Big Bad John (Bigger in Texas Series) (16 page)

Jefferson rubbed his jaw, still smiling. “Yes, but then how would I get to Hollywood in time for my close-up?”

She couldn’t even think about it. “You really like her, don’t you?”

He sighed. “Heaven help me, I really do. She’s going to be a challenge.”

Wait
. “Going to be?”

He shrugged. “She seems to think that was just a hurry-up-and-get-it-out-of-our-systems thing. I’m of a mind to change hers. What about you?”

“Me?”

“You and Big John. Has he changed your mind yet?”

Her shoulders tightened and her lips pursed. “There’s nothing to change. We’re just—it’s just while I’m here—he said two weeks.”

Her brother laughed and put one arm over her shoulder affectionately. “Oh, little sister. Have you forgotten everything about men since you’ve been away? That one has been head over boots for you since he walked up the drive. First he stood back out of respect for Dad. Then he stepped back out of respect for me. But now? I don’t think anything or anyone could make him do it again except, of course, for you.”

“What do you mean out of respect for you?” Trudy pulled back to study her brother’s face. She wanted to tell him John had never said he wanted her to stay. Never told her he was in love with her. What did Jefferson know that she didn’t?

Her brother sat down in one of the dining room chairs and gestured for her to do the same. “The last time you came for the funeral… After you left John told me he was going after you. That he loved you and wanted to convince you to come home. I demanded he let you go. You’d gotten out, you were free from the life you hated. The town you hated. You needed that, and I needed to know you had it. So he stepped back.”

He’d been planning to come after her? She never knew. He’d never even written to her. “Did you ask him not to contact me at all?”

Jefferson nodded, his eyes downcast for a moment. “I’m ashamed to say I did. I didn’t want you to feel pressured. I thought I was doing right by you. Was I wrong?”

“No.” She wouldn’t have been able to handle it then, to understand how rare the chemistry between them was. How special John was. “No you weren’t wrong, though a part of me wishes I’d known.”

Jefferson took her hand. “You know now. He hasn’t changed, Trudy. What he feels for you has always been there, under his skin. Before your news, before the tour came up, I would’ve told you to hold onto him and put him out of his misery. Now? I don’t know. You deserve this, Trudy. You deserve success after all these years. I think he knows it too.” He sighed. “This is all on you now, I’m afraid. I may be a few years older but I don’t have any more answers. I thought you should know the truth.”

She deserved success…but what about love? What about both?

And her brother thought she should know the truth. Great. Now guilt was eating her alive.

“Junior,” she started.

Her brother groaned. “John is the only one who still calls me Junior, Troublemaker. Please don’t let Caroline hear that nickname.”

Too late.

“There’s something I need to tell you,” she continued. “Something you should know before you fly off to California to jump off a building.”

She told him everything. About searching for and finding their mother over six years ago. About Jennifer’s reaction at their meeting. About her apathy.

“I didn’t know how to tell you,” she whispered. “I didn’t want you getting hurt.”

His face was hard. Unreadable. His hand was stiff in hers. “You left her there? You didn’t try and get her away from it?”

“That’s what I’m trying to tell you, Jefferson. She didn’t
want
to get away. She wanted me to leave. I couldn’t throw her over my shoulder. We can’t make her our mother again. She is what she is.” Except that she had tried. She was still sending her mother letters, phone cards and notes that asked her to call. She still hoped.

She might be a fool, but Jennifer was still her mother. She couldn’t give up hoping.

He nodded sharply. “Thank you for telling me.”

“Was I wrong to? Was finding her not a part of your plans?”

Light, feminine steps sounded on the stairs outside.

“Just in time,” Jefferson murmured, pulling himself to his feet, his movements less graceful because of the cast. “I’ll leave you to your girl-chat. Don’t be too hard on her for our wrestling match. She’s only human, and I am irresistible.”

He wouldn’t look her in the eye as he left. Hell. Maybe she shouldn’t have told him after all.

The kitchen door slammed open and there was Caroline, looking pale and upset. Trudy forgot her plans to tease and stood to go to her, taking her ice-cold hands. “Caroline? What happened? Were you in an accident?”

Her friend shook her head as if to clear it, and her lips formed a tight, straight line. “You know what, Tru? This whole trip has been an accident. If I never see Texas again I will die a happy woman.”

Trudy blanched. “What?”

Caroline patted her hand and then swiftly moved past her. “I didn’t mean coming with you was… Well I didn’t mean
you
. I feel like a proud mama bird watching you giggle and coo over your big handsome cowboy. The rest of the visit has been a wash. And I need to go before anything else happens.”

With that she left the kitchen and climbed the stairs that led to the bedrooms, Trudy close behind. “You’re leaving? Did the decorator not show up for the interview?”

“Oh she showed.” Caroline’s laugh sounded forced. “And she was eloquent and emotional and incredibly kind. I can see why the Hollywood elite love her. Very genuine.”

“Then what happened?”

Caroline had thrown her bag on the bed and was throwing clothes in, unfolded, in a very non-Caroline-like fashion. “She told me her story and I knew I couldn’t write it.”  Trudy noticed her hands were shaking as she packed. “I’ll go back to my old life digging up dirt on the stars. That’s what I’m good at. That’s what I know.”

Now Trudy knew something was really wrong. “Why did she leave without a trace, Caroline?”

“Her son.” Caroline’s normally serene face crumpled and she fell into Trudy’s arms. “Oh, Trudy, she lost her son. He… Well, it wasn’t an expected end. It broke her. What she had accomplished, her reputation, none of it mattered anymore. She came home with her husband to the place she was raised because all her memories there included him. All she wanted was peace and quiet. Needed it.”

Trudy couldn’t help but wonder if this had something to do with Caroline’s aunt. The one who’d committed suicide when she was far too young. The one her family kept a shrine to. Had the decorator’s son killed himself? “I can only imagine.”

Caroline stepped away and reached for a Kleenex, wiping her eyes carefully to make sure her makeup wasn’t running. It was something to focus on other than that nightmare. A simple task, but Trudy knew it helped.

“I can’t…I won’t exploit her pain. That wasn’t what I wanted this story to be. As far as my editor is concerned, La Grange was a dead end. She isn’t here. Maybe they’ll leave her alone.”

“Caroline take a minute. Sit with me. We already have reservations for Saturday. You know what a pain it is to change them.”

Caroline shook her head. “I’ve already called and ordered a car so you don’t have to drive me. It should be here any minute. And I made a new reservation. Your brother can walk and you don’t need me interfering with your time with John so…”

Trudy took a breath and closed the door behind her, leaning against it. “Are you leaving because of the interview or because of what happened between you and Jefferson?”

“He told you?”

Trudy shrugged and bit her upper lip. “Sort of? Or…maybe I heard a crash and a shout and came in accidentally to find a certain tattooed woman in a cowboy hat being rogered by Jefferson.”

Caroline gasped and covered her mouth, staring at Trudy in shock for a moment.

Then Trudy giggled and Caroline’s eyes sparkled with suppressed mirth.

Trudy wasn’t sure who laughed first or loudest, but they were both lying on the bed holding their sides when it was done.

“Damn,” Caroline wheezed. “I was planning on telling you, I swear. You know, like maybe in a year or so.”

“This is me you’re talking to. I would’ve gotten it out of you by dinner and you know it.”

Caroline chuckled again. “Thank you for being such a good friend and not slap-fighting me for ravishing your brother.”

Trudy groaned. “Thank
you
for never mentioning it again in front of me. Ever. But you know you can tell me. Is that why you’re leaving?”

“Trudy, it’s everything. This place is not for me. I honestly don’t know how you suffered through your formative years.”

“It’s not so bad really.”

Her friend lifted up onto her elbow to study her intently. “Not so bad really? Wait a minute. You hate this place. You hate it so much you haven’t come back since you were legal. You love West Hollywood. The club. Me. Your newly blossoming music career.”

Trudy’s smile was tinged with sadness. “I love
you
. The rest is window dressing. The kind I’ve never entirely fit into. Even with the label’s offer. Don’t pretend you don’t realize it too.” She sat up. “I’m not saying La Grange is any better, or that I am even thinking of giving up my music. I’m saying maybe it doesn’t matter where you are as much as who you’re with.”

It was a lesson her mother had never learned.

Caroline’s expression showed traces of panic. “I can stay if you let me work on John. I bet I can convince him to move to California by the end of the week. Better yet go on tour with you. I’ll call in a few favors and get a team down here to transfer Troublemaker barbecue sauce out West and make it a household name. We can do this. It’s the two thousandsies. We can have it all.”

Trudy shook her head. “I know him, Caroline. Better now than I ever have.
This
is his home. His place…you should see it. He wouldn’t leave the life he’s made here behind. He wouldn’t be happy. Besides, he and Jefferson both have already had offers to mass-produce Troublemaker. They turned them down.”

“Well, don’t you dare go all nineteen-fifties on me and tell me you would leave your life. A woman’s life is as important as any man’s.”

“My life…without someone like John? Without someone who makes me feel beautiful and desired? Without someone who wants to protect me and cherish me until I’m old and gray? Is that the life you’re talking about?”

Trudy shrugged, but her throat was tight with emotion. “I’m not even sure why we’re debating this now. I’ve been offered a huge opportunity.
Of course
I should take it. Besides, he hasn’t said…he didn’t ask me to stay.”

Caroline frowned. “Are you kidding me? What is he waiting for, the rain to fall up?”

The tears on Trudy’s cheeks came as a surprise. “I don’t know,” she said as Caroline pulled her into her arms. “But I do know that…well, if he did ask, I think I might say yes. Find a way to be with him. To make it work.”

“You really love him.” It was more a revelation than a question.

“I really love him.”

“Damn.”

“I know.”

John had never experienced the passage of time so keenly. Everywhere he went, every errand he ran for supplies, the ticking of the clock seemed amplified. Every time the sun set he mourned the day’s swift passage. Each minute brought his heart that much closer to splintering in two.

Trudy was leaving tomorrow.

Her friend had left a few days ago and both Trudy and her brother had fallen into a funk. She’d used the injured Jefferson as an excuse not to spend the night with him again. Oh she’d still sleep with him and play with him, still follow his commands, but then she’d pick up her clothes to leave his bed like a cheap one-night stand.

She’d also taken to going for long rides on the older stallion she’d seen being born so long ago, the one she’d named Singer. She never asked John to come along, and when he offered she’d only smile and say she needed time to think.

She was saying goodbye, one distancing action at a time, and the final words would probably break him.

He couldn’t let this last night pass without trying to change her mind.

He opened the door to the kitchen of the main house and stopped abruptly when he realized everyone was there. Glory and Manly were devouring a plate of ribs while Diego handed Jefferson another beer. Jefferson took it absently, staring intently as Trudy pointed at something on the screen of his laptop.

“You have to go there,” she was saying. “Even if you only stay for a weekend. Caroline’s father has a place there. It’s one of the most beautiful coastlines I’ve ever seen.”

Jefferson waggled his brows. “Maybe you can convince her to come with us.”

Trudy snorted. “Keep dreamin’.”

“Oh he will,” Diego said with a smile. “Jefferson is never short on big dreams.”

Glory chuckled. “Brain cells on occasion, but not dreams.”

Faking a scowl, Jefferson told her, “You know I’m the boss of you right?”

“Trudy.” John hadn’t meant the name to come out so forcefully. It silenced the room faster than a gunshot. Every head turned in his direction.

Hell.

“John.” Her smile was subdued, but genuine. “We were hoping you’d join us. Diego made some really amazi—”

“Can we talk in private? I wanted to show you something.”

He watched her look over at her brother, who nodded with an unusual expression on his face. Had they been talking about him? Had Jefferson warned her away?

Trudy stood up and glanced around the table, her smile still subtly bashful around them. John knew why. “See you three later. And Diego, thank you so much for dinner. It’s good to see some men know how to properly feed themselves.” She ruffled her brother’s hair teasingly as she spoke, before turning toward John. “I’m ready to go.”

That’s what he was afraid of.

He held open the door as she walked by him, breathing her in. Trying to hold on to her elusive scent. The scent that was only her. Trudy. Bright and fresh and sexy.

His
.

He got behind the wheel of Loco and as soon as her door was closed he shifted gears and started to drive. She would think he was taking her to his house, but that wasn’t his plan.