Finding You (Finding You Series Book 1) (6 page)

“It’s so hard…”

“I know. You deserve to be happy, though. You deserve all the good things in life. You’re beautiful and it would be such a waste if you didn’t have that special someone show you just how much. Who knows where one kiss will lead, but if you don’t find out, you’ll rob yourself of any chance at happiness.”

I knew Ramah was right. The pain would continue if I let it. The only way to let it go was to face it head on and move forward. I was worthy of love. I wanted to find someone special, and whether or not that would be Kyle didn’t matter. The next man that came along would be incapable of reaching me. It had to stop right here and right now. I couldn’t let John win.

I hugged Ramah again long and hard and drew on some of her strength. Everything would be okay. It had to be.

“Now,” added Ramah, taking control of the situation. “I happen to know where there’s a confused young man, sitting on the sand down at the water’s edge. Go and apologize and say good night properly.”

Feeling like a child being given instructions by a parent, I stood up and pulled myself together, walking over to the mirror on the closet to check and see what I must surely look like after my meltdown.

“But what do I say to him?”

Holy crap! My eyes were swollen and my cheeks were blotchy. Not to mention the hair around my face had mixed with my tears and now clung to my temples like jagged claws. I listened to Ramah’s answer as I dug into my cosmetic bag to apply some concealer and fresh foundation and mascara.

“Just tell him the truth. If you don’t want to go into great detail, then just let him know you’ve been hurt in the past and you panicked when he went to kiss you. Honesty is the best policy.”

Where did Ramah get such wisdom? I hardly knew this woman giving me advice, yet in the short time since my arrival, we had bonded. She really cared and wanted to help. I was so grateful for that.

Pulling my hair back and re-tying it, I guessed I was as good as I was going to get tonight.

I walked over to Ramah and gave her a hug. “Thank you. I really mean it. I don’t open up to many people, especially strangers, but you’ve helped a lot.”

Ramah squeezed me tight. “You’re very welcome. If you need me for anything, just let me know.”

I nodded, pulling away and slowly opening the door. Letting my eyes adjust to the darkness outside, I noticed a lonely figure sitting on the sand. His eyes were fixed on the dark horizon as I approached. He didn’t hear me until I was all but upon him as he turned and looked up to where I stood. “Hey! I was starting to wonder if I’d ever see you again.” He held his hand out and I took it, sitting down beside him. “I’m so sorry! You looked so pretty under the moonlight that I just really wanted to kiss you good night. I messed things up, didn’t I?” He turned to face me and as he spoke he touched my arm gently with his other hand.

Pangs of regret washed over me as I felt his tender fingers. I needed to make things right.

“No. You didn’t mess things up and I’m the one who’s sorry. I didn’t mean to leave you standing there. It’s just…” Not sure what to say next and with the silence extending beyond the feeling of comfort, I looked up and into his eyes.

God, he’s beautiful!
I can’t think, damn it.

Just before I opened my mouth to give a somewhat lame excuse, he pulled me close and tenderly kissed me, determined not to let me get away a second time. The gentleness of his lips took my breath away as I let myself fall into his safe and comfortable embrace, Ramah’s words playing over in my head.

It was almost like we’d been here before, but I soon realized that it had only been in my mind’s eye. His caresses washed over my hurt, not moving it but placating it.

I’d wondered what this moment would feel like: a kiss that wasn’t filled with loathing and disgust. A kiss that felt so warm and encompassing, I felt I’d died and gone to heaven. This time John’s menacing scowl was nowhere to be seen.

I moved my hand up to fondle his head, feeling his buzz cut under my fingers. I was responding and not fighting him off this time, so Kyle let the kiss naturally deepen as he held my limp body against his. The gentle ebb and flow of the ocean carried away my insecurities as I gave myself to the moment.

I inhaled his scent as we finally came up for air. “See, there’s nothing to be afraid of. I’m not going to hurt you. You are so beautiful.” Tenderly he stroked my face, outlining my features with the tips of his fingers. Forgetting even my name, I slowly lifted my face back around so my lips brushed his. Playfully, his tongue found mine, teasing it ever so slightly at the tip before his full lips crushed mine, locking on, kneading rhythmically. It was the best kiss I’d ever had even though I didn’t have a great deal to compare it with.

Sensations of euphoria swirled and curled in my stomach and chest, causing me to press my whole body tightly into his. It seemed to fit like a glove against his athletic physique. I could hear his breathing against my own as I offered more of myself.

And then he stopped.

Now it was my turn to look surprised. “What?” was all I could mutter, afraid that the kiss hadn’t been up to scratch, after all, I could very well suffer in comparison to the throngs of women he’d surely kissed.

“Nothing! Absolutely nothing! In fact if I don’t draw myself away now, I think we’ll end up spending all night out here on the sand and I really, really have to get some sleep so I can get to the set on time and actually remember my lines—although after tonight, I’m going to have a hard time doing that anyway.”

I was so proud of myself. Bold, new territory had been chartered tonight and I felt like I’d conquered Everest. I was soaring to new heights. It had been over and above what I thought it would be and my earlier meltdown now seemed insane.

Respecting Kyle’s genuine excuse to get up early for work, knowing he had wanted to get going straight after the restaurant, we straightened our ruffled clothes and wiped the sand from our arms and legs before turning towards each other.

Reluctant to part, we embraced once more, then Kyle grabbed my hand, interlocking our fingers and walking me to my cabin once more.

“I’ll hopefully see you tomorrow then,” I offered.

He was actually helping steady me as I swayed in the moonlight like a young sapling in a strong breeze. I didn’t know if my unsteadiness was from the kiss or merely Kyle’s presence, but the sensation was fantastic.

“You’ll definitely see me tomorrow,” he whispered in my ear, grazing his full lips over my lobe before pulling away and walking into the darkness as if he’d never been there.

Breathless and exultant, I questioned whether it had all been an illusion: a trick of the imagination. Pinching myself hard made it clear that the only magic that had taken place had been the merging together of two kindred spirits.

My cell phone said one o’clock in the morning so it was definitely time for bed.

Closing my eyes in the cozy bungalow without even undressing, I let my sweet dreams take me to the land of make-believe. I had been so worried about being kissed or taken advantage of and now all I could think about was being in his arms again.

Chapter Three

John

Sitting in the darkness of the house that I’d shared with Dakota, dragging in the last morsel of smoke from my dwindling cigarette butt, I envisioned my reunion with her. The time had come to claim what was rightfully mine. The waiting game was over.

“That bitch is coming home where she belongs. I don’t care if I have to drag her kicking and screaming, she will come back to me.” Slurring my words, I took another swig from the whisky bottle. As the last dregs tickled my throat, I threw the empty bottle at the wall. It was the same wall I had thrown her against many times. A dent still marked the spot where her body had rebounded back onto the floor. She’d deserved it. All of it.

Too much time had passed. I should have gone and got her when I first found out I hadn’t killed her. The house was in disarray and needed cleaning and I hadn’t had a decent meal in ages. My loins longed for the release that she brought me. Those perky tits and ass. Fucking tease the way she walked around flaunting herself at me and then playing hard to get like she held all the power. Well, I’d shown her real good who still held the power and she damn well better never forget it, either. Her weakness excited me, especially in bed. Seeing her ineffective objections and solicitous requests for me to stop always drives me wild. Fucking whore!

“My dear wife, aren’t you going to be in for a shock when I turn up on your parents’ doorstep? Don’t think that your wonderful, loving father is going to stop me, either! I’m going to take what’s mine!”

I knew she’d gone running to Mummy and Daddy. Where else did she have to go? Those soft pricks would have taken her back in a second. With a little spying in between working my frigging ass off, I’d found out the truth.

Roaring with laughter, my anticipation heightened at the thought of having her return to me against her will. We’ll see who has all the power.

Chapter Four

Dakota

In the blink of an eye the sound of the thunderous surf and the seagulls filled my senses. What a way to be woken up every morning. There was no need to stay in bed on such a glorious day, regardless of the late night. Yawning and putting on a pair of shorts and a tee shirt whilst trying to pick the sleep out of my eyes, the morning sunshine burst into the hut, drawing me outdoors.

This morning, I decided to go into the village and do some shopping. I desperately needed some new clothes, especially if there was to be a second date with Kyle. He’d already seen me in two out of my four outfits. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again. What had I been thinking coming to Sapphire Island for a month and not bringing enough clothing?

After breakfast I gathered my purse and went out the front of the resort to where one of the three-wheeled carriages I’d seen yesterday was sitting waiting on some business.

I climbed in, telling the driver where I needed to go. He started pedaling and off we went. It was a nice scenic ride, slow but comfortable. I took some photos with my cell so I could send them to my parents to show them how beautiful this place was. In fact, if I never returned home, I wouldn’t be too disappointed.

A short while later the rider pulled up in the main street of the village where I paid him the money and set off on my exploring expedition.

I made the decision that a new dress was in order just in case I went on a real date with Kyle. Maybe he would decide that I was too emotional and didn’t want to get involved with someone like that. I hoped not. We had connected on some level. I was sure of it.

A smile came to my face, recalling the passionate kiss we’d shared. I tingled all over at the thought and put a finger to my lips, grazing the spot where his teeth had gently nipped me, wondering if he was thinking about me today.

Looking down the street, my eyes found a little store brimming over with clothes. Garments of all sorts, from sarongs and bikinis, to smarter attire. Sunglass racks stood like monuments at the entrance and baskets of flip-flops lined the main aisle. The store was so cluttered I could barely move. I pushed my way through the clothing, knocking things off racks as I passed, having to stop to constantly repair the damage. After about fifteen minutes of sifting through enough clothing to dress the entire population of Europe, it became apparent that nothing suited. The shop assistant had other ideas.

“Can I help you, Miss?” The accent had an American edge to it.

“I don’t think so. I was looking for an evening dress. You have a couple here but they aren’t really what I’m looking for.”

The woman grinned, eying me up and down, and then pointed to the far corner of the shop. “I may be able to help you. Follow me.”

Not knowing where she was heading, we wove through the maze towards a back door. Pushed up against the wall beside the door was a rack on wheels that I must have missed earlier.

“These just arrived this morning. I haven’t even had time to put them out yet so you’re the first person to see them.”

Before I could answer, the assistant started sifting through the rack, handing me an armful of different dresses.

“We may not look like we dress up here on the island but when we go out to dinner we like to look our best,” she quipped quite proudly.

“Oh, thank you so much! I’ll go and try them on.”

“Tell me when you’ve got them on and I’ll give you my opinion,” the sales assistant added, probably more curious than anything.

I went into the change room and started with the ones I liked the least, making it a little easier to choose from all the others. Some of them weren’t even worth trying on as the colors were all wrong. That left four.

Parading in front of the assistant, we both agreed that none thus far did much for me. The cuts were all wrong for my body shape or the color didn’t suit my skin tone. I didn’t want to seem rude but there was nothing the assistant had given me so far that would end in a sale. Business looked slow so the short, dainty woman was probably hoping to sell something.

“Just wait there for a moment. There is one more but I wasn’t sure if it would suit or not.” She sashayed away and came back with a navy mini-dress. I was a little dubious, to say the least. I couldn’t remember the last time I wore something so short but I thought I would humor the patient woman.

It was made from the finest silk material and zipped up at the back. It had thin shoulder straps and a round low neckline. It sat between my knees and my thigh which was extremely short for me. Looking in the mirror at the way it hugged my body though, I had to admit that it was stunning. If I didn’t have scars on my arm it would definitely have been in the running. My heart sank a little. There was no way I could wear something like this and be so vulnerable.

“How are you going in there?”

“Um, it’s not really appropriate.” Disappointment washed over me.

“Can you just show me? Even if you don’t buy it, I’d like to see what it looks like on someone so I can tell my customers.”

I felt like I was practically naked but slowly opened the door, chewing on my bottom lip.

The attendant squealed with delight. “Oh, it’s perfect! It looks beautiful! He must be truly special, yes?”

My face flushed as I tugged on the hem, hoping it would grow a little more.

“Pardon me?” The women on the island were not backward at coming forward, that’s for sure.

“Well, you must be buying it for a special man. Any red-blooded male would go crazy over that dress. I just wish I looked as good as you in it.”

“Uh, thanks. I did want a dress to wear for someone nice actually, but I only met him a couple of days ago. I really don’t think this is for me.”

“Baloney! If you really like him, then wear it. He will be hooked once he sees you in it.”

“I…uh…I’m not used to wearing anything so tiny.” I turned sideways so she could see the long slash on my arm. “I’m a little self-conscious about this.” I looked down at my arm and then back up at the woman as she moved her eyes to where my scar was.

Unfazed, she smiled. “Don’t worry. I have just the thing to cover you up there while still showing off the front of the dress.”

She hurried away and then a moment later she returned with a beautiful cream Pashmina shawl. “See, now you wrap it around your shoulders and drape it down your arms—like this—and no one will ever know that you’re trying to hide something underneath. Here. Look in this mirror.” She walked me out into the store so I could stand in front of a full length mirror beside the two change rooms.

Wow! I had to admit, the shawl really complemented the dress and covered up my arm perfectly, making me feel far more comfortable.

I eyed myself from every angle in the large mirror, still dithering. My legs weren’t that bad but I still felt like I was open for business.

“You have an amazing figure. Don’t hide it. Show it off. You’re on holiday so it doesn’t matter. People wear anything around here and no one takes the slightest bit of notice. Trust me.”

A little dubious, I changed and paid for the dress, happy to be out of the claustrophobic store. I hadn’t planned on spending so much time looking for one outfit. It was now 11 a.m. and my stomach was grumbling, not to mention the fact that my caffeine withdrawal had hit an all-time high. I desperately needed sustenance.

I saw a small café as I walked down the main street, offering hot and cold food and beverages. Settling on a yam pie and a double-shot latte, I sat outside, deciding the weather was just too perfect to stay indoors. I seriously needed to work on my tan while I was here and any opportunity to be in the sun, I would grab.

This was freedom at its best—something I was so unused to. Being able to do what I wanted when I wanted.

The pie was delicious, filled with yam and other vegetables in a spicy sauce. As I relaxed and ate I sent my parents a quick text to let them know I was fine and loving my holiday so far, even though it was early days. I wasn’t expecting an immediate text back, not knowing what time it was back home, so I finished off my lunch and then wandered around some more shops, purchasing a bikini, a handful of tees with matching shorts, flip-flops and sandals, and three pretty sun dresses, before deciding to walk back to the resort.

The day had turned into a blistery, torrid afternoon and as I trudged over the rugged roads, lugging my purchases, I could feel the perspiration dripping from my brow. It was further than I first anticipated, and with the turn of each corner I was sure the resort would come into view. A swim in the nice, cool ocean would absolutely be a necessity.

Finally, when I thought I could walk no longer, the large dome shaped entrance appeared, like a mirage out in the sandy desert. Relief washed over me as I carried my purchases to the hut and changed into my new bikini.

I made sure to apply ample sunscreen this time in order not to burn again. I didn’t like the idea of peeling skin, so I’d made the extra effort to moisturize all over first.

The rest of the afternoon was spent lazily bathing in the turquoise ocean until the day started to turn sour. I had heard about the dramatic changes in weather in this part of the world but hadn’t expected one to roll in quite so suddenly.

The dark, grey clouds raced towards the shore with the strengthening wind, billowing out larger and larger and covering any blue sky in their path. I packed up, not wanting to be caught out in it. Not feeling like traipsing to the restaurant if it was stormy, I ordered room service and then took a nice, long, hot shower.

My thoughts turned to Kyle.

Where are you? What are you doing? I’d really like to see you again.

It wasn’t the first time that day my mind had wandered. I couldn’t get the image of his breathtaking good looks out of my mind. I closed my eyes and leaned against the tiled wall, letting the spray cascade down my face and shoulders as I imagined his plump, soft lips brushing over mine. Gentle hands holding my head. His unique smell wrapping me up tightly. God! Was it naughty to be thinking like this so soon? Lusting after a man that was out of my league? I mean, seriously! Did I actually think it would be anything more than a couple of dates and kisses? And more to the point, could I settle for something that was going to end when I returned home? Jesus! I was overthinking things again.

The storm that had been brewing arrived, bringing with it heavy rain and wind. The sound of the raindrops on the thatched roof echoed loudly, making me jump when it suddenly came down. Looking out the window, the palm trees were fighting the gale force winds and everything looked unfamiliar. The earlier, calm waves now thrashed like the thunder as they broke and rolled towards the hut.

“I guess it’s lucky I’m not going out anywhere tonight,” I pondered out loud, hoping that the roof overhead wouldn’t be washed into the ocean.

***

Almost an hour later I was sitting at the dining room table eating the lovely roast dinner that Ramah had dropped off. It was a perfect meal to eat on such a horrible night and even though it wasn’t cold out, the temperature had dropped somewhat. Ramah was drenched when she had stood at my door with the food tray.

I was still replaying the words she had yelled to me over the noise of the howling wind and sheets of rain hitting the hut. “Kyle came by to see you today but you were out. He said to tell you he was sorry he missed you.”

“What?”

“Kyle came by—”

I cut her off. “I’m sorry, I heard you! I’m just a little shocked and disappointed that he came by and I was out.” Of all the days to go into town. It had to be today. With such a busy filming schedule, who knew when I would get to see him?

The look on my face must have prompted Ramah to take action. “I wouldn’t worry about it. You’ll see him again soon.” She walked over to me and offered me one of her eye-sparkling smiles, not willing to throw her arms around me in a hug due to her sodden clothes.

“You really think so?” I tried not to sound too whiny.

“I know it. I think you’ve caught his eye.” With that she turned and headed for the door, leaving me to ponder her words, which was what I was doing now as I cut into a piece of roast lamb, wiping it through the delicious gravy.

The sky exploded all its anger in a violent manner and I could only wonder what the place looked like outside. The rain continued to pelt down and the wind whistled and howled as it released its wrath, ripping at the thatched roof. I could barely hear myself think as I attempted to write some of my book after dinner.

The force of the storm was scary, to say the least. Even more so in a strange place, enclosed in a structure that may or may not withstand such a hammering. I could feel the walls shake in response. The palm tree fronds slashed at the roof and all I could do was hope the hut had withstood many storms similar in strength.

No more than ten minutes had passed when there was what I thought sounded like a knock at the door, but I couldn’t be sure with all the other noise. The sound of the rain muffled it somewhat, so I waited to hear it again before walking to the door. Who would be out on such a horrible night? Maybe Ramah had returned to pick up the food tray?