Flesh: Part Eleven (The Flesh Series Book 11) (4 page)

I pick myself up
from the floor and dust myself off. My eyes linger on him all the
while. The atmosphere in the room is unsettling. Every emotion I've
had up until this point I've been able to distinguish. Now, I just
feel off.

Part of me thinks
that I should care about his strange withdrawal, but I've learned my
lesson about being soft with him. Give him an inch, and he'll take a
mile. This is likely another one of his traps. I'm not falling for
it.

I start walking
towards the door.

“
Amy,”
his voice is strained. I don't turn around. “Amy, please.”
He twists his torso to face me. Curiosity gets the better of me, and
I make the mistake of glancing at him. There are tears in his eyes.
My heart of stone begins to crack, and I quickly send my
psychological guards to patch it up before it's too late. “Just
talk to me. Please, just talk to me.”

He looks like a
wounded animal. So weak and pathetic and...broken. This is different
than when he told me about his wife. This pain isn't for her. It's
for...me.

“
We have
nothing else to discuss, Lucian.” I clutch my purse tightly
against me like a shield.

He turns to face me
the rest of the way, but he doesn't get up. “I'll do whatever
you want. Just don't leave. I promise I won't advance on you again. I
just want to talk. Just to talk.” His bottom lip trembles
slightly.

I
feel sorry for him, though I don't know why. The crack in my heart
isn't getting filled fast enough. Stone slowly turns to jello as I
begin to think that perhaps I've hurt him just as much as he's hurt
me. It doesn't seem possible though. There's a very real probability
that those are fake tears, that he knows this is what he needs to do
to reel me back in. He's a master of manipulation.

“
There's
nothing you can say that will make me change my mind.”

“
I
won't try to change your mind. I just want you to listen. I just want
to talk.”

I
curse myself for my own curiosity. Even if it is all bullshit, I want
to hear what he has to say.

“
Talk.
You have five minutes.” I gaze down at him coldly.

“
Do
you want to sit down?” He pats the spot beside him.

“
No.
I don't want to be anywhere near you.” Especially not at arm's
length.

“
Alright.”
He nods.

For
several moments, he's silent.

“
Times
a tickin, Doctor Reddick.” I tap my foot.

“
This
is hard for me.”

“
Perhaps
some things are better left unsaid.” I turn to the door again,
placing my hand on the handle. If he has nothing to say, then there's
no reason for me to stay.

“
I
have feelings for you, Amy.” The words come out in a desperate
slur.

My
body tenses from hearing them. “I don't care anymore.”

“
I
know I've fucked things up. Badly. I've driven you away. And yes,
this last time it was on purpose. I didn't want to face those
feelings. Maybe if you would have stayed away...”

I'm
taken aback by the sheer honestly in what he's saying. Never before
have I doubted less that he's lying. He was purposely trying to get
away from me. It hurts, and I don't understand it, but I don't want
to talk about it anymore either.

“
So
you were going to abandon the project?” I ask, pretending that
it's the only thing that ever mattered.

“
No.
I was just taking time to recompose myself, to separate my feelings
from business.”

“
I
don't care.”

“
That's
bullshit. I know you do care. This is just a front.”

I turn to him and
shake my head. “No, Lucian. I truly don't care anymore. I don't
care about the project. I don't care about you. All I care about is
fixing the mess that you've made of my life, even if I have to make a
bigger one of my career to feel whole again.”

“
You
don't feel whole?” It's a stupid question in light of
everything we just talked about.

“
I
told you already. You've broken me. You've destroyed...so much. I'll
spend a long time repairing myself.”

“
If
you walk away from me, I'll be broken too.”

“
You
already were broken. You've been broken since before I met you. It's
just taken this long for me to figure it out.” I turn the door
handle, and Lucian flies to his feet.

He pulls me back
into his arms, and I have to resist the urge to try to fight him off
again. “Please, don't go, Amy.” His voice is unsteady,
and I know he's on the verge of crying. Knowing that he's in pain
bothers me, even though it shouldn't. He did this to himself. He did
this to both of us.

“
I
don't care about you anymore.” The words sound just as hollow
as I feel inside.

“
But
I...I...”

“
You.
You. It's all about you. It always has been.”

“
Tell
me how to make this right.” He squeezes me gently.

“
There's
no making it right, Lucian.”

“
I
don't want to be without you.”

“
You
should have thought about that before you dicked me around.” I
carefully try to peel his fingers from around me, but he doesn't
budge.

“
People
make mistakes, Amy. When you've been through as much as I have. When
you're so scared of losing the ones that you love...It's so hard to
love again. I haven't wanted to let anyone get close to me. Not until
you came along.

“
This
was never supposed to happen. You were supposed to be just another
casual fuck, but then you got under my skin. I saw how beautiful and
sweet and wonderful you are. I saw what I was missing in my life, and
I was scared. I was scared because I thought that if I brought you
close to me, I would just lose you. Somehow, someway, something would
happen, and I'd lose you. I didn't think I could afford that kind of
pain again without breaking completely. And now I realize that I
can't afford not taking that chance.”

I sigh, genuinely
feeling sorry for him. He has been through a lot. After dealing with
so much loss in close proximity, it would probably be natural to want
to distance yourself from any kind of real human connection.

I place my fingers
on top of his, but not even I can tell if I'm trying to comfort him
or not. I'm speechless, unsure of what to do. More than anything, I'm
emotionally exhausted.

“
Say
something,” he whispers into my ear.

“
What
do you want me to say?”

“
Say
that you'll give me another chance. I won't push you away again. I
promise.”

I want to believe
him, but it's hard after everything he's put me through. He doesn't
deserve another chance. I think we both know that.

“
Is
that why you still work here at Flesh, because you've been trying to
keep your distance from me?”

The question catches
him off-guard, and I can feel his body tense behind me. “It's
complicated,” he mutters after a few seconds of silence.

“
Everything
about you is complicated. I don't like complicated.” I relax in
his arms, surrendering to the fact that he won't let me go until he's
good and ready. I absolutely hate the way he makes me a prisoner like
this. Now that I think about it, he's kind of needy. Kind of selfish.
Definitely not as perfect as I originally thought. I can only assume
that he behaves this way because deep down inside he's insecure.
Perhaps it stems from his fear of losing people.

“
I
wish it wasn't so.”

“
I
wish a lot of things weren't so.” His embrace is starting to
feel strangling. “Let me go, Lucian.”

“
Tell
me you'll give me another chance. Let me take you out to dinner
tonight.”

“
The
idea of going to dinner with you after you've been with however many
women are left on your client sheet for the night isn't exactly
appealing.” I turn my head to look at him, but I can barely see
his face.

“
I'll
cancel all of my appointments for the rest of the evening. I'll be
ready whenever you tell me to. Tonight can be all about talking,
compromising, telling each other the raw truth. That's what you want,
isn't it?” He sounds like he's grasping at straws to please me.

The fact that he's
willing to cancel his appointments for the rest of the night tells me
that he's very serious. Even if I don't want to admit it to myself,
even if I don't want to believe it...he does care about me. I'm
beginning to think that every reaction he's had tonight, the tears
and the begging and the defeated look, it was all genuine.

I
swallow hard, watching my defenses break down from the inside, seeing
a small sliver of light shining through the dark clouds of these
heavy moments. The thought of giving in to him makes me feel naive,
but deep down inside, I still want him. Aside from the night that we
made love together, this is the closest he's ever been to the man I
want him to be. He's chasing me. It's not the other way around. He's
willing to sacrifice...what? Fucking a few extra girls tonight. The
thought instantly disgusts me.

“
At
the top of my list of priorities was sex.” I try my hardest to
keep bitterness out of my voice. I don't want him to think that I'll
be angered by an honest answer, even though it's pretty obvious that
I would be. “If I were someone else. If you had come in here
and I had been a normal client, would you have had sex with me?”

“
No,”
he replies without hesitation. “Now let me take you to dinner.”

It's
an unexpected answer, and while I should be satisfied with it, I
can't help but want to dig further, to find some dirt that will help
me to hate him again. Even though I selfishly want him, I feel like
giving him this last chance is a big mistake.

“
How
many girls have you slept with since me?” I ask.

“
Amy,
don't do this.” Lucian tenses behind me.

“
How
many, Lucian?” My tone is so biting that it could shred skin.

“
None
since I told you about my wife and son. None since I realized how
much you matter to me.” It's a diversion from the actual
question, but now that I think about it, I don't want the real
answer. This is good enough.

That
there was a period of time since we've known each other that he's
still been intimate with other women hurts, but the fact that he
stopped after a breakthrough in our relationship does mean something
to me. He stopped because he truly cares. Maybe we are making some
kind of progress after all.

I'm
filled with so much uncertainty. My emotions are everywhere. There's
a cold part of me that's still looking at him as a project. A deeper
part of me desperately wants to be with him, despite all of his
non-stop douchebaggery. I've never had bad boy syndrome before, and I
hate it. I hate that I'm attracted to him. I hate that I want to heal
him. I hate that I'm willing to compromise myself to try to make
something out of this mess.

“
Pick
me up at eight,” I say before pulling out of his grasp and
opening the door, never looking back at him.

From the Author

I hope you've
enjoyed Flesh: Part Eleven. Part Twelve will be available shortly.

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this book.

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