Balancing It All: My Story of Juggling Priorities and Purpose (8 page)

Though I was surprised, I wasn’t really upset about the show’s cancellation. I was eighteen, I had just entered adulthood, I had moved into my own home, my friends had started college, and I had met a fantastic guy. I felt like the ending of the show was perfect timing for the beginning of a new chapter of my life. So while I was sad that I wouldn’t be seeing my second family every day on the set, I was excited to see what life would bring me. I’m an optimistic girl, and I figured I’d quickly move into other jobs. I had always worked hard and I intended to keep doing so; it just wouldn’t be with
Full House.
I had total peace and closure about moving on.

Cupid Struck

As I mentioned, I met Val in August of 1994, on the same day I helped Dilini move into college. Dave Coulier had invited the cast to a charity hockey game at the Great Western Forum, where the LA Kings used to play. So that night Bob, John, Lori, Dave, and I headed out for the game. Dave had given me a heads-up that he had met two really great Russian hockey players about my age who would be playing in the game and he wanted to introduce me to them. The older brother, Pavel, was already really famous and the younger brother, Valeri, had just been drafted into the NHL. I don’t know why Dave thought about me when he met them the day before, but I suppose God gave him a nudge none of us understood at the time.

I sat with Lori during the game and we both tried to find the Bure brothers on the ice. I saw Pavel go by and tried to get a glimpse of his face through his helmet. Then I saw Val go by and immediately I said to Lori, “I like
that
one!” I loved the way Val’s long blond hair blew through the breeze out from under his helmet as he zipped around the ice. I wouldn’t say that Val actually had a mullet, since the top of his hair was almost as long as the bottom, but it was definitely a hockey haircut.

After the game, I was introduced to both brothers and Val signed his jersey for me to keep. I was pretty stoked after we left the players’ dressing room, and I just kept hoping that I would see him at the after-party so I could talk to him some more.

My friends and I drove over to the Hollywood Park Race Track where the party was in full swing. We rode up the escalator and walked into a sea of people. Most of them were hockey fans, but I was on the lookout for those Russian boys. We walked around, chitchatted, ate some food, and signed autographs, but the Bure brothers were nowhere to be found. I was bummed. After an hour, we decided to leave and I gave up hope of ever seeing Val again. But as we were on our way down the escalator, lo and behold, Val and Pavel were riding up! We all called out to one another, and the two guys rode back down to meet us. Lori was a great wing-woman and encouraged conversation between me and Val—and he asked me for my phone number. I found a pen and paper (which was actually a blank check!) and gave him my digits.

The very next morning the phone rang at 10:00 a.m. My sister answered and yelled, “Candace, there’s some guy named Valeri on the phone for you.” What? I thought the proper protocol before calling someone was to wait a day or two. I figured this guy must really like me! Val invited me to lunch with him and his brother and we picked a halfway point in Santa Monica on 3rd Street Promenade. After I hung up, I freaked out a little bit. I had never been on a date with a guy I didn’t really know and I had no idea what I was supposed to do. I didn’t want to go alone because I didn’t want to be stuck for conversation in case I clammed up. Neither of my sisters was available to go with me, so I called Lori. I told her the guys invited me to lunch and I really needed her to go along. She agreed to help me out once again.

As we were saying our good-byes after a very nice and casual lunch, Lori asked Val, “So where are you guys staying while you’re out here?” He answered, “We’ve been in Manhattan Beach but we’re headed to Northridge today. It’s in the Valley.” Lori responded, “That’s near where Candace lives! Right, Candace? Why don’t you guys go for dinner later or meet up since you’re so close?” I was utterly embarrassed that she was bold enough to say something so forward, but I was really grateful because I never would have had the courage to do it myself. I guess Lori could read my face well enough to know I was interested in seeing more of Val!

Val and I made plans for him to come to my house at six o’clock that night. Again, since I was super nervous and wanted a plan, I asked my sisters if we could go with them and their boyfriends to have pizza together. Little did I know that Val was planning on picking me up to take me to his family friend’s party. But he went along with the pizza plan and didn’t say a thing about the missed party until months later. He hadn’t wanted to blow our date either.

Val met my parents that night and made a good impression. When he left, my mom said, “My goodness, he’s prettier than us girls!” She meant that as a total compliment and we chuckled, but I’ll never forget it. When I walked Val to his car and gave him a hug and a wave good-night, I didn’t realize that would be the last time I’d see him for months. The NHL was in a lockout that season, but Val was leaving the following morning to head to Fredericton, New Brunswick (on the far eastern side of Canada) to play for the Montreal Canadiens’ farm team.

For the next four months, the two of us talked almost every night. In those days before everything was on the Internet, I even forgot what he looked like after awhile because I didn’t have a picture of him. Then I finally flew to see him in person right before Christmas. After that, we saw each other more frequently. Since I worked three weeks on, one week off, I started flying out to see him on my weeks off. By June of 1995, we were engaged . . . but that’s a story for another chapter.

Bonding over Hard Work

When Val and I first started talking, we would share stories about our childhoods. Our lives were so different. I grew up in Los Angeles. He grew up in the Soviet Union. There was always a meal waiting on the table for me at home. He would often wait in line for eight hours just to get a few rotten tomatoes to share with his mom and brother. My parents had been married for twenty-five years. His parents had divorced when he was young. The differences were endless.

One big thing we had in common was our love of family. Yes, Val’s parents were divorced, but his parents were both very involved in raising the two boys. I could tell that Val loved and respected his mother dearly. And his dad, a Russian swimming legend and Olympic medalist, was his hockey training coach. He coached both boys throughout their amateur careers and gave them all the tools they needed to be professional athletes.

Even though we both greatly loved our families, that wasn’t our strongest link. We connected instantly when we discovered that we had both been working since the age of five. We were both dedicated to our jobs, and we loved them. We both had a sense of drive, a strong work ethic, direction, and motivation that went beyond that of most people our age. I immediately thought of that youth group boy who thought my job was a joke. This was totally different. Val understood me without me having to explain a thing. It was amazing to have a man my own age in my life that I could bond with over my long work history and my love of hard work.

Working . . . whether You Have a Job or Not

I know that not all of you have jobs, but that doesn’t mean you don’t—or can’t—value hard work. You can work hard at school, sports, serving others, or volunteering in your community or at church. And we all know the extreme effort we have to put in to take care of our family. Colossians 3:23 says, “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.” That “whatever you do” doesn’t have to mean an actual paid job. If you have one, make it a priority. If you don’t, work hard at whatever it is you do. We can learn another important principle from that verse. We are to work hard “for the Lord.” Sure, other people will benefit from what we do, and others will see what we do, but ultimately, we are to labor for God. He is the One whose approval we should seek.

When it comes to work, I can’t help but think of the woman in Proverbs 31. When I read that chapter in the Bible, it can often make me feel “less than,” because what I do is definitely less than what she does. How in the world could any one human do what that woman does? I don’t think anyone can do it perfectly, but it’s the picture to which we should aspire. There is no doubt the Proverbs 31 woman works hard. Take a look at a few of the things she does: “She rises while it is still night and provides food for her household and portions for her female servants. She evaluates a field and buys it; she plants a vineyard with her earnings. She draws on her strength and reveals that her arms are strong. She sees that her profits are good, and her lamp never goes out at night. . . . She watches over the activities of her household and is never idle” (Prov. 31:15–18, 27
hcsb
).

One of the fastest ways to get into trouble is to be idle. Your grandparents may have said to you, “Idle hands are the devil’s workshop,” and they made a very good—and biblical—point. Second Thessalonians 3:11–12 says, “For we hear that some among you walk in idleness, not busy at work, but busybodies. Now such persons we command and encourage in the Lord Jesus Christ to do their work quietly and to earn their own living.” You want to keep your kids out of trouble? Give them something to do. Want to keep yourself from indulging in your “favorite” sin? Get busy doing something worthwhile.

On the typical “God, then family, then work” hierarchy of priorities we have to balance, work seems to get the shaft. But the thing is, working hard is what will help you keep some of your other priorities right. When you put in the necessary time and energy to provide for your family, you are able to do things for and with them that might not be possible without it. And since the Bible has a lot to say about the value of hard work, if you choose to be idle instead, you’re not really making God your top priority, because you’re not being obedient to Him. See how that works? When we obey God’s commands in all parts of our lives, it helps us to keep our priorities in line and keep our lives balanced.

Chapter 7

True Companion

Then the L
ord
God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper as his complement.”

—Genesis 2:18 (
hcsb
)

D
o you believe in Jesus?”

Val and I were riding along in the car one day after we were engaged, when I started thinking that we should probably discuss religion. We never had before, but since we were going to spend the rest of our lives together and hoped to have children, I knew it had to be discussed. So, with no warning, I asked him, “Do you believe in Jesus?”

“Why? Are you not going to marry me if I don’t?”

“Just answer me,” I said. “Do you believe in Jesus?”

He argued with me a little more about why I wanted to know, but he finally gave in and answered, “Yes, I believe in Jesus.”

“Okay,” I said.
Phew!
I thought.
We’re good then.
And we didn’t discuss religion or faith again during our engagement.

There are a ton of issues that couples should discuss before they decide to get married, but I now realize that religion should be very high on that list. Looking back on that little exchange in the car with Val, I laugh at my naïveté about the role of faith in a marriage. I thought that as long as we were both “Christian,” we’d be fine.

Even though I wasn’t knowingly following the Bible at the time, I can look back and see how God was working through me to prepare our marriage for the day when Val and I would both follow Him with our whole hearts. Some of the things I did are things that most people—no matter their religion—strive to do in their marriage. First and foremost, I knew our relationship had to take priority over that with any other human. And without thinking about it in this way, I realized that not only was my marriage with Val of vital importance, but I had to also create priorities
within
that relationship. There were certain things I needed to do—or not do—in order to show how much I valued Val and our marriage. You’ll see what I mean as you read about our engagement and wedding.

A Parisian Proposal

What girl doesn’t dream of getting engaged in Paris? Well, I was engaged in the City of Love, and let me tell you that it’s not always the romantic situation you imagine in your dreams.

Val and I ended up in Paris by accident. We had meant to go there, but not until later in our European trip. We tried to go to Italy, but Val didn’t have the proper visa in his Russian passport, so after a two-day fiasco in an airport “holding room” we ended up in Paris. Needless to say, we were not in a good mood. Both of us were irritated, tired, and cranky, and we got into our first major fight that very evening. I don’t even remember what it was about. It wasn’t over anything important; we were just two young hotheads that needed to rest.

I was in my own room that night, contemplating whether I should stay or go home, when Val called and asked if we could take a walk and talk things over. As we walked down the Champs-Elysees, we quickly got over our fight. We held hands and laughed as we enjoyed the beauty of our surroundings. All at once Val stopped and pulled out a little box with a ring in it. He told me how much he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, and then he asked me to marry him. He put the ring on the ring finger of my right hand, so my first words were, “It’s the left one!” followed quickly by, “And yes! Of course I’ll marry you!”

Six months earlier, after returning from my first trip to see Val in Canada, a friend had asked me how the trip went and if I liked Val. I told my friend I did like Val, but it wasn’t like I was going to marry him. I was only eighteen, after all. Little did I know how our relationship would progress and that two months after I turned the ripe old age of nineteen I wouldn’t hesitate to agree to marry the man I “wasn’t going to marry.” A lot had changed in those six months, not the least of which was the ending of
Full House.
I was ready for a new chapter in my life.