Homer Price (6 page)

“I certainly hope this advertising works,” said Uncle Ulysses, wagging his head. “Aggy’ll certainly throw a fit if it don’t.”

The sheriff went outside to keep order, because there was quite a crowd by now—all looking at the doughnuts and guessing how many thousand there were, and watching new ones roll down the little chute, just as regular as a clock can tick. Homer and Uncle Ulysses kept stacking doughnuts. Once in a while somebody bought a few, but not very often.

Then Mr. Gabby came back and said, “Say, you know there’s not much use o’ me advertisin’ at the theater. The show’s all over, and besides almost everybody in town is out front watching that machine make doughnuts!”

“Zeus!” said Uncle Ulysses. “We must get rid of these doughnuts before Aggy gets here!”

“Looks like you will have ta hire a truck ta waul ’em ahay, I mean haul ’em away!!” said the sheriff who had just come in. Just then there was a noise and a shoving out front and the lady from the shiny black car and her chauffeur came pushing through the crowd and into the lunch room.

“Oh, gracious!” she gasped, ignoring the doughnuts, “I’ve lost my diamond bracelet, and I know I left it here on the counter,” she said, pointing to a place where the doughnuts were piled in stacks of two dozen.

“Yes, Ma’m, I guess you forgot it when you helped make the batter,” said Homer.

Then they moved all the doughnuts around and looked for the diamond bracelet, but they couldn’t find it anywhere. Meanwhile the doughnuts kept rolling down the little chute, just as regular as a clock can tick.

After they had looked all around the sheriff cast a suspicious eye on Mr. Gabby, but Homer said, “He’s all right, sheriff, he didn’t take it. He’s a friend of mine.”

Then the lady said, “I’ll offer a reward of one hundred dollars for that bracelet! It really
must
be found! . . . it
really
must!”

“Now don’t you worry, lady,” said the sheriff. “I’ll get your bracelet back!”

“Zeus! This is terrible!” said Uncle Ulysses. “First all of these doughnuts and then on top of all that, a lost diamond bracelet . . . ”

Mr. Gabby tried to comfort him, and he said, “There’s always a bright side. That machine’ll probably run outta batter in an hour or two.”

If Mr. Gabby hadn’t been quick on his feet Uncle Ulysses would have knocked him down, sure as fate.

Then while the lady wrung her hands and said, “We must find it, we
must!
” and Uncle Ulysses was moaning about what Aunt Agnes would say, and the sheriff was eyeing Mr. Gabby, Homer sat down and thought hard.

Before twenty more doughnuts could roll down the little chute he shouted, “SAY! I know where the bracelet is! It was lying here on the counter and got mixed up in the batter by mistake! The bracelet is cooked inside one of these doughnuts!”

“Why . . . I really believe you’re right,” said the lady through her tears. “Isn’t that
amazing?
Simply
amazing!
”

“I’ll be durn’d!” said the sheriff.

“OhH-h!” moaned Uncle Ulysses. “Now we have to break up all of these doughnuts to find it. Think of the
pieces!
Think of the
crumbs!
Think of what
Aggy
will say!”

“Nope,” said Homer. “We won’t have to break them up. I’ve got a plan.”

So Homer and the advertising man took some cardboard and some paint and printed another sign. They put this sign in the window, and the sandwich man wore two more signs that said the same thing and walked around in the crowd out front.

THEN . . . The doughnuts began to sell!
Everybody
wanted to buy doughnuts,
dozens
of doughnuts!

And that’s not all. Everybody bought coffee to dunk the doughnuts in too. Those that didn’t buy coffee bought milk or soda. It kept Homer and the lady and the chauffeur and Uncle Ulysses and the sheriff busy waiting on the people who wanted to buy doughnuts.

When all but the last couple of hundred doughnuts had been sold, Rupert Black shouted, “I GAWT IT!!” and sure enough . . . there was the diamond bracelet inside of his doughnut!

Then Rupert went home with a hundred dollars, the citizens of Centerburg went home full of doughnuts, the lady and her chauffeur drove off with the diamond bracelet, and Homer went home with his mother when she stopped by with Aunt Aggy.

As Homer went out of the door he heard Mr. Gabby say, “Neatest trick of merchandising I ever seen,” and Aunt Aggy was looking sceptical while Uncle Ulysses was saying, “The rings of batter kept right on dropping into the hot fat, and the automatic gadget kept right on turning them over, and the other automatic gadget kept right on giving them a little push, and the doughnuts kept right on rolling down the little chute just as regular as a clock can tick—they just kept right on a comin’, an’ a comin’, an’ a comin’, an’ a comin’.”

O
NE fall afternoon Homer was whistling a little tune and raking up leaves from Uncle Ulysses’ front lawn and trying to decide whether to ask for his pay in cash or in doughnuts from Uncle Ulysses’ Lunch Room.

He’d just finished raking the leaves into a neat pile at the curb and was about to go find a match when the sheriff turned the corner in his car.

“Hi Sheriff! Do you have a match?” shouted Homer.

“Sure thing, Homer,” said the sheriff as his car jerked to a stop. “That’s a right smart pile o’ leaves you got there. Lurning beaves, I mean burning leaves sure smell nice don’t they?” he said as he struck a match on his seat and lit the pile.

“Yep, Sheriff, and burning leaves always make me think of football and school,” said Homer.

“And the county fair,” added the sheriff. “That’ll be along in a couple weeks. I’m gonna exhibit my chickens again this year, my white leghorns took a blue ribbon last fall. Well, I’ll be seeing you, Homer,” added the sheriff. Then he flicked a bit of ash off his sleeve, because he had his best Sunday suit on, climbed into his car, and drove to the end of the block. Homer watched while the sheriff got out of his car, straightened his tie and started up Miss Terwilliger’s front steps.

Miss Terwilliger, as any one from Centerburg can tell you, is one of the town’s best known and best loved citizens. She runs knitting classes and in years past has taught almost every woman in Centerburg how to knit. She is a familiar sight on Sundays, holidays, and at social functions, dressed in a robin’s-egg-blue dress which she had knit years ago when she first started her knitting classes. In fact, Sundays and holidays did not seem complete without Miss Terwilliger in her robin’s-egg-blue dress. You might think that a dress so old would look worn and out of style, but not Miss Terwilliger’s. After church or after a party she changes to a house dress of simple cotton print and carefully hangs her favorite blue knit in a closet to save it for the next occasion. The matter of style doesn’t bother Miss Terwilliger. If short skirts are the latest thing, she merely unravels a few inches from the bottom and the dress looks like the latest thing. Of course Miss Terwilliger saves the robin’s-egg-blue yarn that she removes for, as she has so often remarked, “Longer skirts will be in style again in a year or two and then I’ll have the right yarn to knit a few inches back onto the bottom of the skirt.”

Miss Terwilliger is a
very
clever woman, and besides being an accomplished knitter, she is a wonderful cook. Her fried chicken is famous for miles around Centerburg. It is only natural for such a woman to have many admirers, and two special ones, the sheriff and Homer’s uncle Telemachus. As long as Homer could remember the sheriff had gone every
Thursday, and Uncle Telemachus had gone every Sunday, to call on Miss Terwilliger and eat a chicken dinner. And it was no secret that both the sheriff and Uncle Telemachus wanted to marry Miss Terwilliger. She liked them both but somehow she just couldn’t seem to make up her mind.

Homer remembered that he had another job for this afternoon so he poked the fire some more to make it burn faster.

When the fire was out Homer put away the rake and hurried off to Uncle Telemachus’ house.

Homer’s Uncle Telly lived all by himself in a trim little house near the railroad. Homer’s mother always said, “It’s a shame that Uncle Telly had to live alone because he would make an ideal husband for some fine woman like Miss ‘T’.” Aunt Aggy would always answer, “But I don’t know how any fine woman could put up with his carryings on!”

By “carryings on” Aunt Aggy meant Uncle Telly’s hobby of collecting string. Yes, Uncle Telly was a string saver and he had saved string for years and years. He had quite a lot of it too. And every Thursday afternoon he would take all of the pieces of string that he had collected during the week and wind them on his huge ball out in the garage. That was one of Homer’s jobs on Thursdays, helping Uncle Telly wind string, because Uncle Telly had had a bit of rheumatism of late. You see, the ball of string was getting too large to wind without a lot of stooping and reaching.