Before the Mission Begins (When The Mission Ends) (3 page)

She smiled at him. “I think I can live with that.”

“Besides,” he looked her up and down again, “I think I need to hear more about these changes you’re making in your life. From where I’m standing, I like them.” He gave her a flirty grin, more out of habit than anything else, but when she cocked her hip at him, returned his grin and added in a wink, his smile faltered.

Damn, while he’d love to
lose himself between her gorgeous creamy thighs, it was not a good idea to get in bed with one of his sister’s friends. Cassie would kill him. She always made sure he knew her friends were off-limits.

Besides this was Julie. He needed to find out what was going on with her. The girl standing in front of him was the type he’d pick up any night of the week, but that worried him. She didn’t need to be hooking up with guys like him. Julie was better than that.

A flash of having her pressed up against him in bed this morning stirred his cock. Was it really a good idea to stay here with the temptation of that delectable body? First thing he needed to do was take a cold shower, so he could think with the right brain.

* * *

While Chris took a shower, Julie scrounged around the kitchen looking for something to make for breakfast. Cooking always helped to relax her. Well, actually list-making was usually her go-to form of de-stressing, but that was part of her changes. She needed to gain control of her OCD, so for today, cooking would take its place. It was a methodical process that soothed her soul and luckily Cassie was stocked with just the right ingredients to challenge her.

After a good breakfast she could tackle the subject of another kind of stress relief with Chris
. They were snowed in and he was sexy as sin. This was the perfect opportunity for her to grab control of another part of her life where she’d floundered.

Chris walked in
, smelling of soap with his hair tousled and wet, like he’d just rubbed a towel over it. He hadn’t shaved and the sight of that little bit of scruff made Julie’s legs wobble. She could just imagine that rubbing against the more vulnerable parts of her body.

She did a mental shake.
Time to focus. First food, then other things. She finished putting the final touches on the hollandaise sauce.

“What are you making? It smells amazing.” He looked curiously at the food on the plates she’d already started dishing up.

“I hope you like Eggs Benedict.” She drizzled the sauce over the top of the eggs and muffins and smiled as he moaned. “I take that as a yes?”

“Hel
l yes, it is. Eggs Benedict are one of my favorites and hardly anyone makes them anymore.”

She gave him a wide smile.
She had no idea he liked Eggs Benedict, but this seemed like a positive sign since they were one of her favorites too. “Well, hopefully this lives up to your expectations.” She pushed a plate in front of him as he sat down on a bar stool. She topped off both their coffee cups before joining him on the stool beside him.

He was already eating and moaning again. “
Mmm, this is good.”

“While you were in the shower, I checked the forecast. We’re supposed to get a few more inches today and then it’s supposed to move out tonight. It sounds like the mountains in New Mexico got even more than us. When are you planning on heading back?” Chris was stationed at Holloman AFB, NM.
While located only a few hours away, there was a significant mountain pass he’d have to drive through to get back home.

“I’ll leave
out in the morning. With the four-wheel drive on the truck, weather shouldn’t be an issue. I’m assuming Cassie’s not supposed to be back until tomorrow night.”

Julie nodded
, relieved to have this time alone with Chris, but hated that it meant the twins didn’t get to connect before his deployment. “She’s going to be devastated that she didn’t get to see you before you left.”

“I was thinking about that in the shower. I don’t want
you to tell her I was here. It won’t do anything besides upset her. There’s no reason to do that to her. Is that okay with you?”

Suddenly her stomach began spinning. This was it. The opening she needed to see if Chris would help her out. She reached out to play with her food. Her hands
shook so she set down the fork, and stuffed her fingertips under her thighs to keep her nerves from showing. She gave a hesitant nod. She wouldn’t want Cassie to know about her seducing Chris anyway. Cassie didn’t understand Rachel’s therapeutic advice about the changes in Julie’s life. She sure wouldn’t understand this aspect of it either. “I guess,” she gave him a flirty smile, “but you’re going to owe me for this one.”

He tilted his head and quirked an eyebrow at her. “Why do I get the feeling you
already have something in mind for this favor?”

“
Because I do.” She glanced up at him. His broad shoulders tensed into a wary stance. It made him look like he was about to flee. The thought that she scared big, bad Chris was comical and maybe just a little sad. Did she really want to go there with him? It would leave them open to all kinds of awkwardness later and this was Cassie’s brother. She wouldn’t be able to avoid him.

But he was here and so sexy. She would always regret it if she didn’t
try to take this step with him. She needed him.

She took a deep breath and pulled back her shoulders. She could do this. The worst he could do
was say no. He was leaving for six months so she wouldn’t even be forced to face him again soon if this went badly. She still couldn’t meet his eyes, though.

“I need a favor and this is really embarrassing
, so try to hear me out before you tell me no or laugh in my face.”

“O…kay, I’m listening, but I don’t like that you won’t even look at
me.” He reached over and lifted her chin so she had to look him in the eye. He gently smiled at her. “We’re friends. It’s okay.” He caressed her cheek and she unconsciously closed her eyes to take in the comfort of his touch.

“Thanks. We’ll see if you think it’s so okay once I finish asking you. The thing is
—” She couldn’t sit still while she did this. She stood and gathered up the dirty pans to put them into the soapy water in the sink. As she washed, she gathered her thoughts, and avoided his gaze. “The thing is, I need some help. I don’t have much experience and the experience I’ve had has been awful. I tense up and can’t relax to enjoy things and I don’t know how to fix it.” As she talked her voice became more and more quiet. Her nerves zinged. Finally she looked back at Chris to see how he was taking this.

A
frown creased between his eyebrows, confusion clouding his eyes. “Okay, I’m not sure if I understand. Don’t hit me if I’ve misinterpreted something here, because I’m trying.”

She nodded mutely as she looked back down into the soapy water
, wishing that she could simply sink into it and forget this entire, miserable idea.

“Julie, look at me
, Butterfly.”

“Butterfly?”
She met his gaze and then looked away, embarrassed by the raw emotion she saw there.

“Hm
m-mmm. With all the changes, the fact that you won’t look at me, and this new coloring in your hair and face,
I feel like you’re about to flutter off and leave me hanging here.”

He joined her by the sink
, so close she could feel the heat coming off his body, without contact. She slowly raised her eyes to his and the tenderness she saw there reassured her. He was a good guy. Regardless of his answer, it would be okay that she’d asked him.

His voice
dropped an octave, “Are you talking about sex?”

She nodded
and worked to swallow past the lump in her throat.

H
e looked perplexed. “Again, I’m just making sure I understand everything, okay? No offense meant, but Julie, are you a virgin?”

A hysterical bubble of laughter escaped her. “No. God, sorry, I’m not
explaining this very well.” She started pacing. “No, I’m not a virgin, but I’m definitely not very experienced. Something happened… when I was young.” She glanced at him and saw his flash of anger and the clenching of his jaw. She immediately started shaking her head, guessing what he thought. “No, I wasn’t raped, but it was close enough. Now every time I even think about sex, I can’t relax. I freeze up and feel numb. It’s not an enjoyable process for me. I know it can be. I just need help getting to that place, getting through that wall in my mind. I think one good experience will change everything.”

She looked at him imploringly, needing him to understand.

He held himself very still, his expression unreadable. “Why me?”

T
he blood rushed to her face. “This morning, it felt good. I know neither one of us was really awake, but before I panicked, it was nice. I was enjoying my dream. I know you have a lot of experience. Cassie’s talked about your girls.”

He
made a sound in his throat and looked as mortified as she felt.

What had she been thinking?
Inner vixen? Even her inner vixen was cowering in her brain mortified about what a mess she was making of this. Just wanting to get this all out there so he could just turn her down already, she continued in a rush, “I trust you. I know you won’t hurt me and I’m attracted to you. Plus, you’re about to deploy so you’re going to have a few months to go without, so it will also give you one last sexual fling. That way you get something out of it, too.”

He made a
nother guttural sound that was a cross between a cough and a choking sound. She just needed to finish this. This was so much worse in real life than it had been in her imagination. “You don’t want anyone to know you were here. We’re snowed in together and I just need a single night to build my confidence. I need you to show me that sex can be good. I know you’re attracted to me. I want you, too. We could have an amazing evening together, Chris. Please.”

* * *

Chris couldn’t believe what he was hearing. His body thrummed as snippets of this morning’s fantasy scenario flashed through his mind. One night to show Julie every pleasure he possibly could? Was he insane to even consider it? Was he insane not to? There was no doubt what his body wanted. His erection pounding against the zipper on his jeans made that very clear, but this was one of Cassie’s best friends. Hell, he considered her one of his friends too. Could he do this with her?

He’d known Julie for years, but he’d never seen h
er as anything besides his sister’s friend. In fact, he’d really never noticed her as a girl at all. She was attractive, but had always seemed to work to stay in the background, and as Cassie’s brother, he’d stayed the hell away.

Having sex with
Julie would complicate things, no matter what she said. And honestly, didn’t she deserve better than him? She deserved more than just one night, a fling with a guy who sure couldn’t promise her anything more.

Girls had always been easy for him
. There was nothing he loved more than to make a woman scream in ecstasy, but this was a different situation. Could he even accomplish what she hoped? She had a lot more confidence in his skills than he did. The last thing he wanted was for them to go into this and have it go horribly wrong. He subtly shifted his cock to relieve the pressure.

But h
e had to give her an answer. The longer he debated the more her composure crumbled. She had the tough girl look going for her today, but her eyes told another story. She was afraid he was going to turn her down and he couldn’t do that to her. He couldn’t hurt her. He just hoped this was the right thing to do and that she didn’t get hurt anyway. His gut clenched at the thought of how many different ways this could go badly.

“Julie
—” His cell phone rang.

He looked down at the screen and grimaced. Cassie. He couldn’t ignore this, but he couldn’t handle the prolonged wariness in Julie’s eyes either. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her forehead
reassuringly. “I’m sorry. It’s Cass. I have to answer this.”

She nodded, but
her body was stiff against his as he pushed the ‘talk’ button.

“Hey
, sis.”

“Chris, is everything okay? I was in a meeting and just got a strange feeling about you.”

Chris closed his eyes with a grimace and rubbed his hand up and down on Julie’s back trying to relax her. At the same time, he tried to even out his own fluctuating feelings. Cassie was his twin and as such, she often got readings off whatever was happening in his life. It went both ways, but she was definitely better at it than he was. He assumed, as a female, she recognized his emotional state better than he did hers. Right now, she had to be keyed in to how much Julie’s request had overwhelmed and confused him.

“Everything’s fine. You said you were in a meeting. Where are you?”

“Dallas, the gaming thing. Are you sure you’re okay? Something feels off with you.”

“Yeah, everything’s fine. Will you be home tomorrow night? We can talk then. Something has come up, but I’
d rather not chat on a cell phone about it. It can wait until you get home.” Using Operations Security was a flimsy excuse, but Cassie dealt with that fact of his life enough that it would put her off for a little while. Maybe it would be enough for her to give him twenty-four hours before demanding an answer from him.