Embrace Me (25 page)

“
Shan?” he called before I reached the door. “This isn’t over. I just need time.”

“
I understand.” I forced a smile before making my exit.

As much as I hoped he would, Charlie didn’t stop me. Frank met me outside the front door and escorted me back to the car.

“
Things will work out, Miss Downing,” he smiled as the car set off.

Could I even hope for that, knowing that I had let down the one person I loved the most in this world? I had to, because without Charlie, I had nothing. I had become so dependent on him that I had no idea anymore where I finished and he began.

All I could do was give him the time he needed and hope our love was strong enough to make it through this.

“
I really wouldn’t bother with the papers this morning,” Lorna replied, grabbing them from the table before I even got the chance to touch them.

“
Are the headlines that bad?”

“
Some are not that nice,” Grace answered, handing me a glass of orange juice.

“
Has Charlie called?” I questioned hopefully, but Grace shook her head.

“
Brad said his mother was with him all last night.” Lorna put her hand on my shoulder. “You should have told me about all this. I could have helped.”

“
He really hates me,” I whimpered. “You should have seen the way he looked at me last night.”

“
It was a shock. Just give him some time.”

“
We spent six months apart and when we can finally be together again, this happens. Is my life that doomed?”

“
This is just life, Shannon. Whatever happens, it can only make you stronger,” Grace replied, sitting down next to me. “I have canceled all your meetings today.”

“
Thanks.” I played with the bowl of cereal in front of me.

“
You really should eat something.”

“
I’m not that hungry.”

“
Why don’t you go for a swim in a bit, then. It might help clear your head,” Grace suggested. I nodded; it wasn’t such a bad idea.

I must have been swimming for an hour, because once I started, I couldn’t stop. I pushed myself faster and faster, feeling the ripples of water skim over my body as I tried to clear my head. The faster I swam, though, the more clouded my mind became. I couldn’t stop the images that were on repeat in my head: Charlie slipping through my fingers, the devastation on his face…the way he looked at me last night. He could have been a stranger with the fire in his eyes, burning with hatred. I had no idea how I was going to put this right or if he would even give me the chance.

When I could push myself no farther, I lifted myself out of the pool, stunned to see Charlie sat watching me.

“
Charlie,” I said in shocked. “How long have you been sat there?”

“
Not long.” He smiled weakly when he got up, collecting my towel as he moved. I watched him as he wrapped the towel around my body. He made no eye contact with me, which stabbed at my heart second by second. “Mum tried to explain everything to me last night,” he stated as he finally looked me in the eyes. His blue-green eyes were dim…full of pain.

“
She did?” I all but whispered.

“
Did you know my real father wanted her to abort me?”

“
Yes,” I whimpered as tears filled my eyes.

“
I guess my father already had a son. Why would he need another?” Charlie spat, releasing his hands from around me. “I don’t even know how to deal with all this, Shan.” He was pacing, and all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around him.

“
Charlie, you don’t have to go through this by yourself.”

“
Then why do I feel so alone?” He turned to me, his eyes the haunting stare I had witnessed last night. “I might have been able to get my head around all this if you hadn’t been in on these lies, as well.” Charlie placed his hand on my face. “Why didn’t you tell me, Shan? I just don’t understand.”

“
I didn’t want to hurt you,” I whimpered.

“
You have hurt me more by
not
telling me.” He lifted my chin up so I was looking directly into his eyes. “I love you so much, Shan, but right now I can’t do this. I need time alone to get my head straight.”

“
You’re breaking up with me?” I whimpered as big, thick tears fell down my face.

“
No, I’m just giving us a bit of distance. I think if we try to work things out together now, we may end up destroying what we have.”

“
Charlie, I can’t do this without you!” My voice was so broken. “I don’t care how pathetic it sounds, but I need you.”

“
Shan, as much as it kills me to say it…I can’t be with you at the moment, ” he winced, stroking my face. “I am doing this for us. I don’t want to lose you, Shan. I have to do this.”

“
Will you be staying in New York?”

“
No.” Charlie watched my eyes widen. He knew I needed more of an answer. “I’m going to travel for a little while.”

“
Travel?” My whole body tensed as if I was about to have a panic attack. Why did it feel like this was it…that I had lost the only thing I wanted in this whole world?

“
Yeah, I think it will do me some good.”

“
I’ve destroyed us, haven’t I?” I hadn’t meant to speak out loud, but the words just slipped out.

“
This isn’t the end. I wish I could make you understand,” he said as he caressed my face. “I love you, Shannon Downing. I always will. I just need time.”

“
Please don’t take too long,” I whispered, pulling myself closer to him. “I’m not sure how long I’ll be able to cope.”

“
Trust me, this is killing me, too. My heart is telling me one thing while my brain another, but I know I have to do this. I’m not prepared to lose you because of my mother’s lies.”

“
Why is everything always stacked up against us?” I sobbed into his chest.

“
We always come back stronger, Sweetheart, and no matter how hurt I feel, it hasn’t taken an ounce of how much I love you away.”

“
When do you leave?” I sighed, tracing his chest with my fingertips.

“
This afternoon.”

“
So soon?” I was dazed by how quickly everything was happening.

“
I thought it would be best.” All I could do was nod. “You know I would take you with me if I could.”

“
Would you?” I smiled faintly, wishing I could see the passion in his eyes, but it just wasn’t there.

“
Don’t doubt my love for you, please, Shannon.”

“
After what I have done to you, it’s difficult not to.”

“
Stop that. I’m not going away because of you. For my entire life, my mother has lied to me. My father never wanted me and I have a brother who I can’t stand.
That’s
why I need to get away!” he almost yelled, pulling at his hair. It was heart wrenching to watch.

“
Charlie…” I pulled his hands out of his hair. “Go then. The sooner you go, the sooner you can come back to me.” I stood on my tiptoes to press my mouth against his, and as our lips met, he lifted me up in his arms. I could tell by the urgency of our kiss that this wasn’t the end for us. Charlie kissed me with such tender, lust-filled love, leaving me with no doubt about his feelings for me. A separation—no matter how short—was the only answer. I had no choice but to let him go.

“
I will let you know when I land,” Charlie whispered against my hair. “Be good while I’m away.”

“
I’ll miss you,” I mumbled. “And I’m sorry.”

“
I know, Sweetheart.” He smirked and it made my heart fly as I caught a glimpse of the man I loved. “I love you.” When he began to pull away, I couldn’t let him go. “I have to go, Shan.”

My arms stung from the loss when I finally released him and watched him walk away.

“
Charlie!” I called just as he was about to disappear from my view. “Don’t forget me.”

“
That would be impossible. You are all I ever think about.” With one last smile, he was gone.

I was still trembling in my bedroom hours later, perched on the end of my bed, and wrapped up in the towel Charlie had draped around me earlier. I couldn’t move. I didn’t want to. My eyes were fixed on my clock, watching the seconds tick by and knowing that with each movement the hands made, Charlie was moving further away from me. How far would he be going? I had no idea, but the reality was finally hitting me. I didn’t know when he would be back, or if he would really want me when he returned. What if in his travels, he realized he was better off without me? I knew I had to have faith in his words, but I had gained so much in these short years. Karma would surely make me lose something—the most important thing—the one person I couldn’t live without. Was that always my fate? Was Charlie never meant to be mine for keeps? I wanted to snap out of these thoughts but I couldn’t.

“
Shan?” Lorna snuck around my bedroom door. “Look at you. You’re still in your swimsuit.” She crossed the room to sit next to me. “You’ll catch your death. Aren’t you cold?” she asked, wrapping her arms around me.

“
I’m not cold,” I whimpered. “I just need to be on my own for a while.”

“
I don’t like leaving you alone like this.”

“
Please, Lorna?” I begged, looking up at her as my tears began to fall.

“
Oh, Shan.” I couldn’t stop myself as the sobs broke from my chest. The emptiness had found me. “I’m not leaving while you’re like this,” Lorna whispered, holding me tighter. I couldn’t argue as I rested my head on her shoulder.

Chapter Nineteen

Lorna stayed with me until the early morning. I could vaguely remember her wrapping the duvet around me as I began to fall asleep. I had cried almost the entire night and my body was exhausted.

It was lunchtime when I awoke. I could hear voices in the kitchen as I wandered downstairs, so I stopped to listen before walking in.

“
Shannon sobbed all night, Jennet.” Lorna’s voice was worried.

“
I should have been here, but I was having it out with Rachel. To think she had the nerve to contradict my parenting skills. Her lies pulled them apart.” I stretched my head, trying hard to listen to everything my mother was saying.

“
Has Charlie really gone?”

“
Yes. He left early this morning. The poor boy…he looked so lost.” My mother had seen Charlie before he left? I wasn’t expecting that.

“
I can’t believe he would leave Shan like that. Not when she needs him.”

“
He is doing this
for
Shannon. Charlie has a lot of hatred inside him at the moment, and he doesn’t want that to taint what he has with Shannon. No matter what has gone on, he loves my daughter. That will never change. I admire him for his strength. I never realized just how deeply he loves her. I just wish I could erase all this mess. Harry Mac has a lot to answer for in all of this, too.”

“
What are you going to do about Mac?”

“
What do you mean?”

“
Surely you can’t expect Shannon to go to LA with him next week?”

“
I have no choice. This is business. Shannon has her responsibilities, now.”

“
You’re meant to be protecting her, Jennet.” I was taken aback by Lorna’s protectiveness, but if she didn’t shut up, I was sure she would end up losing her job.

“
I will forget your outburst this time, Lorna, because you are Shannon’s friend.”

“
My apologies. I don’t know what came over me.”

“
Shannon, you’re up.” Grace made me jump as she whispered in my ear. “You weren’t eavesdropping, were you?”

“
N…No,” I stuttered.

“
Come on. I made some fresh coffee not long ago.” Grace linked her arm in mine and pulled me into the kitchen.

My mother’s worried emerald eyes were the first thing I saw as I entered.

“
Oh, Darling,” she cooed, pulling me into her arms. “Look at you.” She ran her hands through my hair. “He’ll be back, my Lizzie. Please don’t worry…he just needs a little time.”

“
Did you really see him before he left?” I muttered against her shoulder.

“
I let him use my private jet,” she whispered softly. “He’s gone to London to visit a few old friends.” All I could do was nod awkwardly. London was so far away. “How about I take you out for lunch?”