Clarity: A Young Adult Paranormal Vampire Romance (Blood Haze Book 4) (10 page)

“Then let us test it,” Alexi said. “Be cautious. Use something small.”

“I don’t have any small abilities, do I?” I asked. “What do you consider small?”

“Hmm, you’re right,” he acknowledged. “You have more powerful abilities than most. Well, try to
control the weather. Just something small.”

“Alright,” I agreed.

I concentrated, trying to bring a small cloud into the room. I focused harder and harder, but nothing happened. I couldn’t even feel anything trying to happen inside me. In fact, I noticed I could no longer feel any connection to the crystal.

“No,” I whispered. “Oh, please, no!”

“What is it?” Alexi asked, touching my arm.

“They’re gone,” I murmured.

“What?” he asked.

“My abilities. The crystal took them!”

“That cannot be,” Alexi said.

“My abi
lities are gone!” I lamented. “I feel nothing inside me. It’s all gone. The darkness, my abilities… I can’t even feel the crystal anymore!”

“We must go back at once,” Alexi said.

We rushed back to the crystal room with Kai following close behind. I reached for the doorknob and turned it, but it wouldn’t open. I pushed harder and jiggled the knob, but it would not budge. I began to kick the door and ram my shoulder against it, but Alexi grabbed me and pulled me away from it before I did any real damage to myself.

“Alice, stop!” he shouted. “Stop!
Just calm down. We will figure this out.”

All of the strength I’d found in the days prior dissolved away in a matter of seconds. I buried my head into Alexi’s shoulder and began to sob. One of my worst nightmares had
come true, and at the worst possible time. Now I truly was as useless as I had always felt.

“Alice, Alexi is right,” Kai offered. “We’ll figure it out. There must be something we can do for you.”

“Even Galen can’t return abilities once they’re gone!” I wailed, my voice muffled by Alexi’s shoulder. “They’re gone forever!”

“
Shh,” Alexi soothed me. “Darling, hush. This is just a setback. This cannot last forever.”

I was inconsolable. I’d like to say I dried my eyes and resolved to be the strong, grown up
woman I was, but I did the opposite. I fell into a fit of sobbing depression that left me dropping to my knees and rolling into a fetal position. It would have been horrifyingly embarrassing if I’d had any pride left at all. But losing my abilities removed any semblance of pride I’d ever managed to collect.

I could not stand. I had turned into a sobbing ball of gelatin, and I just lied there on the flood and babbled like a baby. I was mumbling something that was incoherent, even to me. After watching me for
several moments, Alexi scooped me into his arms and carried me all the way to our room, where he laid me on our bed.

Recounting this part of my life is not easy. I’d had my ups and downs, but this felt like the absolute lowest point of my life. To this
day it still seems like rock bottom. Any hope I’d had of being able to protect those I loved had dissolved away, stolen by the crystal I had trusted. I wanted to go to it and demand my abilities be returned. And if it would not comply, I wanted to shatter the thing into a trillion tiny shards, which I would scatter about the earth so the infernal thing could never be reassembled.

But alas, I could no longer access the room. The only thing I
could do would be to burn the whole compound down around the thing, and I am mortified to say that I contemplated that very thing for a brief moment. Ok, it wasn’t altogether brief. But I did manage to banish the thought from my head after some considerable deliberation.

I had just begun to feel a little useful. I had jus
t begun to feel like I had a real chance to make a difference in the world. And now I was powerless. Now the lives of my friends and family were more in danger than ever before, and it was my fault. How could it not be my fault? I’d put all my trust into a crystal that Alexi had tried to warn me away from. I felt so stupid.

There are times in life when it’s ok to break down. I learned this that day. While I wanted so badly to be strong in the face of adversity, it simply wasn’t possible for me at that momen
t. And while it was horrifying that I fell into such a miserable fit of self-pity and self-loathing, I have come to realize that there was nothing inherently wrong with it. In fact, it was pretty normal considering the circumstances.

At the time it made m
e feel like a weakling. But one thing I learned is that no matter what life throws at me, I will bounce back. You can knock me down, kick me, stomp on me and swash my guts into oblivion and as long as my heart is still beating I will get up, dust myself off, and live to fight another day.

And I’ll make you regret even trying to destroy me!

I wallowed in pity overnight, and finally Alexi had a simple sedative prescribed by the Council’s local doctor. I slept for several hours and when I awakened, I had mostly pulled myself together.

Alexi informed me that the master potion maker Galen had told him about was willing to come make the Wolf’s Bane potion for us and that he was scheduled to arrive in two or t
hree days. This gave me a little more hope, and I managed to force myself out of bed. Sure, I was still in pajamas and fuzzy slippers, but I threw on a bathrobe and managed to hobble down to the dining hall for breakfast.

The moment I walked through the do
or, Liam took one look at me and, his mouth hanging open, said, “And you accused
me
of looking like hell yesterday!”

“Can it, douchebag,” I growled at him, dropping onto a chair like a stone.

“Jeez, chill,” Liam said. “What’s with her?”

“She lost her power
s,” Alexi explained.

“What? How?” Liam gasped.

“That damned crystal took them!” I snapped. “Now it won’t even let me back in the room!”

“Is that even possible?” Liam asked.

“It sure looks that way,” Alexi said.

Alexi sat behind me and tried to rub my shoul
ders, but I found the sensation irritating and I shrugged him off me. I knew it would hurt his feelings, so I turned to him and laid my head on his shoulder. His arms embraced me, and I whined for a moment.

“It’s not fair,” I said. “I’ve done everything I
could to become strong for you, and now I’m nothing but a defenseless kitten.”

“You are not,” Alexi said. “You are still a strong, brave woman who puts others before herself. And that, in my book, is worth all the abilities in the world.”

“Maybe so, but what good will it do if I can’t protect any of you?” I asked.

“Let us protect you,” Alexi said. “What good is it to have a family who loves you as much as we do if we cannot be counted on when you need us?”

“And what if you need me?” I demanded. “What if one of you is killed because I trusted that stupid crystal?”

“That is not going to happen,” Alexi said.

“What if it does?” I asked.

“It will not,” he answered.

“Do you think I’ll ever get my abilities back?” I asked hopefully.

“I have never heard of anyone g
aining back lost abilities,” Alexi answered truthfully. “But I would not rule out anything, especially where you are concerned.”

Jamie, who had overheard the conversation, pulled a chair over to sit beside me. “Am I useless?” she asked.

My head bolted up from Alexi’s shoulder, and I met her gaze with mine. “Of course not!” I screeched. “You’re incredibly useful!”

“But I have no abilities,” she argued.

“That doesn’t make you any less useful,” I said. “There are so many things you can do like cooking and… oh. Oh, I get it.”

“Alice, just because you don’t have special abilities doesn’t mean you’re not special or useful,” she said. “We all have our place. Maybe yours is not what you thought it was.”

“It took me this long to figure out what my place is,” I told her. “And now it might not be what I thought it was?”

“We all struggle, Alice,” Jamie said. “You, me… I’m sure even Alexi has moments of self-doubt. But once you learn that every single one of us has a part to play, you’ll realize that you do have importanc
e, and you are needed. Even if it’s not the way you expected.”

I hugged her close and whispered
a
thank you
into her hear. She squeezed me even tighter and told me she believed in me.

“So let us examine where we are at this moment,” Alexi said. “Alice has
lost her abilities.”

“Temporarily,” I interjected.

“Temporarily,” he agreed. “But we have a master potion maker inbound. He should be here in two to three days. We each have useful talents and abilities. We have strength in numbers, and the hunters will join us against Dmitri. We can call for help from the other compounds around the world. Things are not as bleak as they may seem.”

“You’re right,” I agreed. “They aren’t so bad. I guess I’m just being a big baby right now.”

“Darling, it is understandable to be upset,” he said. “Just do not let it destroy you.”

Like I had done before, I allowed myself ten seconds to feel upset, and I counted down from ten to one and took a deep breath.

“I’m fine,” I said. It was almost true.

So many people were depending on me
. And Jamie was right. I was important. Even if I had no special abilities, I could be useful. I would organize. I would plan. I would keep everyone motivated. I would be the rock they needed, even if I felt like mush on the inside.

“Alright, Alexi, what’s
going on with the potion maker?” I asked.

“He is due to arrive in two days,” Alexi said. “Three at the most.”

“I hope that’s soon enough,” I said.

“It is the best we can do at this time,” Alexi said.

“And we’ve had no update from Logan?” I asked.

“Nothing
yet,” Alexi confirmed.

“Then we still have time,” I said. “We need everyone feeding every day, and everyone training as much as possible. Keep the classrooms full. Liam, can you handle keeping everyone focused on training?”

“Leave it to me!” he said.

“Sin
ce I can’t currently use my abilities, I need to research that crystal,” I said. “There has to be a way to get them back, and learning more about that thing may be the key. Alexi, do we know
anything
about it?”

“Very little,” he said. “That is why I was so
worried about your involvement with it. I know that it was sealed because it was consider a threat to anyone who got near it, but aside from that, I know nearly nothing.”

“Then I’ll be pouring through books,” I said. “There has to be some information abou
t it somewhere.”

“Perhaps Father’s old journals?” Liam suggested.

“That would be great! Alexi, do you know when the room was sealed?” I asked.

“I believe it was in the 1960s.”

“Then I’ll have to start reading around that time,” I said. “This is the best hope I have right now.”

“I’ll go get the journals now,” Liam said. “They’re in a trunk in the safe room beyond his study.”

Liam left to procure the journals, but before he could return with them, a Council member burst into the room, breathless, and approached Alexi.

“Sorry to bother you, Alexi, but we’ve just received word that the potion maker you sent for has been abducted!” I recognized the young man, but couldn’t remember his name.

Alexi rose from his chair and said, “No, that cannot be!”

“I’m afraid i
t is,” said the young man. “His plane was hijacked and when the hijackers landed it, some men boarded the plane and removed him. He hasn’t been seen since.”

“Damn it!” Alexi shouted.

I put my hands on Alexi shoulders and felt the tension in his twitching muscles. I rubbed them gently and he began to relax.

“We have hunters in the area,” said the young man. “Shall I see if they can track him?”

“Yes, see to it at once,” Alexi said, sinking heavily back into his chair.

“Don’t worry, things will be fine,” I sa
id softly, still rubbing the tension from his shoulders. “Remember what you told me. We outnumber them.”

“Yes, I know,” he agreed. “I just wanted that added layer of security. Especially now that…”

As his voice trailed off, I knew what he was about to say, and I finished his sentence with, “Now that I’ve lost my abilities.”

“I apologize, darling,” he said. “That was insensitive of me.”

“No, you’re right,” I told him. “We need all the extra help we can get now.”

I noticed Jamie rise from her own seat out of the corner of my eye, and she quietly slipped from the dining hall as if she had something in particular to attend to.

Liam returned with the journals, his face full of hope. When he saw our bleak expressions, his smile faded, and he lugged the heavy wooden trunk to the table and set it down with a heavy thud.

“What happened?” he asked.

“The potion maker has been abducted,” I said flatly.

“You’re kidding! By whom?” Liam asked.

“We don’t know. The plane was hijacked and a group of men took him. There are hunters in the area, so we’re going to ask if they can try to track him,” I told Liam.

“This is unreal,” Liam said. “First one thing, and then another. When does it end?”

“Never,” I groaned.

“Has anyone eaten?” L
iam asked.

“Don’t feel like it,” I said.

“Me either,” Liam admitted. “So what shall we do?”

“Help me search these journals?” I asked.

“Sure thing,” Liam said.

He produced a small key from his pocket and placed it in the trunk’s rusty lock, but the key woul
d not open it. He wiggled and jiggled the key, but the lock was apparently rusted shut.

“It won’t open!” he said. “I’m certain this is the right key.”

“Get my brother,” I told a nearby Council member.

The young woman nodded and disappeared, returning quick
ly with Will.

“Can you open this?” I asked him.

“Probably,” he said. “Unless it’s locked magically.”

“I don’t believe it is,” Liam said. “I think the damned lock just rusted shut.”

“Rusty ones are tough,” Will said. “But I’ll try.”

Will began to focus on
the lock. He squinted, his eyebrows pushing together in the center. He leaned closer to the lock, and it began to rattle slightly. The rattling grew louder and rougher, and eventually the lock just fell apart and the trunk popped open.

“Yikes,” I said.

“Sorry about that,” Will said.

“At least it’s open,” Liam said, patting Will on the back. “Good job.”

Liam lifted the heavy lid of the trunk, and inside were volumes and volumes of journals with soft brown leather covers. They were labeled inside the cover with the date ranges, and we had to dig through a mountain of them to locate those written in the 1960s.

Once we had a large stack of journals, we sat down right there in the dining hall and started going through them. Will decided to help, and Alexi excus
ed himself to speak personally to the hunters about locating the potion maker.

I was afraid the journals would be mind-numbingly boring, but it was actually difficult to keep from reading them. Barnabas had been a remarkable man, and had lived through a st
unning number of exciting adventures. His journals were something I knew I would need to read even after the wolves Dmitri were handled. As Chancellor, this was Council history that I really needed to know.

Alexi returned a short while later to let me know
that the hunters had agreed to search for the potion maker, and he decided to help search through the journals with us.

We were there for hours when Jamie approached me.

Jamie leaned down and whispered into my ear, “Don’t kill me, but I have a secret for you.”

“What?” I whispered back.

“I finished a Wolf’s Bane potion and it’s read to be tested. The antidote, too.”

“What?” I hissed, and she quickly tried to shush me. I lowered my voice and said, “How in the world did you manage that?”

“Trial and error,” she answered. “I still have no way to know if it works.”

“I’ll see if I can locate Logan,” I said. “Maybe one of his pack will volunteer to test it.”

I peered at Alexi to see if he’d overheard, but he was busy thumbing through one of his father’s journals and appeared thoroughly absorbed.

How could I get away from him long enough to find Logan? And how could I find Logan without Alexi’s help? I hadn’t even been into the forest. I had no clue how to locate The Thicket.

While Alexi’s mind buried in the journal, I slowly crept away from the table and pushed through the door. It creaked ominously as I opened it, and I winced, turning to see if Alexi had noticed. Apparently he hadn’t, and I dashed toward the back door and burst into the back yard.

A chill was in
the air. Autumn was definitely upon us, and it was inching dangerously close to winter. I felt the threat of Dmitri looming closer and closer, but there was no time to worry. I had to locate Logan.

At the edge of the compound, I came to the forest. Just pa
st the tree line there was a large wall. I had no idea how I could scale it, so I started to walk along it to see if perhaps there were some way to cross the barrier.

“Alice?”

I turned to see Logan on our side of the wall.