Enjoying the Chase (20 page)

What? I
’
m not leaving without being able to explain!
I pushed myself up off the sofa too. “Rosie, please! I thought there
was no chance of us being together. I thought you were married with a kid. I
thought you were just using me to make your married life a little more
adventurous. I was angry and got it wrong. It was a mistake. I
’
m not like this guy Josh, I swear!”

She shrugged and looked away from me. “It
’
s fine, honestly. Don
’
t worry about it. We weren
’
t exclusive or anything, so you
’
ve done nothing wrong really. This isn
’
t going to work out though, so if you could just leave that
’
d be great.”

I frowned; she didn
’
t even look angry, just disappointed, and that actually made it even
worse. I would rather her shout and scream at me rather than being all calm and
collected about it. Clearly she
’
d
been expecting something like this to happen anyway. By the looks of her tough
exterior, she was over it already, over
me
already. But the tiny twitch
to her eye told me that this was mostly just an act and that she was hurting
inside
.

“Rose, please. I know I
’
ve done wrong, and it doesn
’
t matter that we weren
’
t exclusive, I shouldn
’
t
have done it.”

She nodded. “You
’
re right, you shouldn
’
t
have, but it
’
s done now. Just
leave and we
’
ll agree to be
friends. We never started anything; not really, so we
’
ll just forget it happened for the sake of our best friends. I don
’
t want things to be awkward around them, and
we
’
re bound to run into each other
now and again.”

“Why can
’
t we try and talk it through?” I asked. I couldn
’
t walk out of her place without making this
right, I would beg her all night if I had to, but we needed to try and talk it
out.

“Because I don
’
t want to talk about it. I don
’
t want to get over it and go back to what it was. I don
’
t want to get hurt again. I shouldn
’
t have agreed to go out with you in the first
place, you
’
re a player, and I knew
that, so I guess I was kind of waiting for this to happen. I don
’
t want a man because all guys are useless
cheaters that can
’
t keep their
dicks in their pants,” she retorted. Her angry frown showed me the force of her
words.

“What did this Josh guy do to you, Rosie?”
I asked, looking at her apologetically, as if I could somehow make up for what
that jerk had done to her.

“It
’
s none of your business what he did! Just leave for goodness
’
sake, Nate. Please, just go!” she cried,
throwing her hands up in exasperation as she glared at me.

“No.” I stood my ground as she shoved on my
chest and tried to get me towards the door.

She almost growled in frustration as a tear
fell down her face. I couldn
’
t
stop myself from reaching out and wiping it with my finger. She snorted and slapped
my hand away from her face, scowling at me.

“Leave!” she demanded, crossing her arms
over her chest, obviously deciding that the pushing me wasn
’
t going to work.

“Not until you tell me what he did that
screwed you up so badly.”

She growled in frustration. “He was a
cheating, lying scumbag, just like you are! The day I told him I was pregnant
he left. Literally left. He packed up his stuff and moved to another county to
get away from me! He left me on my own, nineteen and pregnant, and he left me.
That
’
s what he did!” she spat, the
look of anger that was on her face turned to hurt for a split second before she
rearranged it back to anger again.

I couldn
’
t help but hate this guy that I
’
d never met. “Asshole,” I whispered.

She laughed humourlessly.
“Yeah, he is. But I
’
m
the bigger asshole, because when he came back after four months of silence,
begging me for another chance, telling me he was sorry, I forgave him, just
like that. I jumped into his arms, so grateful that I wasn
’
t on my own that I didn
’
t even care that he
’
d
left. That was the worst mistake I
’
ve ever made in my life.”

Rosie was nearly shaking, she was so angry
.

“I was stupid and scared of being alone, so
I took him back, only to have him cheat on me time and time again. From the day
he came back he was seeing other girls, and I didn
’
t even care. I let him walk all over me just so that I wasn
’
t a single teenage mother. He was a cheating,
lying player, just like you are, Nate.”

 “
You can
’
t compare me to him! I
’
d never shirk responsibilities, ever. I
’
m willing to give it a shot, I don
’
t care that you have a child, I like you, Rosie… how can I be a
player if I want to be exclusive with you?” I asked, stepping closer to her,
making her shoulders stiffen defensively.

She rolled her eyes. “You just want to get
in my pants, just like every guy I
’
ve ever met. Just leave. I don
’
t need a man. I don
’
t
need anyone. I
’
ve learnt how to
take care of myself and my son, I
’
ve
learnt the hard way and I won
’
t
make the same mistakes again, not ever.”

“I
’
m not a mistake, you can trust me,” I whispered, looking at her
pleadingly.

She snorted. “I can
’
t trust you; I can
’
t
trust any man. All they think about is personal gain, they just want to get
what they want and be done with it. They just think about themselves all the
time, and I hate that!”

That statement made me a little angry. She
wasn
’
t even trying to look at it
from my point of view; she wasn
’
t
even toying with the idea of giving me a shot. Clearly she wanted to be on her
own forever, just so she didn
’
t
get burned again.

“If I were just thinking about myself I
would have run out of here by now! I would have bolted as soon as I found out
about you having a kid, wouldn
’
t
I? Why would I be here asking for a shot, if I were just like him?
He
ran
away,
I
didn
’
t!” I said
fiercely.

“Yeah, you
’
re right, you didn
’
t
run away. You just went and slept with some whore instead,” she snapped
sarcastically.

“I
’
m sorry! What do you want me to do? Do you want me to get on my
knees and beg? I
’
ll do it, I
swear. I
’
m so sorry, Rosie,
please, please give us a shot. Look at it from my point of view, just for a
second. I saw you with a kid that you hadn
’
t told me about, with a guy stroking your back; you
’
d told me you had a man already, what was I
supposed to think? I jumped to conclusions and I was really hurt. I know I
’
m stupid, but sex is the only thing I know!
Sometimes it
’
s like a way of
taking my mind off something bad. It
’
s like a habit, like biting your nails or something,” I rushed out,
trying to explain that sometimes it was just a kind of release for me,
something easy to do just so I didn
’
t have to think or face the reality of a situation. Bury the pain in
pleasure – that was usually how it went for me. 

“Yeah, nailing women, biting nails, I can
see the similarities!” she hissed sarcastically.

“Please give me a shot; I won
’
t cheat on you, I promise. You think I just
want to get in your pants, but I don
’
t! I really like you, and I
’
m happy to go along with your no sex before love thing.” I would do
that, she was worth it.

“Of course you
’
re happy to do that, because you
’
ll be off getting it from somewhere else!” she cried, frowning at me
as if I had said something stupid.

I shook my head and cupped her face in my
hands, looking into her big brown eyes as I stepped a little closer to her. “
I won
’
t. Just give me one
chance. Give me one shot, that
’
s
all I ask for. If I screw up then what have you lost?”

She sighed and frowned dejectedly. She was
wavering a little, and I felt hope bubbling up inside.

“The last of my dignity?” she suggested
quietly.

“Please? Just one shot. I
’
m not messing you around. I won
’
t cheat.
” I stroked her
cheeks with my thumbs as I moved my body a little closer to hers.

“
I don’
t need you. I don
’
t
need any man.” She shrugged, looking away from me.

I pulled her face back to mine. “You might
not think you do, but I can tell that
’
s not true. You need me as much as I need you,” I said quietly.

I felt extremely vulnerable in that moment.
I
’
d never opened myself up this
much to anyone, ever. I liked the ‘roll on, roll off
’
approach, it was easy, but this, this was hard.

“You
’
re wrong. I
’
ve been on
my own for a long time now; I don
’
t
need any man to complete me and I won
’
t be made a fool of again. Josh ripped my heart out with what he did
to me, and I refuse to go there again. I understand that you were hurt and
confused; I don
’
t even blame you
for sleeping with someone else. Hell, it
’
s probably even my fault that you did it. But here
’
s the thing, I don
’
t ever want to get hurt again. I
’
m happy on my own now; my life is finally back on track after five
years of shit. I don
’
t need a man
to make me happy anymore. I. Don
’
t.
Need. You,
” she stated, breaking the last sentence up
for emphasis.

I could see she meant it, and I was going
to have to work my ass off to change that. Could I get behind the huge
defensive wall that she
’
d
obviously built around her heart? Could she make herself vulnerable again? And
could I trust myself not to hurt her? For a split second I considered just
leaving, like she
’
d asked, just
walking away in case I wasn
’
t man
enough for this task. But I didn
’
t
want to leave. I liked her, probably way too much for my own good. I could easily
see myself falling for her, hell, I
’
d probably fall for her long before she let down her defences for
me, and I would be the one with the broken heart in the end.

“You don
’
t
need
me, but
you
want
me,” I whispered, inching my face closer to hers, begging her
with my eyes to give me a shot.

Her breath seemed to catch in her throat,
her face turned to complete panic as she struggled to stay composed.

She didn
’
t say anything, so I continued. “You want me to fight for you, you
want me to stay here and tell you that everything
’
s going to be okay. You want me to promise that I
’
ll never hurt you. You want me to keep begging
you for a shot.”