. “I’ve been happy for me too, since the end of October when I decided to stay. I don’t know why I’m having these anxieties and being so weird about it now. I’m sure it will pass.”

At home later that afternoon, Kat’s phone conversation with Philippe was subdued. When he asked what was wrong, she simply blamed it on feeling sad and depressed about Molly.

“
Tu me manques.
I miss you more than you can imagine, Minou. I want to come to you.”

“I miss you too,
mon
Chou. I’m struggling now in ways I never anticipated. Give me time and I will explain.”

“Whatever you need, but you are making me worried. Is Molly getting worse? Is that the problem?”

“No, in fact, I think she’s getting better but it’s so upsetting to think she might not be the same Molly when she wakes.” Her voice cracked as she spoke.

“Oh, Kat, it’s hard not be beside you now . . .”

“I’m so tired I can’t think straight. Let’s say
au revoir
, good-bye, now and talk tomorrow.
Je t’aime
, Philippe,
de tout mon coeur
. . . all my heart and more.”

Terrence was busy with spreadsheets on his computer. He had left the hospital earlier and picked up a load of packing boxes for Kat. Now Andrea helped Katherine sort through cupboards and pack up more boxes to go to Goodwill.

“This feels like the clearinghouse of my life,” Kat muttered.

“You’ve got a big job ahead of you, Kat, if you really are planning to leave here forever. Everything is exactly as you left it last summer. Lucy lived around your stuff very effectively.”

Katherine looked chagrined. “Since my first night back here, I’ve had a growing awareness that I’ve been living in fantasyland while in France. I fell in love with Philippe and Provence and our life there, but I truly didn’t stop to look at the big picture. That fact has hit me smack in the face now.”

Andrea looked at the growing pile of boxes. “Molly is the priority here, so don’t let this get to you. You have other issues to resolve, my dear Kat. I’ll come back to help you again next week. When is Philippe coming to join you?”

Kat’s shoulders slumped, and she shook her head in despair. “I don’t know. I just don’t know what to do . . .”

Kat’s body clock was still out of whack, and she woke at 4:00 a.m.

After lying in bed, attempting to sort through jumbled thoughts, she stretched out on the carpet and eased into a peaceful morning yoga routine.
I must find the carton with my yoga things in it. I need to do this every day.

She could hear Andrea and Terrence in the kitchen as she tiptoed downstairs after a shower. Kat knew they were anxious to get back to their farm and catch up on missed work from the past week.

After they enjoyed another of Andrea’s hearty breakfasts, Terrence persuaded Kat to let them drive her to the subway.

“You know we’ll be back in a flash if you need us, Kat,” Andrea said with their good-byes in the car.

“I’m fine for now,” Kat assured them as they dropped her off. She had insisted there was no need for them to go back to the hospital. It was her turn to take over the watch.
I can do it.

Kat was heartened that there seemed to be a small improvement in Molly’s condition. The bruising and swelling appeared to be diminishing, and the nurses confirmed it. “You missed the worst of that.”

With the background noise of beeps and whirs from all the equipment, Kat read the morning newspaper aloud to Molly. Then she reminisced about their time together in France, laughing softly and urging Molly to wake up and remember with her.

She looked at Molly, helplessly lying there, tied up in tubes, bristles of hair beginning to appear on her head, and Kat could not shake her thoughts about the randomness of life. How some people have bad luck and others don’t. Molly had endured so much negativity in her life and yet she had always been a good person. She didn’t need this—
but of course, no one does.

Kat thought back to their school days: she, a studious introvert, and Molly, the class clown—they still had inexplicably been drawn to each other. From the first time Molly went to Kat’s house after school, she became part of their family. Elisabeth had seen through the facade of laughter and recognized a frightened little girl. Through the years Molly had spent countless overnights, sometimes bringing her younger brother to escape their violent home life.

In spite of it all, Molly had grown to be a strong, smart woman, although always a little on the edge of conventional behavior. Their connection had been tenuous when Katherine was married to James. However, ever since James had left, Molly had been back in her life stronger than ever. Kat knew their special friendship had played a major role in her becoming the person she now was: strong, independent, confident.

There was something about schmoozing with a trusted girlfriend that lent itself to soul baring and laughter and understanding. It made Kat even more resentful of James, and annoyed with herself, to think she had missed out on that for so many years.

She took Molly’s hand in hers again and kept talking, begging her to get better, enticing her with plans.

Father DeCarlo came by several times during the day. The more Katherine spent with him, the more she began to see beyond his clerical collar. She had often teased Molly about his dark good looks and accused her of going to Mass because the priest was a “hottie.” Molly always had a flippant response that sometimes caused Kat to wonder vaguely what that was all about.

Now she simply appreciated his friendly manner and the spiritual care he was bringing to Molly’s bedside, knowing it would mean a lot to Molly. Molly had never lost her faith and sometimes teased Katherine for her lack of it.

From a conversation Katherine had with him, it was clear Molly had talked about Kat with the priest. “Katherine, your friendship with Molly has been so important to her. She sees you more as a sister—and that’s very special.”

Katherine had told him their friendship meant the world to her as well.

“Please call me Tony. The people in my parish feel better calling me Father, but I would like you to use my name, if you don’t mind.”

They’d chatted easily about many things and Katherine was glad for his company. His personality was engaging, and his passion for his street ministry was evident, as was his dry sense of humor.

The nurses also became sources of kindness for Katherine. They always stopped for a few moments to chat with Father DeCarlo and Katherine. As they went about daily care, they enjoyed Kat’s stories about Molly. More than once, they expressed to Kat how nice it was to know the personal side of the woman they otherwise knew only as a patient.

The unit was busy and the atmosphere intense. Katherine sensed it was almost a relief for the nurses to pause in their demanding routine with a patient who looked like she would live.

The head nurse in charge of Molly’s care, Roslyn, made certain to explain what they were doing and how they viewed Molly’s progress. “You may not see the small improvements as we do. I know how it might look like nothing is happening, but she is coming along. I assure you.”

As the hours slowly passed, Katherine was pleased to note she was doing a better job of keeping her tears in check. She had never considered herself a crybaby, but the specter of death at Molly’s age had put Katherine’s emotions into a spin. She’d never given much thought to her own mortality. Life just kept on going. But now, facing the possibility of death with someone so close to her had a profound impact.