Darkest Day (StrikeForce #3) (28 page)

I didn’t answer, and after a few moments, he came to me and crouched in front of where I was sitting.

“Jolene.”

“Ryan,” I said, unable to stop the little smile, the memory of how many times we’d had that particular little exchange, my name, then his, as if one was the answer to the other.

“I don’t want anyone else. I’m not interested. I may as well be blind, deaf, and frozen when it comes to anyone else. You’re the only one I see. You’re the only one I want to talk to most days, the only one I feel safe talking about my family and my past with. Do you get that? I don’t let anyone in. Ever. Yet here you are, and it’s the only thing that’s felt right in a very long time.”

I didn’t answer. I knew he could hear my heart pounding.

“He got lucky, Jolene,” he said quietly. “He didn’t out-power me or any shit like that. I’m not afraid of Render or anyone else coming at me. They can form a line, as far as I’m concerned.”

“You almost died,” I said quietly.

He went to his knees and came closer to me. He rested his big, warm hands on my knees and gently pushed them apart, moving his big body between them so that there was hardly any space between us. I could feel his warm breath on the side of my face, the heat emanating from his body surrounding me.

“Everybody dies eventually,” he said softly. “The thing is living during the time you have. Don’t let that fucker take your life from you. He doesn’t deserve it. He’s not worth it. You’re gonna take his ass down someday, and I’ll be there cheering you on and laughing my ass off. You’re gonna get there. But don’t put everything on hold until he’s gone.”

There were so many arguments against what he was saying. Common sense, and knowing Killjoy the way I did. Sense said to send him away. I was sensible. But I also knew that he deserved more than my bullshit.

I made myself look up at him. “You are everything I ever could have dreamed of,” I said quietly, and his hands squeezed my knees gently. Every touch ignited something in me. “I need you to know that everything you’re saying you feel for me, I feel it for you, too. I trust you. You make me happy in ways nobody ever has, stupid ways that I thought only existed in romance novels. And I want you,” I said, and he squeezed my knees again, his eyes locked on mine.

“I’m saying I can’t right now,” I said, gently removing his hands from my knees. He turned his hands so that his fingers were twined with mine, his eyes still locked onto mine. “Can you give me that? Can we agree to admit that there’s something between us and we both want it? And can you give me time to do what I need to do? I’m terrified, more now than I was before. If I lose you…” I shook my head.

“You’re asking me if I’ll wait?” he asked.

I nodded.

He kept his gaze on mine. “I’m not going anywhere,” he said, and I felt like I could breathe a little easier. “If this is what you need, I’ll give it to you. I’ll wait. We’ll see where this goes after this mess is over. I know you’re single-minded when you’re going after something. Just tell me someday that single-mindedness is going to be for me.”

I smiled. “Be careful what you wish for.”

He let out a low laugh and looked down at our hands, our fingers still twined on my legs. “You still need time, even beyond everything else. You’ve been fucked over and messed with—“

“I know you’re not Killjoy,” I said softly. “I was afraid at first that someday, the mask would come off. I’m not afraid of that anymore.”

“Good.”

“We need to try really hard to act like this conversation never happened though, okay? I need to find out who he has in here—“

“We need to find out,” he said. “And yeah, we can keep playing the work partner thing. I mean, that’s how we’re keeping things for a while. It shouldn’t be that hard.”

I smiled. “You are so full of shit.”

Ryan laughed. “We’ll manage it. We’ll play this your way, and I’ll make sure you have what you need.”

“You already do that,” I said. This time, it was me reaching for his hand. I couldn’t stop looking at him. His dark eyes, his firm lips.

The heat in his gaze when his eyes met mine again was enough to take my breath away. “I think sealing this thing with a kiss is a good idea,” he said, his voice a little hoarse.

“I think there’s a law or something,” I murmured. “We have to.”

We closed in, and the second I felt his lips on mine, it felt like every cell, every atom in my body came alive. I was breathless, my heart pounding. I hadn’t been sure what to expect after Killjoy’s barely-there kisses, Justin’s devastating, hungry kisses.

Kissing Ryan was like losing my mind in the best way possible. His lips claimed mine possessively, his arms going around me and crushing me to his body as if there was no such thing as “close enough,” no distance between the two of us that was acceptable to him. I clasped my hands behind his neck and held him close, opening for him when he demanded it, kissing him back as if I needed him more than air, because in that moment, I did.

I was very aware of his body between my knees, his hard chest pressed to mine, his hands warm and strong on my waist, holding me tight, keeping me close to him.

“Jolene,” he groaned against my lips before kissing me again, harder, full of need.

So this was what it felt like to be really, truly kissed by someone who wanted me. I had a feeling this would be addictive. I clung to Ryan as his mouth made love to mine, as all of the tension and need and stress and desire and the bond we’d felt with one another since the beginning infused our kiss. It was a maddening, needy, desperate sensation, and I knew I’d never get enough.

When he finally pulled back, he kissed my jawline, scraping his teeth over it gently, and I let out a small moan.

“Kick his fucking ass, Jolene, and I’ll be waiting. Okay?”

“Okay,” I said breathlessly.

“And if you want me by your side when you take the asshole down, I’ll be there, too.”

I shook my head, and he laughed.

“I thought I’d try to slip that one by you,” he said.

“Not even my lust-hazed mind would miss something like that,” I told him.

“Lust, huh?”

“Mmhmm. So much lust.”

“Glad to hear it. Lots of lust here on my end, too.”

I smiled. “Good.”

“Blue balls,” he grumbled, and I laughed. “I told you I could relate to that duke and the rogue fighter guy.”

I leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the side of his neck, and his arms went around me again. It felt right. Safe, warm.

“I’m glad you decided to come in here all pissed off tonight,” I told Ryan, and he grinned.

“You make me nuts.”

“But you like it?”

“Without a doubt,” he assured me, and he squeezed me against his body. “I should go or I’m gonna embarrass myself here,” he said with some reluctance.

I felt my face heat, my body react. “Okay,” I said. He got up, then pulled me up with him. He bent and claimed my lips, murmuring, “one more time,” before he had me under his spell again.

“Your lips are so soft,” he said, kissing me again. “You smell so fucking good,” he said, kissing his way down my neck. “Feel so goddamn good.” And then he groaned. “Okay. I really need to go now. Cold shower or something,” he said.

“Okay.” I smiled up at him, feeling shy and awkward all of a sudden.

“Sleep well. I’ll see you in the morning.”

I nodded, and he squeezed my hand then let himself out of my suite, meeting my eyes one more time before closing the door behind him.

Holy. Shit.

I was scared as hell. Terrified.

But he was mine.

Chapter Seventeen

The next two days passed in a blur. My team and I hit two more of Killjoy’s properties and helped the DPD bring in a few more Mafia guys from Daemon’s family. Daemon had continued to be an actual asset, and in spite of myself, I could kind of, almost, see what Deena said about him, that there was good there.

Of course, his ass was still locked up in the detention facility, and that seemed fine with all involved, for now. I’d visited Alpha a few times, trying to get information about Killjoy out of him. I’d broken him enough that he gave us one of the locations we ended up hitting. He was very stubborn until the pain started. And he knew things and I’d be visiting him regularly, even if it made me feel a little bit like an asshole to rough up someone who couldn’t fight back.

Render was still unconscious, which had Dr. Ali concerned. Me, too, mostly because I had a feeling he probably had answers and I needed them. Raider had continued to be unhelpful, and it was becoming more clear that she’d been much more focused on her own game, on amassing her own power and wealth, than she’d ever been on Killjoy and his mission.

I finished up another shift with Max, then we headed into the team lounge. Pretty much everyone was there except for Portia, Amy, and Chance. Ryan’s eyes met mine the instant I stepped into the room, and he shoved at David to move down to make room for me on the couch.

“Why are you guys listening to this asshole again?” I muttered when I heard Detroit UnPowered’s distorted voice.

“He’s actually kind of funny,” Max said. “You know, in that delusional, clueless kind of way. He spent like a week dissecting your testimony with the Tribunal. I think he’s pretty sure you’re the Antichrist or something.”

Everyone laughed at that and I shook my head. I wanted to rest my head on Ryan’s shoulder. We were doing okay with the “work partners” thing, and we’d managed to keep our hands and lips off of one another since that night, but every time I saw him, I wanted to kiss him senseless. And from the look in his eyes, he seemed to be thinking the same thing.

“Here’s the thing,” Detroit UnPowered said, his voice the only sound in the lounge. “Even if you want to say that StrikeForce provides a valuable service, that they protect us, which I think is debatable, even so, you have to admit that there are issues. I was talking to a friend, and I told this person how out of control and ridiculous StrikeForce looks at times, and they leapt to StrikeForce’s defense. That whole, they’re what protects us from the bad guys.” There was a pause. “And this is someone who has lost someone they care about thanks to powered people. And as I’ve mentioned before, I lost my best friend because of one of them.”

My eyes shot open and I sat up straight.

“I think they’ll be the death of us all.”

“What’s wrong?” Ryan whispered. “Your heart rate just went nuts.”

I glanced at him and gave a small shake of my head.

No way. Coincidence. It had to be.

I didn’t get a chance to think about it. A moment later, Portia walked into the room, and the look on her face made the entire room seem to tense up.

“What’s wrong?” Jenson asked.

Portia looked at me. “Render just died.”

My hands started shaking. I’d killed him. I mean, I meant to at the time, but since Ryan had recovered, I was grateful that I hadn’t. And I’d hoped to get answers out of him.

I’d
killed
him.

I felt frozen.

“There’s more,” Portia said, and her tone made my stomach churn.

“What?”

“James reported it to the Tribunal. They want us to take you in.”

Ryan, David, and Max all stood up at once as if they were going to fight anyone who tried. They were all talking at once.

“She was fucking defending me,” Ryan was saying.

“Doing her damn job,” Max said.

“Stop!” Portia shouted. “I told them to fuck off, okay? Are you kidding me? I’m not arresting Jolene or turning her over to anyone. Jesus. And I’m going to make damn sure they know not to mess with me on that.” She pushed David away from in front of me so she could look at me. “I have your back. I know you didn’t mean to do it. You were defending your partner, who was very nearly dead and we have the goddamn hospital reports to prove it. Okay. They can screw themselves. But you need to be careful. They will have teams out trying to get you until we can prove your innocence. And I don’t think either of us trust that you’ll be okay if that happens, not with Eve in charge of the Tribunal.”

I gave a terse nod.

“Of course, she didn’t waste any time going to the media. It happened less than an hour ago, and I’ve already gotten several calls from news outlets. They are going to skewer you, Jolene. You’ve been going after the Mafia, and we know from the stuff Daemon turned over to us that they’re very strongly tied to the media. It’s not going to be good. You scare just as many people as you inspire. You know that.”

I nodded.

“We need you to be better now. We need you to be smart. We need you to be careful. We need you to be so freaking heroic they’ll never doubt you. Because I’m telling you right now that if we lose you, this all falls apart.”

“I’ll handle it.”

The next few days were just as bad as Portia had said they’d be. Detroit UnPowered had been almost delirious in his glee over the charges against me, and the rest of the media had followed suit. Amid the angry calls for my arrest, the debates about whether I was a hero or villain, the newly sparked national debate about the role of super heroes, and trying to get at least some work done, StrikeForce held Damian, AKA Virus’s, funeral. We’d delayed, Jenson and David trying to find some family at all to contact, but in the end, we’d had to do the memorial service ourselves, a bunch of “super heroes” paying our respects to one who had been an enemy.