Hate Me (38 page)

That it had nothing to do with me.
 

That she didn't suffer.
 

I pray for her family.
 

For my guilt.
 

Then I go sit in the back.
 

I should be crying.
 

But I have no tears.
 

I pull my feet up on the pew, wrap my arms tightly around my legs, and rock back and forth.

My phone buzzes.
 

I robotically take it out of my coat pocket and look at it.

Hottie God:
 
Heard you went to the nurse’s office with a hamstring cramp. You need me to help you stretch?

My hands shake as I text him back.
 

Me:
 
i
 

Me:
 
need
 

Me:
 
you

I put my phone down and hug my legs.
 

Not crying.

Not moving.
 

Not feeling.
 

There is nothing.

Just.

Emptiness.

Loneliness.

Despair.
 
 

Keatyn.

I hear my name softly spoken, the noise breaking into my thoughts, but sounding very far away.

“Keatyn!”

I remain motionless, only moving my eyes toward the noise.

Aiden shakes my shoulder. “Keatyn!”

I don't move.
 

Instead, I start sobbing.

And sobbing.

Aiden puts his arm around me and rubs my back. “What's wrong? Are you in pain?”

I sob some more.

“I went to the field house first, but Coach Steele said you left. I texted you to find out where you were, but you didn’t reply. I checked everywhere.”

I can't speak.
 

I just keep crying.
 

A deep, emotional, guilty cry.
 

Aiden grabs my chin, roughly turning my head and forcing me to look at him.
 

“She's dead,” I whisper.

“Who's dead!?”

“Girl . . . Club . . . Stalker . . . Friend.”
 

“Keatyn, look at me! You need to tell me what happened!”

I shudder.

He presses his lips into my temple and whispers, “It’s okay, baby. Shhh. I'm here. It’s okay.”

His words calm me. I shudder again, but the sobs slow down.
 

“Tell me what happened,” he says quietly, his lips still against my face.
 

“Girl . . . Murdered . . . L. A.”

“Did you know her?”

“No . . . She danced at the club . . . The birthday party . . . Almost kidnapped.”

“Is this about your friend? Is she okay? Is she still safe from the stalker?”

“Yes, but. But . . .”
 

I sob again, unable to say it.
 

“Shhh,” he whispers again. He gently pushes my hair off my face, his lips never leaving my temple. “But what, baby?”
 

“After my friend left . . . Accidentally saw mom. Both shopping. New York City. Stalker was following Mom. Chased.”

“Chased your friend?”

“Yes. Cabs. Streets. Fast. Got away. Later. Mom. Package. Photo of friend. Stabbed with scissors.”

“How awful.”

I nod, completely agreeing with him. “The girl who . . . was killed. Like my friend.”

“And?”

“My friend did something.”

“What'd she do?”

“She went back. To the club. Knew stalker would be there. Danced. For him.”
 

“Why would she do that?”
 

“Tired of hiding. Trying to push. Get him to make a mistake.”

“I still don't understand why your friend thinks it's her fault a girl was killed. Sadly, murders happen in big cities like L. A. all the time.”
 

“Girl . . . stabbed with scissors.”

“Oh my god. That’s awful.”

“And . . . and . . . and.” I start crying again. “And . . . it was all my idea.”

“Take my hand,” he says, reaching out to me.
 

I’m still on autopilot, but my hand moves into his and he squeezes it tightly.
 

“Listen to me. It’s not your fault. You couldn’t have known it was going to happen. Everything will be okay. I’ll help you.”
 
 

Somehow his squeezing my hand does make me feel like everything will be okay.
 

“I’m supposed to be somewhere. Class? Dance?”

“You’re in no shape for it.”

Aiden takes me to his room, where I lie on his bed and snuggle into his pillow, which smells just like his neck.

A few minutes later, Riley is sitting on the edge of the bed. “Cooper asked me where you are. He seemed worried.”

“I was with him—getting my hamstring stretched—when I . . .”

“I told him all about it,” Aiden tells me. “I have to get to basketball practice. Riley is going to stay with you until I get back, okay?”

He kisses my forehead and is heading toward his door when Riley squints at me. “Wait? So both you
and
your friend were stalked?”

Aiden freezes, turning around quickly. “What do you mean?”
 

My lies are unraveling before my very eyes.
 

“When we were in Miami, there was a guy who tried to grab Keatyn,” Riley says to Aiden.

I get tears in my eyes. Now, not only do I have to lie, but I have to lie about my lies.

“Riley, I lied.”

“Why?”

I put my hands in my face trying to figure out a new story, but my brain is fried.

Thankfully, Aiden sits back on the bed and starts telling Riley what I told him.

About my friend.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Riley asks, pushing my chin up so I have to look at him.
 

It’s easy to tell the truth to that question.

“I was shocked. I mean, it all happened so fast, and I was told—no, warned, sworn to secrecy—that if I told anyone about the stalker then he could find her.”

“So, where is she?” Riley asks.

I close my eyes again. “She's lost,” I say, simply stating how I feel.
 

“No one knows where she is?”

“They put her in witness protection, but she didn't feel safe anymore, so she left. She can’t tell me where, but she’s tired of being away from everyone she loves. Her family. Her friends. She wants her life back.”

“But what does that have to do with you?”
 

“It’s sort of another reason why I didn’t get to stay at my old school. She has this personal security firm that helped. They were worried that all her close friends could be in danger too. That he might hurt us to find her. It just worked out that Damian was away on tour and Brooklyn was leaving to surf. I had the option of coming here or going with my family. I chose here because I was worried about my sisters. She and I were really close. I’d be the natural target if he couldn’t find her. And, now, I’m responsible for a girl being dead because I told her it was time to stop running and fight back. My friend told me about the girl. Says she can’t handle it. The guilt. The fear.”
 

“Keatyn, you didn't do anything wrong,” Riley says. “You're just stronger than she is.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, if it were you, you'd fight back. You wouldn't just sit around and wait for something to happen. You'd make what you want to happen, well, happen. It's like what we just learned in history. How you never know what people will do when faced with danger. How they react like animals. Fight or flight.”

“Fight or flight?”

“He’s right,” Aiden says. “Your friend chose flight, but not you. You'd fight. You wouldn't let this stop you.” He wraps his hands around my fists and squeezes.
 

I smile at him. “You’re right. And you just gave me an idea.”

“What’s that?”

“Instead of her going to dance this week, I will.”

Aiden and Riley share a worried glance.

Aiden kisses me. “Stay here with Riley until I get back.”

The second Aiden closes the door, Riley narrows his eyes at me and says, “So, which one of us are you telling the truth to?”

“What do you mean?”

“Your story. It’s full of holes.”

“I know. I don’t want to lie to you. I just had to lie about this. I’m sorry.”

“That’s all you’re lying about?”

“Yes. I hate to lie. But I promised. And the lies are only for protection, so I hope you understand.”

“I understand. Now, move over. If you’re going to do something dangerous, I’m going to help you script it.”

I move over and lean against his arm while we brainstorm.
 

What we end up with is a scene straight out of a movie.
 

Which is pretty fitting, if you ask me.

Feeling horrible.

5:45pm

Aiden comes back from basketball with takeout food from the cafeteria. Potato soup for me and chicken fajitas for him.
 

He does our homework while I mostly just lie on his bed feeling horrible.
 

He makes me stay with him until it’s time for curfew, then walks me to my dorm and gives me a comforting goodnight kiss.

As soon as Katie is asleep, I go into the stairwell, call Troy, and tell him what I think happened.

“Oh, wow,” he says slowly. “I didn’t even put that together. Do you really think it was him?”

I tell him about the picture.

“Wow,” he says again.

“So, I need to know. Did he get one of the bouncers to bring him back there? Give her a card? Anything?”

“Uh, I don’t know. Let me check and I’ll call you right back.”

Ten minutes later, he calls me back.
 

“Yes. He asked one of the bouncers to give her his business card. Said he was a producer and would be interested in doing a screen test with her. From what I understand, this isn’t unusual for him. A lot of the girls admitted to doing screen tests and many have hooked up with him. They say he’s charming and a perfect gentleman.”

“Is the bouncer willing to tell all this to the police?”

“He will. He feels responsible because he helped her get the job.”

“Troy, if he isn’t arrested this week, I’m coming back Thursday to dance again. I want to honor her in a big way. Do you think the club and the girls would be willing to help?”

“Absolutely. We’re all still reeling. And we’ve been trying to figure out something to do for Leighton.”

“Leighton was her name?”

“Yeah, Leighton Wall.”

I close my eyes. Somehow knowing her name makes it even worse.

“I’m going to have a bunch of packages delivered to the club with your name on them. What time does the club open?”

“Ten.”

“Can you have all the employees there at nine?”

“Will do.”

“And Troy?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t tell Damian. I want to keep him as far away from this mess as possible.”

I know Cooper will probably have a fit about this, but I don’t care.

I toss and turn in bed, trying to sleep, but visions of Vincent, cages, and scissors haunt me every time I close my eyes.
 

I know there’s a very good chance that I might not come back from this trip.
 

That my fate might be the same as Leighton’s.
 

Aiden sneaks in my window sometime after curfew and pulls me into his arms.
 

I still don’t sleep, but I do realize there’s something important I need to do before I go back to face Vincent.

Just in case I don’t come back.

I slip out of bed, grab my phone, sneak into the bathroom, and send Sam an email with a very specific set of instructions to be carried out in a very short amount of time.
 

I end the email with a directive to meet me on Thursday afternoon.

Then I use the notes function on my phone and start writing.
 

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 13TH

Kiss me here.

7:40am

Aiden meets me in my dorm room with coffee and donuts.