Friends--And Then Some (16 page)

He felt as though he’d been punched in the gut. The emotion he felt for her went far beyond friendship. He was in love.

All this time he’d
been
in love with her and hadn’t been able to admit it—not even to himself. A frown drove deep grooves in his brow. What was he supposed to do now? He’d always cared for her. Recognizing his feelings couldn’t make a difference. There were things that Lily wanted that he could never give her—fancy parties, diamonds, and expensive clothes. From the pittance he earned driving a taxi and writing stories, it was unlikely that he could ever afford those things. He might love her, but he wouldn’t let that love destroy her dreams.

Lily studied Jake and noticed that he was brooding. She couldn’t recall a time when he’d been more withdrawn.

Concerned, she cupped her hands around her mouth and called out, “Are you hungry?”

Jake stared out across the water before answering. “I could eat something.” Actually, he was ravenous, but he wasn’t sure he was ready for Lily to join him on deck. Now that he’d acknowledged his feelings, it would be ten times more difficult to keep her out of his arms.

Lily hadn’t eaten since early morning. “I’m starving.” Watching her step, she worked her way toward the opposite end of the sailboat.

Jake watched her as she approached. The sun glittered through her hair, giving it an almost heavenly shine. Her lips were pink and so inviting that the muscles in his abdomen tightened. Each step she took emphasized the lovely lines of her neck and shoulders and the curve of her breasts … Jake’s thoughts came to an abrupt halt.

This type of thinking wouldn’t do either of them any good. He could fantasize until doomsday about making love to Lily and it wouldn’t change anything. She was going to marry some rich man and Jake was going to let her.

Lily glanced up from the picnic basket to find Jake watching her, clearly amused. “Is something funny?”

“No.” His gaze shot past her to the water, but when he turned back to her, he smiled, his face relaxing and his eyes growing gentle and warm.

Lily experienced the effects of being near Jake almost immediately. She was so tempted to just reach out and touch him. She sat as far away as she dared without being obvious. Yet she was drawn to him like a homing pigeon to its place of rest.

“What did you pack?” Jake asked.

“Pastrami sandwiches and homemade lemon meringue pie.” She removed the cellophane and handed him a sandwich.

“Mustard?” He cocked one dark brow with the question.

“Your wish is my command.”

“Your memory impresses me.”

I’m glad something does
, she mumbled to herself, suddenly feeling gloomy. Lily
didn’t dare get close to Jake, even in the most innocent way. She was tired, having slept only a few hours the previous night. She yearned to curl up in his arms and nestle her head against his chest. She looked away, fearing he would take one look at her and know what she was thinking.

“Aren’t you going to eat something?” Jake asked. “I thought you said you were hungry.”

“I am,” she answered, somewhat defensively. Reaching inside the basket, she withdrew another sandwich, unwrapped it, and took a bite. “There’s cold beer if you want one,” she said.

“Sure.”

Lily grabbed one for him and another for herself.

“I didn’t know you liked beer. I thought you preferred wine.”

“I do sometimes. Beer’s good, too. It’s an acquired taste. Gram says it’s good for what ails you.”

Jake downed a large swallow and wiped his mouth off with the back of his hand. “Gram’s right.”

Lily took a more delicate swig. The liquid felt cold all the way to her stomach. She took another bite of the sandwich. “My dad was a big beer drinker.”

“You’ve never spoken much of your father.”

“He died when I was young.” Lily looked at the sails as they billowed in the wind, avoiding eye contact with Jake.

“What about your mother?”

“I don’t remember her,” she said, her voice growing soft. “The pictures of her Gram gave me make me wish I had. She was really beautiful. But she died of complications following surgery.”

“You must have been very young.”

“Three. Gram took me in then because Dad traveled so much. I don’t think Dad ever recovered from losing my mother. Gram says they loved each other like no two people she’d ever known, except her and Paddy. Yet my parents were nothing alike. Mom was delicate. From her pictures, she looks like a fragile princess. And Dad was this big hulk of a guy—a lumberjack sort of fellow. I have wonderful memories of him.
Whenever he’d come home it was like Christmas; he brought Gram and me the most marvelous gifts. I saved every one. Mom and Dad’s picture sits on my dresser. I’ll show it to you sometime if you’d like.”

The smile in Jake’s eyes widened and spread to his mouth. “You must resemble her.”

“Me?” Lily laughed. “No, I’m more like my dad. I’ve got this big nose and fat cheeks and ears that tend to stick out.”

“You’re lovely.”

“Why, Jake, what a nice thing to say.” She laughed and took another swallow of the beer. “When was the last time you had your eyes examined?” It felt good to tease him again. “What about your parents?”

“There’s not much to tell. They’re both still alive. I don’t see them often. I’m kind of the black sheep of the family. My two brothers are successful. One’s a bank executive and the other’s a physician.”

“And you’re the almost-famous writer.” Lily was obliged to defend him. This past month, when Lily had been seeing Rick and Rex, had taught her how unfair it was to judge others by their bank balance.

“No, I’m a cab driver and a failure. After all, they paid for four years of college for me that have completely gone to waste.”

“They haven’t been wasted.”

“In their eyes they have.”

“You’re a strong and solid man and if your parents don’t see that, then I pity them.” Jake was earthy and intelligent. A man of character and grit. He may have chosen a different path from his brothers, but that didn’t make him any less a success.

“My mother would like you.” His voice was oddly gruff. “She’d see you as just the type who could reform me.”

“But you don’t want to be saved. Remember?”

“You’re right about that.” But if anyone could ever do it, it would be Lily. A house, family, and responsibilities wouldn’t be half bad if he shared his life with her. The change wouldn’t come easy, but he would be more prone to consider it with her.

They finished their beer and sandwiches and Jake ate a thick slice of pie, praising
her efforts.

The sun shone brightly against the horizon and the boat plowed smoothly ahead through the choppy waters. Gradually, Lily’s head began to droop. The beer had added to her sleepiness, and now she fought to keep her eyes open.

Intent on his duties, Jake didn’t seem to notice until Lily started to slouch against his side. Instinctively he reached for her, looping an arm around her shoulders and holding her weight against his side. The sheer pleasure of holding her was overwhelming. And yet it felt so natural. Pressing his face into her hair, he breathed in the fresh scent of her. She reminded him of summer wine.

Closing his eyes, Jake took in another deep breath and held it. He’d never told another living soul about his parents’ disappointment in him. His love for Lily surged at the way she’d wanted to defend him. Her eyes had sparked with fiery indignation.

A slow, lazy smile spread over his features. The wind changed directions and he expertly manipulated the canvas sails around to catch the power of the moving air.

Relaxed now, he stretched out his legs and crossed them at the ankles. A man could get accustomed to this. The woman he loved was in his arms and the sea was at his command.

Lily stirred, feeling secure and warm. Slowly she opened her eyes and realized the cause of this incredible relaxed sensation. Suspecting that any sudden movement would destroy the moment, Lily gradually raised her face to Jake. His serious eyes met hers.

The sails flapped in the breeze and still Jake didn’t move. Lily remained motionless and the moment stretched out until she lost all concept of time. It could have been seconds or even minutes, she didn’t know. Jake’s face was so close to hers that she could see every line etched in his face. He smiled. Then, a fraction of an inch at a time, his mouth edged toward hers.

Lily closed her eyes, surrendering to him. Ever so gradually, his mouth eased onto hers. Lily felt her heart melt, but resisted the urge to lock her arms around his neck. Although she yearned for more, she was unwilling to invite it. Only the day before, Jake had ardently claimed he hadn’t wanted this. Yet here he was, holding her, kissing her, and looking as though it would take all the forces of heaven and hell to drive them apart.

The kiss lingered for what seemed like a lifetime. When he finally dragged his
mouth from hers, Lily didn’t protest. Her response had to be careful. It would be tragic to destroy this moment. She kept her eyes closed and savored the feel of his breath as it continued to fan her lips. She could tell that Jake was as affected by the kiss as she was.

“Oh, Lily,” he whispered. Jake bent his index finger and gently pressed it to her lips. “Did you enjoy your nap?”

Her response was a faint nod.

“Good.”

Unhurriedly, as if moving in slow motion, Jake lifted his arm from Lily’s shoulders. She shifted her weight and stretched. Sitting up straight, she smoothed her hands over her jean-clad thighs, searching for something to say.

“We’re doing it again and we said we wouldn’t,” Jake said.

Lily cast her gaze to the deck. “You’re right.”

“We should think about heading back. It’s been a full afternoon.”

Lily felt hurt and cheated. Why did Jake find it so objectionable to kiss her? Every time he did, it was wonderful.

“Okay,” she mumbled. “If that’s what you want.”

“Don’t you?”

“No. Yes. I don’t know anymore. What’s wrong with kissing me?” she asked him bluntly.

“Plenty. I’m not right for you.” His brow narrowed into a heavy frown. “I’d never make you happy.”

“I’m happy with you now,” she cried, her voice breaking.

“Sure you are, but it won’t last, Lily. I’m saving us both a lot of heartache, understand?”

“No, I don’t.”

His mouth hardened and he stared straight ahead, effectively closing her out. Lily had seen that look often enough to realize that she might as well argue with a brick wall, for all the good it would do her.

A sudden chill went all the way to her bones. She reached for her jacket. Jake was freezing her out again, but somehow it hurt more this time.

As they neared the marina, Jake momentarily gave her the helm and moved
forward to lower the sails. The lump in the back of her throat had grown so large that she could barely swallow. Even breathing was difficult. Today should have been special. And now it was ruined.

“Lily, listen. I’m doing this for your own good.”

“Stop it, Jake,” she all but shouted. “Why can’t you be honest, for once? I don’t know what you’re trying to prove. I couldn’t even begin to guess. I’m tired of playing your games.”

The
Lucky Lady
glided smoothly into her berth. Lily waited just long enough for the boat to steady before leaping onto the dock.

“Lily, wait.” Jake jumped after her, pausing to secure the vessel. “Don’t leave like this. We need to talk this out.” He didn’t know what he could say, but seeing Lily this upset was more than he could bear. He had to find some way to reason with her.

She turned to face him squarely. “Sorry, no time. I’ve got a date with Rick.”

The words hit Jake with all the force of a freight train. She had a date? Jake held her gaze and a muscle flexed convulsively in his jaw. Apparently it didn’t bother her to go from one man’s arms to another’s. “Then what’s keeping you?”

“You certainly wouldn’t be interested in keeping me, would you?” Maybe it was cruel of her, but she wanted him to experience just a little of what she was feeling. “Rick likes me. He isn’t hot and cold.”

Sadly she shook her head. “Good-bye, Jake.” She turned and walked up the narrow dock. Every step took her farther from Jake and somehow Lily felt she’d never be coming back.

Jake watched her go, his fist knotted at his side. Half of him demanded that he race after her, but the other commanded that he stay exactly where he was. Against all good sense, he’d done it again. He’d kissed her and regretted it, punishing Lily for his own weakness. It wasn’t Lily’s fault he couldn’t control himself around her. Nor was it her problem that he’d fallen in love with her. But something had to be done. And quickly.

In the past, he’d toyed with the idea of packing up and moving down the coast. They couldn’t continue on this way. They were confusing each other, fighting their feelings, denying what they yearned for most. He had to get out of her life completely. There was no help for it. He had to leave.

Jumping back onto the deck of his boat, Jake moved with determined strides. Now that he’d made up his mind, he felt better.

Belowdeck, he reached for the sea maps, charting his course down the California coast. He was a free man, no ties, no bonds. He could go without a backward glance. Except …

Jake paused.
Except
.

He slumped against the counter. He couldn’t leave Lily. It would be like leaving a part of himself behind. Who was he trying to fool? He loved her. Loved her enough to give up the precious freedom he’d struggled to maintain all these years.

He’d sell the boat before he’d lose Lily. The thought nearly paralyzed him. He meant it. Lily was worth ten thousand
Lucky Ladys
.

When a man felt that strongly for a woman there was only one option: marriage. He waited for the natural aversion to overtake him. It didn’t. The startling fact was that it actually sounded quite appealing.

His mind conjured up a house with a white picket fence around it. He could see Lily in the front yard planting flowers, pregnant.

That, too, had a nice feel to it. Jake hadn’t thought of it much, but he’d like to have a son. And a daughter would be a joy if she looked anything like Lily.