Astray (11 page)

Brian stands up. “She faltered because she’s weak, always has been. She doesn’t belong with us. We can stand up against whatever we need to now without her trying to steer us toward the Outsiders and their lies.”

Mr. Brown shakes his head. “No. She does belong with us. She’s been misled, sure, but Pioneer has seen in his visions that she can be saved. You know this. But maybe you need a reminder.” His voice goes sharp and even without him saying it out loud, I know he’s warning Brian not to argue. “Pioneer’s message for us tonight will set you straight. And if you have any questions remaining, you and I will set aside some time to talk.”

Brian’s anger falters a little and he blows out a breath. Mr. Brown stares him down. “
Sit down
, son.”

Someone sitting on the blanket behind Brian tugs on his hand, pulls him down to a sitting position. It’s the short-haired guy—the one with the military-type clothes who was driving the van. An Outsider at a Community meeting? Strange. I scan the crowd for more of the Freedom Rangers, but he seems to be the only one. Mr. Brown
moves closer to Brian’s blanket. He’s standing right in front of the Ranger guy. “Chances are always given to those with enough of a conviction to change. Look at our new brother, Jonathan. A month ago he was just like any other Outsider. Now Pioneer and the Brethren have decided that he is worthy of redemption. He’s willing to do whatever it takes to be worthy. You don’t think it’s possible that Lyla will realize the mistake she’s made and repent too? The Brethren don’t want people to perish. Those who commit to repentance are always welcome.”

I stare at Jonathan. He’s part of the Community? How can that even be possible? Pioneer said it was only us, it was always just our families. It doesn’t make sense. Why doesn’t anybody else see it?

Jonathan smiles up at Mr. Brown. His face is all angles and hard lines, so that the smile seems out of place. Mr. Brown pats his shoulder, then heads for the TV and turns it on. The screen is static and a sudden burst of white noise blasts through the air, startling everyone. A smattering of laughter follows. Mr. Brown smiles at the crowd and fiddles with the volume.

“Brian isn’t the only one who has questions about our Lyla. I know there are more of you who wonder why we should take her back. Pioneer knew that you would—even before we left the Silo—and so he recorded this message to you on our last day there.”

I hold my breath and move as close as I can to the edge. Pioneer left them a message about me? On our last
day at Mandrodage Meadows? But I was locked up in the Silo’s cell then and the shelter’s doors were shut tight. How could he have guessed that I would get out? Did the Brethren give him a vision about it? I look back, out at the sky and the stars. Are the Brethren really there after all?

The TV screen goes blue and then Pioneer appears. He’s in the clothes I saw him in last—his white shirt and jeans—and he’s sitting cross-legged on one of the chairs in the Silo’s gathering room. There’s an obvious sheen of sweat on his face and his hair is wild, like he just rolled out of bed. But his expression is pure calm.

“My family. If you are watching this video, it is because the Outsiders have taken control of our shelter just like the Brethren have told me that they would. I know that I did not share this knowledge with you and I know that you may be confused. I’m sorry for that. But there was no other way for you to prove your devotion to me and to the Brethren. They wanted you to have to act on faith, their test to see if you could believe in the face of fear and doubt.” His smile goes wide and warm, and even though the others know he can’t see them, they smile too.

“The fact that you are gathered watching me now proves just how strong your faith has remained. Know that I never doubted your resolve, not once, and neither did the Brethren. The test of faith that you’re enduring is meant to make you strong enough to endure the hardships that the
real
end will bring. What I couldn’t tell you before is that the day I predicted as the end was just the kickoff
event to the apocalypse. The world’s final death throes won’t come until the Outsiders have been given one last chance to turn from their wicked ways. Above all, the Brethren are merciful. They want to give those who truly seek it a chance to turn from their wickedness and join us before they are destroyed. There will be signs and wonders in these last days that the Outsiders won’t be able to dismiss. The first of these will happen very soon.”

His face grows serious, almost sad. “They are going to take me from you. They believe that without me, you won’t stay united. But don’t be scared. I am supposed to leave you now for a time as part of the Brethren’s test. Prove to them, to me, that you won’t fail and very soon we will be together again.” He looks straight into the camera.

Some people are openly weeping as he talks. I watch as they huddle together and try to comfort one another.

“There is another of us that will leave for a time as well,” Pioneer continues. “Our Lyla plays an important part in the last days. Just like the Outsider’s Judas, her destiny is to betray me—us. The Brethren showed me this today and soon you will see it too. But this doesn’t mean that she is lost to us forever. In time she will repent, but only as long as you refuse to give up on her. We are a family and we aren’t complete without all of our members. It won’t be easy. She has been so completely led astray. But don’t lose hope. She will come home when the outside world starts to fall apart around her and she can no longer deny the truth. When she does, open your arms to
her. This will not be an easy thing for some of you to do. Betrayal is hard to overlook, I know. But I’m asking you to trust me now. She belongs with us.”

I don’t want to hear any more. I can’t. How could he know what would happen? Pioneer continues to talk, but my heart’s pounding so hard that I can’t hear what he’s saying. Why is he so determined for me to come home? I look down at Brian one last time. Jonathan is whispering in his ear. Both of them are staring at the screen and nodding almost exactly in unison. Whatever Jonathan’s saying is deflating Brian’s anger. I can see his jaw start to relax.

Suddenly, everyone stands up. Their eyes are glued to Pioneer. They start to speak in unison.

I look at Will. I want him to look unsure of himself as he chants, but as they repeat the chant again and again, his expression becomes more and more confident. Our chants have power. I’ve always known that. I can feel that power now, rising up from the middle of the group, surrounding everyone.

When the chanting stops, Mr. Brown walks over to Will and wraps him in a giant hug. I can’t see Mr. Brown’s
face very well, just the halo of thinning black hair on top of his head. “I know this must be hardest on you, son. Take heart, you’ll have your Intended back soon.” He looks at the rest of the Community.

“We must be stronger than we imagine we can be. Continue to follow the path Pioneer’s set out for us now even if he can’t physically show us the way.”

The hairs on the back of my neck and arms are standing on end. I feel like I might throw up. I may have left the Community, but I’m not free of them. I won’t ever be free. They will never stop trying to make me come home.

Pioneer starts talking again, but I can’t listen to any more of it. Suddenly the big double doors at the front of the barn swing open and my parents rush in.

“Lyla left our counseling session. We can’t find her. She could be anywhere.” My mom gives Mr. Brown a pointed look, and they both start scanning the room. Everyone begins talking at once and getting up from their blankets. I have to get out of here. Now. In a few minutes they’ll all be scouring the entire property for me. I wasn’t supposed to hear Pioneer’s message—that much is clear. If they find me, what will they do? I crawl as fast as I can across the loft to the ladder. There’s no one outside yet, but it won’t be long until there is. I almost fall when my feet touch the ground; I feel all loose-limbed and unstable. Breaking into a run as soon as I’ve got my balance, I head straight for the woods. I don’t stop until I am way past the trailers and almost to the main road.

I check my watch. It’s been almost two hours since Cody dropped me off. He should be on his way by now. I have to head farther up the road, stop him before he heads into the trailer park. After what I’ve just seen and heard, I want him as far away from this place as possible. I run harder, pumping my arms and legs to gain momentum.

The ground is hard, a solid thing beneath my pounding feet, but in my head it’s becoming a quicksand of grasping hands. My mom’s, my dad’s, Pioneer’s, Mr. Brown’s, Will’s, Brian’s. If I don’t move away from here fast enough, I might never get free.

I get about a mile down the road when I’m lit up from behind, my shadow suddenly appearing on the road in front of me. I turn around. There’s a car coming from the direction of the trailer park. It’s too far away for me to tell if it’s one I recognize, one of theirs. There’s nothing between here and town except fields and trees. Even if I keep running, there’s no way that I’ll stay ahead of it long enough to get away. The car gets closer, slows. I stare into the headlights and then squint out into the trees to my left, consider making a break for them while I still have time. I start to step off the road and into the grass when the car’s door opens. Will’s head appears over the top of the car door.

“Lyla, it’s just me,” he says.

After what I saw in the barn, this doesn’t make me feel better.

“Leave me alone, Will.” I back farther into the grass.

He looks down at the road and kicks a rock. “I’m not trying to bother you, Lyla. But you ran out on your parents. They’re worried. We just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m fine,” I snap. “So you can go back now.”

He looks up quickly and I can see that I’ve hurt him. “Why are you mad at me? I just wanted to make sure you were safe.”

“You broke into Cody’s car,” I say because I don’t want him to know I was just in the barn eavesdropping on him and everyone else. “Why would you give me something like that?” I’m talking about the owl, but I can’t bring myself to come right out and say the word. Just thinking it puts Pioneer’s voice in my head.

Will looks at the trees, to the spot I was planning to head for when he pulled up. “I knew you wouldn’t like it, but Mr. Brown thought … I just wanted you to remember who you are, where you come from. You’re forgetting, Lyla, becoming someone else when you’re with them.” He lets out a long, deliberate breath like he’s trying to keep from getting upset. “I don’t want to lose you. Can you honestly say that you don’t miss me … us?”

I do, but not the way he misses us.

“Will, you need to let me go,” I say instead. “I’m not going back to the Community. Not ever.” I hope that he goes back and tells them this. I want them to finally get it, to leave me alone.

Will stares at me. “You don’t really mean that.”

“The thing is, I do,” I say.

Will takes a step away from the car and closer to me. “No, you don’t. He’s got you so fooled. They all do.…” I back up. “Why can’t you see it, Lyla?” He moves faster, bridging the gap between us, and I stumble a little. My heart cartwheels in my chest. I’ve never been scared of Will before, but now …

Headlights shoot up over the road, illuminating Will’s face. He looks wild, desperate under the bright light.

I turn away from him and run toward the car with my arms over my head. “Hey, stop, please!” I say.

The car slows to a stop beside me and I recognize it. I rest my hand on the roof and try to catch my breath as Cody gets out.

“Lyla?” He looks from me to Will and his face goes hard. He rushes headlong at Will.

“What did you do now?”

Will doesn’t back down. “Nothing. She left her counseling session early. I just came looking for her.” He looks over at me, waiting to see if I’ll add anything.

“She doesn’t need you to look after her.” Cody is right in Will’s face now. “She’s got me. So leave her alone. And if you ever break into my car again …”

“What? What’re you gonna do?” Will’s taunting him. They’re going to start fighting if I don’t do something. Behind Will another pair of headlights appear on the road. More people from the Community looking for me.

“Cody, come on, let’s just go. We should go.” I pull on his arm. He resists at first, but then I step between him and Will. “Please don’t do this.”

He looks disappointed, like I’ve picked sides and picked wrong. I look over at Will and his mouth turns up in a half smile. He thinks I’m defending him too. I frown at him and then pull Cody away.

The white van that Will and the others came to school in pulls to a stop next to Will. No one gets out of the car, but I can see the outline of whoever it is behind the wheel. Will puts a hand up to lessen the glare from the headlights and shakes his head at the driver before he gets back into his own car. I scramble into Cody’s car and wait for him to get in. He sits down hard and without a word speeds toward town. I turn around in my seat and look at the other two cars. They’re still just sitting in the middle of the road, watching.

“You’re not going back there again. Ever,” Cody says, his eyes on the road, his hands clenched around the wheel.

I lean back on the seat and look out the window at the moon. Even it seems to be watching us.

“Agreed,” I say, but even as I do I have this sinking feeling, like somehow I may not have a choice.

I’ve sacrificed my life for them. Is it too much to ask them to do the same for me?

—Pioneer

Pioneer is sitting on my chest. I can barely breathe. I can’t move. My arms are pinned to my sides. He’s smiling down at me, the same gentle smile he had when I first met him, which directly contradicts the insistent, panicky howl of the Community’s alarm. In his hand is a black-handled knife. Light flashes across the blade, blinding me.

I am dreaming. On some level I know this and yet I can’t wake up, can’t make it stop.
Wake up!