Emblaze (17 page)

Griffin was clam and though he moved slower than me he kept taking me out. Kicking me in my left side, then hitting me across the face without ever changing position, while I was still looking for a way through. It was like he had eight arms, didn"t move and yet was never where I aimed.

I lashed out with my foot and made contact. Griffin kicked me square in the chest.

„For Christ"s sake, stop wasting all your energy!" Lincoln yelled.

My head snapped up and over to him. He"d moved closer when I hadn"t been paying attention, now standing on the sideline, arms crossed, looking aggravated.

„Your arms are everywhere, you"re flailing all about. If you insist on fighting, fight properly!"

Lincoln hadn"t just been
watching
for the last three hours, he"d been judging me. Picking apart everything I"d been doing.

I felt desperate, but the anger was stronger and force everything else aside. I couldn"t do it. I"d felt him watching and that was bad enough, knowing he thought I"d been doing everything wrong.

It"s too much.

The part of myself I"d been trying desperately to ignore. The part that was broken and constantly bleeding - that was always worse when he was near, exploded.

„Violet. You"re doing great. Amazing, even. You can"t expect to be perfect all the time,"

Griffin said, trying to babysit me.

I bit down on the inside of my cheek and swallowed the lump in my throat. I walked over to the side of the mat and put on my shoes, not bothering with my jumper, and headed for the door.

„Where are you going?" Griffin said.

„For a run," I said, letting myself out and not quiet managing to restrain myself from slamming the door behind me.

Who does he think he is anyway?

I picked up the pace until I was running faster than humanly possible. I gave a sorry attempt at looking around. No one was watching or yelling, „There goes the bionic woman."

Because no one cares. Any why should I? why does it have to be
me
that chases angels
who abandon their realm? Why do
I
have to give up everything? Everyone!

And then more thoughts started tumbling, the ones that hurt the most. I heaved for air as my throat tightened.

Why is it so easy for him? How can he just go on the way he does? Why isn"t he
screaming or losing it like me?

It was unfair. I wanted to see him break down, damn it.

I kept running until I hit the small oval. I ran to the centre and dropped to my knees, panting. Not because I was tired, which I was, but because my throat had closed so tight I wheezed with every breath. I needed to escape.

But I can"t escape from myself!

I dug my hands into the grass, my fingers strong, sliding into the dirt as I grabbed tight fistfuls of earth and tried to reel myself in, gain control. I ended up just throwing the soil and starting again, digging small holes until I was surrounded by a trench. My breathing got tighter and tighter and, when I couldn"t force them back any more, the tears started to fall.

soon my trench would be a moat.

The worst part was I could deal with all of it - the fighting, the risk, the pain, the responsibility, the sacrifices. All but one thing.

Why can"t I just be with him?

Everything would be okay if I had him. If we could be what we were supposed to be, if I could let my soul open to him the way it yearned for me to do.

The vision of Rudyard"s lifeless body forced its way into my mind. Then the sound of Nyla"s final scream, her soul shattering. Forever lost.

I imagined what such a loss would feel like. It helped calm me a bit, the though of how terrible I"d feel should Lincoln witness and then have to endure my death.

Not that I would actually see it. I"d be dead.

But he would be like Nyla. Forever trapped.

Lincoln thought the opposite. I knew when he saw these images it was him who dead and the sound of my scream that haunted him. Just like in Jordan, he would dive in front of any attacker to save me. But I also knew that Phoenix had a weapon Lincoln could not shield me from.

I felt him approaching, slowly moving in on me. He must"ve run to have caught up with me so fast. I closed my eyes tight, digging my fingers into the soil again, so hard my knuckles burned against the small embedded stones, He stood silently behind me. He didn"t touch me, he just waited while I cried.

It took me a while to pull myself together and when I turned to face him the sun was beginning to lose what little warmth it had been giving. By then he was sitting on the ground, looking out over the field.

„How many hours a day are you training?" he asked, eventually.

„I … I don"t know."

„I was right about your fighting. You"re all over the place. You can"t do this, Violet, not when you"re so busy fighting yourself. You need to focus on beating your opponent. The only way you"ll do that is if you rest, eat and find the right mind space."

I grabbed a handful of dirt and threw it in front of me. „It"s not that easy. Not everyone is like you."

His head snapped up and then he shook it, sadly. „You think this is easy for me?" He took a deep breath. "If you want to be better, you"ll listen to me and do as I tell you."

Lincoln stood up. "Come on," he said.

I thought he wanted to drag me back to his place or take me home, but when I looked up he raised his eyebrows. Challenging me.

I wanted to keep digging my trench to somewhere else, somewhere happier, but I stood up and dusted off my hands.

„Stand still," he said. "Only move to strike. Take your time, watch me carefully and when you move, move fast and with all of your power."

It sounds simple enough, but it"s not. I like to move around and try and manipulate the fight. This went against my natural instincts.

Lincoln stood in front of me, arms loose by his side. I mirrored his pose, trying to keep myself still.

„Breathe," he said.

When he took a few steps to my right, I didn"t follow. When he came back to my left, I stood still. He moved a few paces back to my right, close to my side and then, from the corner of my eye, I saw his hand flinch.

My arm went out so fast it caught his in mid-flight and my other hand, fisted tight, did not hesitate to go straight into his now-open body.

Lincoln stumbled back a few steps.

„Good," he said, straightening. „Again."

I nodded and kept my position as he moved in on me.

He struck out at me occasionally from different directions. Each time I managed to block him and get in a few more hits.

But I grew impatient and moved from my position to try to finish him off. That"s when he caught me off-balance and spun me into a death grip.

With my back against his body, we were the closest we"d been in weeks. He"d beaten me, but suddenly all I could focus on was his chest moving up and down against my back, mirroring my own. I couldn"t stop exhaling with the relief that came from having him near me. It was as if my entire being, body, spirit,
soul
needed him.

Lincoln rested his chin on the top of my head and we stayed like that for a moment, until he squeezed me and whispered, „I know."

He released his hold on me and we stepped away from each other.

„We should go," Lincoln said. „You"ll miss your curfew."

„You don"t trust me," I said. I didn"t blame him. Right then it took everything I had not to throw myself back into his arms and beg him to commit himself to an eternity of suffering just for me.

He backed up a few steps and closed his eyes briefly.

„It"s not you I don"t trust."

„
You hope for light, but he will turn it to thick darkness and
change it to deep gloom."

Jeremiah 13:16

Over the next three days, I found a better stride. Partly because of Lincoln"s words and partly because being grounded meant I wasn"t out hunting every night. Instead, I brought out my paints for the first time in a while, and realised just how much I"d been missing my art.

Dad, probably out of guilt, had bought me a new set of paintbrushes and left them in my studio. The strange thing was, everything I painted in some way seemed to reflect the image of a rainbow. It wasn"t until I"d finished three canvases and stood in front of them that I noticed the unnerving pattern.

Griffin was right. There was still so much we didn"t understand about my abilities. Exiles called me a rainbow, but what did that mean? the Rainbow represented a link between the realms. But what that meant for me was still a mystery and I wasn"t too keen on turning into some magical arch after a rainstorm.

I"d been doing as Lincoln said and, for the last couple of nights, even managing to get a few hours" sleep. I was eating meals and still training hard, but resting when I needed. I could already feel the difference. My mind was cleared and I felt stronger in every way.

It was Wednesday and weekdays were proving difficult since I was supposed to be home straight after school, but I"d managed a couple of quick drop-ins to Hades on my way back with Steph to get more research supplies and check on Dapper … and Onyx.

Griffin still had Grigori posted at Hades around the clock. Officially, it was for security.

Unofficially, it was to keep an eye on Onyx. So far, no trouble had been spotted but Onyx had pulled me aside and told me he wanted to talk to me. I"d promised to return in the morning, which meant tomorrow I was going to have to break the rules of my grounding and skip school.

Yeah, well, „for the greater good" and all that.

Steph had been spending some afternoons, like today, at my place, and some working on the translation with Dapper, who seemed more willing than ever to share his expertise.

I"d given up trying to help - Steph didn"t come over for my code-breaking prowess, she just liked working on it from my home instead of her own. From what I could gather she hadn"t had a conversation with her mother in days and the last she heard from her father, he"d had no immediate plans to come home. Steph had been working on the Scripture code constantly, trying to decipher what it all meant.

After giving up on my canvas I returned to my bedroom where Steph was sprawled out on the floor. I could tell by the dark circles under her eyes and the fact she was drinking almost as much coffee as me that she hadn"t been getting much sleep lately.

„Have you been in touch with Salvatore?" I asked from the doorway.

„A couple of days ago. Last think I hear, he and Zoe were concocting some crazy plan."

She threw down her pen. „He"ll probably never come back."

I scooted down beside her and pulled her in for a hug. „Yes he will. And if he can"t find a way to get here, we will." And I meant it wholeheartedly. Right now, my only option about the Academy was,
Stuff their stupid rules!

Steph hugged me tight, then pulled away and picked up her pen and empty mug,

„Coffee?" she asked, smiling. „I"m on the verge of getting this, I swear."

I rolled my eyes and snatched the cup. If anyone was on the verge of a breakthrough it was Steph, but she"d been pulling that line on me for days and I was sick of being her waiter.

On my way to the kitchen there was a knock at the door. I opened it to find Jase leaning casually against the frame. He was dressed in jeans and blue patterned shirt. He definitely had the relaxed DJ look going for him. Normal height, just a little taller than me, and a fortunate build so that even though I knew he didn"t work out, he didn"t look weedy. His best feature was his hair - the same pale blond as Steph"s - and with his blue eyes and darker brows it was striking.

„Hey, Jase," I said, smiling.

„Hi. Is Steph ready?"

I shook my head. „She"s just in the middle of something. She asked me for a coffee. Are you in a rush?" If Steph was really on the verge of that breakthrough I wanted to give her a few more minutes.

Jase shrugged and stepped into the apartment. „I"ve got some time. If you"re making coffee, too, that is." He flashed an easy-going smile back in my direction, headed straight for the kitchen and took a seat at the bar. „So, how"s school going?"

I started making the drinks.

„Good. Almost finished. Last exams next month and then I"ve got the Fenton course."

„That Fenton course if pretty exclusive from what I hear - you must be good."

I shrugged self-consciously.

„I guess you"ll be glad to be finished with school. What"s the plan after? Uni?"

His question completely stumped me. I"d stopped thinking about my future. Even when Dad had started harping on about it the other day, I"d just blanked it. Jase must have see the look on my face.

„Hey, don"t stress. It"s not a trick question. A lot of people take some time after school to figure out what they want to do."

„Is that what your doing?"

„Maybe," he said, smiling again.

He didn"t say any more as I finished making the coffees. I passed him a latte, hoping that he liked his coffee with milk. He took a sip.

„So, Steph mentioned your dance is coming up next month."

„Yeah." I wasn"t planning on going.

„She"s still pining over that bloke who was visiting a couple of months back. Some exchange student or something …"

Obviously her cover story to explain who Salvatore was. I nodded along.

„Anyway …" He took another sip. „I think it"d be a shame if she didn"t go to the dance, yo know what"s she like. Only regret it, probably."

„Probably."

Steph had been dreaming about our end-of-school formal for as long as I"d known her.

The girl had about four dresses on hold for the event.

„So I was thinking, how about the three of us go together?" Jase suggested, his eyes darting away. „Unless you"re already going with someone else."

Ah …

Why did I feel like he was asking me for more than just a helping hand with Steph? I meant to reply, open my mouth and spit out words of some sort, but I couldn"t think of one thing to say.

„Are you?" Jase asked.