Girl Z: My Life As A Teenage Zombie (9 page)

My aunt's face flushed, though I knew she was pleased at my praise. Sloppy Joes were super-easy to make, but she was an awesome cook on other, way more complicated stuff, too. The thought of those tamales I'd soon have made life a bit more bearable than it was.

“
Gracias
honey, but it was nothing,
nada.
Now we know
a pequeno
doesn't bother you. I'm glad.” She picked up her glass of wine and raised it to our glasses of juice (mine the part-protein kind, of course) for a toast. “To my beautiful niece, Rebecca, may her life only get better and better.”

I glanced down, a little embarrassed, before I clinked Auntie and Carm's glasses and took a sip from mine. It felt so good, so normal, sitting here having dinner, enjoying time with
mi familia
. A glance at the empty chair at the other end of the table made me wish my mother was here with us. An image of her proudly setting her homemade apple pie on the table came to mind. I quickly tuned the memory out before I got too depressed.

I wished it would last, but too soon our celebration was over. My few bites were gone and with everyone else finished, we got up to take the dishes to the kitchen when my stomach gave a loud rumble. I dropped my dishes on the table with a clatter as a jab of pain hit me. I grunted, gazed about in panic, and ran to the bathroom, not sure what was going on. The little I'd eaten hurled from me. Tiny specks, not even enough to call them tears, dribbled from my eyes as I flushed everything away, wiped my mouth, and gargled some minty mouthwash. Normal? So much for even thinking about being normal. Who was I kidding? Only myself.

I opened the door and stepped into my aunt's warm embrace. She pulled me close as I sobbed, my disappointment pouring out in big gulps and wails I couldn't hold back. My aunt patted and comforted me like she had when I was seven and had scraped my knee. The memory made me cry even harder.

“There, there, child, let it go,” she soothed. “That's right, let it go.”

Finally, I pulled away and swiped my face with the back of my hand. I was all cried out. “I-I guess now we know the answer,” I griped, my voice flat. “I'm on a weird diet. Forever.”

“Honey, don't worry, we'll find the answer. Together. You can't expect it to go perfect right away. I think maybe you had too much for the first time. We'll try it again, but we'll use a much smaller sample. You have to go slow. And don't worry about tomorrow. I'll have your food all ready for you, waiting outside your door.”

I could only frown, knowing any other experiments would have to wait until after my “feast day.” Of course now the idea of feasting on raw poultry sounded more revolting than before. I bit back a snotty retort as we went back to the dining room for the rest of the dishes, the edginess growing. After we stacked the rest in the dishwasher, I tried to dissuade my cousin from bunking with me.

“Carm, I think you better sleep in the guest room tonight. I'm not sure how early my hunger pangs will kick in and I don't know how I'll act. I think it's better if I'm alone. I guess I'll go to bed early.”

Tia
gave Carm's arm a squeeze and put a positive spin on things. “Good idea, honey. You've had a long day. Carm, you can sleep in the room downstairs next to mine. We'll watch a movie, how's that? Bec, feel free to come downstairs and watch with us when you want.”

I followed my cousin upstairs and watched silently while she took what she needed. Her face couldn't be longer, like she'd lost her best friend (
almost
, I thought) as she turned at the doorway. “See you tomorrow?”

I shook my head. “I don't know. Maybe not until after dinner. I probably have to stay in my room all day tomorrow.”

She gave me a hug. “Will you be all right?”

I bit my lip and tried not to show my turmoil. It would only make things worse. “I'll be fine.”

“Okay, love you, cuz. You know that. I'll talk to you after this is over.”

She hugged me again, which felt good, but didn't do much to improve my growing bad mood. Putting on a brave face, it took everything I had not to let her see me cry, or at least break into my weird hiccupping before she went downstairs.

Never had I felt so alone.

I waited until Carm was gone, then peeked over the rail and called goodnight to my aunt who stood at the bottom of the stairs, a worried expression on her face. The way she twisted her hands made me feel even worse, if possible, than I did already.

“Honey, I'll bring your breakfast upstairs tomorrow at six.
Te amo
.”

“
Te amo tambien
,
Tia
.”

Back in my room, the door shut, the dread felt like it would choke me. Six? Wow, so freaking early and on a weekend? Stupid questions, of course, with no answers. None of us knew what time I'd wake up, if I slept at all.

Scarier—when I woke or when “it” kicked in, what kind of shape would I be in?

I flicked on the small TV atop my dresser and turned the channel until I came to an old black-and-white movie. The movie didn't interest me at all, but the talking would overpower the quiet. Maybe I wouldn't feel so alone, or so freaking morbid.

After braiding my hair and changing into my favorite flannel sleep pants and T-shirt, I stretched out on the bed, drew up the covers, and took a deep breath.

My mind raced. Lucky Carm. Never thought I'd call going to school something on my to-do list, but I envied her. I'd never been much for studying. No one would confuse me with an honors student, though if I really pushed myself I did get an A now and then. Most of the time Bs and Cs—okay, usually Cs—filled my report card.

I liked art, but school was more somewhere I could meet my friends. A new guy, Miguel, had just transferred into my math class. I'd thought he was kind of cute, a cross between one of those guys on the Disney channel, I forgot his name, and a dark-haired Justin Bieber. We'd talked a little, and I thought he'd ask me to hang out or something, but I could forget about anything happening now. With a curse, I turned to my side and punched the pillow in frustration.

Here it came. Sadness hit me like a fifty-pound weight. I sniffled though nothing came out of my eyes this time. Great.

Why did this have to happen to me? Why-why?

So much was going on this year…parties, the prom…for a kick, I'd even thought about running for prom queen. Not that I had the slightest chance of winning, especially not against the
uber
-popular cheerleaders and the other mean girls, but I'd thought it would be fun to try. Something for me and my friends to do together.

Joke's on me. All I'd get now is the real pity vote.

Visions of the movie
Carrie
ran through my head. Freaksville. Face it. Who would ever ask me out now? I sniffled and wiped my nose. I mean, who, besides creeps like Jimmy Churlin, would want to go out with someone like me? No way was I that desperate to ever consider him. Never! Bad enough I couldn't get him to leave me alone.

I gave a sarcastic laugh. Huh, well, my mama didn't have to worry anymore about me coming home with a
niño.
She'd always impressed on me the need to respect myself, to not let boys take advantage of me like some other girls did. Her lecture came up every few months, but she needn't have worried. I saw how hard a couple of girls I knew had it when they got pregnant, coming to school in the morning, then leaving to go to a job and help support a baby. They had no time for friends or anything. I didn't want that kind of life.

And now? One more thing I probably didn't have to worry about anymore.

Being honest, nothing much had gone on in my previous life. My mama had worked hard as a home aide since I was little and papa died in a car accident. She usually was so tired after work I knew she didn't need any problems from me. I spent a lot of time at Carm's house, and then usually came home to help my aunt make dinner. Yeah, boring.

Frustration churned inside like a milk shake machine. It wasn't FAIR! I jumped to my feet and paced back and forth across the worn carpet.

My anger mounted. I stared again at my arms, better with the makeup but far from perfect if someone studied me too close.

It wasn't fair. It was SO NOT FAIR!

I swept my arm across the top of my desk sending the books and several of my
Dia de los Muertos
scenes to the floor. The small pieces scattered. The chips flew like snowflakes. Tiny cups and a vase of flowers, a skeleton in a dress broken off at the base, and a chair lay on the floor as if a mini hurricane had hit.

My eye twirled; I tripped over my own feet. Disgusted, I gathered everything up and dumped it in a box—a perfect example of my life: broken.

Let's face it, now I'd never have a real relationship, or get engaged, or get married. Not unless some new medicine or something came out.

But what if it didn't? W-would I always be like this?

Forever?

Wow, I couldn't even imagine that long.

I'd thought of maybe filling out some apps (the paper kind) to get a part-time job this summer and take some classes at the community college after I graduated. So many plans.

Now I could forget all of them. I'd never have any kind of life, ever—NEVER! I shoved the desk, sending the rest of the stuff careening and crashing to the floor, not caring what kind of mess I made.

After a few minutes, I paused and gazed at what I'd done.

Breathe. Again.

Okay, settle down. Enough! Quit being a baby.

Feeling sorry for myself, I shuffled out to the hall and listened to the TV blare from the living room and my aunt's echoing laughter. I didn't hear Carm so she must've gone to bed early.
Rotten mess I'd made of her life, too.

“Becca honey, are you okay?” my aunt called.

I leaned against the railing and let out a big sigh. “
Sí, Tia,
I'm all right.”

“Honey,
por favor
, come down here. You need to see this.”

“Oh, okay.”

Of course I wanted to spend time with my aunt and didn't mean to sound like I hated the idea. Actually, I'm not sure what I'd do without her, with my mama working so much. It was easier to talk to her most times, too, but not now. This whole zombie thing was hard enough to deal with on my own without burdening her with my problems, though I knew she didn't mind.

I stomped down the stairs, wondering what she wanted, figuring she probably had something on her mind. I took my time, not sure I wanted to hear what
Tia
had to say; not this time. Something told me this wasn't going to be some fun girly, gossip session.

Her face welcoming, my aunt tried to ease my fears. She motioned me over and gave the couch a pat. “Here, Becca, honey,
toma asiento.”

I sat down as she asked. Uneasy, I chewed on my bottom lip. I felt a little better when she reached over and pulled me closer in a hug.

“Honey, I know it's hard, but you can do it,”
Tia
assured me. “Don't feel like you can't talk to me about this, all right? I talked with the doctor and nurses before you came home so I'd know how to help you. They explained everything and told me what to expect. I want you to know since your mama isn't here, you're not alone with this. I'm here for you.”

I kept my eyes on my lap and blinked, trying to control my feelings, hating the goofy, gulping sounds I now made. Emotionally, I was a wreck, a big cry-baby, except the tears weren't coming anymore. Of course I knew my aunt would help me any way she could, but hearing her say it made a big difference. It felt like a huge weight slipped off my shoulders.

“
Muy bueno.
” She reached over for another hug and took a deep breath before continuing. “Honey, I have something else to talk to you about.
Es muy importante.”

Shaking her head, she gave a loud
tsk-tsk
to show her displeasure as she switched channels on the TV. “This special report came on.
Gracias a Dios
the soldiers and police have been working so hard. The streets are pretty clear here, but further out it's still a big problem getting around.”

She paused as if to consider her words before she turned to face me and then continued. “Becca, I don't want to scare you. Not at all. It's safer here, mostly, but the
policia
can't be everywhere. I'm hoping the bunch of
locos
outside Carm's house was a fluke, an isolated case. I know you've heard about the vigilantes in the city. They've been going after anyone who's developed the virus. Anyone.”

She wouldn't let me turn away. I told her I understood.

“Nothing much has happened in our neighborhood until someone broke the window at your cousin's house.” She paused again and rubbed her hands, like they were cold. “They haven't had much on the news, but I'm not naive. Things can change. Like that.” She snapped her fingers for emphasis. “Becca, honey, I fear to think what they'd do to a pretty young girl like you. It's not safe, anywhere.
Comprende?
”

My aunt appeared so on edge, I didn't want her to be alarmed. It almost sounded like maybe everything had become too overwhelming for her. “
Tia
,
por favor
, don't worry. I'll be fine. Honest. Carm and I will check everything out when we go to school Monday.”

My aunt's sudden gasp and how she put her hand to her chest scared me. “
Tia,
are you all right?”

“Becca, I'm fine. You startled me. I didn't think you'd be going back to school, not yet. I don't think it's safe.”

I gave her hand a squeeze. “It'll be fine, I think.”

She became thoughtful. “
Hmm
, well, maybe I will talk to your principal first to see what is going on, but I'm still not in favor of it. I suppose there are more kids and teachers this has affected. I'd imagine they've put some changes in place to deal with it.”