Hidden Barriers (32 page)

“Oh, cut the shit. I may be younger than you, but I wasn’t born yesterday. I already talked to Sam days ago. Are you trying to screw up things with her, too?” Courtney continues to scold me as we float toward our destination. If looks could kill, the look I’m getting right now from her would certainly be the death of me.

“What do you want me to say, Court? It’s not as though I didn’t try! I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do.”

“You should be fighting for her, you idiot!” Courtney slams her paddle hard against the top my kayak. My eyes widen with her brazenness. She continues to tell me off, “Have you learned nothing from watching Jeremy these last few months? Fight for her! I’m not fixing another issue you have with Sam. This one’s all you.”

I watch as Courtney paddles ahead of me with the current. The sun is beating down against my face while the salty water splashes up along the sides of the kayak. The lighthouse ahead tells me that we are nearly to the landing spot where Jeremy has planned to propose to Emily. Pushing my paddle into the water, I catch up to Courtney in no time. She’s right in more ways than one. I will ultimately screw this up with Sam if I don’t act soon, and I know I cannot count on Court to fix this since she doesn’t know about Sam’s past.

I have no idea how I am supposed to fix this with Sam, but I know I have to.

Courtney rows her kayak up onto the beach shore before me. Just over the dunes, I notice Mom and Dad standing there, watching Jeremy and Emily from afar. With Emily’s back to us, she never notices us pulling our kayaks up to the beach.

Courtney quickly removes her camera from the dry bag in the kayak and begins snapping away what will most likely be some of the best photos of the trip. My sister never will admit how talented she truly is with everything she does. I can only hope that once she’s finished her college
years, she’ll be offered an incredible opportunity doing what she loves. After all she’s done for not only me, but also everyone else, she deserves the best life has to offer her.

I secure my kayak alongside Courtney’s as we move to watch Jeremy stand and face Emily as well as the rest of us. As he bends down to one knee, holding out the ring box to Emily, a feeling of jealousy rushes through me. As I notice Emily’s elated face when she turns to see all of us behind her, I know at some point in my future I want to share the same feelings my brother most likely is right now.

The wife, the kids, the house. All of a sudden, it seems as though my future is as clear to me as my brother’s is to him. How the hell have I gone from countless one-night stands over the years to finding a woman who makes me see everything plain as day? I know the minute I get home, I need to find a way to work through this rough patch with Sam.

Sitting here in the massage chair as Lucy and I get pedicures is not making this week any better. First, I received the news about Stone going MIA, then I pushed Josh away because I thought my brother would understand me more, and now, not even a day at the spa will make this week end on a positive note.

“Would you at least try to enjoy this spa day?” Lucy disrupts my wandering mind. “I’ll be damned if you go another week around the house moping and hiding.”

I stare at her in silence, knowing full well she’s right. I have been an absolute bitch all week, and even after she offered to treat me to what normally would be a relaxing afternoon at the spa, I’m still no happier.

I’d be lying if I didn’t say I haven’t thought about calling Josh to apologize, but I just can’t find the right words. How do you say you’re sorry for telling the man you love that no matter how much he’s offered to help you, your previous relationship has damaged your ability to trust?

When my brother showed up, he told me I was the biggest idiot, and unless I found an honest reason as to why I thought he was the better choice over Josh for me to call, he
was leaving. It was tough love, but Drew told me that I needed to finally learn how to trust someone besides him. He then asked why I couldn’t just admit Josh was the better option.

I couldn’t come up with a reason, and Drew left me three days ago.

Other than derby practice with the girls and daily visits to Vines by Nick, I’ve been cooped up in the house thinking somehow, someway, Stone is going to find me. Nick continues to be a huge help when he’s around. If I’m staying late at work, he’ll offer to follow me in his truck to ensure I get home safely. Something tells me that might be Josh’s doing, since I’m pretty sure he still has no idea of what Stone is capable of. Well, maybe he does. Knowing Josh, he probably had Nick pull up any information he could weeks ago when Stone was released from jail.

There hasn’t been a single word or call from Josh, and as days go by, I think I’ve lost him completely in my life. Cara mentioned the other day that she was heading over to Nick’s townhouse since he had the place to himself. From the dazed and confused look on my face, she must have assumed I forgot Josh and his family were all out of town for a long weekend. Actually, my mind was so consumed with everything else, I had forgotten all about his brother’s wedding.

My cell phone rings on my lap, and I see it’s Mom calling me again. Lately, she’s made it her goal to call me every single day just to make sure I don’t go bat-shit crazy. Too late. I’m already there. After what seems like the same questions she asks every time she calls, she finally suggests some time away from home. The more I think about it, the better it all sounds. Right now, I could use a break away from everything.

Tossing my phone to the side, I look over at Lucy who is still getting her toes painted a bright purple. “Hey, do you want to take off for the weekend? I need to get away from here for a couple of days to clear my head,” I say as I pull my hair into a messy bun on my head. Lucy gives me a disgusted look probably because I never put any effort into styling my hair.

“Yeah, I’m not working until Tuesday, so I can take off the next few days. Where are we going?”

“Lake Winnipesaukee. My parents just opened up the lake house, and no one is using it, so she just suggested I head up there.”

“Sounds like fun. Are we going to go find me a hot guy at a club or something? I’ve been getting bored with my latest one.”
“Luce, it’s not exactly that type of place.”
“Oh. Whatever! Fine, I guess I’ll settle for the after party at the derby tomorrow night.”

Something tells me Lucy is not going to back down from that plan regardless of how much I fight her on it. The derby will be a good distraction from where my mind seems to want to go these days. The derby after party in the Fez Room typically involves lots of booze and music. Knowing Lucy, she’ll be the one hammered, and I’ll end up being the designated driver again. I’ll make sure I find my peace of mind once I’m away from here.

Even if I don’t, it’s still a couple of days away from everything here. I’m looking forward to the quiet, rustic cabin and the loons on the lake in the morning. And by “loons,” I mean the ducks and not the two girls heading north to New Hampshire.

The weekend getaway comes and goes way too quickly. It seems as though Lucy and I just got here and already we’re heading home tonight. Lucy decided about two hours ago that she was going to head into town to do some shopping at the outlet stores about a half hour south of the lake.

I told her I was going to stay at the cabin to relax on the deck with my coffee and maybe take the canoe out for a quick spin. Clearly, the idea of heading out on the cold water in the lingering morning fog didn’t beat out shopping.

As she was leaving in her VW Beetle, she yelled out the window to make sure I didn’t go off in the canoe before she got back. Not exactly knowing why that would make any difference, I just stood there in my ratty old flannel pajamas and monkey slippers and assured her I would be here waiting until she got back.

I’ve been waiting here for two freakin’ hours. I’ve tried calling her a few times, but each time I end up getting her voicemail. I’ve found myself engrossed in the birds chirping and fish jumping on the lake as I watch from the Adirondack chair at the end of the dock. The sound of tires slowly making their way up the driveway pull me from my Zen-like state.

I grab my coffee mug and hurry my pace toward the cabin to see just how much shopping Lucy actually did, and knowing her, she most likely doesn’t have any room left in her car for me to put my suitcase, let alone an additional passenger.

I rush up the back stairs and through the back sliding door without shutting it. As I push through the room, I slide my coffee mug onto the wooden counter in the kitchen and continue to make my way to unlock the front door for her. “Lucy, it’s been three hours!”

I reach to turn the deadbolt and twist the doorknob, opening the door in a hurry. The body standing before me renders me speechless. Expecting to see Lucy in the driveway, I take a step back in shock.

I never thought he would be here. How did he find me?

I watch as his eyes stay fixed on mine, neither of us saying a word until I see his lips move and hear the voice I haven’t heard in so long.

Whenever I walked off the airplane and read the text messages from Lucy and Drew, I knew I was making the right decision. Yesterday, as I was watching Jeremy marry the woman who makes him happy, I had my mind made up. Then, my mind was convinced when I saw Dave and Sue on my phone screen just before I recorded the ceremony. Sue was sitting there wiping tears from her eyes as Emily walked down the aisle on my father’s arm.