How to Develop a Perfect Memory (10 page)

January (1)

No need for any visual mnemonics here. January is the first month of the year, hence 1.

February (4)

February reminds me of feBREWERY. I can visualize an old Thames barge

unloading kegs of beer at a smuggler's inn. Using the number-shape method, boat = 4.

March (4)

Going back a few years, I can visualize an army of soldiers, maybe even

Vikings, MARCHing a boat down to the water's edge carrying it on their

shoulders. Boat = 4.

April (0)

Have you ever been caught in an April shower where hailstones are the size of footballs? Nor have I, but I can imagine footballs falling from the sky, denting the roof of my car and bouncing in the road. Football = 0.

May (2)

I remember this by thinking that 'may' suggests a twofold choice: someone may or may not do something. I also think of makes of matches: Bryant and May and Swan Vesta. Combining the two gives you Swan and May. Swan = 2.

June (5)

I think of a landlady I know called June and I imagine her drawing back the curtains in the morning at her pub. Curtain hook = 5.

July (0)

Carrying on the pub imagery, I can picture the landlady looking out of the window at her scruffy daughter, Julie, kicking a football around on the dusty track outside the pub. Football = 0.

August (3)

I have a strong image of three ageing oak trees on an exposed hill top, swaying dangerously in A GUST of wind. They are fixed together by an enormous set of handcuffs, to prevent them from toppling over. Handcuffs = 3.

September (6)

I think of an elephant who has such a long trunk that it drags along the ground.

It has become SEPTic. Elephant = 6.

October (1)

I picture an OCTopus sitting on top of a central telegraph pole, one with plenty of lines leading off from it. Telegraph pole = 1.

November (4)

I refer back to the image of the Thames barge unloading kegs of beer. At the front end of it, looking on with dismay, is a young NOVice, praying for the sins of mankind (or does he just want a drink himself?) Boat = 4.

December (6)

I imagine Father Christmas, naturally associated with December, riding into town on the elephant with a septic trunk. Elephant's trunk = 6.

You now have your codes for the various months. It doesn't take long to memorize them, and don't feel obliged to use my examples. Whatever you do,

though, you must remember each number and its month. It's no good just

remembering the list of numbers.

THE DAY CODE

This is the easiest code of them all and is entirely self-explanatory. All you have to remember is that the week starts on a Sunday, hence 1, and ends with a Saturday, which you must call zero.

Sunday

1

Thursday

5

Monday

2

Friday

6

Tuesday

3

Saturday

0

Wednesday 4

You will have noticed that all the code numbers fall somewhere between 0 and 6. This is because we are working in base 7. We are, after all, trying to calculate days of the week.

To establish the day code, take the date of the month, the 17th for example, cast out as many 7s as you can and see what you are left with. In this case, take 14 away from 17, leaving 3, which is the day code. If the date is less than 7, 3

for example, then 3 is your day code.

Once you have learnt these three codes (years, months, days) you are ready to calculate any day of the week this century.

THE CALCULATION

To work out the day of the week, simply add together the three codes: year, month, day. Once again, if the grand total is more than 7 (9 for example), simply cast out as many 7s as you can, leaving 2: a Monday.

Example 1:

22 October 1906.

1. Day code: 22 cast out three 7s, leaving 1

= 1

2. Month code: October = OCTopus on telegraph pole

= 1

3. Year code: 1906 = OS = Omar Sharif playing backgammon = 0

in garden

TOTAL:

= 2

The total tells us the day of the week: 2nd. 22 October 1906 was a Monday.

Example 2:

31 August 1912

1. Day code: 31, cast out four 7s, leaving 3

= 3

2. Month code: August = A GUST of wind, handcuffs on oak = 3

trees

3. Year code: 1912 = AB = Alastair Burnet reading news in

= 1

bedroom

TOTAL:

= 7

Because the total is divisible by 7, we are left with 0. 31 August 1912 was a Saturday.

Example 3:

New Year's Eve, 1999

1. Day code: 31, cast out 7s, leaving 3

= 3

2. Month code: December = Father Xmas on a elephant

= 6

3. Year code: 1999 = NN = Nanette Newman in lounge

= 4

TOTAL:

= 13

Take 7 away from 13 and you are left with 6.

New Year's Eve in 1999 will be a Friday.

When you get more proficient at the mathematics, you should cast out any 7s as you go along. If I were doing the above example, I would have added 6 to 3, making 9, and cast out 7, making 2, before adding 4.

LEAP YEARS

If a leap year is involved, you will sometimes have to make a slight alteration to the calculation. Leap years are divisible by 4 (1980, 1984, 1988, 1992, etc.) Let us suppose the date you are asked is in a leap year and falls between 1

January and 29 February. In this case (and no other), simply subtract 1 from your final total. If the date falls within a leap year, but is outside January or February, simply carry out the calculation as before.

Example 4:

14 February 1952.

1. Day code: 14, cast out 7s, leaving 0

= 0

2. Month code: February
=
feBREWERY = boat unloading

= 4

kegs of beer

3. Year code: 1952 = Eric Bristow playing darts in spare room = 2

TOTAL:

= 6

Subtract 1 from 6, because it is a leap year (and the date falls between 1

January and 29 February) and you are left with 5.

14 February 1980 was a Thursday.

(Please note that the year 1900 was not a leap year. The only century leap years are those divisible by 400. The year 2000 will be a leap year.)

DOESN'T THIS ALL TAKE A VERY LONG TIME?

People are often puzzled when I tell them how it is possible to work out the day of any date this century. They see me do it in an instant and are then dismayed when they discover how much work is involved. In fact, it doesn't take long at all to come up with an answer. The more you practice, the quicker you get, and you must have faith in the ability of your brain to recall

information virtually instantly.

TWO TIPS

There are, however, two techniques that I use to give the impression of instan-taneous recall. First, ask the person to repeat the data slowly. Second, start calculating the moment they impart the information.

For instance, as soon as someone says 'The 30th...' I am immediately casting out the 7s (four of them) leaving me with 2 '...of September'. Again, I instantly think of SEPTic trunk, 6, add it to the 2 I already have, which makes 8, cast out 7, leaving me with 1. I am now already ahead of the question, waiting for them to say the year.

'1966.' Ah yes, 66 is SS, Steven Spielberg, who is in the kitchen. Kitchen =

curtain hooks = 5 and bingo! 5 + 1 = Friday.

Barely has the member of the audience finished speaking and I have already given them the day of the week they were born on. They walk away confused, dazzled, or just depressed, unable to comprehend how I did it. Now you know!

HOW TO REMEMBER THE CALENDAR OF

OTHER CENTURIES

Once you have become fluent with the codes, there is nothing to stop you from memorizing other centuries. You just have to learn one more set of simple codes:

1753-1799
=
4

1800-1899
=
2

2000-2099 = 6

What day was it on 24 November 1777?

1. Day code: 24, cast out 7s, leaving 3

= 3

2. Month code: November = NOVice praying on boat

= 4

3. Year code: 77 = GG = Germaine Greer burning bras in

= 5

kitchen

4. Century code = 4

= 4

TOTAL:

= 16

Casting out 7s, you are left with 2. 24 November 1777 was a Monday.

11

HOW TO REMEMBER

'LOST' CHAPTERS

OF YOUR LIFE

TIME TRAVEL

This brief chapter is for those who are frustrated by their inability to recall scenes from their childhood. It's also for anyone who likes the idea of fitness training, but can't stand jogging.

I am dedicated to the concept of exercise. Every morning I enter my mental gym (usually an easy-back chair) to put my imagination through a punishing programme of exercise. One of my favourite routines involves something I call

'time travel'. If I am honest, this particular 'exercise' is anything but exhausting: I find it incredibly relaxing and therapeutic. In fact, it's more like a sauna than a work-out, and yet it helps to tone or build up brain 'muscles'. Needless to say, it also works wonders for memory.

MEMORY AS THERAPY

Time travelling is all about returning to a particular time and location from your past and trying to recall everything in as much detail as you can. I suspect that we have all experienced that moment when happy memories of a

previously forgotten part of our lives come flooding back. It's an exciting feeling but it can also be intensely frustrating: we can remember only bits of the past, glimpses that rapidly fade into nothing.

Time travelling helps open up whole vistas of your past life. It throws wide the shutters, shedding light on lost scenes and allowing you to re-live lost sounds, smells, textures, tastes and emotions. The past is an integral part of our character; it defines who we are. And although some events in our lives are best forgotten, there are many that are unwittingly and undeservedly confined to oblivion.

It is common for people in the immediate aftermath of bereavement, for

example, to clam up and not deal with the loss for many years. Later on in life, when they have finally come to terms with it, they want to remember every detail about the person who died - their face, the sound of their voice, their scent, the happy times spent together. But a poor memory lets them down.

Time travel can't bring people back to life, but it can animate memories and preserve scenes for posterity far better than any photo album.

I am also about to use it with someone who has lost her memory through an accident. Bit by bit, we hope to re-create her past, sketching rough outlines before filling them in with colour.

THE TECHNIQUE

Start by returning to a location that conjures up a number of varied, incidental recollections: your old school, an old friend's house you used to visit, or a village you left long ago.

Choose a specific starting point: it might be a flagpole in the playground, a chapel pew, a treehut, a friend's kitchen. Look around you. What little incidents do you remember? How old were you then? What friends did you have?

What were the typical noises? Traffic, trains, children playing?

Try to recall individual sounds characteristic of particular objects: the slam of a front door, a squeaky window, a creaky floorboard, a waterpipe that always shuddered. See if you can recall voices, even their timbre. If you are using your old school as a location, try to remember catchphrases used by teachers and pupils. Isolate particular events that took place, no matter how trivial they seem now. They obviously meant something to you then.

Use all your senses. Can you recall the smell of a damp, musty room, or the aroma of your garden? And what about the smooth feel of a polished walnut table, or the rough texture of a pebbledash wall, the one you used to run your hands along on the way to school.

Association is at the heart of time travel. One memory sparks off another.

After a while, an overall picture begins to emerge, not just of the physical layout but also of your state of mind. Were you happy? Optimistic? In love?

Depressed? Naive?

The deeper you reflect, the more memories will be triggered off.

Experiences completely forgotten will come flooding back. Eventually, if you work at it, you will have the same problem as I have now: I never run out of memories.

DAILY ROUTINE

Spend a little time every day reflecting on the same area of your past until you feel you have exhausted every avenue of retrieval. It's possible you never will.

Every time you return to the scene, you will be starting with a clearer, more comprehensive picture. It's a bit like assembling a jigsaw puzzle: each detail adds something to the overall image. Don't be surprised if you move the pieces around, making corrections in matters of detail.

I have just had to alter the layout in my parent's back garden. One morning I realized that a certain cherry tree I had recently 'rediscovered' had, in fact, been chopped down years ago. I suddenly recalled the sensation of tripping over its stump and stubbing my toe. In turn, that reminded me of our next-door

neighbour - someone I had completely forgotten - and his tantrum when the tree crashed through his fence.

How far back can
you
go? I can recall shaking the wooden bars of my cot, aged two. My mother predicted that I would be a boxer one day, given the way I was developing my infantile biceps. She wasn't far wrong. I did get a pair of boxing gloves for my tenth birthday.

OTHER BENEFITS

Time travel borders on self-hypnosis, but it comes with no health warnings and you won't need the click of someone's fingers to wake you. When I relax in my sauna of early childhood memories, I adopt the same frame of mind I had all those years ago: carefree, innocent, untroubled. Only then do I realize how much my expectations and opinions have changed.