Finding Us (10 page)

It was after one in the morning
when I knocked on El’s apartment door.

Yep. I
’d gotten the first flight out that I could that would take me to Chicago to see her. I’d had enough of the bullshit that had overtaken my life and was going to put an end to it once and for all.

When she didn’t answer her door, I called her to wake her up, but she didn’t answer. So I used the key Ross had given me and went inside to wake her, but when I got to he
r room, she wasn’t there. Where the fuck was she?

I called her again, and again she didn’t answer, so I thought maybe she’d gone
to her parents’ home. I got back in my rental and drove to our neighborhood. Cruising down the street, I looked in her drive to see that she wasn’t there either. I couldn’t call Rebecca because it was now past two (and I’m sure she would’ve been so glad to hear from me), so I decided to drive by El’s brothers’ places and check if she was there. She wasn’t.

I had a rough idea where Ross and Rebecca had moved, so I
drove there and steered through the parking lot but still didn’t see El’s Jetta. I called and texted her again, but when she didn’t answer, I started to worry. I was just about at the point that I was going to call her dad, but decided to go by her apartment one more time. And now her light was on. I parked, got out and walked up to her door when it suddenly opened and there was PT boy coming out. At three in the morning. From El’s apartment where she now lived alone.

El
stood at the door and her eyes got great big when she saw me. “Jag! Wh-what are you doing here?”

I didn’t even look at her as I stood staring down her friend.

“Uh, I’ll call you tomorrow, Ellen,” he said as he eyed me carefully then he walked toward the parking lot.

I kept my eyes on him until
he’d driven off then turned to look at her.

“Come on in,” she
offered, the look of shock still on her face. I stood on the doorstep for a few seconds more before following her inside.

Chapter 10

From
the time we can comprehend
language, boys are taught to be tough, not to cry, to protect the weak, and to suck it up.

But I’ll be damned if
sucking it up was the last thing I wanted to do. What I wanted to do was punch something because it was after three in the morning, another man had just left El’s place, and she was now acting as if she had no interest in my being there.

And I
was going to change that. She may have thought it was over with us, but it was far from it, which she’d soon be figuring out for herself.

I sat in the
same recliner I’d sat in the past spring after we’d made love for the first time. She’d come out of the bedroom after napping and had been so sweet, coming in to sit on my lap, kissing the fool out of me, forgetting that Ross and Rebecca had been in the room, which had embarrassed her completely, making her blush adorably. And I’d loved every moment of it. God, we’d been perfect then.

And now here we were.

El sat on the couch, folding her legs under her, biting her bottom lip in contemplation, I supposed. She finally looked up and said, “So why
are
you here?”

“I wanted to see you.”
And wasn’t that a groundbreaking answer.

“Oh.”

“Why didn’t you answer your phone? Where’ve you been tonight?” I raised an eyebrow at her.

She fidgeted a bit
, fiddling with the neck of the hunter green cowl-neck sweater she wore. “Well, uh, my phone went dead is why I didn’t answer. But we went to this ballet thing that a friend of his was performing in. Afterward, we all went for a drink.”

Inside, the jealousy was roaring, wanting me to
go find and beat the shit out of this Jeremy dude. But what was keeping it at bay was the part about the ballet. Who goes on a date to the ballet? Was Jeremy gay or was he one of those cultured guys who loved opera, ballet and shit? I was hoping for gay.

“I wanna know what’s going on
with you two.” I leaned forward putting my elbows on my knees and clasping my hands in front of me, my eyes focused on her.

She pushed a lock of hair behind her ear
nervously. “I’m not sure.”

“What are you not sure about?” Guess I was going to have to walk her through this.

“I’m not sure.”

Guess I was going to have to
hold her hand
while I walked her through this.

“You’re not sure what you’re not sure about?”
My lips twitched at that, which made her blush a little. Ah, good sign. I still had her.

“I guess so,” she said with a
small chuckle.

“
So, anything you wanna tell me?”

“Well… we do need to talk about what’s going on with us, right?”

“Yeah, I guess we do,” I answered, glad we were finally getting somewhere.

“Where do we start?” she
asked, perplexed, looking too damned cute.

“Y
ou know where I stand when it comes to us, El. Far as I’m concerned, we’re still together.”

She
frowned, but there was a hint of a smile behind it. “Bossy,” she mumbled so quietly I barely heard her. She then cleared her throat and said, “You wanna know my take on everything?”

“Of course,” I stated
, sitting back and bringing up my left foot to rest on my right knee, my elbows resting on the arms of the chair, my hands steepled in front of me as I watched her.

She blew out a breath
looking down at her fingers that she was nervously tangling in her lap. “Okay. I’ve loved you my whole life, Jag. I’ve never even looked at another guy in all the time we were together.” She glanced up at me through her lashes, before looking back down, worrying her fingers.

And that proclamation made me want to stand up and raise my arms in victory.

“But… to be honest, I feel like I kinda lost myself over the past three years. I mean, I was so committed to you and our relationship, so into what was happening in your career that I guess I lost what was going on with my own. Does that make sense to you?” she asked.

It so totally did. I
knew she’d put up with a lot to be with me, and I knew our being apart for three years had worn on her. And her moving to LA to be with me had been a huge sacrifice on her part.

“I
t makes total sense, baby. I understand completely,” I said, getting up and going to the couch. I sat down then pulled her onto my lap, pushing a lock of hair behind her ear. “I know you gave up a lot to move to LA to be with me. And I appreciate it. And now it’s your turn, El.”

She looked at me with a frown. “What do you mean?”

I wrapped my arms around her and locked my fingers together at her right hip. “I had my time, and you gave up a lot to be with me. Now it’s my turn to do the same for you.” I leaned in, placing several kisses on her jaw up to her neck and felt a shiver go through her, which made me smirk a bit, knowing I was having an effect on her. I kept planting kisses over her neck then up to her ear where I whispered, “Your career’s important, and I’m willing to do whatever I can to help make everything easier for you, baby.”

“You are
?” She turned her face toward mine in surprise, raising her hands to put her palms against my cheeks.

“Yeah,” I agreed, leaning towar
d her, wanting to feel her lips on mine but waiting to see if that’s what she wanted.

“Okay
…” she whispered with a small giggle, as if she were shocked that I’d even consider her career. Which kind of put me off because she should’ve known that anything she did was important to me, but as she moved forward, brushing her mouth against mine I forgot to be mad.

“Okay
,” I mumbled against her lips, pulling her closer to me with my laced hands as I kissed her harder. But I wanted to make sure this was what she wanted, so I was going to let her take the lead on things… no matter how tough it’d be.

Our kiss got more
heated as one of her hands slid around to the back of my neck and up into my hair, the other moving down to the back of my waist then up and under my jacket where she tugged at my shirt, pulling it from my waistband. My hand moved down to cup her luscious ass that I’d missed so much, the other going to her outer thigh as I lifted her, turning her toward me so she was straddling me.

As we kissed,
she started moving her hips, rubbing herself back and forth over my cock, making me grow rock hard for her. Sweet Jesus, I wanted her. But I needed this to be her decision. So struggling somewhat to keep my cool, I let her lead, finding it hard as hell to restrain myself. But for her, I would.

My hands went to her hips as I helped her slide over me
, thrusting my hips up when I rocked her toward me. Holy God, I wanted to be inside her. My fingers dug tighter into her hips as I moved her faster, glancing down and watching where we met, but when I heard her breath catch, I looked up at her and had never seen anything more beautiful.

“Jag… oh, my God, you’re gonna make me come,” she moaned
, her face flushed with color, her eyes half-lidded. Fucking stunning.

She pushed down harder against me as I continued moving her, our mock lovemaking driving me insane. Her fingers clamped down on my shoulders and I knew she was close.

“Don’t… stop…” she uttered with another moan.

Never. Her wish was my
frickin’ command at that point. And as I watched her climax overtake her, her eyes glowing down at me in an almost pained ecstasy before she threw her head back and cried out, the muscles of her body locking up as the sensations swept through her, I knew I’d been given a gift. I’d not only received her forgiveness, but she’d just bared herself to me, right to her very soul, there in that moment. And now I wanted to give her everything.

I stood and carried her to her room
, her head resting on my shoulder, her breath coming in soft, quick bursts, tickling my neck, her arms laced languidly around it. She’d come hard, but I wanted to give her more, wanted her to know that I was right there with her.

I lay her on the bed
, chuckling at how relaxed she was, her body blissed out from her orgasm. I smiled down at her. “You okay?”

She smiled shyly back, nodding slowly, her eyes glittering up at me. Gorgeous.

“Baby, I’m gonna make you feel even better. You okay with that?” I asked as I slowly undressed her then myself.

She nodded languorously as she watched me, her eyes sparking with lust when she saw me standing at the foot of her bed naked. I crawled onto the bed then, covering her body with mine, coming down to take her lips in a searing hot kiss.

When I pulled away from her, she whispered, “I love you.”

And that was all I needed. She was back.
We
were back. Thank the fucking lord.

“
Forever and a day, baby,” I mumbled as I eased myself down onto her, sliding a hand under her hips then entered her slowly.

I moved inside her, keeping the same slow pace, as our eyes stayed fixed on each other’s. This wasn’t like last time, heated and frantic
, my wanting to prove a point to her, that being that we belonged together. This was about showing her that she meant everything to me, that I didn’t want to live without her. Wouldn’t live without her.

I leaned down and touched my lips to hers. “Love you, El,” I breathed out, pulling back to look down at her, so beautiful, her
thick, auburn hair spread out over the pillow, her skin glowing from her recent climax.

“Love you too, Jag,” she whispered as she wrapped her legs around my waist
, her arms around my neck, pulling me in closer for another hot kiss. Then she pushed against me, rolling us so that she was on top of me.

Damn.
Kill me now. I was still trying to let her be in charge, but, God, I was about to come undone at not being able to take her the way I wanted.

She smirked down at me knowing this was rough on me, knowing that I thought I was a badass, alpha male who was always in charge when it came to sex. Jesus.

“You okay?” she asked, repeating my earlier words, a wicked grin on her face.

It was all I could do to keep from flipping her over and giving it to her hard and rough. Fuck.

I nodded and smiled back up at her with effort.

She rose up on her knees, almost sliding me out of her then glided back down slowly, taking all of me as her eyes closed
, her mouth opening slightly, her head falling back to where her hair touched the tops of my thighs behind her. God. So fucking perfect.

“Jag,” she whispered, bringing her head back up to look down at me, a dreamy look in her eyes as I felt her core clench my cock, the beginnings of another orgasm starting to claim her.

With a wicked half grin of my own, I slid a hand to her clit and circled my thumb over it, making her gasp.

“Fuck yeah, babe. Want you to come for me,” I said, moving my thumb faster, my other hand clenched around her thigh.

She stopped her up and down movement and ground down hard on me, her hands landing on my abdomen before her climax slammed through her as she cried out my name. And at that, I was done being subservient. I turned us over in a flash, finished with her being in charge and began moving faster in her, filling her completely with every plunge I made.

“
Love fucking you,” I rasped as I pounded inside her, stretching her leg up and holding it against my shoulder, until I felt myself beginning to peak, speeding up my thrusts until I buried myself to the root deep inside her with a loud groan. I let her leg down before lowering myself to rest on top of her then enfolding her in my arms, turned us to the side, my face against her neck, enveloped in her hair, her smell, just her.

We lay there breathing heavily
together, her arms around my neck where she sifted her hands through my hair while I left soft kisses on her neck. Swear to God, I could’ve lain there forever with her, not letting the moment end.

She finally pulled back and looked at me
, a smile forming on her face before she started laughing so hard, she could barely catch her breath.

Uh. N
ot something a man wants to have happen after he’s just made love to his woman.

I looked at her, eyebrow raised wondering what
the hell was so funny.

“It’s just…” She gulped for air not being able to get any because she was cracking up so much.

I came up on my elbow, looking at her in amusement then I frowned. God, I hoped that sentence didn’t end with “…you’re not as good as my other lover.” Christ.

“What?” I asked, growing a little impatient…
and concerned.

She finally caught her breath and rolling
over on her back, her belly still moving with her chuckles, she said, “It’s just that, well, Jeremy’s gay, so you didn’t have to worry about that. But also that we’ve wasted so much time worrying about stupid stuff when we could’ve been doing this all along.” She turned and looked at me with a smile that made her entire face gleam.